Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!) - play with cricket

Afghanistan Cricket Training Camp

2012-02-11T12:45:00.001+05:30

Dhanush's new Sachin song. (and my old Sachin song)

2012-02-07T01:45:00.004+05:30

Dhanush's new Sachin song

My old Sachin song -

STORM AND SACHIN

There was Jaddu and Azah

There was Waugh and Warnie

There was you and me

There was storm and Sachin

Blowing through our heart

What’s the score? We want an encore!

There is Punter and Pigeon

There is Veeru and Yuvi

There is you and me

There is storm and Sachin

Blowing through our heart

What’s the score? We want an encore!

There was dust and drives

There is rain and runs

There was you and me

There is storm and Sachin

Blowing through our heart

What’s the score? We want an encore!

There was 143 and 141

There is No. 14 and 40

There was you and me

There is storm and Sachin

Blowing through our heart

What’s the score? We want an encore!

There is storm and Sachin

Blowing through our heart

…Through our world

…Our heart, our world…

written on 18th Sept. 2006

Boost booked Dhanush.That leaves us with either Horlicks or Bournvita....

Yuvi!

2012-02-06T01:01:00.001+05:30

I just saw Yuvi’s cricket life flash in front of my eyes – thegood parts, the really good parts, they were uplifting, walk on wateruplifting.

In hindsight, what happened between two World Cup wins was alesser sport, the small print.

Yuvi has a way with the headlines – a 50 gets him therefaster than a 50 from VVS.

Now he’s gone and done it again.

Yuvraj Singh has cancer.

And Virender Sehwag says it’s a very bad time for Indiancricket. And all we talk about now is Sachin, Dravid and Laxman retiring, andthe defeats.

Yuvi. Inspire us one more time, dude. Inspire Indian cricket.Fuck the cancer.

Love,

What else can Ravindra Jadeja do?

2012-02-03T22:49:00.000+05:30

He bats, bowls, fields-throws-runs batsmen out, grows hair, cuts hair, how about Test cricket for Jadeja? Ashwin needs a kid brother (who can teach him how to run 2)

Watch White Bored (9), shot on location at the Bored Room, Yawn T Roads.

Retirement Plans for Indian cricketers (White Bored Episode 8)

2012-01-30T19:40:00.000+05:30

Ballad of the Belligerent Non-Retiree

2012-01-30T01:11:00.001+05:30

Oh, I feel a sniggerin’ chuckle comin' up, a guffaw burstin' out

Ain't over for me at least darlin’, while you may twist n' shout

Givin’ up ain't so simple asshole, it's been my ass and life

Oh so you think I'll cut my balls off, just coz' the team's in strife?

<chorus >

Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho

So you think the time is nigh? So it's time for me to blow?

I am your precious national monument baby, I tend to last for life

Just gaze upon my pretty ass, lose thoughts of weildin' that knife

I am primo T-bone steak yo, I be the whipped cream on the top

Relishin’ is all your lazy ass gotto do, yet you moan for me to stop?

<chorus>

Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho

You think I dunno when to stop? Dunno when I friggin’ gotto go?

This been just a lil' stutter honey, ain't worth a hue and cry

When we play back in our backyard, everyone's ass is bheja-fry

Overseas results are just a wee glitch, our glory be at home

When we nail their butts up sky high, and their mouths begin to foam

<chorus>

Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho

I can feel them home wins comin’, my badass game begin to flow

Don’t ya know livelihood's a f**kin’ pain? Just makin' it itself a bitch?

Do you even have a job? Have ya ever felt the naggin' itch?

Why dontcha try n' make it big ya loser? Climb up the treacherous hill

Just unclench your rigid ass man, for f**k's sake swallow a chill pill?

<chorus>

Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho

Just watch me pout n' preen, just watch my golden ass glow

Now, I ain’t prone to abdication you imbecile, I've never been a quitter

I got a constitution of lead, not like your sorry chicken liver

Just coz you ain’t got no patience, ain’t packin a rigid spine

I am gonna fly the coop? So loooong before my time?

<chorus>

Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho

Just calm the f**k down, try suckin’ on your own big toe

I'm a smooth cat on steroids baby, and this be my life No. 9

Stop pokin’ your nose in my business, and it'll all be spit n' shine

I ain’t scrapin’ at the bottom, I got reserves built in my ass

Just wake me up, hand me my teeth and don't forget my balls of brass

<chorus>

Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho

Glory be to me, ya sorry a** sucker, just welcome me back to the show

By Sriram Dayanand
who blogs at Boundary Conditions and protects his tweets @sdayanand

Song for the unsung hero: SAHA!

2012-01-27T00:07:00.001+05:30

OK, now he is the sung hero. Saha! More power to cricketers who are players, not stars.Swaaha!

Virat Kohli's maiden Test ton:

2012-01-26T14:06:00.001+05:30

Sad Indian cricket fan seeks pleasure.

2012-01-25T20:32:00.000+05:30

White Bored (6). Produced by Roop Khanna, delivery by NC. Shot on location at the Bored Room, Yawn T Roads.

Cricket Honeymoon - Watch White Bored (5) with Mahek Vyas

2012-01-24T22:36:00.000+05:30

Bored Members Mahek and NC chat about honeymooning at the first Test, and Adelaide as an afterthought. Produced by Roop Khanna. Shot on location at The Bored Room, Yawn T Roads.

Mixing Drinks & Cricketers - White Bored (4) with Keith Ribeiro

2012-01-24T02:10:00.001+05:30

Keith, Roop & NC again. Shot on location at the Bored Room, Yawn T Roads.

Watch the WHITE BORED 3 - Cricket Jugalbandi before the Adelaide Test with Keith Ribeiro

2012-01-23T20:03:00.004+05:30

Produced by Roop Khanna. Jugalbandi between Keith Ribeiro and NC.
Shot on location at the Bored Room, Yawn T Roads.

Watch WHITE BORED 2 - Cricket Jugalbandi (Indian team for Adelaide) with SP

2012-01-19T17:34:00.003+05:30

Produced by Roop Khanna. Jugalbandi between Bored Members SP and NC. Shot on location at the Bored Room, Yawn T Roads.

Bajj gaye re - subah ke 5 (devotional song for India's cricket in Australia)

2012-01-18T20:36:00.008+05:30

To all those days when both you and the team should have stayed in bed. Oh right, they did.

Bad people making fun of beloved Indian cricket team.

2012-01-17T23:52:00.000+05:30

Our 2nd appearance on NDTV 24X7, this time, in far more trying circumstances: Australia 3, India 0. Impatient? Go straight to 1:20 and watch Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!)

For our NDTV debut, here you go

Cement Head

2012-01-16T20:12:00.002+05:30

Now you’ve done it, you’ve done it haven’t ya?
Yes, you’ve opened up your addled mind
Squelched out a priceless and noxious beauty
A tracer bullet off your copious behind

A mind and behind of opulent plenty - aye we know
Buckling under its glorious Orca gluttony
Bereft of hint of nurturing thought
Numb in pursuit of absolute hegemony

Oh, the remains were still smoldering yet
Painful smoke was still wafting around the WACA
Ere you unclenched your copious cheeks
And deposited a colossal mountain of kaka

Come on home to papa in India you said
Come hither and we’ll cream Aussie arse
Oh, bygone be bygones suckers, you smirked
Like 3-0 was a concocted farce

We’ll smack English behinds too, you squeaked
Collect and usurp unsuspecting Kiwi scalps
And when Australia came knocking at home
You’d go goddamned medieval on their arse

Hell, Melbourne be damned (Adelaide don’t exist)
Excuse me, did Sydney even happen?
Now in Perth, whatever it’s bloody worth
Was there even a result worth a mention?

Marquee this tour had been touted as
Would wipe England’s nightmares off our retina
Alas and alack, it careened shit-side
As the team wore out its erstwhile patina

Yes, you didn’t bat, no, you didn’t bowl
For that we won’t slather you with blame
But do you even care, have a fucking clue
What responsibility comes with your name?

Your primo product just laid a colossal turd
Mind you, one reinforced with India cement
But this is how you choose to ignore it
And belittle that ignominious event?

Dare I ask, do you ever even hurt?
Do you forgo or feign an occasional sigh?
Can anything ever bring you down?
Off your spectacular TV revenue high?

Drunk on your moolah, sauced like a boss
High as a kite on your loaded coffers
You sit barricaded in your shiny fortress
Surrounded by your fawning tossers

Helplessly we look on, in pain we squirm
Glance at you custodians of our game
As you blow even our miniscule expectations
And bring us to our knees in shame

Super King my friend, superman you are
Unlike your team which mislaid its pluck
With your brazen words, and your demented gravitas
You’ve now convinced us you don’t give a fuck

By Sriram Dayanand
who blogs at Boundary Conditions and protects his tweets @sdayanand

Series to Series OR Oh I'm Happy, Hope You're Happy Too!

2012-01-16T11:24:00.000+05:30

Inspired by the genius of N. Srinivasan's "They cannot beat us here and we will feel very happy" and urm (sorry to put you in the same sentence champ), David Bowie

Series To Series

Do you remember a team that's been
In such a grisly loss
I've heard a rumour from Board Control
Oh no, don't say its true

They got a message
from the Chairy Man
"Oh I'm happy, and you'll be happy too
We've lost
All we had to lose
Domestic T20 following" ;)

The shrieking journos are grinning
Just pictures of stars gone by
in sinking ships
Ain't got no future and ain't got no care
But we're hoping to clip the past it bellowing

Series to series, humped by Humpty
We know CSK's Boss is
a numpty
Sprung out as cricket lies
hurtling to an all time low

Time and again they tell us all
White washes happen now and again
But the little blue caps turn purple and orange
Oh no, not again
Getting rich with our valuable friends
"Oh we're happy, we've made you happy too"
One flash in the pan
but its happened yet again

I've never done good things
I've never done bad things
I've never done anything for the men in the blue
Want to axe a senior or two?
Wanna see a home win instead?

Series to series, humped by Humpty
We know CSK's Boss is
a numpty
Sprung out as cricket lies
hurtling to an all time low

My chairman says

to get things won

you better not stray

outside homely dens

Sing it, it can't be half as loony as the bleatings emanating from our administocrats:

Groundsmen preparing Perth pitch

2012-01-13T01:08:00.001+05:30


click on cartoon

read background

Groundsmen at the Kotla

Watch the first episode of THE WHITE BORED - why has India lost it

2012-01-11T23:37:00.003+05:30

Produced by Yash Chawla, NDTV. Rambling by Bored Member NC.
Shot on location at The Bored Room, Yawn T Roads.

Fickle Me This, Fickle Me That, Who's Afraid Of The Media's Crap?

2012-01-09T12:45:00.000+05:30

Pardon the corny headline, it is at least in keeping with the low standards set by cricket's general newsmedia. Ricky Ponting struggles for a year and a bit, the press demands his head, he scores a hundred in vain during the World Cup quarterfinal and retains his batting position but loses the captaincy. Michael Clarke scored 151 against South Africa, an innings described by many as one of the best of the year. Australia were bowled out for 47, Clarke and his men are slaughtered by the press for being unable to bat with the necessary temperament. Australia win a thriller against South Africa to level the 2 match series, the press said Haddin, Ponting and Hussey had done enough to survive another day.

Australia lose to New Zealand at home, Clarke's captaincy is questioned, everyone thinks Ponting should call it a day. Australia win at the MCG, a match that was competitive for a while, the media still demands Ponting's head, Clarke's captaincy is reflected on as being better than Dhoni's, not much of a compliment considering the Indian skipper's leadership during the match. Clarke scores 329, Ponting scores a hundred, as does Hussey and suddenly everyone's glad Ponting has decided to stick around, and Clarke gets rich accolades for his brilliant captaincy.

While the flip-flops are typical of media - no less than Gideon Haigh, whom many accord the title of the best contemporary writer in the sport because of his commanding vocabulary and presumptuous and often misinformed opinion, has had to eat humble pie after yet another of his tiring pieces on T20's included that wonderful question about whether David Warner would ever bat more than 60 balls in his career - that has devolved from stating the facts to jingoistic misinformed opinion pieces, its how they misuse the responsibility handed to them and the privilege of freedom accorded to them that disappoints. The media heavily influences readers who are unable to make their own minds on the state of affairs either because they don't have access to information or because they trust a paper that echoes views they want to hear. Which is what news media has become, rather sadly even in cricket.

There is always an agenda behind a piece, sometimes paid for, and almost always influenced by how many eyeballs can be brought to glance at the myriad of ads strategically placed near the provocative headlines. Cricinfo has often used inflammatory headlines simply to spark a controversy for what is a poorly written piece about nothing in particular. Along with sections of the British and Australian press, they have successfully pulled wool over the blinkered eyes of the majority of cricket's followers into believing the BCCI's sole purpose for existence is greed and the eventual destruction of cricket. Rarely are there any articles about the BCCI's many development projects, some of which are quite admirable. The BCCI of course don't help matters by banning some groups from attending matches and refusing to promote their own successful endeavours sufficiently.

Take the DRS for instance. The BCCI's stand isn't that they don't want the DRS, but rather that the technology behind it isn't foolproof, and until it is there is hardly any point in using it to influence decisions wherein it might only add to further controversy, as was quite evident during India's tour of England. Most people who have bothered looking at the facts agree that this is a sensible outlook. Yet there are people who leave comments such as "Why does India have a right to overrule Cricket Australia's use of the DRS" primarily because the piss-poor variety of journalists like Malcolm Conn mislead people with statements proclaiming the BCCI directly denies bowlers the ability to appeal. Not too surprisingly, -and whether they see it or not, its what they choose to write based on their audience's mood at the moment- Conn and the like have led the way with adulations over Clarke's captaincy, which not too long ago they questioned.

Clarke has benefited from having a good set of bowlers who've done well at home against a side that has for the most part had a perennial weakness against quick bowlers on seaming wickets. His captaincy against tailenders was as bad as Dhoni's in recent times, and when the game has drifted away from him he looks as lost as his predecessor, who was also falsely proclaimed as a great captain based on his stock of players. Clarke plays it up of course, his decision to declare while admirable is a touch nauseous, and reminds of his decision to dump Lara Bingle when it appeared *her* character might have cost him the captaincy [this criteria in picking a skipper is a topic for another day, Warne , Ponting etc etc...]. But the media is blind to all of this at the moment, the flavor of the moment is Michael - benevolent pup - Clarke, and so logical discourse takes a back seat.

Move over to the Indian media, which swings with more regularity than a pendulum. The usual scapegoat, VVS Laxman, finds that he is about to be axed in the country that he has his best record against. Laxman has often been treated unfairly by the Board, more often by the media, but he doesn't do his case too much good by remaining among the slackest of fielders and runners in the game. That isn't what he is being picked on for, its whether he should be staying in a team which should look towards rebuilding. Indian cricket's second golden boy, Rahul Dravid, cannot be touched of course, despite looking all at sea since Tendulkar's arrival at the crease in the first innings of the tour. This is because Dravid was the only batsman to do well in England. After 3-4 miserable years where he relied on scoring against weak attacks on flat tracks to retain his position in the team.

One might ask, if Laxman should be axed - as he probably deserves to be based on his recent overseas record - in keeping with blooding the next generation, why not Dravid. Indeed, why not Dravid 2 years ago when he relied on inside edges to score the bulk of his runs. Exactly what did Indian cricket gain from Rahul's recent exploits in England? We lost by the most embarrassing of margins anyway, didn't we? And why did he insist on playing on after the tour, nearing the ripe old age of 39? One paper says Dravid and Laxman will probably decide on their own to retire rather than leave it to the selectors - which is allegedly their right for their great contributions to Indian cricket - but going by their decisions over the last few years its pretty hard to see that happening, right?

Why were these players, including Sachin, touring Bangladesh, we all asked these questions at the time and its time to ask them again. If the seniors don't take a back seat and let the selectors gracefully blood the next generation, then after a tour like this one they are culpable on two counts - overstaying their welcome and foiling the future. These questions were somehow stowed away by the media after the English debacle, when they chose to pick on the scheduling since it was all the rage back then to ape the British fixation with the IPL's devious influence on the sport.

Ah, the future. And here we see the circus coming full circle. The greats are venerated and paid homage to just as overrated film stars in the country buy undue hype. So to the hype accorded to "the next best thing... well at least for the moment." Currently, on the back of glorious innings on flat tracks in the Ranji trophy, the boy who seems to exude so much talent that for a minute you might ignore the accompanying Mumbai-biased sycophancy, Rohit Sharma has apparently earned his spot in the team. Rohit has earned his spot in the ODI team almost as many times as Yuvraj has in tests, and has disappointed just as many but the trigger happy media searching for a hero are convinced this time will be different, like last time.

If he does well, the poor chap - just look at Kohli who did well in 2011 and now has irked just about everyone after two matches in which his seniors have played with far greater trepidation and irresponsibility - can hope for a year's worth of accolades before being consigned to obscurity like Mukund, Das, Ramesh, Vijay, hell even WV Raman and the plethora of next best things of yesteryear. If he does great, he becomes the next Laxman. And as he rides this journey, the crests and troughs amplified by the irresponsible sensationalist tabloid rubbish masquerading as journalism, he will at times loathe his fans and the media and scoff at their influence over each other and himself.

Comprehensive Bored 2012 Sydney New Years Test Review

2012-01-07T06:34:00.001+05:30

If you have problems loading the audio, please let us know in the comments.

What Dravid meant at the Bradman oration...

2012-01-06T12:51:00.001+05:30

What has happened to this Indian Cricket Team?

2012-01-04T16:16:00.002+05:30

Its been 4 hours since the close of play and I can't sleep. After just 6 of the allotted 24 playing days for this series, it looks like we've conceded it. I can't for the life of me comprehend the manner of this abject capitulation. Is this the same team that fought back every tour for the last four years to at least share honors if not win outright? That embodied the spirit of never giving up, determinedly standing their ground and never giving an inch and that has a world cup to show for it?

Dravid has been dismissed three times this series almost falling over his tentative front foot, Laxman doesn't look like he knows how to bat overseas anymore, Sehwag swishes like he always does but its more like 75% effort swish, Gambhir can't buy a run but keeps selling his wicket to the first low bid, the tail is cut away before its had a chance to wag, Sachin looks imperious and in the form of his life... in short its like the team of the 90s all over again, except a phase when Sachin gets the worst of luck.

The bowlers, poor guys - two of whom are not anywhere near 100% fit, are bowling their hearts out but the kinds of fields being set for them and the complete lack of support from the batsmen means they're drawing unnecessary flak. The last overseas tour we struggled to pass 300, this tour from three efforts we've managed to get past 200 once. While the opposition has managed to pass 300 twice (and looking like getting 600 at least in this match) and their tailenders have looked more comfortable than 3 of our top 6.

But its worse than that. This team doesn't look like it wants to play unless things are going their way. That seems to mean the bowlers get overcast conditions and reduce the opposition to less than a hundred for 6, or that they're playing in the comfort of their subcontinental stronghold. And boy do they win then. But the minute things start to go against them, like Harbhajan whose attitude seems to have infected the entire team, they go into a shell, get defensive, the shoulders droop and they just give up, surrender without a fight. Not to take anything away from their opponents who've bowled sharp and executed plans splendidly, but ultimately have been assisted by unfocussed, cluttered and often thoughtless batting.

A lot can and has been said about the players, but you've got to wonder what the hell the coach's role is. How can he sit back and watch defensive, mind-boggling field set day after day, squandering the advantage tour after tour, getting into to a good position, losing it, and then not giving a fuck about trying to get it back? Exactly what has Fletcher achieved with this Indian team? Has Gary's departure had such a negative impact? Have we just lost the hunger to compete after having accomplished the long cherished dream of winning the world cup again? More than one English player felt Fletcher's presence gave us a strong edge against their side, we have a lovely 0-4 result to show for his presence there, and we're staring at potentially 0-6, even 0-8 if things don't change soon, results from our recent overseas tests.

When Tim Bresnan said it, I thought he was just being the usual arrogant English muppet talking trash while benefiting from home advantage. I didn't believe. I couldn't, this team had often looked battered but then they batted and batted and forced their way back into a series. Now they don't appear remotely interested. The enthusiasm with which they bowled their part-timers for the sole purpose of exiting the field as early as possible today (an on-time finish, no extra half hour, when was the last time that happened?) seems to reflect their mood since departing for England. Perhaps Bresnan was quite right, if you don't want to play, go home. Saves us the worry of waking early/staying up late and then just being pissed the rest of the day for ruining our schedules hoping you'd at least try and make some small part of it worthwhile.

To all those who want Laxman's head...

2012-01-03T15:17:00.006+05:30

Before you brandish your machete...

Take a look at this

Sydney 2012: What Controversy Would You Like To See?

2012-01-02T08:20:00.001+05:30

2008, meh. Shoddy umpiring, batsman standing after edging, the odd racist ('allegedly') remark, match refs blah blah.. Happens just about every game. And they called that controversial. No, we think the bar can be set a lot higher in 2012, which of these inflammable events would you like to see at Sydney during this year's New Year Test?

Bhajji and Symonds spotted sitting together in the crowd, incessantly booing Clarke and Sachin
Cricket Australia springs a surprise and brings in a special DRS (dirty rotten scoundrel) umpire - STEVE BUCKNOR!
Sunil Gavaskar becomes the first ex-international cricketer to streak the SCG during the post match ceremony, all the while screaming "Mind you, the balls might be in the right place, but they still have to be put away." He is banned and never allowed back during the post match ceremony.. oh, wait, that happened last time too, right?
Sachin is batting on 98*, plays his trademark tuck to square leg and hairs off for a double. But as he leaves the bowler's end, Peter Siddle pulls Sach's pants down and starts laughing, Sachin wallops him with his bat thereby improving Siddle's appearance ten-fold and starts to pull his trousers up just as Laxman runs past him (thinking he's completing the second run) to the bowler's crease. The stumps are broken at the batsman's end and Sachin is run out on 99.
India crash to a humiliating innings defeat and 400 runs, and a very drunk Rahul Dravid says in a post match interview "Well all I can say is only one team was playing with the right spirits in the match."
A sensationalist tabloid trash newspaper, whose initials might or might not be TOI, contracts Nasser Hussain to cover the Test while getting a few jibes in at the Aussies. Hussain pokes fun of Warner and Ponting's fielding, calling them "a pair of Asses". He then strikes that out and replaces it with "pack of wild donkeys". He then strikes out donkeys and replaces it with (teri don ki *wink wink*).
Everybody shuts up about the decision review system. ITS LIKE IT DOESN'T EXIST.
Ishant Sharma gets a plain to see inside edge onto his pads which pops up for an easy catch to short leg. Erasmus appears unmoved by Cowan's appeal for the edge and catch, and Ishant screams "Karma is a bitch Eddie", just as Erasmus rules him out LBW.
Dhoni refuses to play unless the BCCI sends in a charter flight to evict three certain Indians (and their stupid tweeting phones) in the crowd who have followed the team's losses in England and brought their (bad) luck to Australia too. Rohit Sharma immediately says he's mentally prepared to keep wickets too, so the BCCI declines. It is to be the costliest error they have made in a while.

Should WAGS go on tour?

2012-01-01T23:32:00.004+05:30

Saha: What have I done to deserve this...

After the England series and the first Test in Australia, you could also ask: Should India go on tour?

Today, as I waded through a tree of pulp, first the TOI, then the Mail Today, what do I see- our boys with their ladies. And yeah, there was one of Ashwin with Ojha, as there usually is one of Kohli with Rohit.

Sachin, MS, Gambhir, Ashwin, Saha, all have their wives on tour, and in the papers – the P3P of cricket, a no-brainer, take pic, put in print. Usually I’d let something like this pass, like Viru, arms’ folded in the Delhi Police Ad.

Also, as Allen Stanford is locked up, WAGS should consider themselves safe.

But seeing as some of our boys aren’t too keen on the extra net or practice match, how much of a good thing is this?

Most teams tour with this extended entourage – Mahela and Sanga have their wives edgily rapt in most home games, but it’s only when the losses add up overseas that Jayasuriya could eye a comeback, and you have to ask – do we need the ladies on tour?

You know about football, how some coaches prefer players don’t wank or crank it up in the bedroom before a big game – what about a big tour Down Under, and as I say this, my mind goes to two players who should still be on their honeymoon.

Gambhir: Take another #@%$ photo and I'll elbow your camera

Stray thought: If two players are sharing a room, and one of them is married, how do they sort that? Who sleeps on the couch? Is the toilet seat up or down?

Anyway, if they win Sydney, we can forget I even mentioned this. If they don’t, then we’ll ask another question: Should video games go on tour?


Ashwin: We play carrom...

Pictures: Times of India, Mail Today. Surprised not to find any in HT, Indian Express.

Mother-of-Indian-Cricket to MS Dhoni...

2011-12-30T18:15:00.001+05:30

click on cartoon

International Cricket As We Know It Is Already Dead

2011-12-29T15:42:00.003+05:30

The Bangladesh Cricket Board has announced that the first edition of the Bangladesh Premier League will commence from the 9th of February, 2012. The tournament appears to be modelled along the same lines as the Indian Premier League, even rather unnecessarily incorporating the (now discontinued) concept of "icon" players, which was only employed in the IPL to retain the biggest stars from the rival ICL. The same standard T20 international bunch appear to be available. A new sports channel will broadcast the tournament in Bangladesh. Arun Lal, here after referred to as captain-flipping-the-bird-obvious, said "The main thing is that the Bangladeshi players have to be available." Fancy that, you wouldn't want it to just be the 25 international mercenaries playing now, would you?

Take a step back and put yourselves in the shoes of a Bangladeshi cricket administrator. Your team never really deserved Test status, but well, here we are. They have the worst record for any national side, are currently at the bottom of the ICC rankings and have hardly displayed any improvement since their inception. The logical thing to do therefore, is to make sure you're not left behind in the T20 leagues where everybody else is going to be making money. I mean, after all, what is your role as cricket administrator of the country if not to oversee governance of the sport, ensure that you produce cricketers of international calibre who are capable of competing with the best? But whats in it for you, potentially honorable member, apart from maybe getting a few business contracts for your firm while doing this charitable work?

Now take a step back and look at how the pervasive nature of this greed has gripped cricket administrators the world over. Virtually every cricket board has already designed, if not implemented, a T20 league which will eventually become the staple of cricket for that country. Test cricket fans moan about how this will affect the premier format of the game, but they are blind, romantic and ultimately stupid. Sorry! It isn't Test cricket that is threatened, it is international cricket. And it isn't threatened, its already dead. With much the same confidence as the banker who says "I see nothing wrong with hedging against CDO we're selling to investors" we've got cricket administrators pulling the wool over our collective eyes with false promises such as "There is room for all three formats."

What a laugh, there will be only one format in 10 years, and only one international tournament, a T20 world cup. They all know this, they recognized its inevitability the instant the IPL was a success despite the ICL getting the jump on it. They knew too that here was an opportunity staring them in the face, and to not grasp it while in a position of power on their board would be to lose the chance to someone more enterprising, a quite costly business opportunity lost and life only hands you so many. All of this was well known even before the ICL was launched, when Lalit Modi had already drawn out plans for a city based T20 league, but just needed the right moment to get the dinosaurs in the BCCI to understand how profitable and undeniably destined the future of cricket was to be. The current models had already shown themselves to be unsustainable, and while you can only shaft the viewer so much with ads to bag obscenely priced TV contracts, national fervour can only really throw high profits your way for marquee events, and that too only if they go to script. You need something more sustainable, a commodity that will appeal to the masses over a longer term while not ensuring that the only people who can realistically follow it enough are those employed to cover it.

T20 was that commodity, trialled immediately after broadcasters incurred massive losses following India's early exit from the 2007 World Cup. There will always be whispers about how the following T20 World Cup's script was almost too perfect to be true. It certainly was for the games administrators, as a swooned public fell hook, line and sinker for the crucial test to see if the new format would catch on. Zee knew they had to act fast, but their loss of the contract and subsequent action has been well chronicled. This paradigm shift shook the cricketing world far more than any match-fixing scandal ever can. In order to run a league, you needed to be legit. Boards regulated cricket and so they had the rightful claim to organize and manage the finances for this commercial venture. Any and everyone else was banned.

In the ideal scenario, different countries will host different leagues at different times of the year. Much the same way crass sport management has devolved and dehumanized baseball, basketball and "football" (who actually follows any of the international games in these sports, oh thats right, apart from the Olympics, there aren't any), cricket's aping administrators seek to destroy international cricket. Its a right bloody mess anyway, with all that political manoeuvring to appease egoistic puppets appointed by governments to manage sporting boards. No, having your individual fiefdom is a lot more profitable, and if everyone shares everyone's resources carefully, there's enough moolah to go around to everyone (case in point, the bending over backwards of certain boards to ensure the success of the Champions League T20). Eventually you'll end up with the sport looking not too dissimilar to football, the real kind, one world cup where national emotion can be vented every once in a while. To the uncreative aping administrators this only seems logical, it works well in other sports doesn't it, why must cricket be left behind in the dark ages?

You think you can change this? Hah! The world's got far more pressing concerns. Protests if any, will be as futile as the Occupy movements. Who regulates the game? Take a look at the shambolic state of broadcasts in the subcontinent, where some fat cat twerp says "I see NO problem in L shaped ads popping up during the game." You couldn't be bothered stepping up and demanding that you get a quality product for parting with your hard earned money then, now you've let them say "this is how you're going to like what we're going to give you, and you're going to be paying us more over time than you ever did before, and if you don't like it you'll have to learn to because its all you're going to get." Take a look at the way Ashes series are scheduled and broadcast. World cricket is a mess, and nobody really wants to govern it any more. Administrators who should have been looking to preserve the game's history and heritage, while promoting the game's proliferation have taken keen interest in petty fights that throw out associates so as to preserve the revenues of the powerful boards. Where there was supposed to be governance, there is only greed. Greed (at least for a short while) is good for the few, harmful for the many, for it after all comes at their cost. If you liked international cricket, I'd recommend you learn to move on quickly. If not to the T20 leagues, to another sport.

The minutes of the 2nd Day - Thank You Sachin! (And Pattinson)

2011-12-28T01:05:00.000+05:30

Half a bottle of red later, signing out at 2, a 5 am startwas remote. I connected with my mobile at 8 down, knocked the last two withtwitter and TV. Sometime then, Dad and tea appeared. Followed by JamesPattinson, who after Mohammad Aamer, is a reason to chase the game.

Today was a day you drink to. Today was Absinth.

For Pattinson - This kid can bowl. Can this kid bowl. Bowlthis kid can.

He should have ended up with many more, and possibly willtomorrow and the second innings unless India finds new counters and shake hiselbow up. Players like Pattinson are the reason kids will take to fast bowling,to cricket, to tests. Privileged to watch him bowl, I just heard myself say.

Sehwag Drop (via Hussey) - With Hussey's luck, even if he had taken it, the umpirewouldn't have given it.

Warner and Haddin dropped Sehwag too, but neither of thedrops will be match-defining. Viru was slow by Jatman’s standards, whichexplains why the three drops were strewn all over his innings.

Gambhir is fast playing himself into if-the-team-loses, they’lllook at me, and then you know what happens - Gambhir's new technique isn't quite compact, more like Tatanano

Between all that - A quiche iswhat you eat, a cliché is what Wasim + Shastri eat yr head with.

There was a time when the Aussie subs equaled the umpiresand this was inevitable - Subway installs kiosk in the Aussie dugout

Almost embarrassing for him, but Sehwag reached one of thosemilestones that Sachin throws at people when they throw stones at him - Earlier batsmen dealt in singles, 2s, 3s, 4s, 6s, now it'sfreaking 1000s #Jatman8k

You will see it in the news, but we saw it in the stars - Coming soon - Sehwag says #ThankYouSachin!for his 8000 test runs.

OMG - Dravid started with a 4, taking the Rajasthan Royals'captaincy to heart

And the odd couple put together yet another cricketingsitcom - Scene from a courtroom -Dravid the defence, Sehwag theProsecutor

OMG again -Good decision and Erasmus spoken simultaneously. #Ripley's

Hussey turned his arm over - Mike Hussey being brought on, possibly to demean whatevercricketing skills he has left

After 3 drops, what you willhear from Michael Clarke - Clarke post match - "rub of the green..."

Siddle knocked Dravid, but it was a no ball - Next thing you know, Siddle will knock Dravid over with awide

Dravid was beat - When two is the call, Dravid runs one, when one is the call,Dravid runs none

Sachin arrived, with biscuit beneath helmet, Goddammit! it wasnearly tea-time – he was shaky, as would anyone who has everything-to-lose (Shastri-blurb),but finally tea prevailed, and after that he bit the biscuit and the bullet.

Sachin played. Conjured the Three Non-Blondes – “OMG, WHAT’SGOING ON?!” Upper cut 6, cover drives, straight drives, sex drives, and I was19 all over again.

That you have to giveSachin, even if you are older than him, by a year and some, he will grab you,mark the moment, and hurl you back into that gawky haircut time and way.

We all have our baggage, and much of it is to do withSachin. Days like this, he makes it float-like-a-feather. And I can feel thewhiskey and that cover drive jigging inside my head. Or was it the straight drive?Could be either, but it wasn’t the 100^th 100. That didn’t even passmy mind. How we’ve grown, for a day.

Thank You Sachin! For today, and the days before…

Italics @BoredCricket on twitter

The minutes of the first day: Zaheer Khan is bowling within Vinay Kumar.

2011-12-26T23:44:00.006+05:30

After two Jamesons, I turned in early at half past midnight. I refused to set an alarm. If it’s important enough, I will be the alarm. I have no stories to file, no deadlines to meet, I’m breaking into S&G there, feeling groovy.

That’s the way it was. I first woke at 3.32 am. By then I had dreamt deeply – vivid, weird cricket story.

The Boxing Day test was being played in the Junior school lawns of St Columba’s. The pitch though, was more like a side practice pitch. India was batting, Gambhir played on, Sachin retired hurt 60, Sehwag was out, not out, it was confusing.

And then I woke up again, around 4.40 am by my watch which is ten minutes ahead. I wake to assemble myself, the laptop, tracks, woolens, a quick net search on the phone – Australia will bat, there will be cricket.

I retreat to an isolated TV that will not wake sleepers. The first hour is yet another warmup for India’s seamers, they are bowling so-as-not-to breakdown.

@BoredCricket tweets (from the night before 1^st day)

Indian cricketer (overheard) saying - "The real test will be when we have to prove our match fitness in the morning"

Match day -

Zaks, Ishant prepare for a net to prove fitness

Zaheer Khan is bowling within Vinay Kumar

First we wake up early. Then this bowling. Time for a wake

Someone tell the Indian bowlers that this bloke Ed Cowan is not right handed.

Vinay Kumar warming up in the nets for the 2nd test. Little does he know Mithun will play before him.

Haha cricket, Ponting. #EarlyBoredCall - Ponting makes runs today.

Oh look, this lean patch of Ponting's has made him lose hair - of-the-arms

Ponting has a new shot to fall back on - the one where you fall after the shot

Ed Cowan, Rahul Dravid conspire to take boxing day test into the 4th day

Ishant Sharma is what you call a Thoughtless Man's Bowler

Australia go past 100. That sub 100 score will have to be the 2nd innings then

Ponting is on top of India's game.

Buy-a-wicket-time, Umesh Yadav

Things that make you go UMMMMESH Yadav

OK now till our next tour down under, this Yadav over to Ponting will be spoken of as that Ishant over was.

Zaks finds his voice. And a wicket

Point to be noted: It takes Zaks 64 overs to warm up.

Aus 214/6. Bigger question, how did they let them get past 100

Dogged style departs. Well played Cowan.

Unrelated:

Good thing about Romesh Powar is, he doesn't rest on his Laurels. He rests on his Hardy's

On to some wine now, we’ll be @BoredCricket on twitter tomorrow, join us for #EarlyBoredCalls – got a few bang on today, including Ashwin dismissing Cowan and Ponting scoring runs.

Today was Australia’s day, even though they don’t know it. India, be happy they had Hussey for free. Moral: Bowl good balls, APPEAL in all caps, and Erasmus will deliver.

Where is this test going - nobody has a clue but Australia will bowl better first up than India did.

Let’s have a late Xmas in Australia.

2011-12-25T16:38:00.003+05:30

India has in the past tried their darnedest to beat Australia by playing better cricket. That’s old school. India must look no further than its surroundings to beat them – on Boxing Day, when the Indians step into the coliseum that is the MCG, they have to befriend the locals – and then, make them turn in on their very own.

If the Indians field first, big names like Sachin, Sehwag and even MSD should patrol the boundary – interaction with the crowds is key, as will signing hundreds of autograph books, a sign alone won’t do – make it personal, talk IPL contracts. Skipper MS must look to win over the rowdies, the drunks; if this means keeping at cow corner, so be it – it will be hugely innovative, yes, but more so a lasting bond with the upstarts will be forged.

Work on the Ponting sledges, make them penetrative, invoke Bhajji – if Ricky is neutralized in the first test, and still better, dropped after that, Australia as a nation will be deflated. They may even concede the series so as to not drop Ponting mid-series.

Play two spinners. Fewer quicks will breakdown this way.

The spinner(s) should wear Bhajji masks (circa 2001). India must acknowledge that it wasn’t Bhajji’s bowling that had the Aussies under the cosh – it was his obnoxious, prickly ways – and his in-the-face (and yes, his face too) demeanour that had a major part to play in the successes of 2001 etc

Sehwag and Gambhir should spend plenty of quality time together – that is the key to their wellbeing as openers. In the nets, instruct them to develop running-between-the-wicket skills. Keep an update on Sehwag’s hearing, Gambhir’s head, as also weddings in his household. Make him angry again. Tell him he’s ordinary like Bangladesh.

Let Dravid make a few speeches in the dressing room, that will keep him going. Employ ace communicators to inform Sachin that he has scored hundreds in the past, and the likelihood of him scoring another one, very soon, is not too remote. Let him also know that the Tendulkar Opus is one helluva book.

Let VVS Laxman be, he’s playing Australia.

As for Virat Kohli/Rohit Sharma – let it be known they’re lucky to play at number six, this is Cheteshwar Pujara’s spot.

The warm-up games are over, MSD, you can play now. Sarcasm is the only language MS speaks. MSD will be key to India’s success Down Under, if he clicks as a batsman, he clicks as captain, and India should win the series 2-0. The only way to make it click is to have MSD wear his CSK jersey under his India whites.

Zaheer Khan, for once, will have to last the whole damn tour. Umesh Yadav will have to be possessed by the policeman he wanted to be, lathi charge on the Aussies – should be weary of all those one-day variations, just bowl the cliché – good areas, boy.

Ishant Sharma should be prepared to bowl more than 5.3 overs. Greg Chappell should be allowed to make that inspirational speech to the Aussies on match eve. And the next day will be Christmas for the Indians.

First Published @Youth Connect

NDTV 24X7 Debut of Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!)

2011-12-20T21:42:00.003+05:30

Earlier this year, NDTV 24X7 featured us. If you can get your hands on a better quality video, we won't say no.

BORED CRICKET CRAZY INDIANS from Yash Chawla on Vimeo.
Better quality video minus the NDTV credits though

Zaheer Khan has all the answers.

2011-12-16T19:56:00.005+05:30

Still fresh from his speech at the Bradman Oration, Rahul Dravid is asked to captain the Indians in the tour opener against the Chairman’s XI. Some of the youngsters are apprehensive, why play against a team that consists of Chairmen? They may run their big corporations, but what good could they be in a cricket match?

Dravid is amused, Duncan Fletcher is unmoved.

Dravid cites an example of the Board President’s XI, how Pratibha Patel or Abdul Kalam never played for the team – it’s just a name, like the Prime Ministers XI or the…at which point, the whole lotta them crack up, and the joke’s on Dravid.

Dravid though, stoic as ever, prepares to address his team, called the Indians. He stresses that under him, instead of huddles, each player will have the chance to make a speech – to signify the 37 minutes of his Bradman Oration, the duration should be no more than 37 seconds. He takes it upon himself to make the opening speech…

“To begin with, I’d like to thank you all for playing under me. I know it’s another useless tour opener, but we must do our best. I know Sehwag doesn’t think much of warm-up games, MSD refuses to play them, and Zaks isn’t playing because..

At which point, Coach calls time. The players are perturbed, why isn’t Zaks playing?

As the tour game plays out, more speeches are made. Ishant Sharma on bowling the third delivery of his 6^th over, asks for the players to gather around him…

“I was feeling good, my rhythm was good for five overs, and I was really enjoying myself, hitting the bat hard, my lengths were good too, after I bowled the third ball of the fifth over, I felt something and remembered what The Zaheer Khan had said…”

At which point, Dravid calls time. Ishant throws the ball to Ojha who completes the over but not his sentence. The players are perturbed, what had The Zaheer Khan said?

As the second day gets underway, the Indians are 240/3, Sachin on 92, on his way to a well- deserved 100. It’s been a while too, he tells himself – this hundred could make that elusive 100^th somewhat easier. Which is when Zaheer appears with gloves, and a message for Sachin. Sachin starts to walk off, the scorecard reveals Sachin Tendulkar Retired Out 92

Sachin enters the dressing room. It’s time for a speech. Coach Fletcher starts his stop-watch.

Sachin – “ I was stroking the ball well, and enjoying myself in the middle, it was one of those days when my timing was good, both VVS and I had a good partnership, we were looking good for many more when Zaks came to me and said…

And then Coach Fletcher mumbles TIME. Sachin walks off. The players are perturbed, what did Zaks say to Sachin?

The players all look to Zaks, who also walks away.

Teri Maa Ki series renamed The Border Gavaskar Trophy.

2011-12-15T16:17:00.001+05:30

In lieu of neither Bhajji nor Symonds playing, the Teri Maa Ki! Series will be renamed The Border Gavaskar Trophy. This hasn’t gone down too well with any of the non-players.

Bhajji – “First I lost my passport and my credit cards, to now lose the Teri Maa Ki! Series is like…losing my passport and credit cards all over again”. Yet another flat delivery from Bhajji.

Bhajji spoke of his association with Symonds in the Mumbai Indians’ dressing room – and how they had kept the TMK spirit alive by abusing each other in their newly acquired IPL mother tongue – Marathi. Bhajji added – “Thanks to Sachin’s lessons in Marathi, Symonds can now tell when I’m calling him a monkey or his mother a eh…” he tapered off.

Symonds – “Honestly, I have no idea that the series will not be called TMK – I’m in the Big Boss house, mate. I also have no idea that Sunny Leone is what they say she is…in the Big Boss house none of us know that she is a porn star.”

Sunny Gavaskar – “I’ve had enough of being confused with Sunny Leone. Though I will say this, she needs only two more films to reach that magical figure of a century of porn films.”

Border – “Ummm just like one of Ricky Ponting or Michael Hussey must go, it’s obvious to me that one of TMK or BG will have to go, finally it’s the performance of the players that should decide who stays – Ricky, Hussey, Bhajji, Symonds, Gavaskar and Border are all has-beens – they should rename the TMK or BG trophy The MSD-MJC trophy.”(after Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Michael John Clarke)

Symonds also spoke of his association with Bhajji in the Mumbai Indians dressing room – and how they had kept the TMK spirit alive by abusing each other in their newly acquired IPL mother tongue – Marathi. Symonds added – “Thanks to Sachin’s lessons in Marathi, I can now tell when Bhajji is calling me a monkey or my mother a eh…”, he tapered off.

India’s preparation has been first-rate – unlike the England series where key-players broke down while playing in a test match (Zaks, Bhajji, Gauti) for the series Down Under, players have broken down weeks before the tour. Praveen Kumar in fact, broke down so well-in-advance, it’s feared, he may actually have enough time to recuperate and stage a premature comeback and breakdown yet again. Even though it’s often said that there’s no such thing as a good time to be injured, Varun Aaron timed his perfectly. No sooner was he selected, he was able to combine his letter of gratitude with his unavailability due to injury in the very same email.

Aaron’s letter – Thank you kind sirs for picking me for this prestigious tour…oh, it’s just come to my notice that I can’t type anymore…I fear bowling will be a tad more difficult.

After Sehwag sang Kishore Kumar...

2011-12-11T02:22:00.000+05:30

click on cartoon

Sehwag-Sachin ODI 200 Venn Diagram

2011-12-09T13:11:00.001+05:30

Poonam Pandey Strip Poker!

2011-12-07T12:10:00.001+05:30

click on cartoon

Rahul Dravid as Shilpa Shetty's skipper

2011-12-05T02:42:00.004+05:30

click on cartoon

Dravid scribbles as the new Rajasthan Royals' captain

2011-12-04T00:54:00.000+05:30

I’mquite used to being used. After being picked for the one day squad in England, I’mprepared for anything. So tomorrow if someone approaches me for an endorsement, that won’t surprise me.

Whoam I kidding, I have done a few ads. They’re just not very memorable – the onewith Gillette was very dull, too many world class professional sportspersons,obsessed with perfection, we all ended up shaving and re-shaving just toarrive at that perfect shave. The filmmaker was at his wits’ end – also he hada beard.

Todayit was announced that I will be the Rajasthan Royals' new captain. Me and a T20captain? I’ve never seen my own family laugh at me as they did today. And I couldtell, they really found it funny. They would just look at me and say somethinglike, What? You’ll be an IPL captain?

Ireminded them, much to my detriment, that I had been an IPL captain in the past.To which my wife snapped –and you remember how that turned out? And then shelaughed some more.

Ifelt like hiding my face behind a book. But I too saw the funny side of it.That’s because, times like this I just think of how the whole team struggled inEngland and I…

Solace

Suddenlymy wife was all serious – you do remember how it was with the Challengers?

Ofcourse I do. I still have nightmares. Sitting between Mallaya and his son andthose models. All I wanted to do was to be tucked in with a good book.

Iargued, my experience back then would help me tackle Shilpa and her gang. Shesnapped – How? You’ll take a book along for the after parties??

Ihave a plan. But as always, I’m not going to reveal it. You’llonly know when it goes wrong. Swatch's Irony collection, that's right up my street.

Iexpect to be asked how will it be stepping into Warne’s shoes – I’ll have togive some half assed, politically correct answer about how Shane did some greatwork with the boys, how he was a legend of the game – ideally I’d like to justsay, it’s cool by me, long as I don’t have to step into his underwear.

I know, that doesn't sound like me. I'm the Rajasthan Royal's new skip. Dude.

--- RDX

Shastri on Sachin + Ponting

2011-12-01T23:40:00.000+05:30

click on cartoon

Has VVS Laxman retired from one day cricket?

2011-11-28T23:06:00.002+05:30

We know for certain Dravid has retired from one day cricket. Even he knows now. But what about Laxman, with his old blues in the closet – he’s exactly where Dravid was before his services were summoned.

Laxman last played an ODI close to 5 years’ back. He scored, er, he didn’t. Somewhat ironical, as Laxman refused to score in his first innings as well. Both ducks against African teams, South Africa and Zimbabwe. His first game against another African team, Kenya, he scored – 1.

Before Dravid’s return in England, his last game too was in South Africa. He scored, gotcha there, 4. He was run out.

When Dravid was made to return against England, he scored 4, 2, 32, 2, 19 and 69. He even got run out in one of those innings.

There really isn’t much of a case for playing Laxman in ODIs. Just as there wasn’t one for Dravid. Doubt he'll do any worse than Dravid though, but there's a romance to it - Laxman in blues, down under. When he played there last, he dished out two 100s in two days.

If he is asked to return, it will only be after a 4-0 drubbing in Australia - and if he pulls off a Dravid-in-England.

Laxman has played 86 ODIs over 8 ½ years – his batting average is 30.76, strike rate 71.23, 6 100s in there. Laxman made his ODI debut when he was 22.

Rohit Sharma made his one-day debut when he was 20 in 2007. So far in over 4 years he’s only played 67 ODIs. His batting average is 31.35, strike rate 77.25, 2 100s in there.

On debut, Rohit scored, er, he didn’t – he wasn’t required to bat. In his last ODI too, he didn’t score – he was retired hurt on 0.

You could call VVS and Rohit Sharma Mr & Mrs Lazy Elegance. Both are masters of the give-it-away school. Both secretly want to be opposition coaches that conduct catching practice drills.

In spite of his one-day misdemeanours, VVS has moved on, he and test cricket are drinking buddies now.

As for Rohit, he’s shed a few kilos. Where am I going with this? Only Rohit will tell.

Ashwin questions fan outrage

2011-11-27T01:19:00.001+05:30

Ashwin's tweet

On the Eve of Sachin Tendulkar's 100th 100...

2011-11-24T23:37:00.001+05:30

(click on cartoon)

How Azhar & Kambli Do Their Match Fixing:

2011-11-19T19:15:00.002+05:30

hat tip @fakingnews for that Kambli gf tweet

Rahul Dravid Press Conference (after 36th test century)

2011-11-14T22:14:00.001+05:30

Ashwin's wedding jitters

2011-11-13T02:49:00.001+05:30

(click on cartoon)

Graeme Smith at the toss

2011-11-12T12:41:00.002+05:30

click on cartoon

Sachin Record Tendulkar

2011-11-08T23:29:00.004+05:30

click on cartoon

Chanderpaul at the bar

2011-11-06T22:47:00.000+05:30


*"Oh dear, this Chanderpaul's drinking stance is equally weird"*

(click on cartoon)

Salman Butt, Asif and Aamer in jail

2011-11-03T20:42:00.000+05:30

click on cartoon

Shahid Afridi Returns

2011-11-03T11:11:00.002+05:30

Dhoni's Diwali

2011-10-26T15:31:00.001+05:30

"..we executed our plans well"

(click on cartoon)

England's coach excuses himself.

2011-10-24T20:43:00.000+05:30

England coach, Andy Flower is an articulate man. Troublewith him though, like his pet shot, the reverse sweep, his talk can be far from straight.

After England went down 4-0, Flower let it rip again.

Regarding Ian Bell

After Ian Bell was requested to bat again by MS Dhoni in thesecond test at Trent Bridge, Bell came under strong criticism from variousquarters, in particular from the opinionated Indian media and public.

It is in the light of this extreme reaction, and the possibilityof more verbal volleys, had Ian Bell taken the field in India, that our handwas forced not to play one of our best batsmen.

I can safely assume, had Ian Bell played in the one dayseries, the result would have been quite different from what it is now.

Regarding the food

While the boys have learnt to accept that the food in Indiawill be unlike what they are accustomed to back home, they did not expect thechicken tikka masala to be such a poor imitation…

Regarding the crowd

Back home in England, our players were buoyed by theextremely vocal support for the Indians. Though I will say, the people ofIndian origin here greatly outweighed what we are accustomed to back home – I cannotsay that this was not a factor in the outcome of the series.

Now you don't have to take Flower seriously, just excuse him, for he knows too much.

Venn India plays England

2011-10-22T20:51:00.000+05:30

Gambhir's wedding night

2011-10-20T23:01:00.000+05:30

Shahid Afridi's Retirement Nightmare

2011-10-19T02:15:00.005+05:30

"What a bad dream! Bad man running

Pakistani cricket and screwing with my celebration"

(click on cartoon)

Shahid? No, Afridi. No, Shahid.

2011-10-18T16:50:00.011+05:30

So Shahid Afridi has withdrawn his retirement call.

Typical flip flop. No wonder critics say Afridi doesn't know whether he's coming or going. The last time Afridi heard that he was quick to counter : "Oye, I'm going".

Before adding : " No, I'm coming"

An old Afridi favourite, the one on top
no, the one below..

After the India England Revenge series:

2011-10-14T02:05:00.001+05:30

Neo cricket has pimped the India-England ODIs as a Revenge series.

But what if there is no revenge, and England beat India, what will they call the next series?

An India Sri Lanka 7 one-dayers series.

What is wrong with cricinfo?

2011-10-11T23:44:00.000+05:30

At the outset, I would like to declare that I have notworked for cricinfo or any of the other cricket broadcasting companies. I amwhat the management consultants will refer to ESPN-cricinfo bosses as theirend-user. Nothing more than that.

In a day and age when the traditional media are given a runfor their money by the transparency of the internet and the strength ofcrowdsourcing, cricket coverage has been sadly left behind. Office withdedicated internet lines, access to twitter and FB on mobiles, it is way easierto know the live score today compared to smuggling an old transistor radio intoclass in the olden days. The success of internet has been widely accepted. WhenESPN runs a #CLT20 to show on their live coverage, you can be sure, opinionsand popularity of them on the internet is not taken lightly.

This brings me to my question. Do we have good cricketcoverage in India? The television channels have become experts in showing 5ball overs, footer tracker ads, intrusive ads and insipid commentary. So, thatmeans from purely a business perspective, there is a chance for the internet tostand up and provide a good viewing experience of a cricket match. Has anyonesucceeded in doing this ?

This bring me to cricinfo, easily the ‘home of cricket' onthe web. Today, it is ESPN cricinfo. A bunch of us frequently rant on twitter aboutthe double standards practised by CI. Even a cursory glance at some of thearticles on CI will tell you that IPL is the root cause of the great bubonicplague and the great economic depression. I am not here to defend the IPL. Buta logical extension of this attitude should lead to the same treatment for the‘Nokia CL T20’, but that isn’t the case. Also, remember IPL is never the DLFIPL, but CL T20 is Nokia CL T20. If you are searching for answers, well, ESPN-starhas coverage rights for one of them. I will let you decide which one. It isneither a DLF maximum nor a Toshiba power hit, it is a bloody six. That’s all. Myissue is picking on one and leaving the other.

I remember Sambit Bal talking on one of Harsha's podcastsabout Advertisement on TV and how it was irritating him, apparently pop-up Adson CI home page are not considered cringe worthy. There was a post some monthsback By Sharda Urga that suggested Dhoni was an illiterate village boy, hencedoesn’t understand DRS. The tone in all these dishonest editorial pieces is oneof projecting the site as the holy saint and saviour of cricket. I have no problemwith biased coverage but at least don't take the moral high ground that you arehere to save cricket. Cricket will evolve and save itself. It doesn’t need yourhelp. Thank you.

Other examples of this dishonesty in coverage and editorialpieces can be seen in how news item related to RCB/KSCA are dealt with. MazharMajeed and the whole fixing saga, Conflict of Interest of administrators andex-players, selection issues. CI never tries to give the news as it is andpresent all sides of the stories and its interpretations in a balanced way. Dowe need one such cricket website ?

For the lack of an alternative, it is still the biggestcricket site. There are numerous other cricket service website/blogs around, pitchinv,holdingwilley, thecricketcouch, boredcricket, twitter feeds of a whole lot offolks and many, many more. Not all of them are error free and perfect, but thereadership that they enjoy and the ‘market demand ' says something about thebiggest player. We are as a nation used to such products. Everyone has anagenda - the media, politicians, sports administrators, selectors, board –everyone.Maybe I am wrong to expect honesty from a cricket website. Maybe.

by Girsubra

you can follow him @girsubra on twitter

A Bored Meeting, in a long time...

2011-10-08T00:33:00.005+05:30

I was thoroughly domesticated when the phone rang. So domesticated that it had to take a missed call and a friendly fire before I could call back.

It was a number I didn’t know, it could be another wealth manager who thought I’m one of those wealthy expats who could take care of his wealthy aspirations or it could be one of those Pathan sounding prophets who was going to deliver the message that would change my life, these Pathan’s are our friendly neighbourhood Nigerian attorney would who call us to say that we have won and how we claim !!

As another hungry executive who is after new business I decided to take a risk, call the number back.

Hey, Raja it is Gaurav… NC

That was how the other end sounded, familiar finally.

So where do we meet ? Krossroads in Bur Dubai, said the voice.

I’ve always been a pampered kid, I have been fortunate enough not to have seen crossroads till date. So, where is it, I asked ?

The answer puzzled me, this hotel was a well known pick-up place in town. It is match fixing I thought, this guy NC is trying to fix a match, either a Chinese or a Russian. I felt like I had just pressed the "I'm feeling lucky" button on google.

This dream and expectation was squashed with his next word, my wife, my cousin & his wife are joining us.

So I landed up in Krossroads, crossroads of a Chinese & Russian abundance. And I met Gaurav Sethi, his lovely & lively wife Vandana and his cousins. It wasn’t a purely cricket meeting, but for the Champions League semifinals there wouldn’t have been a common cricket thread.

But still, even before I knew Gaurav and his inner circle we managed to speak about the recently concluded Irani Trophy, the 2010 Ranji season (TN vs Delhi), the fast bowlers in India and their mind set, injuries to the players and the boards reaction to that, Gayle’s batting, draft beer, Stella’s, Kalyani's and much more.

It got better when I got to speak to the family. Crazy they are as our community is named. The wife is someone who was awake and watched full matches in ’83, the Prudential times. The cousin is a guy who finds fault with the way Gayle cocks-up and delivers his deadly blows and his wife, someone who grew-up loving Gavaskar.

Man, that is too Naked a Cricket family his is… And to top it all off, this ladies sister is a Kapil Dev fan and they had friendly fires in the family as to who’s great !!

Man, I got to know how Naked Cricket love or craziness can get… I never knew I can get so close to the flesh of cricket.

God Bless Naked Cricket and his lovely wife Vandu !!

It was a pleasure meeting them in home conditions. Now I await a return series !!

Shoaib, Shahid and Sachin

2011-10-02T11:29:00.000+05:30

click on cartoon

Bhajji don't go.

2011-10-02T00:12:00.001+05:30

The biggest non-SRT cricket news going is that his chela, Bhajj’s been dropped for the first 2 ODI's against England. He will be missed. In his time away, he will undergo spa treatment, action-change, flight enhancement, tweaking of spinning finger and I-will-not-pitch-the-ball-outside-off-and-see-it-jump-up-short-enough-to-be-played-behind-square-by-Kallis rehab. He will return with a Chautha – an ode to the erstwhile non-spinner he once was – it will be the ball that will return to hand after leaving hand.

He will in all probability also return for the 3^rd ODI. It’ll take one bad over from Rahul Sharma or Ashwin or Kohli, and Bhajji will be back to change-the-game. It’s happened often enough with Ojha, Mishra, and every other spinner whose name you can’t remember. I just hope Bhajji remembers to thank Sachin’s new house for watching over him from the sidelines.

Laugh at Shoaib Akhtar again

2011-09-28T18:34:00.001+05:30

Thanks to @OhTeri_BehenDi + @Sidhuisms for the link. This is an Amul ad. Eat it, Shoaib.

Shoaib Akhtar's book reading

2011-09-27T17:28:00.000+05:30

"Oh damn, he's celebrating the dismissal of
Dravid and Sachin in his book."

Shoaib Akhtar's book exposed

2011-09-24T19:21:00.000+05:30

MAK Pataudi and me

2011-09-23T22:30:00.000+05:30

R.I.P. Mansur Ali Khan "Tiger" Pataudi. India's yougest cricket
captain, architect of the Indian team's first overseas Test series
win. Remember having interviewed him at his residence in Delhi back in
2007. A true Nawab.. in style, conduct and personality..

I first met him when I was an Assistant Producer at Zee Sports in
2006. I guided him into our studio on a few occasions when he came to
participate on our talk shows. Didn't have too much interaction with
him at that stage. He used to often narrate anecdotes from his playing
days.

I had a much longer interaction with him about a year later in June
2007 when I went to interview him at his residence in Vasant Vihar,
New Delhi as a reporter for Times Now. Ironically, the subject matter
of the interview was the Indian team's upcoming tour of England.

As I had the camera set up in his drawing room, Mr. Pataudi walked in
sporting a spotless Kurta Pyjama.

Of all the questions I asked him, I remember one in particular. I
asked him who was a better wicket-keeper M S Dhoni or Dinesh Karthik.

He replied saying, Dhoni is technically superior as a wicket-keeper
but Karthik isn't far behind. In fact, he added that both were equally
competent batsmen.

The other question I can recollect was about the impact the
newly-appointed manager of the Indian team, Chandu Borde (a former
team-mate of Pataudi), would have on the tour.

His answer was, Chandu's a hard taskmaster and would get the best out
of the team.

His answers were usually short but crisp and to the point.

All in all, a memorable meeting... the kind of stuff that stays with
you for life...

Tiger, Tiger burning bright. My hero passed away tonight.

2011-09-22T21:30:00.001+05:30

Could there have been a more romantic figure in cricket? Royal Blood, Piratically one eyed, with a a flashing rapier of a bat. Fearless, brilliant, and in the still colonical hungover era could make White men realize that not all natives simply rolled over and begged for mercy.

I remember snatches; a personal memory of him patting my head, when i was a little boy: his magnifcent tactical acumen in countering the fearsome West indies side in 1974.The clairvoyant use he made of Prasanna, Bedi and Chandrashekhar. Oh, if only he had a Kapil dev too. He laid the foundation of the self belief which led to India's first overseas triumphs; never mind that the Last Pataudi trophy to be given away by Tiger while alive was in a Whitewash: nobody doubts that India will rise again.

I remember his epic battles at Headingley, Brisbane, the pirate admiral on a burning deck, repelling musket shot and cannon with his scimitar of a bat. Of his peternatural and feline fielding at covers.

Above all, his class, his persona, his wonderful understated humour and grace.

To his wonderful Begum, Saif and daughters, my deepest condolences.

This tiger is prowling his elysian fields, staring down all with one tigerish eye, down that imperious and regal nose.

Goodbye Tiger. Goodbye, legend.

by Rajiv

You can follow Rajiv on twitter @RR2303

Gautam Gambhir's marriage

2011-09-22T12:58:00.002+05:30

The Kochi Tuskers' Story

2011-09-19T21:10:00.001+05:30

krish + nc

How Varun Aaron was sidelined

2011-09-18T11:14:00.001+05:30

click on cartoon

sp + nc

Prince Charles & Rahul Dravid...

2011-09-16T17:03:00.001+05:30

click on cartoon

Concussed Gambhir fails memory test!

2011-09-14T09:33:00.003+05:30

Hear it here first!

The nasty concussion has left Gautam Gambhir with a memory as dodgy as Suresh Raina’s technique against rising deliveries.

The team doctor paraded the entire Indian team and to their horror, Gambhir could not recognise his teammates!

Here is what happened there:

Doctor: Hi Gautam...hello Gautam…hey Gautam!

GG: Why are you poking at my ribcage?

Doctor: Because I’m calling you and you are not replying.

GG: But who am I? All I know is that I’m concussed.

Doctor: You are Gautam..

GG: Gautama? Gautama Buddha? Well, Buddha hoga tera baap.

Doctor: You are Gautam Gambhir. Indian cricketer.

GG: Oh yes, it all coming back to me.

Doctor: I’m relieved. Hey Viru, come here. Gautam, you know Viru?

GG: Yes. I know Viru...but he was not bald. Viru... he loves Basanti but mausi doesn’t like him.

Doctor: What are you talking? Viru is Virender Sehwag. Remember you are an opener. Hey, what are you doing? Why are you biting the can?

GG: You said I’m an opener. Was trying to open the can.

Doctor: My god! You are a cricketer who got consussed. You remember how?

GG: Yes, it all coming back to me. I was trying to catch Kevin...Kevin...Kevin Spacey.

Doctor: Pietersen!

GG: Oh yes. It all coming back to me. It’s Pietersen. Don't yell at me.

Doctor: Sachin, come here. Gautam, you know Sachin?

GG: Of course I remember. Sachin.. He has got a nasal voice. I like his "Ore majhi, le chal par".

Doctor: that’s Sachin Devvarman! I’m talking about Sachin Tendulkar!

GG: Oh yes, Tendulkar, Tendulkar. It all coming back to me. Don’t scare me doctor, now I remember it all. By the way, you sure I’m Gautam Gambhir?

Doctor: Yes. Apart from Sachin, you remember any of your team mates? You remember Rahul?

GG: Yes Rahul...he is Sachin’s son.

Doctor: Again! I’m not talking about Rahul Devvarman.

GG: Ok ok, stop scolding me. Was joking. It all coming back to me. Rahul who? Yes Rahul. He’s not Sachin’s son. He is Sonia’s son and will become Prime Minister some day.

Doctor: Hopeless. It’s Rahul Dravid. Ok will help you identify the rest. Look at him. Tell us who he is? His first name is Suresh. Does that ring a bell?

GG: Of coufrse. Hi Suresh. You look younger. You have shaved I see. Doctor, I told him to play cricket but he went to Commonwealth Games instead and got into troubles. I don’t know what he did there but was jailed. Have they released you from Tihar? I’m concussed you know…

Doctor: Aargh! Completely gone case. You can’t recognise anyone. Do you know me or you forgot the team doctor as well?

GG: I know you doctor. You are Dhoni. You got a doctorate other day. I remember everything. It...

Doctor: ...all coming back to you, isn't it?

(Som blogs at Doosra)

Ravindra Jadeja is not a cartoon.

2011-09-11T03:12:00.000+05:30

He may act like one, even look like one, but he doesn’t play like one – look beyond his childish IPL misdemeanours, count your lucky stars BCCI, he’s not looking for a change in teams on the national level yet.

Happy Onam - Return of the King

2011-09-09T00:12:00.000+05:30

Happy Onam - Return of the Kink.

What's wrong with Nasser Hussain

2011-09-06T01:00:00.000+05:30

Paging Yusuf Pathan because nobody’s calling him.

2011-09-04T22:38:00.003+05:30

Did the missing tooth do him in?

Hey Yusuf,

You, me and cricket are doing some strange things together – when I didn’t want you in the team, you were always there. Now when I want you in, you’re out, baby.

I could always tell when you were about to hold out first ball, second ball to long off or long on. You know why? Because it usually was first ball or second ball, long on or long off. It was as if the pressure of hitting the first ball for six was making your head and the bubble gum explode simultaneously – must have been a freak of a pressure equation, you poor Pathan.

I was convinced you were not only a selector but also the guy who owns a cement company. The way it worked was, you were being rewarded for trying to hit a hole in one - which as per my calculations is making all the runs in one ball.

Then one day, you wrote a letter to yourself – finally had enough of your shenanigans.

Dear Yusuf,

It’s not working, gotta drop you.

Yours truly,

Yusuf

You returned to the domestics, and how you domesticated, nay, enslaved the bowlers, you brute of a boy. I have not forgotten the 2010 Duleep trophy finals.

You returned, I was still sceptical. These were not domestics anymore. They do bowl fast and short here, you know. But you played two knocks, and took many on your body, you pulled, you plotted, you played, how you played.

I remember, and so should every Indian. They were not too different from the Duleep trophy back-from-the-dead turnarounds. I do not recall watching knocks of such intensity, by an Indian batsman in the last few years (in ODIs ok?). If I recall, you were good enough for a few overs too.

Then the World Cup happened, you were hurled around the order, and it was obvious – your failures would accommodate Raina. That when Raina’s form had been on the wane for a while.

You didn’t make the Caribbean or England. Now when Gambhir, Sehwag, Yuvraj, Rohit, Bhajji, possibly Sachin, are all out of the one-dayers, you still don’t make it.

Ravindra Jadeja, and now Manoj Tiwary got a call.

You can tell us, what did you say to the doctor?

(Thanks to @forwardshortleg's tweet - So Yusuf Pathan's stock has Nosedived so much since the World Cup that Ravindra Jadeja and Manoj Tiwary are picked ahead of him!)

Nasser Hussain's donkey comment spawns new IPL team

2011-09-03T12:17:00.000+05:30

by krish + nc

Dr Dhoni's first assignment

2011-08-31T15:16:00.002+05:30

"As a Doctor, my first assignment will be to authorize my sick leave"

Dr DHONI

2011-08-30T18:17:00.001+05:30

click on cartoon

Dhoni, Raina, RP at the Man U vs Arsenal game

2011-08-29T12:39:00.000+05:30

Trott Episode

2011-08-29T00:01:00.001+05:30

click on cartoon

MUNAF THE APEMAN!

2011-08-27T23:28:00.001+05:30

"ME MUNAF, YOU WHO?"

Obituary of Indian cricket

2011-08-26T00:38:00.000+05:30

by Pranav + Krish

Indians demand match-fixing allegations

2011-08-25T02:11:00.004+05:30

"What's really upsetting is that no one's implying match fixing here", said one prominent Indian cricketer on the condition of strict anonymity. Fiddling with his heavily bandaged fingers and a voice like the mighty Mike Tyson, he spoke about how Pakistani players are privileged to have fans that never believe Pakistan can lose in a game fair and square. "After a career spanning 2 decades it really hurts when no one accuses you of match fixing when you lose so badly. What it means is that the fans truly believe we were actually mediocre. Its the truth, but I tell you it hurts"

At this time the entire Indian team is hurting. No one can understand why there are no match fixing allegations. In fact some are secretly hoping that their colleagues did accept bribes to play poorly. Many of them are in denial that they were actually as bad as the scorecards suggest.

"Well of course one can say that we lost on merit but it would be nice to know that there was some adulteration of merit with black money" said another prominent cricketer from his hotel room.

On the request of an unnamed BCCI cheerleader, the BCCI has pleaded with the ICC's Anti corruption Unit to start an inquiry as to whether any foul play was involved. The belief is that any talk of an official match fixing investigation will fuel talk of match fixing and that would do; according to the cheerleader "...a world of good" to the Indian team's morale. "Whenever the inquiry starts, the first hour will be crucial" he added once again on the condition of absolute anonymity.

- By Golandaaz; Visit his blog @ Opinions On Cricket, his facebook page and his tweets as @oponcr

If Sachin Tendulkar in the 90s makes you sad, then look at him in the 70s

2011-08-23T00:24:00.001+05:30

The voices inside Rahul Dravid's head

2011-08-22T02:21:00.003+05:30

Greg Chappell's gone, the bad run's behind him, and after years, his name is mentioned ahead of His. Almost, often enough. But what is it with these freak show dismissals - is there a milk of confused human kindness that flows out of Dravid's ears - first that shoelace edge that he didn't refer, and now that spot that never showed up on hot spot - and Dravid has to go on telly and tell everyone he thought he heard a feather? Is this Adelaide, are there seagulls fluttering? Why can't he just stick to technology and say - hotspot never showed up, what I think here, doesn't matter. As it is, you've never been too forthcoming with what you think, why bother now. Or is 2011 that post 2007 English summer gone full circle - don't be too surprised if accepts the captaincy again. Maybe he's heard something we haven't.

Rahul Dravid prepares for The Oval.

2011-08-21T03:43:00.000+05:30

The case for Suresh Raina.

2011-08-19T00:05:00.002+05:30

Raina finds himself in the playing eleven of The Oval test. After the day’s play is rained off, the Indian cricket fans make a citizen’s arrest, following which our suspect is produced in a corner shop court.

Raina makes a dramatic entry into court, anticipating another ball coming his way, he feigns fielding it – instead he topples a whole lotta chutneys and pickles, landing right in front of the judge, Mr. Patel.

Judge Patel: The defendant may rise…

Raina (rising, smiling): I enjoy fielding very much

Judge Patel: You bloody fool, what have you done to my pickles…

Judge Patel’s daughter, Vaishali: Oh Dad, don’t be so harsh on Suresh, he’s just a young hick from outta town…

Just then Graeme Hick enters the shop and objects

Graeme Hick: I object to Raina being compared to me, when I was his age…ohh I too had my problems with the short ball (sobs)

Prosecutor Patel: Hick, you have proved a useful Witness, 10% discount to you, thank you

Defence, Vaishali Patel: In that case I will be Suresh’s defence…Patel uncle

Judge Patel (to Raina): The defendant will rise…(knocks a ‘Kitchens of India’ can for empasis)

Raina (dewy eyed at Vaishali): Yes I will…rise

Prosecutor Patel: That is contempt of court…you

Defence, Vaishali Patel: Daddy…eh.. Your Honour…Suresh Raina my client has an excellent record in the IPL and in the subcontinent, if you could only be so lenient and think back to the 1970s, to 1972 in particular when you and your brethren were so harshly evicted from your beloved Uganda by the evil Idi Amin and arrived here in England without an iota of experience against the swing, against the short ball that those tough times threw at you...

Prosecutor Patel: Clearly besides the point, the defence is...

Judge Patel: Don’t make me emotional, girl…you will not mention Uganda again and for your information I started afresh here, I made a good life for us here, what has Suresh Raina done to warrant such a comparison, I ask you, what has he done?

Defence, Vaishali Patel: I ask you to give me time…give my client till the 3^rd one-dayer, and he will prove himself worthy for my hand…er…of everyone’s trust

Raina (to his defense): Er Vaishali, thanks, can you not buy me a little more time like till when the Champions League starts in September?