Waiting For Godot (And His Retirement?): A play

ACT ONE

It's the year 2022. The Indian football team are closer to the FIFA WC than ever before , having risen from rank 146 to 142. Cricket is now a truly international sport with as many as 15 countries showing any interest in it and a staggering 13 countries with Test status. At ranks 13 and 12 , Zimbabwe and Bangladesh are showing great promise and causing significant upsets such as the time they lost to New Zealand. India at rank four - which means ahead of as many as nine teams ! - are a mega superpower and are  led by ViCo. As a mega superpower they have constantly innovated and evolved. For example , ViRue and GotIt now open the batting in each match across every format of the game : Test,ODI,T20,T10 and F5. (As opposed to the past when the occasional injury might have meant a third person filling in). 

But  hidden in the shadows cast by the brilliance of this team is trouble lurking in the form of a rift between ViRue and Vico. We come in during a particularly heated confrontation :

ViRue : " What is this rotation policy ? You're not a top"

ViCo : " No, but  i am there,remember ?  At the top....? "

ViRue : " The top belongs to GotIt and me. You've only got middle."

ViCo : " Top to you ?! Even if you made room , you'd only slash wildly"

ViRue : " Whatever,but this rotation policy makes no sense"

ViCo : " Look, you oldies are slow on the field"

ViRue : " You're slow with the over rate !"

ViCo : " And your overseas average is now under 10 !"

ViRue : " I'll make an ODI 200 against Mngwambamamba. Home series"

ViCo : " Mouthing tall claims ! At least you can't put a foot in it. No footwork"

ViRue : " BiggBosST ! He's being rude to me again ! "

BiggBosST is the greatest batsman ever of the modern era. Has been for a while. He has 199 international centuries to his name. And has had for a while. The 200th one has eluded him for over a year now though.

BosST (irritated) : " Can you guys leave me alone please ? I am doing my visualization exercises"

ViCo (deferentially) : " But of course , BosST bhai  ! The 200th , huh...wow. Er , BosST bhai , you know i was thinking , ..er , i mean, any retirement plans after getting that one...? i mean ,of course...." 

THE AUDIENCE MOB THE STAGE AND LYNCH ViCo

END OF PLAY 

EPILOGUE 

ViRue (pleased aside) : " So , captaincy at  last ...!"

Distracted by sudden announcement on TV 

"Ravingmad Jadeja was appointed captain of the Indian  team today...." 

Read more...

Return

A case for an Indian cricketer who's not Raina or Rohit - but Che Pujara.

This video was shot on Che Pujara's birthday, 25th January, 2012, but much like Che, it was forgotten for a while.  

Notes: 
Raina's First Class average 43 (71 matches), Rohit's 63 (46 mat), Kohli 50 (38 mat), Manoj Tiwary 61 (54 mat), Che Pujara 53 (61 mat); all players 23-26 years. 

FC averages of Rohit and Tiwary are quite similar. Who's played how many ODIs?

Raina has played 143 ODIs, 15 Tests, intl. debut in 2005.  Avg. 34.3, 29.5     7500 fb likes
Rohit has played 77 ODIs, 0 Tests, intl. debut in 2007.      Avg. 33.1   -           2900 fb likes
Kohli has played 82 ODIs, 8 Tests, intl. debut in 2008.     Avg. 47.5, 32.7      18,500 fb likes
Tiwary has played 6 ODIs, 0 Tests, intl debut in  2008.   Avg. 33   -                753 fb likes
Che Pujara 0 ODIs, 3 Tests, intl. debut in 2010.               -         21.4             488 fb likes   


Rohit 77 ODIs to Tiwary's 6, again similar averages.

The marketing of Che has started in earnest, WSG (World Sports Group) who tango with Tendulkar and Gambhir, have signed him up. I won't be too surprised if he makes the Asia Cup squad. Who knows, Manoj Tiwary may even get a game. And another concert for Bangladesh with George Harrison.
*cricinfo profile pages

Read more...

Return

Virat Kohli does it again

Read more...

Return

India vs Australia, Sehwag vs Dhoni, Lee vs Sachin, Hussey vs India vs Umpires.

 Forget it Sachin, it's only Sydney. 26th Feb, on twitter @BoredCricket 

 

 

Follow @BoredCricket

Read more...

Return

I DON'T WANNA BE THE MAN IN BLUE.

Can't take the stink of Indian cricket anymore -fans, cricketers...sing out in pain - I don't wanna be the man in blue, man in blue se aye boo (stink) 

Come, let's ease our pain together. Sing out.

Read more...

Return

Feminazis Protest RAshwin's Attempted Dismissal of Thiriwhatshisname on Mistaken Etymological Grounds

Feminazis the world over have taken strong exception to RAshwin's attempted dismissal of (insert long random annoying Sri Lankan name here) in the recent ODI between India and Sri Lanka in Brisbane. Feminazi Mr Warne (names have been changed to protect privacy) swore furiously when first informed of the attempted dismissal, but confirmed that the issue he and most other feminazis had was with the "etymological connotations and disrespect to women" of the popular term coined to describe such dismissals.

"Its not that we hate stupid, fat, unsporting Sri Lankans" began Mr Warne rather bizarrely. "We welcome their privilege to play the game the way they want to and then say at the press conference later that they don't play that way. Nothing wrong with that. Having said that, we don't have any issue with the manner in which RAshwin tried dismissing (insert long random annoying Sri Lankan name here)!" beamed a jubilant Mr Warne, knowing he had used the prized tactic of confounding everyone whilst drawing up sufficient attention to perfection.

There is always one idiot who feeds this frenzied attention whoring much-ado-about-nothing-but-hey-heres-a-mic-somebody-gotta-talk-let-me-at-least-I-can-do-it-for-a-cause (hey! that could be a Sri Lankan name if you remove the hyphens!), and some stupid Mr Manjrekar (name changed to protest privacy of the criminally stupid) then followed up with, "I don't get, what then is your issue, Mr Warne?" much to the undisguised delight of feminazi, Mr Warne.

"Well, here's my concern. If it was a woman's cricket match, we know they're not as soft as some people (snigger), but how would that dismissal have been reported? MAN-KADDED??? I mean, what a joke. Cricket has always been a game for the old men's club and the disgraceful terms they're using are another attempt to force subservience to women, making them utter "man" or "men" rather than something neutral like "thing" or "thang"... And before you ask, I'm not saying you should change it to womankadded, why can't we just use kadded? or thing-kadded?" [I know... thing cudded also inspires visions of bovine supremacy]

An astute observer Mr Bhogle (name changed just for kicks) wondered out loud "Now then. I _just_ wonder, how would Vinoo feel about all this! Surely he's not a thing, or a woman or a ma... well he is a man, but that can't be his fault now, can it?"

Note: This post is not offensive, because I endorse it. It is also not offensive because it mocks the litany of other blogs on this issue that revolve around equally stupid premises. You can take your stupid reasons for agreeing or disagreeing with the spirit or the law and shove it up your candy @$$3$! I have spoken. Because I have the right, like everybody else. And you have read that. Also, tomorrow I'll give my opinion on the impact of rising oil prices and Goldman Sach's role in this affair. THANQ

Read more...

Return

India weds Sri Lanka & Thirimanne beds Mankad.

India vs Sri Lanka, 21st Feb, Brisbane, on twitter @BoredCricket 

After Sehwag’s stunning catch:

Random Ashwin:

Thirimanne beds Mankad:

Death by Vinay Kumar:

Jatman:

Sachin-man begins:

Sachin-man ends:

MSD as the drinks' boy:

Pak vs. England (KP’s back-to-back 100s)

India-Pak Reaction:

Follow @BoredCricket

 

Read more...

Return

Meet the amazing Dean du Plessis: The blind cricket commentator.

Also read: Zimbabwe's blind commentator is on the ball

If you have an annecdote, do share it on Blind Cricket Crazy Indians (BCCI)

Read more...

Return

Kapil Dev & Sachin Tendulkar reveal their pre-retirement secrets.

The year: 1989. Still 5 years before Kapil retired, and the year Sachin made his debut. It’s an iconic ad, more so in hindsight, seeing the juxtaposition of two players from different generations playing together. If Boost could, I don’t put it beyond them to have approached The Don to do an ad with Sachin.

OK, so Kapil said Sachin should retire from ODI cricket? Big deal. Don’t you, on bad days say that all the time? I do. I want all of them to retire. And then, soon enough I want them to unretire. Retire, unretire, play on, retire, easy as that.

A few minutes back, there was a tweet from the NDTV cricket editor @NikhilNaz “Reports in the Australian media suggest Ricky Ponting likely to announce his retirement from all forms of the game tomorrow.”

To which I asked - But why is Ponting retiring from all forms, Kapil Dev hasn't even asked him to retire from ODIs?

I’ve been laughing all day, and many days before today about Ponting. And that, at least for me, is how I define my relationship with many of these cricketers who I feel I know on first name basis.

And yet I prefer not to know them personally, I’m good knowing their cricket, their idiosyncrasies, and what I make of them, and that can be, in a warped way, quite personal.

Most of these guys on the verge of retiring are younger than me, by a year or two, a few months, that kind of thing. So there’s this warped kid-brother angle I have worked out in my head.

So when I read Nikhil’s tweet, it wasn’t so funny anymore. And it wasn’t as if I didn’t know, but for it to be mentioned in print, that defined it.

So I got thinking and tweeted - Ponting tomorrow, the others follow soon - they're talking about my generation. so schizo about these retirements. deep down we want them all to play on so we can go on about the retirements.

But that’s enough serious, here are some @BoredCricket tweets about Kapil Dev saying that Sachin should have retired after the World Cup/ and he should retire immediately -

Doubt Sachin will ever find the words to reply to Kapil Dev. Uska toh jawab nahin!

Sachin's shoe-shiner: How dare Kapil Dev ask Sachin sir to hang his boots.

The BCCI has taken many ICL players back into the fold. Time they extended that generosity to Kapil Dev.

Think twice before you push for Tendulkar's retirement. When it comes to pass, where will you get your 15 minutes of fame from?

"Kapil Dev should announce his retirement with retrospective effect immediately after the 1983 World Cup" – signed, hard core Sachin Tendulkar fans

Read more...

Return

Ricky Ponting's reaction on being dropped:

Oh right, and there's this song Ponting sang too: This is not my swan song

@BoredCricket tweets on Ponting -

"When Ricky Ponting couldn't even score against the Indian bowling esp Vinay Kumar, we knew it was time for him to go" - Aussie selector.

Ricky Ponting: I'm being singled out.  Aussie Selector: with scores like 2,1,6, 2, 7...

Ricky Ponting signs IPL contract, Pune Warriors. #EarlyBoredCall

Captains' Chat - MSD: So, wasup Ricky? Ponting: I've been dropped, mate MSD: Oh, I've been banned, yaar

In the light of Ricky Ponting's axing from the Australian one day squad, India offers to give him a champion's farewell.

Mrs Ricky Ponting confesses: "All I said was let's take it one day at a time, and he went red with rage..."

Read more...

Return

Watch Richard Levi's fastest T20 100 (beyond IPL boundaries)

Before MSD's one match suspension, South Africa's Richard Levi suspended disbelief - 100 of nothing (45 balls), 117* of 51, 13 sixes (the most in a T20 innings, wait, isn't that slower than the fastest ODI 100??*) and an IPL contract. Richard Levi will be signed on by the Chennai Super Kings or the Mumbai Indians (or England) or whoever bids more in the tie breaker after both their bids collide at $2 million. Lalit Modi will tweet about how it was fixed and they had already spent their allotted sum on other players in the previous auction, but don't believe everything he tweets or you see on TV.

 @baijunair02 tweeted " Sahara says they want Richard Levi in place of Yuvraj for Pune Warriors or they will pullout again... "

*Yeah it is. The fastest ODI 100 is by a T20 player, Afridi, of 37 deliveries. The 2nd fastest is by a D/L-phobic player, Boucher, of 44 balls. Ha! the 3rd fastest is by one obscure, BC Lara of 45 balls. So take that T20, ODI's just did you in. The 4th fastest is once again by Afridi, again of 45 balls.

Thanks to Alternative Cricket for the video

Some @BoredCricket tweets from the India vs Aus ODI, 19th Feb, 2011

3rd umpire ki aankh nahin, button hai
Much like some cockroaches, Michael Hussey will survive a nuclear holocaust.
That takes care of MSD's post-match conference - "You can't drop so many catches and afford to win matches..."

India for Hussey Ad slogan: Make it Largesse
Why not just keep the drinks' boy on the field. He's doing way to much running going on and off the field every 2 mts.
 Hussey Dismissed: Surely an appeal to the UN, American Peace Keeping Forces, and Sanctions on India must be underway

Vinay Kumar can be so soft spoken with his bowling.
After this over, the groundmen will be called to collect pieces of Vinay Kumar, scattered across the ground

At innings' close - Bonus point for Australia #EarlyBoredCall.
A very tough one: what do you call a poor man's Vinay Kumar?
 Going by rotation (and injuries) for the next ODI, Sehwag, Sachin and Gambhir will all be rested.
Australia vs REST of India.

Replay: For Parthiv Patel to play a game, triple rotation will have to kick in: Rest an opener, rest wicketkeeper, rest captain
India has regained Test-status-form.

Politically correct tweets on Sachin's predicament doing the rounds
OK, enough, @tiwarymanoj kindly pad up for the next game, and the one after that.

Elsewhere some guy called Richard Levi has scored the fastestT20100 off 45 balls. India has 29/3 of 54.
There are hit the deck bowlers but these Aussies are more like hit-the-Indians bowlers.

The selectors didn't do VVS Laxman any favors, they just saved Rohit Sharma's career by not playing him in the Tests down under.
Taking their cue from Mumbai Indians and Pune Warriors, BCCI requests for 5 foreigners to be allowed in the Indian playing eleven.

Read more...

Return

Andrew Symonds retires from all forms of fishing.

Here’s to Symonds, the original cricket liquor baron. The father of Keiron Pollard, countless T20 beasties, and I dunno-what-I-did-last-minute.

Some reactions on his retirement:

Bhajji - "we have both put our differences and cricket behind"   

Read as – “I’m not responsible”

Sachin – “No, I didn’t hear…oh, has he retired?” 

Read as – “I’m not responsible”

Clarke – “We had some good times…”  

Read as – “I’m not responsible”

Booze  – “he says he told me when we went out drinking, but it was me who told him when we went out drinking” 

Read as “I’m responsible”

I don’t know, and I don’t really care why Symonds has retired now. For me, something in him snapped after that run in with his one-time buddy. Maybe Clarke was just there, wrong place, wrong time. If it wasn’t Clarke, it would have been someone else. Bhajji made it easier, for Symonds to find a blame-target. It wasn’t about what Bhajji said, Symonds was eagerly waiting on the edge; finally a word pushed him over.

Then the alleged injustice that followed pushed him further. Sachin’s word against his.

It’s a shame, not today, but when his demons won over his cricket.

Symonds was a crazy. After years of dull-head cricketers, here he was, the great comic book cricketer. When Ponting spoke in a post match, I yelled a verbal streak – “Bring back Symonds”

Aussies, Indians, Swiss, they all stared at me like I was some kind of crazy. That was Symonds for me, unpredictable enough, to unsettle me, to unsettle them, even when he wasn't playing.

He wasn't about numbers, averages, runs, scores, he was about unsettling. The key to doggy-style the bowling, Richards had it, Viru had it, Roy had it.

What next, a Gibbs’ retirement? Yeah, take his drinking buddy while you’re at it.  

Tweets @BoredCricket

Andrew Symonds will join us for a drink and chat later tonight. OK, maybe just a drink.

Andrew Symonds retired because he was off-stumping outside fish.
Not being able to drink during matches real reason for retirement - Andrew Symonds
Happy Hour 4+4 at Andrew Symond's local pub
Like all Geminis, there were two sides to Symonds: drunk and wasted

Thanks Roy, cricket will be much too sober without you. 

Read more...

Return

Shahrukh Khan will dance at Sahara weddings for generations to come (price of BCCI-Sahara peace)

It was never going to be about sorry or money, but something the Sahara clan can’t get enough of: star power. In 2006, Saharashri signed on Anna Kournikova, Boris Becker, Nadia “10” Comaneci. Before that he coughed up $128 million for the wedding of his two kids, invited 11,000 guests and your mother too.

Somewhere Sourav Ganguly linked up stardom, sports and weddings – his winning proposal to the Saharas, if SRK is so damn keen to dance for the BCCI, why not make him dance for you too? Translated from the Bengali – if SRK wants to negotiate on the BCCI’s behalf, make him dance for you.

Sourav and SRK go back some way, mostly 'my way or the highway'. What better than to make SRK dance; the Saharas pounced on the idea. He may not be Salman, but he’s still SRK. And he likes doing weddings.

Sourav sweetened the deal for both Sahara and himself: Make him dance for the next four generations of Sahara weddings, let me choose the dance mixes.

SRK who’s known to be fiercely loyal to his KKR franchise agreed on the condition that Dada dances with him to Korbo Lorbo Jeetbe Ro. 

Dada who has a poor dancing record, last seen with Hrithik Roshan in the Hero ad, blurted out, “who me??”

Read more...

Return

Afghanistan Cricket Training Camp

Read more...

Return

Dhanush's new Sachin song. (and my old Sachin song)

Dhanush's new Sachin song

My old Sachin song -

 

STORM AND SACHIN

There was Jaddu and Azah

There was Waugh and Warnie

There was you and me

There was storm and Sachin

Blowing through our heart

What’s the score? We want an encore!

What’s the score? We want an encore!

There is Punter and Pigeon

There is Veeru and Yuvi

There is you and me

There is storm and Sachin

Blowing through our heart

What’s the score? We want an encore!

What’s the score? We want an encore!

There was dust and drives

There is rain and runs

There was you and me

There is storm and Sachin

Blowing through our heart

What’s the score? We want an encore!

What’s the score? We want an encore!

There was 143 and 141

There is No. 14 and 40

There was you and me

There is storm and Sachin

Blowing through our heart

What’s the score? We want an encore!

What’s the score? We want an encore!

There is storm and Sachin

Blowing through our heart

…Through our world

…Our heart, our world…

 written on 18th Sept. 2006

Boost booked Dhanush.That leaves us with either Horlicks or Bournvita.... 

Read more...

Return