How the Pope took on the BCCI...and lost

A security breach into the Vatican’s email systems has uncovered a trail of communication, amounting to thousands of emails between members at the highest offices of both institutions; including Lalit Modi.

It is incomprehensible why a relationship would even exist between the two institutions; each commanding the following of over a billion people world wide; mostly distinct; in matters relating to God. However, it is now quite evident that the Pope had tried to take on the BCCI…..and lost.

Emails exchanged as recently as early this week reveal how miffed the BCCI was with the Pope’s use of words announcing his resignation.

“After having repeatedly examined my conscience before God, I have come to the certainty that my strengths, due to an advanced age, are no longer suited to an adequate exercise of the Petrine ministry”

Emails sent to the Vatican office’s email address from a BCCI email address, confirm that the BCCI believes the Pope used his resignation to take a dig at Sachin Tendulkar.

“We had instructed you to keep Sachin out of this” 

reads one of the emails sent after the Pope’s resignation.

When asked for a reaction to the Pope’s words and whether he felt it was a “dig” at him, the ever humble Sachin Tendulkar flatly denied having ever “examined” the Pope’s conscience. “I don’t tell anyone when to resign” is all Sachin was willing to say on this, reaching deep within his humble self to carefully construct the most humble set of words that can be humbly uttered by the humblest of beings, firmly grounded in his humble achievements in the most humble fashion. 

Communication between the two institutions started on a contentious note to begin with; when India decided to elevate Sachin to God-hood; and have deteriorated ever since. It was an elevation that left the Vatican in a position of “spiritual insecurity” as per an email from the Pope’s own offices.

“We can offer Sachin saint hood but he cannot be God” is what the email said.

Legal advice to the BCCI at the time, was in favor of the BCCI forging a working relationship with the Vatican in order to escape the tax bills that were anticipated. However, when the Church realized that the BCCI stands to gain financially if they were to grant Sachin sainthood, based on his miracles in the cricket field, the Vatican had demanded that the BCCI grant the rights to the IPL Kochi franchise, in exchange

The real reason behind the scrapping of the IPL Kochi franchise is now apparent. Even after the BCCI refused the deal, they believed that the Church was secretly funding the franchise and benefiting from it. So the BCCI had moved fast to cancel the franchise.

In several subsequent emails the Vatican has tried to find common ground, with one email going so far as to equate the BCCI’s “admirable” stance against the DRS to its own stance on contraception.

“The DRS is the contraception of cricket. Given your admirable stance on this subject, we find reason to believe that the Holy Spirit intends that the Church and the BCCI find a way to work together and heal the world from suffering”

Growing increasingly uncomfortable with the Vatican’s advances for another IPL franchise insisting that…

“Lalit had promised us a franchise. Email Attached"

…the BCCI raised the stakes by threatening to go public with the relationship, the Church's demands for an IPL franchise and its challenge to Sachin's God-hood. This was the last thing the Pope wanted. He could survive scandals involving alleged cover-up of child abuse, but the Pope did not believe he could survive the scandal that might erupt when the public learns of his unhappiness over Sachin’s God-hood.

When the BCCI got a whiff that the Pope might indeed retire, they were forceful in ensuring that the Pope "resigns" and not "retires". While Vatican agreed that the Pope would indeed "resign", they were still unwilling to share the final copy of the Pope's speech.

"We do not wish that your retirement in any way draws attention to Sachin's non-retirement. Best you resign" 

This was the only course left open to him by the BCCI; but not before he could take a dig at Sachin Tendulkar.

Disclaimer: Yeah! you guessed it. This didn't actually happen like that. Work of pure fiction; that's what this is.

- By Golandaaz - Blogs @ Opinions on Cricket, Follow Tweets @Oponcr, Facebook likes @ Opinions Facebook page