A piece of Pant.

When Rishabh came home to the Kotla 

At some point, during the one-sided DC vs GT match, when you turn towards the balcony of the Hospitality enclosure, you’re stuck – like everyone else. Rishabh Pant is in the house. 

And it appears, all eyes are looking up at him. There is awe in these eyes. There is a deep desire in these eyes – to engage, touch, and be one with Pant.

An extension of these eyes are the phones. They share the same desire as the eyes. Mostly these are fully grown men who have shrunk both in age and behaviour. Some are addressing him as Rishabh, some as sir, some as you; they are wishing him well, and asking the same questions, “When will you be back, sir?” “How’re you feeling, Rishabh?” “Come back soon, Rishabh!” “We miss you!” Pant is in a gold tinted Ray Bans, t-shirt and shorts, with a brace on one knee, standing as a King does, or the Pope, on a balcony, addressing his loyal subjects. 

I’m walking towards these camera eyes that are flashing at Rishabh Pant. I cannot bring myself to pull my phone out. It seems too commonplace an act. I look at him and feel a deep sadness for the boy. The questions keep coming at him. Pant keeps replying, he even puts a vague timeline for his return in months. His strapped fingers though have no answers and pretty much have that, ‘Upar wallah jane’ gesture.

Alongside Pant is the DC owner, Parth Jindal, beaming. There are others alongside, also beaming. There is a match on but Pant is the catch of the day. And his proud sponsors are the Delhi Capitals. 

By now the officials are appearing and by Pant’s side. BCCI VP, Rajiv Shukla pulls Pant’s cheeks. BCCI secretary, Jay Shah is by Pant’s side. Everyone is talking animatedly to Pant. 

By the look of it, this makes for more compelling viewing than DC’s humdrum batting. The match producers have honed in on this fact – the telecast seems to cut to Pant on the balcony more often than to the ads in between overs. 

While watching from behind the third-man boundary, it isn’t uncommon to see heads pop up in Pant’s direction – as if to make sure, he’s still there. Pant is. He is there for the full duration of the match, a little much to endure while going through an arduous rehab – arduous more so because of the spineless DC display. 

But Pant appears to be in fine spirits. He seems to be chirping as much as he does from behind the stumps. When that familiar voice answers familiar questions, it’s as if he never left the sport. And is just doing another post-match. 

While this was Pant’s first appearance at a match after his accident, this does beg the question – how much should he be put through? Was this appearance in consultation with the medics? Does this aid or harm his rehab? 

As David Miller rips into the DC bowling, and the crowds start to pull away, they are slowed down – that one last look at Rishabh Pant for the night. He was there. As were we. 

Somewhere there, every cricket fan present was probably thankful to see him. 

Even though the accident occurred a little more than four months back, seeing Pant in the flesh, makes its devastating impact on the boy and his cricket, far more real. Aided by crutches for support, the somersaulting, singing “Spiderman” seems a far cry away. 

With Pant, probably even more than with most in cricket, nothing is a given. Not how he will play the first ball he takes a strike to, not how he will reply when asked a question. Yet that evening, Pant was far more predictable. While everyone wanted a piece of Pant, the cricketer himself, seemed to want a piece of everyone. 

But then, isn’t that what draws a performer such as Pant? The extrovert had finally come to his home away from home, the Kotla grounds.

First published at cricket.com here 

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Indian Fatigue League?

Compare India’s love-hate relationship with cricket to Arnab’s debates on Arnab’s debate.

Disclaimer: As @boredcricket , I did not sponsor this debate with #BoredWithCricket as the theme - come in after 13 mts and 45 mts.

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Can Dhoni own the IPL again?

This IPL Season 10, the Rising Pune Supergiants haven’t turned up. After last season’s dismal finish, they’ve now returned as the Supergiant. While most teams tend to be plural in their branding (Daredevils, Knightriders, Sunrisers), Pune for reasons best known to them, have decided to drop all illusions of being called a team – probably because they aren’t one.

In addition to the changed name was a change in captaincy - Steve Smith for MS Dhoni. If that was done to make news, it served its purpose – but the Pune owners refused to tread softly, and cited cricketing reasons for the same. All hell broke loose, sensational media thought it unacceptable, citing treason, calling a spade a spade in the IPL was just not on.

Three games into the IPL, Dhoni has scores of 12*(12), 5(11), 11(14). Pune has lost two of their three games, far from narrowly. Somewhere in between, the franchise owner decided to delve into statistics citing batting strike rates. Leaving little doubt who it was aimed at. With Sanjay Manjrekar in the box, and an owner such as this, Pujara should be pleased he isn’t playing for Pune.

Amidst all this, MS’ missus shared a pic of herself in CSK’s yellows. How opportune. If you have to feed the flames, what better. Perhaps a photograph with Meiyappan and Srini to follow too. But that is nostalgia, and regardless of what happens on the sidelines, this could be a tough season for Dhoni – unsupportive owners, for whatever reasons, might go as far as to rest or even drop Dhoni for the odd match.

Other dynamics aside, even if viewed purely for cricketing reasons, it may not be acceptable in the IPL – for either the broadcasters or the fans. Pune, Dhoni aside, only has Ajinkya Rahane as a regular team India player. But Dhoni is Dhoni, often beyond numbers, stats, strike rates. Much like Sachin Tendulkar in his last season, his presence on the field is more than enough. Much like Tendulkar, even after he retires, his presence in the dugout will be more than enough.

After an indifferent Season 9, Dhoni made his first telling score, 64*(32) in the 53rd match – with a winning six of the last ball of Axar Patel’s 20th over. That one innings was enough for the broadcasters, already there have been replays of it during live matches. Dhoni is part of both Indian cricketing and IPL folklore, nothing he does or doesn’t do will change that. Tinkering with him will only bring on the wrath of fans on the franchise.

In the past, Delhi Daredevils have been indifferent towards iconic players like Sehwag and Gambhir, their chaotic handling of players has led to constant chopping and changing, making one of the most formidable franchises into a joke that repeats itself season after season with a new cast.

While this will be Pune’s last season, going to war with Dhoni, however subtle, will lead to bruised egos and an embattled team – making them look far worse than they are. Empowering Dhoni, however unfathomable it may be to the owners and captain, Steve Smith, could prove to be a decisive move to bring about a change in fortunes: RPS’ best bet could be to promote Dhoni up the batting order – so far he has batted twice at five and once at six.

Recently, Dhoni moved up to number four in ODIs, giving himself far more time to settle down and control the innings. While this could lead to a duplication of roles with Rahane who opens, it will give the broadcasters and fans something to crow about, more air time for MS Dhoni.

The IPL will always throw the odd low-scoring game, and with Dhoni up the order, Pune will enjoy far more control, and who knows, start to win again. In Imran Tahir and Adam Zampa they have two leg spinners who will continue to exert influence throughout the tournament. But for that, they both must be played, regardless of the odd bad game.

While after one week, it looks pretty much down and out for Pune, they need to look at the positives: They beat Mumbai Indians in a high scoring chase with Steve Smith and Dhoni in a supporting role. They ran into Glenn Maxwell in their second game, there’s not much that can be done then. They ran into Chris Morris in their third game, when someone smashes you for 38 off nine balls, you just have to move on.

Whether RPS move on or not, of course, will depend largely on whether the owners and Dhoni can move on. Stranger things have happened in the IPL. When it was all yellow.

First published here

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Why an injured Virat Kohli still has a role to play in the IPL

RCB skipper believes the recently concluded Dharamsala Test strengthened his resolve

Trust Virat Kohli to take a negative situation and turn it on its head into something positively inspirational. Arguably no player likes to be rooted to the dugout while the action pans out in the middle, least of all, Virat Kohli. After a matchless 2016-17 season that spanned every format (including IPL 9), the former RCB captain is set to miss out on the first few weeks of season 10. While the extent of Kohli’s shoulder injury is still murky, there is talk of assessing his condition mid-April to determine his readiness to play.

Kohli though, is having none of this. He has already said he is raring to go – if not in the middle as an opening batsman and captain, then definitely in the middle as the drinks’ boy. Kohli has dismissed age-old beliefs that the 12^th man does not have a role to play – in fact quite the contrary. It is Kohli’s belief that carrying drinks like any other is a skill one that has to be honed over time. “Even though I have very little experience carrying drinks, I’ve been lucky to carry drinks only recently during the grueling last Test in Dharamsala. That experience is sure to hold me in good stead for the initial part of the IPL season. I will look to assert myself with the drinks during all the strategic time outs.”

This may not be a good thing for TV viewers though who will miss out on Kohli charging his mates in the team huddle in the middle – it’s a known fact that the strategic time outs are when the ad breaks kick in during the IPL. Some advertisers are now in talks with broadcasters to shit their ads from the strategic time outs to the actual playing time. A sponsor who wished to remain anonymous stated that it was criminal to place ads when Kohli was making his presence felt. “It will work negatively for our brand, there is no way we can have a positive association if we try and fight Kohli for the limelight. It’s better that we graciously accept that this is Kohli’s time to shine – also it’s just for a few games only”

There are also rumours that when not on the field carrying drinks, Kohli will be swearing from the dugout with choicest of abuses. The captain takes his job as RCB cheerleader very seriously only stopping at not wearing a skirt. “Yes, you have to draw the line somewhere, and while there’s nothing I won’t do to inspire the boys…I won’t do that. I don’t mind doing a little bhangra with the cheerleaders though. But how these girls from Belarus will do the bhangra I can’t say…”

While it’s tough to say how Kohli will shape up in his new avatar, former owner, Vijay Mallya, said he was very buoyant – “As a captain of a team named after a drink, there can be no better association than carrying the drinks. It’s a shame that the IPL after parties were discontinued, if I was there at the IPL, I would’ve pushed for an IPL party during the strategic time outs in the middle – yes, it’s just a few minutes but maybe they can do RC shots or put down a pint in that time” When asked if Mallya wanted the players to dehydrate themselves by consuming alcohol in the middle, he quickly retracted his statement, “of course not, we’re just looking for a little fun and games in the middle…and having a beer is the best form of rehydration…that’s why the Aussies always have a round of beers after a tough day’s play”.

The IPL kicks off on 5^th April, with defending champions Sunrisers Hyderabad taking on last year’s finalists, RCB. As a build-up to the event and his new role, Kohli was spotted in the gym, doing a light routine, instead of dumbbells though, he was lifting energy drink bottles.

(However plausible this may sound, this is largely a work of fiction.)

First published here

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When scorpions fight to the finish

There is much in common between Virat Kohli and David Warner:  Bully openers, closure masters, boss captains. While one had anger management issues, the other continues to fuel his cricket with fury.  Both share the same star sign, Scorpio. Both are in their late 20s, Kohli’s 27, Warner’s 29. Both have the identical top score in T20 internationals, a 90 not out.

Both are full-on Aussie in their approach to sport. Both have curbed their natural T20 instincts, preferring to battle boredom for the team. Both want to win this IPL so bad you can almost taste it on TV. Both have just about done enough to win it on their own. Going into the finals, Kohli has 919 runs, Warner, 779 runs. That’s the top two run scorers this IPL.

Both their cricket journeys have been shaped by Delhi in no small way. While Kohli is from Delhi, Warner’s opening for Delhi Daredevils (under Virender Sehwag) by his own admission, defined his game -

“When I went to Dehli, Sehwag watched me a couple of times and said to me, ‘You’ll be a better Test cricketer than what you will be a Twenty20 player’.”

And can both field. They hurl themselves at the cricket ball as if a magnetic field were pulling them to it. Both did not open in the World T20, but after this IPL, who will stop them?

Tonight, only one will win the IPL.

After winning five back-to-back knock-out matches and making it to the finals, the trophy seems like just another routine chase under lights for Virat Kohli.

Kohli has in his XI, four outright match winners with the bat, Gayle, de Villiers, Watson and himself. Warner has just one: himself. He’s pushed this Sunrisers’ campaign with his bat and his bowlers. 

Even the absence of Ashish Nehra and Mustafizur Rahman hasn’t stopped him.

The IPL finals are at Chinnaswamy. For RCB, it’s not a home game, it’s a backyard game, with friends and extended family - 40,000 chants of R-C-Bee, R-C-Bee will be baying for Warner’s blood.

On 12^th April, when the two played in Bangalore, RCB sucked the Chinnaswamy for all the runs it was worth – 228, beating SRH (Nehra and Mustafizur included) by 45 runs. Warner made a 25 ball 58. For RCB, Kohli 75, de Villiers 82 sealed the deal. When the Sunrisers returned home, they knocked off 194 beating RCB by 15 runs. That man Warner again, a 50 ball 92.  One-all, one to play. 

For RCB, off spinner, Parvez Rasool played both games. He played the last of his four games this season more than three weeks back. Will RCB play him again to counter the two left handers on top? Or will they expect Gayle to bowl with his big bat? Will Kohli risk his left arm spinner, Abdulla against Warner? Or will he go as Raina did with Jadeja against Warner, and not bowl him at all? What about the leg spinner, Yuzvendra Chahal?

What about out of favour Sarfaraz Khan? Has he shed enough weight to be picked? Not only is he an October 27 born like Warner, he tonked a 10 ball 35 when he played the Sunrisers, most of those runs were behind the wicket, scooping, paddling, doing all kinds of horrible things to Bhuvneshwar Kumar. Such was his impact that day, poor Bhuvi all but gave up on bowling yorkers till just the other day. RCB might find more of baby Sachin in Sarfaraz than they will in Sachin Baby. It’ll be a gamble worth taking, negating Bhuvi could be the game. Bad memories do strange things to sportspersons.

The other big call for RCB is gambling with Lokesh Rahul behind the stumps. It could not just cost them runs, it could cost them the trophy. The only way wicketkeeper, Travis Head makes it to the playing XI if Chris Gayle does not.

Chances are RCB will go with their same winning eleven. And a prayer. It’ll be down to Warner to dismiss Warner. And hoping the other left handers, Dhawan and Yuvraj don’t mess up Abdulla and Chahal too badly.  
 
Either way, a loss in the IPL final will not make either a lesser player. A win for Virat Kohli though, will feed the IPL dream like few things can. (Like Dhoni’s used to in his heyday, you remember?) It’ll add yet another chapter to that story he continues to write on the field. Through the covers. And sometimes, even in the dugout when he fails to score.

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How SRK made a cheerleader a tearleader

 As KKR went down to the Sunrisers in the eliminator at Feroze Shah Kotla, something didn't quite seem right: a cheerleader was overcome by emotion, with pearl shaped tears dripping down her beautiful face. At first it was believed she was Russian (or from one of the countries formed from the erstwhile Soviet Union) but reliable sources have revealed she was in fact South African, though possibly of Russian descent.

A drab affair at the Kotla suddenly came alive when Marianne Losetho (name changed for privacy sake) started to weep inconsolably in the last over, about the same time Gautam Gambhir removed his pads. In KKR circles, it is well known that when Gambhir takes his pads off, the fat lady has sung or in this case, it's time for the cheerleader to cry.

Cheerleaders in the IPL are known to be mindlessly mirthful at the worst of times, applauding wickets, even if it is one of their own. And, dancing with gaiety even if their bowlers are flogged for Yes Bank Maximums.

It's believed in spite of the best efforts of the IPL rules committee, they have failed to educate the cheerleaders - most of them are utterly clueless when it comes to cricket, and worse, thoroughly confused between sixes and Yes Bank Maximums.

So even when a cheerleader understands what a six is, she's miffed as to what a Yes Bank Maximum is and vice versa. The rules committee had all but given up on these cheerleaders, content to see them dance no matter what.

Until SRK came to their rescue. Fresh from playing two roles in one movie, the Fan superstar, said he was ready for yet another role. Not as senior or a junior but as the middleman in this case. SRK wanted to train cheerleaders to project their "inner beauty" in a way that would do "the first Miss Universe Sushi Sen proud".

SRK at his compelling best as always, impressed upon the IPL head honchos when he said, "It's 20 years since Sushi won the Miss Universe crown... today still everybody loves Sushi... and I don't mean those Japanese rolls, Sushi... I mean... of course you kkkknow what I-I-I mean... how did she win it? By being over-the-t-t-top B-B-Bollywood... and that's what we must bring to the IPL, gentlemen". Appears SRK addressing them as gentlemen is what swung the deal.

SRK took under his wing two KKR cheerleaders to start with. He trained them in the art of hamming and extending their arm skywards. At the same time, he also tutored them in SRK's Importance of Being Earnest School of Acting - one that harks back to films like Swades andChak De! India. He then merged the two approaches of OTP and Earnest and gave us the new SRK Formula.

The results were for all to see when the cheerleader wept inconsolably yet not letting go of her sexy persona. Even Marianne's partner in crime, Dianne Dreushantsk (name changed) was quite overcome with emotion, though playing second fiddle - SRK had tutored her quite well in the "sidekick sad sis" role that plays the supporting artist.

"The lead will be the tearjerker, the support cast is there to hold and console the inconsolable one", the actor explained quite overcome by the magic of his craft.

Even though his team had been knocked out of the IPL, he said, he was happy with the acting that went into the emotion. Not fazed by Gautam Gambhir, SRK said his next big challenge was to make the captain project more emotions. "Gauti gotta understand, he is not playing a deadpan Michael from The Godfather, he gotta ham it, this is the IPL... this is Bollywood... he is SRK's skipper... of course I couldn't do anything with Dada who was a natural non-actor but I have high hopes for Gauti who is the angry not so young man... maybe a French beard like Bachchan uncle will do the trick... but he has such a definite chin..."

(However plausible this may sound, this is largely a work of fiction.)

Hat tip @BollywoodGandu for his tweet.

First published here

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Is Virat making you fall in love again?

Just for the record, Virat Kohli does not open for India in T20s. He opens for RCB in the IPL. He now has four centuries in one season. All while opening. And he isn’t quite done yet.

He’s just warming up with seven stitches in his left hand. How does he do it? He grimaces when he takes a catch. Not when he bats though. Virat Kohli does not captain India in T20s. Does any of this make sense? After this IPL, not really.

Why should Kohli play under Dhoni? What is there for him to learn under Dhoni? If he captains the team in a match that lasts five days, surely being Dhoni’s understudy in a 100-over or 40-over match will not rock his world.

Right now, Kohli is not scoring runs, he’s bossing runs. He’s not captaining a team, he’s bossing a tournament. And RCB, including the world’s best in the format, AB de Villiers, Chris Gayle and Shane Watson are happy to have him as their boss, their supreme leader.

This season, there’s no owner - Virat Kohli owns RCB. He owns the IPL. He owns you and me. He feeds on our energy just as we feed on his. He can be the reason why cricket finds love in India again.

How long will it take for India to recalibrate and embrace the power of Virat Kohli? Not half-heartedly as a Test captain but the boss in all three formats, how long? The longer it takes, the more they’re draining Kohli’s powers. Right now, Indian cricket needs to feed on the Kohli alternate energy plant. And suck it for all its worth.

You can bet, the more he gives Indian cricket, the more energy he’ll regenerate. This is a time for both India and Kohli to go all the way dammit, not tickle each other with some teenage flirtations.

Elsewhere, Dhoni has captained a team fraught with injuries. Not that it has changed Dhoni’s thinking: he has sat back, content to play the last few overs, even promoting Ashwin before himself. For Dhoni, it’s still finding contentment in that last over or hit a last-ball six, and going at a little faster than run-a-ball.

Possibly, the format has overtaken Dhoni, and the wily cricketer that he is, he is not in denial, nor is he trying to fight it. He’s content, playing the game the way he knows it, waiting it out, fighting battles he can win, and white flagging those he can’t.

It’s a good time for Dhoni to reflect on what lies ahead. He still might be India’s best wicketkeeper but is he their best wicketkeeper batsman? What does Dhoni bring to the team if he doesn’t lead it?

Just as Dhoni made a differential between Test cricket and the limited overs format, is it time for MS to take a call between ODIs and T20s? If not as a player, then at least as a captain?

Dhoni would know, better than most, that Indian cricket is not set in cement any longer. 

 And all the cheerleaders sing Vir-at!

But since when did cheerleaders start to sing?

And the soundtrack of the match goes Vir-at!

But since when did matches have soundtracks?

And all those lofty politicians in their VIP boxes chirp Vir-at

Hey, this doesn’t make any sense

But then neither does Vir-at

The IPL was forlorn and forgotten

Limping on a broken crutch

Of those same old voices

Of those same old noises

It didn’t stand a chance

RCB didn’t stand a chance

It all was such a f**king nuisance

Oh yeah, a terrible, terrible nuisance

Of injuries and perjuries

The Supreme Court was still breathing down hard

The only buzz was Big B and Bhogle

And Dhoni had nothing to add

On Twitter, or on the cricket field

It was IPL season 9

Nothing quite appeared fine

Virat scored his first T20 hundred

In a losing cause

Nobody as much as paused

The Sachin comparisons were out

Hell, he even got there on the last ball

Next time he didn’t wait so long

He got there a full over before

First one was with a four

Here he hit a six

To reach his three- digit score

In a winning cause

Another six, another century

In a winning cause

Nobody as much as paused

Fourth one was the fastest

T20 shrunk in size

Yet he seized his prize

Another four, another century

In a winning cause

Nobody as much as paused

Except for the rain

It stopped.

For Vir-at to start

Go bang, bang, bang

And once he was done

And the match was all but stitched up

It started to rain again

It’s a new start of Vir-at’s reign

And if you refuse to see it

You are blind

And if you refuse to see it

You have lost your mind.

And all of Bangalore sings Vir-at

And all of India sings Vir-at

Vir-at has won the IPL

Without even making the playoffs

It was IPL season 9

Everything appeared f-i-n-e.

It’s just that it wasn’t

Old chiefs can be so stubborn

When they want to hang on to what they’ve lost

When all they’ve lost is all that they’ve won,

Once upon a time. 

First published here

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