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Date - 9th Dec 2010
Setting - Aussies selector meeting
Minutes:
Selector 1 - Mate, we are gathered here to mourn the untimely demise of Aus...
Selector 2 (interrupting) - Not yet. We still have 3 more to go. However, considering our form, you may need to wait just 1 more test (winks)..
Selector 1 - The player form or ours (winks back)
Guru G - Stop counting chickens before they hatch. We need to discover the diamond in our boys.
Selector 1 - I told you before, oh fingered one, lay off the big words. No cameras here.
Note - The selectors have no idea they are being Radiaed. (For international viewers - Assanged)
Selector 1 - Right, whom do we throw out?
Selector 2 - Bollie. I am worried he will tear out his hair after seeing the crap performance of his mates. We shall get back Mitch. He has already suffered permanent brain damage what with his radar, mum, chick and excess tattoos. Will not make a difference to him.
Selector 1 - Xavier too needs to go. He has had his chance and played his role perfectly.
Selector 2 - He did get KP. Though it would have been good if he had got him some 180 runs before.
Selector 1 - Whom do we now give a chance?
Selector 2 - Hauritz?
Selector 1 - White does not fancy bowling spin much anymore. And he ain't left arm slow.
Selector 2 - Hauritz?
Selector 1 - Kreztja? I cannot even pronounce his name. And he ain't left arm slow.
Selector 2 - Hauritz?
Selector 1 - Grimmett - He is dead. Even then, he ain't left arm slow.
Selector 2 - Hauritz?
Guru G - We need to think beyond left armers. I say let us bring on Trevor...
Selector 1 - Underarm is banned mate.
Guru G - Ohh sorry
Selector 2 - Hauritz? HAURITZ - Nathan "motherf***ing Hauritz??
Selector - It is decided then. There ain't any spinner of note remaining in Australia. We need to bring back Warne.
Guru G - Warney shall play only when he is allowed to wear pansy blue shit, bowl only 4 overs a day, get a chance to flirt with cheerleaders and CA chiefs and apply Moove to his creaking joints and muscles.
Selector 1 - We have a problem.
Selector 2 - H.....never mind.
Guru G - This is too much. I need a beer.
Selector 1 - Great thinking Guru G. Get me Beer.
Selector 2 - (shoots himself).
The curious case of Beer
Bored Game: IPL Fantasy League Update
A couple of one-sided games tonight but I'll take them. Good to see Kolkata lose and Delhi continue their dream run. One thing is clear though: Cheeka would make a terrible fantasy cricket player. Probably worse than me. I bet we could find five guys in our league who would do a better job than our selectors. Speaking of the league, Adtiya from forwardshortleg has clawed his way to the top. ABVan loses a place but he's close enough, as is Sid. It looks like a fight between these three unless someone makes an inspired pick.
There is only one game tomorrow with Deccan taking on Rajasthan in Nagpur. Watson had a terrific start with the bat last game and expect him to kick on. Deccan are likely to make a couple of changes to arrest their three-game losing streak.
Fastest off spinner, straight from his mouth this time…
But former coach Madan Lal termed it as a backward move and said the place could have gone to Yuvraj Singh.
"I think it is a backward step. Not that he's a bad player but everyone has a time and many new players are waiting for their chance. But this selection committee has taken this stance," Madan said.
Asked if it indicated that the stage was being set for his formal exit, Madan Lal said "you make a team to win matches and not for planning people's farewell".
Madan felt instead Yuvraj could have been drafted into the team. "Yuvraj would have been the best candidate in his place".
Source: NDTV
I hope and pray Madan Lal doesn't have Alzheimer's or something. Even my 3 year old would loudly proclaim that Mr Yuvraj Singh is not cut out for test cricket, that is what the numbers and his present form say.
The only other explanation one could think of is, may be Madan Lal has very astutely figured that Yuvraj, considering his attitude and cricketing abilities is probably in the last leg of his India career. And therefore his next stop would be ICL, the place where Madan Lal belongs to now. Yet another recruitment through him (may be he gets a commission per recruitment!!)…
Whatever it is… one should acknowledge the fact that while Madan Lal might age, his deceptive, fastish offspinners never. They have not even slowed a yard.
BCCI is paying the selectors… Huzaa!! ICL is happy
It seems BCCI has decided that paying the selectors means that a good team (without any bias… what an oxymoron!!) would be selected. And the ICL is happy about this development. No, not because BCCI is paying the selectors. It is because Mr. Krish Srikanth is going to be the chief of selectors.
To understand their happiness we need to rewind a bit and go to the first match (league stage) Chennai Superkings played Rajasthan Royals in IPL. Krish Srikanth was then a star commentator cum a mascot for the Chennai team. Sohail Tanveer, the Pakistani pacer was in the middle of a brilliant spell and so was Srikanth, in the middle of a free flowing commentary session.
Srikanth was so enchanted by Tanveer that he said "Tanveer Jabbar, what a brilliant bowler he is…" Little did Srikanth or for that matter anybody in the commentary team notice this. Perhaps they didn't know who Tanveer Jabbar is. He was a batsman who represented Tamil Nadu in Ranji Trophy in the 90's and the son of Abdul Jabbar who might have played alongside Srikanth, for Tamil Nadu during the 80's. Most of us would have missed this faux pas, but I am sure everyone would agree that our man is bad when it comes to remembering (right) names or putting forth his point of view. And that too when occasion demands.
And yes… I know you guys would have guessed it right as to why ICL is happy with this development. For those who didn't get it… Imagine Srikanth reading a team out like this…
"and T P Singh, Kiran Powar and whaadoucal*… Rajagopalan Satish complete the 15 member squad. The last three are in due to their splendid performance in domestic cricket". I am sure Pawar and Modi have other ideas, they might probably have found a voice over artist to speak (announce the names) out while Srikanth mimes in the background after the selection meetings.
What a performance that would be…
On a completely different note, right from when I was a child I have always been fascinated by this adage "Throw peanuts, get monkeys!!" I realized that there is a converse to this adage which is equally striking and true, "Throw bundles of currency to monkeys, they would still wait for the peanuts". I am sure the people in BCCI know this and have factored this when they selected this bunch of wise men to select.
* That is Srikanth's way of recalling something on air... Used freely on men, animals, place & things, it stands for "What you call"!!
PS: From the same IPL match (Raj Vs Chen) here is another gem from the man… Thanks Bhaskar!!
Who needs a kick on the butt?
by Raja Baradwaj
With the Irani Trophy slated for tomorrow and the selection for the Australia Test series to follow, we would have a busy week ahead. All we bored cricket fans would be busy arguing, justifying and as usual accusing & abusing the wise men and their marshal.
To lead us into the debate here are some numbers and also a few pointers, my interpretation of what these numbers mean. To start, these numbers are from cricinfo.
What do we see here?
1. These are statistics taken from the last 25 test matches these guys have played
2. It becomes the last 23 test matches for Yuvraj and the last 21 for Dinesh Kartick
3. We can see the Runs scored, the number of completed innings played for scoring the runs (not outs and didn't bat not included)
4. Also there are the average number of runs scored – In total, in the first innings and in the second innings
5. Another assumption here is that Sachin would be ready and fit for selection by the time the wise men sit
1. If at all someone from the middle order needs to go, it looks like Tendulkar, he has the leanest scorecard at present. And also a very poor second innings track record
2. Kumble scores more runs in his first innings than what Tendulkar makes in his second
3. No difference between the two wicketkeepers analyzed. The max difference we see is that one is called DHONI!!
4. We have a solution for Yuvraj, to be part of the test team. Go learn to keep wickets in tests. Otherwise his average seems lots better when you compare it to the two wicketkeepers. That seems to be the only way he can force his way into the test team.
5. Tendulkar should be given special permission to bat only in the first innings. Kumble could bat for him in the second, he would score more because that innings would be his first and his first innings average is better than Sachin's second
6. We should get the rules changed a bit to play 2 wicketkeepers in a match. Dinesh Kartick should be played in the first and Dhoni should play the second innings
7. Ganguly should be in the team, the numbers say that he is the best middle order batsman we have at present
The Mudi Blues.
(A duet by Sreesanth and Sehwag)
with Kaif as an afterthought
Mudi means hair in Malayalam
I want to pull my hair out
I have no hair to pull out
But I want to pull my hair out
But I have no hair to pull out
Chorus:
Why don’t you sing the Mudi Blues baby!
Why don’t you sing the Mudi Blues baby!
We’ve been down
We’ve been forgotten
We’ve been laughed at
Sree (rap):
OK, maybe that’s just me, that’s how it goes, no worries, no worries, I’ll be B.A.C.K - Back
We’ll be B.A.C.K, Back
We know how to spell
We know how to give the opponents hell
Ha! Ha! We know how to give the opponents hell
Sree (rap)
Me to the batsmen, Viru to the bowlers, and me to the bowlers too, ask Bhajji, hehehe!
Viru (speaks):
On my day I’m unstoppable, when it’s my day nobody can stop me, on my day I’m unstoppable
Sree (Rap):
These selectors can be so fickle - of us they make Chettamanga pickle
These selectors can be so fickle - of us they make Chettamanga pickle
Chorus:
Why don’t you sing the Mudi Blues baby!
Why don’t you sing the Mudi Blues baby!
Kaif: Knock, Knock
S+V: Who’s there?
Kaif: Kaif!
S+V:
You’ve been down
You’ve been forgotten
You’ve been…
Kaif: please let me in
Viru: Phir fielding kaun karega?
Chorus:
Why don’t you sing the Mudi Blues baby!
Why don’t you sing the Mudi Blues baby!
This song title bears only a slight resemblance to the band The Moody Blues, that is both living and dead.
Phir fielding kaun karga - then who the hell will field?
lyrics by Naked Cricket
be selector of this bcci
By straight point
yes this is true...
while o'bcci is looking to appoint paid selectors, we cant let you miss the opportunity here...
before new selectors of money minded, pathetic, unprofessional, bully (add more adjectives of your choice based on which place you are coming from) o'bcci take regime, we at fully transparent...as good as you, BCCI offer you the chance to pick indian test team for coming oz series...
you not only have to select team but provide vision and reason(s) for selecting the player(s) in your team as we said transparency is going to be the prime motto of this BCCI...
We will select the best selectors and publish their team and vision for all to see...
so guys what are you waiting for...now you have the chance to don the selectors cap and do what you couldn't with o'bcci...
have a go...
*thumb rule: avoid being politically correct*
Suggestions requested to fix qualification norms for Indian selectors
by Ottayan
The BCCI working committee meets tomorrow to discuss fresh qualification norms for the new selection (selector's) panel.
In order to make things easier for the BCCI, we request our readers to submit their suggestions.
However, we request our readers to submit genuine suggestions and warn that semi-serious suggestions like banning regional quota will be rejected outright.
To get the ball rolling - here is our first suggestion:
Selectors should necessarily rival Niranjan's Shah's foot-in-the-mouth disease.
Now, go ahead, lose your self-control.
