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Drunk Mad Fast Bowler's Series Review.

by pRAFs

Why before the last match?

Coz, we don't wait for no f**** dead rubber to say what we want.

Obviously i've had a beer or five, well, may be more, to drown away all the f***** visions of the f***** embarrassment. But every time I emptied a glass, visions of Twatson whacking Nehra and co kept flooding back. But this isn't about how drunk I am, but how crap India were. Of course we don't give no credit to the aussies, like every cricket loving Indian worth his salt. Even if they played with a weakened team and pulled a wedgie on us,

The Batting:

Jatman: Putting the phrase Six and out in effect throughout the tournament. But I'm against anything that even remotely connected to Brett Lee's band. Couple of Swashbuckling cameos. Then, when the opposition were looking lost, Jatman loses his wicket. Having an attacking natural game is one thing, but being reckless was what cost you your place in the ODI team a few seasons ago. The world already has one Afridi. If you wanna be the same, learn some useful legspin. the wonky off spin isn't even considered worthy of use by MS.

Sachin: Apart from the Hyderabad Hammering, not much of value. As any self respecting Indian worth his salt, we expected much more. Siddle pretty much had his number during the opening matches But again as any self respecting Indian worth his salt we refuse to see or acknowledge that. But still Thank you Sachin

Gautam Gambhir: Started of looking in orgasm inducing touch, making us question breaking up the Delhi Dostana. But one pull by Ponting into the neck triggered some sorta reaction that made him look completely out of touch. Heck no one even noticed if he was playing.

Yuvraj Singh: Again, one inning of note. Looks to be gorging out on the pies he chucks. Not that I mind, but might be hampering his running between the wickets.

MSD: We think he's first class as a batsman. Not one to please the purists but effective for sure. Won us at least two games. was unlucky on a couple of occasions. The decision to bat first on a fresh wicket in the crunch game might be criticized, but it was up to the batsmen to play out the first few overs. We spare him for now

Virat Kohli: Stop trying to look f***** cool in front of the cam, f******. This isn't a reality show. We're trying to win a f***** match. And for a lad your age, your fielding isn't something to be proud of.

Suresh Raina: Didn't Kirsten Dossier teach you anything. Why go for the customary missionary position like midwicket slog every f***** time. There's a world of unchartered space out there, give the bloody off side a chance. Just because God and Dada are there doesn't mean you'll offend them by hitting a ball there.

Ravindra Jadeja: Not too good under pressure are you kid. For f**** sake man, this is the last time we're telling you, ONLY YOU RUNNING TO THE OTHER END AND BACK WILL NOT EARN US A RUN. THERE'S GOTTA BE TWO PEOPLE TO BE ABLE TO DO IT.

Next time, we show some love to the allrounders, mainly Harbhajan Singh and Praveen Kumar and the so called bowlers. and also outstanding fielder of the month, Ashish Nehra.

Why next time?

Coz we're too drunk to type any further that's why.

Notice how I keep referring to myself in plural. F***, i've gotta be over the driving limit. Who's driving my bike home?


Nathan said...

"Ravindra Jadeja: Not too good under pressure are you kid. For f**** sake man, this is the last time we're telling you, ONLY YOU RUNNING TO THE OTHER END AND BACK WILL NOT EARN US A RUN. THERE'S GOTTA BE TWO PEOPLE TO BE ABLE TO DO IT."

Thats just hilarious :D

Definitely spare Dhoni on that last coin toss, I don't think anyone could have predicted how that pitch was gonna go. Using nine bowlers in that match deserves a question mark, though...

straight point said...

ranting at its best... :)

Gaurav Sethi said...

Yeah Prafs, if they ever make a film on you, they call it Rant Man.

pRAFs said...

may be kirsten should have had a bowl too. 10 bowlers has a nice ring to it.

about time, someone gave the boys a dressing down.


achettup said...

I'm with SP, best rant! Only thing I can add is
"What is that, "to play us out", what does that even mean? F*** IT! F***ING THING SUCKS!"

pRAFs said...

It f**** sucks, why don't these wa****, just put their tails between their a**** and get the ***** lost. ....
there, see ... feel better now.