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MasterBlasterman begins…..

by Rohit

It was a fine summer night in Gothamnagar, an anonymous city ensconced somewhere in the hazy outskirts of Maharashtra. The calm was deceptive, for this was not a city devoid of crime. If anything, it bustled with crooks waiting to make an easy rupee or two. However, standing in their path was the city’s greatest ever superhero, the ‘MasterBlasterman’, a masked vigilante whose mere mention brought criminals to their knees. Although not physically intimidating at five foot four inches with tousled curly hair, he nevertheless carried with him a heavy cricket bat to administer punishment with. People adored and even his critics admitted that he was consistent.

However all was not well with our superhero. For twenty years he’d carried the town’s expectations on his own back, intercepting crime at will and thrashing the thugs without mercy. Now, finally, the age was showing. He even had to start using a lighter bat for it was getting too heavy for him. People, who saw him bash criminals, said he did not look the Blasterman of old. His aggression was waning, others opined.

Finally he had had to take an apprentice, Jatman, a village bumpkin who did not know when to stop swinging his bat and didn’t move his feet enough while at it. He only picked him because many felt they looked similar and now with his sidekick losing hair, even that didn’t hold true. But I digress here. Let’s cut back to the chase.

It was a fine summer night. The city’s most feted superhero was looking at his Bat-Light, which was basically a bat with two neon lights on it, one red and one green.

‘How does that work?’ asked Jatman, much to the Master Blaster’s annoyance. He replied tersely, ‘If it glows red, it means we’re out and we have to go. We wait until then’

‘Why do you call yourself ‘MasterBlasterman’?’ asked the ever inquisitive Jatman. ‘Well, ideally I would have liked to call myself Batman’ he said swishing his bat about, making the ‘Adidas’ logo glimmer in the dark. ‘But that didn’t work out because there was already a superhero of that name.’

‘Aila!!’ exclaimed Jatman, only to be given a hard stare by our superhero.

‘How many times have I told you not to mimic me? Remember that time you stole the paint thinner for my Bat-suit, assuming it to be ‘branded shampoo’? Look where that got you…’

Jatman rubbed his bald pate self consciously with a rueful look on his face.

Suddenly the red light went off on the radar. ‘A crime is taking place somewhere and we must stop it! To the Batmobile!’ exclaimed the superhero. Jatman whipped out his cell phone and started calling his mother.

‘Not that mobile, you dodo! The Batmobile!’ he said pointing to a black coloured Ferrari 360.

‘Ohh, Sorry, Rim to Rim free, what to do?’ explained Jatman apologetically much to our hero’s consternation who muttered some choice Marathi invective under his breath.

Nevertheless, they reached the scene of crime without any further misadventure. As Blaster-man parked the Ferrari next to the kerb, they could make out two shadowy figures in front of the local SBI branch. ‘Hmm, as I suspected. Local criminals. That’s RP and PK robbing the bank!’ explained the Master to Jatman. ‘They’re not half the size of the criminals you see abroad…’ ‘Not half as quick either’ he added as an afterthought. ‘Let’s get them early before they settle!’ announced our hero.

As the duo surreptitiously sneaked up to the robbers, a third conspirator ran up from behind and nicked the Blaster-man’s bat from his hands and promptly started doing a break dance in celebration.

Freesanth!’ exclaimed the Master. ‘When did this guy get back? It was a setup!!’ RP and PK were grinning maliciously as well. ‘No problem’ said Jatman and proceeded to bash the daylights out of the trio, leaving Freesanth in tears.

‘How did you do that?’ asked our superhero. ‘Oh. It was a flat deck and these guys weren’t doing much. Plus a clear sky is always good news’ offered Jatman, spouting gibberish.

‘Not important! You saved the day! The good people of Gothamnagar will probably give you one of those giant garish cheques as a token of appreciation! I have like a hundred of those but love getting them anyway…’ reminisced the superhero.

‘On that note, could we change the costumes next time? These skin tight outfits don’t flatter me’ said Jatman, pointing to his paunch.

But our superhero was busy readying himself for the camera crews. He was rehearsing under his breath, ‘We did well as a team…..’


Anonymous said...

well done, a very well articulated dig at sachin!! you don't find anything wrong with bhajji and don't see anything rite with sachin.....what's wrong with you?

Rohit said...

However, my intention was not to take a dig at Sachin at all.
About the latter, I'm pretty sure my parents dropped me on my head sometime during my childhood. Maybe that explains it....

Gaurav Sethi said...

Wicked ending, played as a team indeed.

What's the sequel - masterblasterman as the sidekick?

Rohit said...

Working on it! Naa Sachin has to be the two ways about it. A hindi speaking Brett Lee as the Joker, perhaps? His beatific smile suits the part...

Gaurav Sethi said...

Rohit, of course he has to, what was I thinking.

And the joker be Leedger or what

Mahek said...

I think there's room for a villain called the Turbanator. Unlike most characters, he wears his underwear inside his pants to cover his brains.

Rohit said...

Ha ha! I like that one! On being asked what his powers are, he'll just look upwards and pray until Sachin is mysteriously struck by lightning. Then he'll go 'Appealing to the higher powers has always been my strength!'

Rohit said...

@ NC....

I don't think Brett lee could be the sinister Ledger. He seems more of a Jack Nicholson to me.
We'll see....

Mahek said...

Lee is young, blonde and balding. I don't see how he can't be Leedger.

Rohit said...

Ledger's Joker doesn't smile enough.. However my main heel is still likely to be Akhtar as Mr. Sleaze....!