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Strategery Session: How to beat India

by Bored Guest

Every one is doing their part, In hyping India's chances at the world cup. This time even opposing teams have fallen for it.

There are reports emerging of a secret boot camp held in Germany. Exact location, undisclosed.

But Andrew Strauss has defended it.

Yes in the thick of winter. Where all of India's opponents met for a week long bonding session, sharing ideas and performing "strategery" on how to beat the mighty Indians.

Notes from those sessions were leaked. We don't believe Assange was involved.

Scribbled on paper were these notes. An assessment of the Indian team and tips on beating them. We could detect a strong Australian and South African accent.

* Bowling is wafer thin. No cause for alarm. Let Zaheer and Harbie do their things; go after the rest.

* Take away the cause. Give Sachin an honorary world cup.

* ODIs are too complicated for Sehwag's simple mind. Let him self destruct. If he lasts beyond the first 2-3 overs. Slip him your shit bowler. Preferably a spinner.

* Gambhir's sister is delivering a baby. His second cousin's maternal uncle's nephew is turning 16. Then there is the Gambhir family reunion for Holi. Enough reasons for Gambhir to miss games. His body double; Murali Vijay; is not part of the team. India will be in strife.

* Tempt Yuvraj with what life would be without cricket. Show him pictures of retired men and women sitting back and enjoying life. On far away lands. Quaint towns. Pristine beaches.

* Commission a mathematician to find out Pathan's area. Preferably one which does not involve "π". Then bowl to the left of it. And whatever you do don't get him afraid.

* Share with Dhoni some books on process optimization. Let him come to realize how inefficient his own processes are. He will consume himself with irrelevant problems

* Keep mentioning Cheteshwar Pujara and the summer tours of West Indies and England to Suresh Raina

* Invite the entire Chappel clan to watch all of India's games. Keep Greg in the center.

We are waiting to hear from Justin Langer. We are sure he will express his embarrassment.

By Golandaaz
You can read Gol's opinions at his blog, Opinions On Cricket and on twitter,


Gaurav Sethi said...

Welcome on bored, Gol

straight point said...

now this is called 'gol' on first kick... :)

welcome on bored gol...

Golandaaz said...

NC & SP, Thanks!

tracerbullet007 said...