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The truth behind Osama's death

by Golandaaz

So Osama Bin Laden is dead.

We can all rejoice, once President Obama produces a long form of the death certificate, said Donald Trump.

Ever since the first edition, Osama Bin Laden had been hooked on to the IPL. Although he could not stand Danny Morrison and had on more than one occasion communicated his desire to "take out" Laxman Sivaramakrishna to his nearest Al Qaeda cell, he was eventually convinced by some wise men around him to not pick up a fight with Sharad Pawar.

Instead he watched the matches with the sound on mute.

Being a fan of Shahrukh Khan, investing his loyalties with Kolkata seemed very logical and that's what he did. Osama Bin Laden is reported to have danced through the night, when Brendon McCullum blew away a not so royal challenge from Bangalore in the very first IPL game.

But since, Kolkata's floundering campaigns, have been unbearable to watch, he had jotted down in his dairy. His doctors believe that seeing his favorite team lose so often was the main reason for Osama Bin Laden's increasing stress and worsening heart and kidney functions.

After last year's pathetic show by the Knight Riders, his counsel of wise advisers, finally convinced him to stop being loyal to Shah Rukh Khan. While the wise men rejoiced at their influence on the man, what we know from his diary is that it was Shahrukh Khan's "My Name is Khan" that was responsible. "What a dim witted movie...and to think I actually loved Shahrukh Khan" is what he wrote.

Then came the World Cup and the void left behind by Shahrukh Khan was quickly filled by Yuvraj Singh. "They wrote him off, called him names, mocked his injuries but like a true man when his country called on him, he gave them all he had and more", he wrote in his diary.

Choosing to root for Pune was thus only natural. Yesterday evening as he was browsing the Internet, he peeked at the 2011 IPL points table with roughly half the tournament through. He saw Pune was at the bottom. He glanced at the top and found KKR.

"Life is no longer worth living" - As far as we know those were his last words and yes, it was a suicide


Govind Raj said...

Amazing discovery !

Golandaaz said...


Anonymous said...

that was very nice

ankita said...

Absolutely awsome!!!

So what you are saying is this:
"Gambhir took KKR, turned it around and killed Osama"??? :)

Golandaaz said...

chirag, thanks!

ankita, that seems to be the final nail in the coffin, though PWI's role is also very essential

Manish said...

Superb! Im glad that I discovered your website. Ive just read the first piece, on Osama...its hilarious and I plan to come as often as I can.

Manish Kumar