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The untold story of this Virat-Anushka photograph

by Gaurav Sethi

The IPL has achieved lofty, new standards in the 2015 edition. There's also an ACSU (Anti Corruption and Security Unit) in place. Under its watchful gaze, players cannot meet girlfriends during rain-breaks as, technically, the match is still on. It's in violation of the Board of Control for Cricket in India's (BCCI) anti-corruption code. Did you know such a code exists - is there anything else under its purview? Something about bookies and match fixing, but why get into such frivolities when there's a Supreme Court.
The Virat Kohli-Anushka Sharma rendezvous was telecast live. It was on the fringes of the Royal Challengers Bangalore (RCB) dressing room, in the VIP enclosure. By now you know there was a Delhi Daredevils player involved - Yuvraj Singh. What was he doing in enemy territory? Yuvraj, when contacted, said in his fat Punjabi drawl, "DD has been trying to disown me ever since they owned me - my only peace is in another's dressing room, where they value my contribution to DD". When asked about the 16 crore price tag, he agreed it was a tad excessive, but did not want to be quoted on the same. "After the first few games, I really thought they would drop me and let me concentrate on my media commitments, but such was Guru Greg's faith in me, I did not want to sing Faith No More to him".
Asked if players should be allowed to meet their girlfriends during rain interruptions, Yuvraj blurted in no uncertain terms, "It depends on how heavy it's raining...and if the player and his girlfriend are not in see-through clothes and not got getting indecently wet, I think it's kinda OK." Reminded that it breached the rule of the minimum standards for Players and Match Officials Area (PMOA), he seemed disinterested and snapped, "Itni angrezi I dunno (I dunno so much English)". Next, Yograj Singh appeared on the scene, which is when both Yuvraj and the interviewer disappeared. Yograj could be heard laughing about Dhoni's first ball dismissal against Harbhajan Singh (first playoff) and something about how Punjab had prevailed.
Dinesh Karthik, always the other guy, almost went unnoticed in the much publicised Virat-Anushka snap. "I'm quite happy to get some much needed publicity. People have been asking, what are you doing in the RCB dressing room? It's only when I tell them that after Yuvi, I was the most expensive player at Rs 10.5 crore that they either shut up or laugh in disbelief." DK continued to ramble, "Virat and Anushka make such a lovely couple, and it's a shame that Virat has been pulled up for crossing into the VIP enclosure - he straddles both worlds, of an RCB player and a VIP and should be allowed to move freely from one to another. I can still understand if the BCCI had pulled up a commoner like me for being in the VIP enclosure..." DK was left rambling when we spotted Virat and Anushka.
At first, Virat nearly attacked us, mistaking us for a journalist who had caused him grievous harm. Virat explained that he wanted to move on from all the issues that he had so far been unable to move on from - "If you notice, I don't get angry with overseas' players anymore, they are our guests and for us Indians, guests are like God. It's just the Indian players..." he tailed off with a cheeky smile. When asked about the latest incident, he agreed as a captain he had crossed the line but a journalist who had crossed over from the Press Box into the VIP enclosure had instigated him. "Anushka was just wishing me well before I beat the sh*t outta that journalist bastard who wrote filthy scurrilous sh*t about's only because of Anushka's warm embrace and Yuvi and DK's loving looks that I held myself back...otherwise that journalist who distinctly resembled that Hindustan Times journalist would've had hell to pay".
Anushka Sharma sternly said she would not like to comment on anything other than NH10.
(However plausible this might sound, this is a work of fiction.)
First published here

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