"Desperate times call for desperate measures," screamed Ravi Shastri, perched on top of one of the PCA stadium light towers in Mohali. His voice carried to nearby Chandigarh, and up the hills, shaking the quiet of Kasauli. "Pun-jaab has lost too many on the trot to play another IPL team again, they need to look for inspiration within," muttered a visibly frazzled Preity Zinta. She added, "Being bubbly wasn't easy with so many defeats." A manic Sidhu interrupted her - "She was starting to feel flat like bubbly that has lost its bubbliness quotient.
What good is Champania without the Champagne bubbles, she is no better than a beggar without a begging bowl!" Sidhu looked for an imaginary drummer, on not seeing one, he undertook a drum roll with his crooked fingers instead.
Even a normally unperturbed Sanjay Bangar (coach, Kings XI Punjab) claimed his team's IPL drought was beginning to remind him of his worst days when he ran out his captain, the Prince of Calcutta, never to play for India again. “I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat...dreaming I have run out David Miller when he's smashed Ishant Sharma for seven consecutive sixes in an over (two off successive no balls, one for height, the other a front foot no ball)”. “Left needing six from the penultimate delivery of the over” chirped Laxman Sivaramakrishnan. Bangar frowned at Siva and then continued frowning at no one in particular - “I face the last two deliveries and manage just a leg bye to Naman Ojha who even ignores my single and throws the ball in the air, celebrating, further belittling my effort... It later strikes me that I could have run five leg byes and nobody would have noticed but instead I just walk off crestfallen. There is also a vague memory of Preity Zinta beating me up but maybe I was just imagining things.”
Dropped for the last few games, Virender Sehwag says somewhat nonchalantly, "It's bad enough being dropped in the Tests for Murali Vijay and in the ODIs for Rohit Sharma, but now to have some chokra called Manan Vohra take my place is destroying my sense of worth. I have forgotten how to sing at the crease. Luckily, I'm no longer at the crease. But even during my short stint in the nets I was besura...my son says his friends have stopped speaking to him because he is the son of a benched player. I spoke to Preity Zinta, she felt the cause of 'children of benched players' was always close to her heart and that she would put her personal problems aside and speak to her ex-boyfriend about an ex-player. She claimed she was even behind the rehab of another ex-KXIP player - Yuvraj - and that both Yuvi and Viru sound similar to her."
Finally, at an Extraordinary Executive Committee meeting, it was decided that KXIP will play none other than Kings XI Punjab. Not once, but twice. There will be a home game in Mohali and an away game in Pune. A toss of coin will determine which team will be referred to as KXIP and which one will be Kings XI Punjab. Ravi Shastri snapped, "Either way, little Bhajji will be in the house".
If this fails to translate into a win for either KXIP or Kings XI Punjab, it has been learnt that KXIP will rename itself as KXIPD. It was also learnt that the D stands for either Delhi or Daredevils.
(This is a work of fiction. No IPL players were intended to be hurt in its writing.)
First published here