Shane Warne lowered the bar yet again. He lowered his head into a box full of anacondas on the show, "I'm a celebrity... Get me out of here". Warne who likes to catch 'em young, wasn't disappointed - a juvenile anaconda struck a juvenile Warne. Like Warne, the snake wasn't poisonous but extremely foolish. Both desperate enough to take part in a reality show packed with morons.
Warne confessed, he had one regret, "Y'kno I'm a randy guy, was tempted halfway to lower my pants and take a bite between the nuts... in hindsight, can definitely say, I was bitten on the wrong head... just imagine the electricity passing through, the sheer joy... the sheer magic of the moment had I been able to do that... would've been like experiencing the afterlife or finding the answers to the cosmos or something akin to that... but the producers have been quite clear, it's a family programme and there will be no hanky-panky so I just held on to my horses and my pants... haha maybe if there's another kinda show, something with the beautiful and dignified Sunny Leone... who knows what could happen... Never say never is what I like to say".
Shane Warne received medical attention for the bite immediately. The medics refused to attend to Warne's delusionary rambling condition saying it was beyond their grasp. Warne quickly added that he had one more regret, "Really wished there a sexy nurse attending to me instead of this guy (nudge nudge)... you all know how I like them nurses, right?" When a nurse did appear, she was horrified to see the patient was Warne and refused to treat him. She blurted, "With him, you never know where it will go."
Later it was learnt that the juvenile anaconda was spinning in circles, sometimes resembling a never-ending loop of loopy leg breaks, sometimes spitting googlies. The snake was also seen to be extremely promiscuous mixing with just about every other snake in the box. Within a few hours of biting Warne, the snake was showing strong leadership qualities among a bunch of young but talented snakes, somewhat reminiscent of Warne's good work at the Rajasthan Royals (RR) in the Indian Premier League (IPL). But no sooner did the juvenile show these leadership qualities, a less expressive but more disciplined snake took charge of the pit. Could this new leader be the Steve Waugh of snakes?
What will the next episode of the show bring? Juvenile snake and Juvenile Warne united? Will the snake be strong enough for another encounter with Shane Keith Warne? Or will it be his 709th victim?
Warne has also said he is looking forward to renew his challenges with his old friend and foe, Sachin Tendulkar, "I have a totally brilliant idea, imagine being bitten by snakes in America... also gotta name for it, Cricket All-Star Snakes... I know Chris Gayle will be game".
(However plausible this might sound, this is largely a work of fiction.)
First published here