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Showing posts with label Sri Lanka tri series. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sri Lanka tri series. Show all posts
The Night Before (India's nth do or die match)
Kirsten: Boys, we gotta enjoy this – even if it’s a do or die match
MSD: Obviously, there’s no question about that – the boys want to have a fancy dress competition to keep it light. Obviously the theme will be cricket and help in our preparation for the match tomorrow where we take on New Zeal…
Kirsten: Mahi, easy, easy Mahi, this is not a post-match…
Dinesh Karthik aka BossDK enters dressed as the red cheery
Kirsten: DK, DK, DK, when will you get the format right…you gotta be dressed like a white ball
Next, Sehwag enters dressed in his kurta pajama
Kirsten: Viru, what’s the cricket theme…
Sehwag: Of course there has to be a cricket theme…with me the theme is that I can hit them in my sleep…
Everyone cracks up, Sehwag is as deadpan as ever
Next, Jadeja appears, he walks in, walks out, nobody notices, everyone still talking about Viru
MSD: Garry, what about Jadeja…
Kirsten: What about him?
MSD: Obviously we need to comment on his role
Kirsten looks back quizzically, by then Ishant arrives dressed as a spear but the head is missing
Kirsten: Ishant, I get it, you are saying spearhead, but where’s the head…
Ishant: Praveen…
Praveen Kumar appears with just the head
PK: He gave me head…
Everyone cracks up!
And then Yuvi appears, all flash, in shades, twirling his keychain, with the other cool dudes, Rohit Sharma, Viraat Kohli and BossDK in tow
Yuvi: Are we late for the fashion show, guys?
Next are Raina and MSD, both have on them a Harpic bottle and a toilet brush
MSD + Raina: This is to clean their shit.
Quick fix solutions for another do-or-die match
Apply lessons learnt from the IPL, play four foreign players against New Zealand. On such short notice, only the Lankans will be available. If this approach pays off, play four Kiwis in the finals. Rest Nohit Sharma and his entourage. What this team lacks in hair can be made up with Saurabh Tiwary.
Use MSD as a bowler, recycle BossDK as a wicketkeeper. Convince MSD to bat at 3, that’s the only way he’ll believe the conditions are easy and score big runs.
Seeing as both batting first and second have been rough, India must device plans to not bat at all. This may not be easy, explore a first time declaration in a one-day game with the Kiwis. Backlash: The match was fixed.
The Sehwag threat must loom till the very end. To facilitate this, provide false information on the team sheet, and drop Sehwag down the order with every wicket fall. At the same time, to counter any feeling of wellbeing in the Kiwi camp regarding Sehwag’s fitness, ensure he goes through his full fitness regime in full view of the cameras.
Look upbeat throughout the game, nothing irks the Kiwis more than a happy opposition. Lotta banter in Hindi, and random abuse in various regional languages, this will further confuse the black caps.
Use Lankan tactics with the umpires, especially with Dharmasena. Befriend him, speak to him in Sinhalese, and if and when in English, with a strong Lankan accent. BossDK as keeper could wear a Sangakkara mask. Sehwag must continue to hug Rauf.
Play with spongy bat to counter spongy bounce.
Cutting short a game
Clearly, the brothers Pakistan and India have some bloody old feud with cricketing formats. While Pakistan refuses to play out test matches, India has a score to settle with the one day game.
Pakistan gave us 72 and some, India gives you 88. A 50 over game has its pitfalls, one way to counter them is, refuse to play the 50 overs.
India did just that, 29.3 overs, thank you, this is the first game, we’re done. Lalit Modi had an IPL after party lined up at the hotel. And going by India’s show, he had a pre-match party too.
In a way, it’s not such a bad thing really. Why try, when you know defeat is imminent. And nobody wins batting second in Dambulla, at least not India.
The margin of defeat, bonus point, all could knock India out. Again, not such a bad thing really, it’s just another Micromax Cup.
Tony Greg, Russel Arnold, Atul Wassan, Haha Arun Lal, Nohit Sharma, Yuvraj Singh why wouldn’t you want to finish early?
Bored aside: There was something about MSD's runout, reminded me of Afridi's, a while back...just saying.
Anonymous bunch
There are ways to refresh a tri-series in Sri Lanka, they extend beyond resting Bhajji. Rest the whole lot of them. Play an alternate eleven, rekindle some of the Sharjah magic – the Mohinder Amarnath Benefit series.
Hold on to some of Laxman’s form, inject some into Dravid. See if he can make the transition from a T20 kid to a one day player. The test player could be lurking somewhere.
New captain please, pick Virat Kohli – least this way he will play, and not be elbowed out by Nohit and Yuvraj on reputation. It’s impossible to beat these dudes on reputation; unlike the norm with spoilt brats, their fathers go around saying, “oye, tujhe patta nahin mera beta kaun hai?! (you don’t know who my son is).
You know, Parthiv Patel is all grown up and married, and it’s been a long time we abused someone’s keeping other than MS and BossDK’s.
Need another middle order batsman, who better than Manoj Tiwary. Need a weak link, pick Yusuf Pathan. Want a family pack, bargain deal, pick Irfan Pathan too.
One Munaf Patel please. Two Ajit Agarkars (because you never know which one will turn up). Want a spinner – no, we don’t have any, will a slow bowler do? Bring back Murali Kartik; why? Because BossDK can’t make it, and every team must have a Kartik, give or take an h.
Looks like we need another batsman, how about Saurabh Tiwary. MS’ sponsors will be happy, if not Mahi, at least a Mahi clone.
12th Man, Che Pujara. Because no matter what, we must make sure he doesn’t play.
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