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Showing posts with label fans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fans. Show all posts
Like Hardik Pandya, we too should be rested for the Sri Lanka series.
Oh no, not
again, India-Sri Lanka-fication. There’s pollution outside, and if you stay
indoors, turn on the TV to watch this series, there will be pollution inside. No
air purifier will come to your aid. As you watch and inhale the extra-large
pollutants off your extra-large flat screens, you will be numbed into
submission. Just as Sri Lanka is supposed to. Not yet to have won a Test match
in India, the islanders return, because they were asked to, no, commanded to –
and who wouldn’t want to play India in their right financial mind. Bermuda has
been lining up for years after that magnificent slip catch, but they never made
it past that triangle.
What could
sort this repetitive mess, once and for all is if India start to play India –
not like Indian cricketers playing each other in First Class tournaments or
List A matches but proper internationals with two Indias. Anyway, it’s fast
emerging with greater certainty that there are two clear Indias out there. What
could be better than forming two Indias based on players’ political
convictions.
But what
about players who don’t have any political beliefs, and just want to play
cricket? That could be tricky. In such cases, abandon the politics and go for
an outright auction. It will take care of more broadcast rights to be sold, and
even create an opening for many more Indias.
Anything to
do away with these Sri Lanka series really. But what if Lanka were to turn the
tables and become a far more adept team – wouldn’t that be equally unacceptable?
How will we ever forgive our boys for losing to them?
Defeat
could be a far greater threat to our viewing than one-sided wins. Disillusioned
with the national side, we may not just stop watching this bilateral bullshit,
but abandon the team with all our heart.
There is no
solution to this but to not watch at all. To rest ourselves. Yeah, just like
Hardik Pandya has been rested. After being promoted to all positions and
corners of the team, and found wanting every now and then, his workload has been
reassessed, his hair follicles have been processed – and modern BCCI science
has arrived at the perfect solution. In cricket parlance it’s defined as a “Much
needed break”. In common speak it is Chilla-X. Also worth noting as Pandya was
to bring that X-factor. So when you ask the X factor to chill, that’s why it’s
called what it’s called.
But in BCCI
speak, which is fast sounding more like it’s outsourced its PR to Wimbledon,
here’s what’s being said:
"Considering Mr
Pandya's heavy recent workload, the decision was made to negate any possibility
of a major injury concern. Mr Pandya will undergo a period of strength at
conditioning at the National Cricket Academy in Bengaluru."
Oh dear. Mr Pandya did they say? It almost sounds
like they’re saying Game Miss Graf, Miss Graf leads Miss Sabatini by two
games to one, first set. But who does Mr Pandya lead? Who knows, but we sure
could take a lead out of his book – and at the risk of repeating myself, I’ll
say it again, rest ourselves.
We may even add an air of dignity to ourselves.
Catch someone saying, “Mr Sethi has been rested from the series so as to lessen
the viewer’s chance of eye injury. Considering the viewer’s recent writing
load, the decision was made to negate any possibility of a writer’s block. Mr
Sethi will undergo a period of blindfolding at conditioning at the Non-watcher’s
academy at an isolated location. Should he remove the blindfolds, he may see a
TV screen but there will be no cable or dish connection.”
As some major dude once said, “extreme times
require extreme measures”. And it’s not like watching this Sri Lanka series
will land us a Viewing Coach position in the Mumbai Indians’ dugout?
First published here
Bangladesh, who?
What will make India take notice?
For any sporting rivalry to take root, hate between the fans must blossom. Ever since India and Pakistan started to lock horns on a cricket field, theirs was the rivalry to beat. There was enough hatred to feed generations, and whenever it threatened to dry up, fresh blood was spilled off the field to keep it going. Even when India and Pakistan stopped playing each other in bilateral series, the occasional ICC event fed those fiery old flames. Close to seven years ago, even a warm-up match between the two fed those flames. Now it appears the rivalry, if you can call it that, is just between the fans, the matches are one-sided, there is no history between players. Shoaib Akhar laughs with his Indian buddies, season after IPL season in the studio. If anything, former Pakistani players seem more at home sparring with each other; surely you've seen Mohammad Yousuf and Ramiz Raja go at each other like Indians and Pakistanis?
For years, it was as if the Bangladeshi cricket team did not exist. With the West Indies and Sri Lanka falling out of favour, the BCCI's peripheral vision informed it of this upcoming neighbour. They could be a pesky little cricket team, who knows, maybe humour the coffers, adding to the India Victorious packages on Star Sports. There was some vague history too, Bangladesh had done what Pakistan had failed to so far, beaten India in a World Cup match.
Bangladesh’s preoccupation with cutting extended to
a distasteful image of Taskin Ahmed holding aloft MS Dhoni’s severed head. Not
only was the Dhoni haircut outdated, it was a vulgar photoshop by a delusional fan
desperate for his 15 nano-seconds of fame.
What it could do though is let the media create a nagging, new sports rivalry between two neighbours. One that may have little context so far, but could become this little annoyance for India as they start to play each other more often.
But for a cricket rivalry to take shape, there has to be a fear factor on both sides: Just like India dreaded Wasim Akram and Saeed Anwar once upon a time, Bangladesh must find its own anti-heroes for this plot. Time will tell whether, Tamim Iqbal, fresh from parenthood, can sire some spite between these two cricket nations and its people. One that isn’t tinkered around with graphics but across those 22 yards.
For any sporting rivalry to take root, hate between the fans must blossom. Ever since India and Pakistan started to lock horns on a cricket field, theirs was the rivalry to beat. There was enough hatred to feed generations, and whenever it threatened to dry up, fresh blood was spilled off the field to keep it going. Even when India and Pakistan stopped playing each other in bilateral series, the occasional ICC event fed those fiery old flames. Close to seven years ago, even a warm-up match between the two fed those flames. Now it appears the rivalry, if you can call it that, is just between the fans, the matches are one-sided, there is no history between players. Shoaib Akhar laughs with his Indian buddies, season after IPL season in the studio. If anything, former Pakistani players seem more at home sparring with each other; surely you've seen Mohammad Yousuf and Ramiz Raja go at each other like Indians and Pakistanis?
For years, it was as if the Bangladeshi cricket team did not exist. With the West Indies and Sri Lanka falling out of favour, the BCCI's peripheral vision informed it of this upcoming neighbour. They could be a pesky little cricket team, who knows, maybe humour the coffers, adding to the India Victorious packages on Star Sports. There was some vague history too, Bangladesh had done what Pakistan had failed to so far, beaten India in a World Cup match.
Most of Bangladesh believed they should have beaten
India in the 2015 World Cup quarterfinals. Then that dreaded no-ball call
denied them of Rohit Sharma’s wicket. It didn’t even stop ICC CEO Mustafa
Kamal, the ultimate Deshi fan boy, from shooting down the no-ball call. Before
you knew it, fixing allegations were being hurled around. It didn’t go down too
well with the then ICC President, N Srinivasan. One thing led to another,
Kamal’s name was withdrawn from the World Cup Final’s presentation ceremony and
Srinivasan handed the trophy to winning captain, Michael Clarke. Not to be
outdone, Kamal snapped, “I was supposed to present the trophy to the winners
after the Melbourne final. But I couldn’t do that. People with ugly mindset had
no business running the ICC. I’m just sending my resignation to the ICC, for I
was not allowed to work in line with the ICC constitution”.
Before long, Srinivasan was ICC history too. But before
that, India played a three-match ODI series in Bangladesh. 19 year old, Mustafizur
Rahman sliced through India’s batting with 13 wickets. India lost the series
1-2. Bangladeshi daily, Prothom
Alo featured a fake-ad mocking the Indian team with
their heads half shaved by Rahman’s cutters, also his prize delivery. The
banner held by the Indian cricketers read, 'We have used it. You can use it too'.
Surely, Indian fans would answer some of these
puke-bursts but I very much doubt they know the names or faces of any
Bangladeshi cricketers. Not being taken seriously is bad enough, not being
considered, far worse. So while Bangladesh grapples with cricket anonymity,
it’ll take much more than a third-rate photoshop to be taken seriously.
What it could do though is let the media create a nagging, new sports rivalry between two neighbours. One that may have little context so far, but could become this little annoyance for India as they start to play each other more often.
But for a cricket rivalry to take shape, there has to be a fear factor on both sides: Just like India dreaded Wasim Akram and Saeed Anwar once upon a time, Bangladesh must find its own anti-heroes for this plot. Time will tell whether, Tamim Iqbal, fresh from parenthood, can sire some spite between these two cricket nations and its people. One that isn’t tinkered around with graphics but across those 22 yards.
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