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RAZZAQED. (an attempt to unite India and Pakistan over cricket, again)

by Gaurav Sethi

Razzaq’s memories of playing for an Indian League go back to the ICL – he ganged up with himself and took the whole lotta them Lahore Badshahs on. Closer examination will tell you they took him and his entire clan on. They were all on first name basis, teri yeh and teri woh; just shows life can get intimate without Bhajji.

One part of Razzaq knows he doesn’t belong. If I was him, I’d start my own league. He’s too good a cricketer to be wasted daydreaming about playing for someone else’s team. Nobody wants him, not Pak, not IPL, not the Badshah’s, I won’t be surprised if Abdur doesn’t want Razzaq and vice versa. Or is it Abdul doesn’t want Abdur and vice versa?

He really is one of those Lance Klusener types – so damn gifted, he can’t keep it to himself. Poor man ran outta luck a long time ago. He also makes me think of Kaif, Mishra, and Razdan. All cricketers born under a bad sign. Together they should form their own league – The Untouchables. Or what the hell, just Razzaqed.

Last few days, Razzaq was under the impression the IPL wanted him; ask Mishra he will tell you, on good days, he feels India wants him. Kaif, ok, let’s not even go there. And Razdan, he really should’ve played more, would’ve kept him clear of the com box.

Anyway enough clues there, high time we came out with a Razzaqued (or is it Razzaqed?) Eleven – there will be no twelfth man, as all eleven are basically…yeah, right, Razzaq will say, that was below the belt, but who cares – Nobody. Sad but true. All these guys can do is rue. Or form their own Razzaqed XI

1) A Razzaq
2) A Chopra
3) W Jaffer
5) S Badrinath
6) D Karthik
7) M Tiwary
8) A Mishra
9) S Sreesanth
10) ……
11) …..

As for the empty slots, they’re for the super forgotten Razzaqed players – when you touch an all-time low that’s when you’ll connect to the player, like I’m thinking Kaif @ 4. See that’s how it works. You can even make your own eleven. But for that, you must feel suicidal, slightly.

Of course, the Pakistanis may feel a little done in, only Razzaq in this side, but hey, there are still three slots – and you don’t need no Modi or PCB to put your guys in this team. Hell, right now I’m thinking of a Pak player even cricinfo can’t help me on – rumour was he got done in in the Imran Khan years, and he was some batsman…I liked but can't remember him no more.

PS: Notice how my Razzaqed XI has no first names - that's because nobody is on first name basis with them; just the other day I heard somebody call out for Razzaq, you won't believe what they said - AAA Razzaq...


Faran Ghumman said...

u can put imran khan in it as he wasn't selected 4 world xi

Masuud said...

I guess you were referring to Qasim Umar there.

The list would've done well if you had Laxmipathy Balaji in it along with Debashish Mohanty or even Abay Kuruvilla! (I LIKED THEM, let me clear it). Sreesanth just insults this list- he was and never will be destined for good stuff in cricket.

As for Pakistan players you will never find anyone done more injustice than Asim Kamal in recent years. The bloke still wakes up in the morning wondering was he born with the cleanest lady luck curse or what.