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No Need for Two Weeks

by Mahek

Dear Bored Members and the Passionate Followers of IBL,

I do not need two weeks to prepare my defense to the utterly frivolous charges against me. I have conducted the business of the League with utmost integrity and passion. Allow me to reveal the men who tried to bring the game to disrepute.

One of the esteemed Bored Members had a benami stake in Jatman's team. The Bored Member violated the spirit of equal opportunity by only buying players from his country. This league was based on equality, what with each franchise being given $1,000,000 to buy talent. I was offered money and when I declined, was threatened of being removed from my post.

My conscience was clear and I considered it my moral responsibility to move out of my job. At the end of the day, one has to be able to look themselves in the mirror even if they are as ugly as Shilpa Shetty without makeup. Hence, I contacted Bored Member Achettup to take over the reins of the IBL before the start of the next tournament. However, Bored Member Achettup had other commitments. Thankfully, vice-president Aditya stepped forward and showed the IBL is beyond mere personalities. I have full faith in his ability to run it in a smooth and fair manner.

Also, I would like to respond to Shri Thiru Cumaran's allegations of me bribing international players during the New Zealand v/s Australia series.

Mr. Cumaran, I'm afraid you have continued to underperform even after your underwhelming stint with the Indian team. You had accused me of, and I quote,

"He is known to have paid all the NZ and Australia bowlers to bowl tripe for the 2nd T20 to ensure a thriller. He paid extra to the Australia bowlers to ensure that Brendon McCullum made a century."

Allow me to point out to you that the T20 leg of said series was not even considered for scoring points. It was only the ODIs and Test Matches for which the game was active, so clearly your allegations are flawed.

Lastly, I would like to say that I am extremely disappointed by the conduct of everyone concerned. This has been a witch hunt against me and unlike the perpetrators of this hunt I will not lower myself to their level by revealing the names of those behind it. They are naked in public for all of us to see.

Mahek Vyas


Thiru Cumaran said...

In response to the statement made by Shri Mahek Vyas

That document which you claim to have taken from my desk is clearly a forged one.

The actual one is in my hand right now and I quote

The head of the IBL, Mahek, has clearly paid the Australian bowlers to bowl tripe in the second innings . This finding is based on the fact that Brendon McCullum is a lump of shit as correctly mentioned by Shri Andrew Symonds. However, for him to have made a century against Australia, there had to be some dirty work done somewhere.

Also, I do not understand what my stint with the Indian team has to do with this. However, I will reply to that as well.

I, like Aakash Chopra, performed my role of taking the shine off the new ball while Sunil Gavaskar did that as well. However, Mr. Gavaskar proved to be better than me at this job, which resulted in the Indian team often being 2/0 at the end of 30 overs.

However, due to the enormous pressure caused by opposition bowlers who started stabbing themselves in the chest with the stumps (due to both of us not scoring), I was made the scapegoat. I will not blame anyone in particular (especially you), but do not say that I was dropped due to my poor form.

Mahek said...

I haven't claimed to have taken any document from your desk. The point I was making is the match under scrutiny was not part of the IBL and hence your argument that I paid the Australian bowlers to bowl tripe is fallacious as I had nothing to gain from it.

Coming to your cricket, it seems you have forgotten that you played as a bowler and not a batsman.

As you can see, you only batted in 3 of the 8 games you played for India. Clearly, the only way you took shine off the new ball was by getting hit all over the park. Big surprise then that you were dispensed with after just 8 international matches.