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Showing posts with label Achettup. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Achettup. Show all posts

The Finisher

by achettup

Let me take you back in time, almost 10 years ago...
The Kumar-Mahela show has ended, and Sri Lanka have posted a rather daunting 298
It is all the more daunting when Sachin is dismissed by Chaminda Vaas, the score is 7
In walks a slightly different kind of Indian cricketer, 
Shoulder length hair, but powerfully built, and he likes to run hard
He has a casual air about him, unflappable and assured, almost happy-go-lucky
He's shown glimpses of his talent in international cricket, especially at the finish
A brilliant hundred to propel India to 350 against Pakistan
A quickfire 37* to take India home against New Zealand chasing 279 in Harare
A sparkling  67* when India were reduced to 91/5 after 24 overs chasing 250+ 2 days later
And he likes to finish things off in style...
He's already turning heads, in a team that has Sehwag, Sachin, Ganguly, Dravid and Yuvraj at their peak
And now his skipper has thrust him into the spotlight...
And he does what he does best... delivers with no fuss... 
Its almost anticlimactic, its raining sixes in Jaipur, but you feel like you're always in the eye of a hurricane
177 insane runs later, the match is won, but there's one thing left... finishing with a flourish...
A heave over mid-wicket, the only real way that match could've ended, 23 balls unbowled...
And Indian cricket knew right then, they had found somebody special... really special!



Lets turn back the clock again, this time not so long ago...
Its 2011, and all of India are on edge
its the same opposition but on the grandest stage of them all
Its a tricky target, and Sachin and Sehwag have already departed...
But this time our man is the captain and promotes himself...
You of course, remember the rest... and that finish... you will never forget that finish!

Its happened so many times, that people no longer just took it for granted
They demanded it every single time
And now they demand his head on a platter... 
even though they must know there will never be another like him
and what he has done for Indian cricket can never be understated
But I know our captain... His career will finish, as all must, but he will do it in style

Read more...

Chanderpaul Stands Firm

by achettup

April 9th 1994
In his third test, Chanders is in a star-studded West Indian side
They've crushed England and taken the five match series 3-0 already
But in the 4th test England fight back, and the West Indies begin to collapse
Chanders enters at number 6, with the score on 126
Gus Fraser rips through taking 3 wickets at that score
The English snarl, "Get out little man"
But Chanderpaul stands firm
He battles and battles, and ends up with 77 and takes the Windies to a respectable 304
The Windies lose the match, but it would not be the last time Shiv glued an innings together

May12th 2003
The Windies and Australia have an identical 240 on the board after an innings each
Australia then roar to 417 after centuries by both openers
The Windies are 4/165 when Chanders comes in as Lara is dismissed
With Sarwan, with whom he would share many brilliant partnerships, he stitches together a century
Its too much for the snarling Australians as McGrath gets into a famous heated spat with Sarwan,
At the end of the day, Sarwan is dismissed for a century,
but Chanders stands firm and is unbeaten on his 100
The Windies complete a memorable win the next day, the highest chase in Test History

June 10th-11th 2007
Chasing an improbable 455 to win against England at Manchester
The Windies are reduced to 3-88 in the 32nd over of the second innings
Chanders walks in, as the English sledge "Just leave little man"
But Chanderpaul stands firm and he bats and bats and bats,
100 overs later, the Collymore is dismissed and England win by 60 runs
Chanders is unbeaten on 127*, Runako Morton's 54 is the next highest score
The West Indies failed in the first innings too, Chanders was the only batsman to cross 50

April 10th 2008
Sri Lanka collapse and recover in an ODI to post a respectable 235
Chanderpaul walks in with the Windies placed comfortably at 3/109 off 28 overs
And watches them collapse, he is still there when No.11 Fidel Edwards walks out
The score is 219 and the Windies need 17 off 7 balls, he slams the last ball of the over for 4
The wily Vaas concedes 3 runs off the first 4 balls as the Windies need 10 off 2 balls
"Give it up little man" but Chanderpaul stands firm
He smashes a 4 past mid-off and and then hits a full toss into the stands at mid-wicket

14th November 2008
Chasing 232 against Pakistan, Chanders comes in 2/14, after both openers are dismissed for ducks
Along with, who else but again that man, Sarwan he steadies the ship,
But Sarwan falls for 45 and the West Indies are failing again
For 44 overs Chanerpaul stands firm, defying the Pakistani bowlers
Wickets fall around him, as they have so many times in the past
As they will continue to fall around him in the future
When Gul bowls Lionel Baker, the Pakistanis triumph by 24 runs
That the Windies had hopes until that moment can only be because of Chander's defiance
He's not out on 107, more than half the team's total score

May 2015
In the dying light of a spectacular career, Chanders watches the West Indies in turmoil
But it isn't just their batsmen this time, its their administration
As it has been for over a decade
The legends ask him to retire, "Its time to leave little man"
But Chanderpaul stands firm, defiant to the very end
He will not retire and leave the team in the hands of those who will fail again
They drop him, but Chanderpaul still stands firm
After all those years, maybe it is the only thing he knows

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Farewell Richie Benaud, and your Marvelous commentary team

by achettup

And so, Richie is gone, and it shook me up a lot more than I thought it would, more than when I first learned he was fighting skin cancer. So much so that, despite having lost almost all interest in cricket over the last few years and barely watching half a game this world cup, I woke up at 3 am this morning sweating, recalling how much I loved Boxing Day in the 90s. And how far I drifted from the game as it evolved, both inside the commentary box (ah, so regrettably) and outside.

Two decades ago, it was such a joy to watch a test series being hosted in Australia. The grounds always looked so pristine under azure skies. The quality of cricket was almost always top notch. And then there was the commentary, which just took the experience to another level. Perhaps it was the banter and camaraderie that came so naturally with working together for so long, perhaps it was how strikingly different and original each member was. But whatever it was, the Channel 9 commentary team of that era brought the game to life.

There was Bill Lawry of course, who could barely contain his exuberance. There was the mischievous  Tony Grieg, always needling either one of his co-commentators or sections of the audience. There was Ian Chappell with his no nonsense and common sense approach, always trying to spot something seemingly insignificant and pointing out its technical importance. None of these three ever hesitated to call out one another if they believed a tall claim was being made, and they minced no words. But when they disagreed with Richie, there was always that little bit of extra respect.

Richie almost never chastised anyone, the one time he did not hide his disgust, (the underarm incident) people were so stunned that the video has endured to this day as the quintessential reaction of the age to the controversy. He stood by his convictions though, and a few years ago while the rest of the (new and not so admired) crew were tearing into Nathan Lyon, it was Richie who backed him up and compared his own stats to Nathan's after the same number of tests. As with most of his prescient observations, that faith he showed in Lyon was built on a solid understanding of the game drawn from both playing and observing at the highest levels.

They all had roles to play, and they played them perfectly. Lawry was the excited patriotic fan (who can forget his "Canary yellow??? That's Australian gold and don't you ******* forget it" to of course, none other than Tony), Grieg the brash antagonizer, Chappell the straight talker and Richie... well Richie just brought it all together with a pithy one liner. They agreed, they disagreed, they held completely different points of view, but all the while they kept the viewer engaged and enriched those few hours of the day. What shone through though, was their love and knowledge of the game. Several commentators since have tried emulating their style, individually and as a group. Yet I don't know if any will ever garner the affection this team did.

Sport commentary comes in all shapes and forms. For some sports, such as Snooker or Billiards it is perhaps not needed (the commentators do actually go silent during a break), while for others like Formula One, it is integral to the sport (just imagine watching a race without the commentary, the only audible sound being the engines). For the more fast paced sports, like boxing or football, the television commentator's role is hard to distinguish from a radio commentator's role, merely describing events as they happen, yet people adore their passion, they just love hearing that simple narrative. Cricket has always been a different beast, given that people have always referred to it as being more intellectually inclined, and the long pauses between play... between each ball, each over, each session, each day... It is only natural that television viewers demanded more of the men and women who would describe the game. Very few could ever have demanded more of Richie, as he succinctly captured the essence of a moment, or his team. Cricket, and especially cricket commentary, may never again have that charm.

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How #ThankYouSachin started.

by Gaurav Sethi

Guess you know all about #ThankYouSachin, BCCI's latest campaign, hyperactive on both twitter and TV. Late nights with @BCCI can be a lotta tongue, cheek and other parts of the anatomy.

Till day before, BCCI had recorded over half a million tweets with #ThankYouSachin

And they didn't even thank us once.

It trended both worldwide and in Mother India, for the last 4-5 days it's been the top twitter trend here. Above even sponsored trends. Is #ThankYouSachin sponsored?
 
And they didn't even thank us once.

But why in Sachin's name should they thank us?

By 2009, every Indian cricketer (and some bright firang ones too) were thanking Sachin for everything good that happened to them. "Just lost my...hehehe, Thank You, Sach" Regardless of whether Sachin scored or not, a match winner would attribute his performance to Sachin.

In Feb, 2009, even Ojha thanked Sachin. 
 
 Our Thank You Sachin! campaign started with this cartoon on Feb 9, 2009
 
Pretty soon it was a private joke amongst the Bored Members of Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!) , almost all the Indian cricket bloggers except 5 or 7.
 
This was before twitter or even FB pages, so we started an FB goup back then. 
 
With twitter, saying #ThankYouSachin in response to a birthday wish, loss of virginity or an RT fast became the norm. It still is.
 
Strange images of a tiger thanking Sachin surfaced.
 
 

As also Shashi Tharoor at his book launch with SRT

And Phill Hughes from August 2009. And Sehwag in September, 2009. And Yuvi ought to have.
 
And Dilshan before a game at Centurion met Sachin and scored a century.
 
In December, 2009, SRK thanked Sachin for, hold your breath, "breathing the same air as Him"
 
Sandeep Singh for a 4-1 victory against Pakistan. Yuvi thanked Sachin for help on Mendis, Viru thanked Sachin for inputs on his stance, damn, the selectors even thanked Sachin for suggesting Dhoni's name as captain. Btw Sharad Pawar brought that up again. Fodder for thought.
 
From Feb 2009, ThankYouSachin began with this cartoon
 
Seemed there was nothing that Sachin was not thanked for.

More recently, it was #ThankYouSachin time when Mumbai Indians won the IPL and the clt20. 
 
As for this post, you know what, Kambli had nothing to do with it.
 
#ThankYouSachin The God Of Big Things 

#ThankYouSachin to all the Bored Members who kept #ThankYouSachin going all these years.

"He's GAAAWN!"

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Kicking Dhoni When He's Down

by achettup

Tiger Woods (and this was when he was probably the most popular sportsman on the planet, well before the world decided to judge him based on his personal life) once shocked audiences on a talk show when he said "My dad always said, when they're down, stomp on 'em!" Perhaps its our false sense of fair play that makes us feign surprise when we hear someone say something like this so openly when the truth is it happens all around us all the time. It is a natural product of competitiveness - realizing you cannot afford to give your opponent half a chance to get back after he's made an error or you could end up losing. And as popular as comebacks might be for audiences, there can be few things as devastating or demoralising as dominating an opponent only to see them come back from the brink and win because you could not close the game out.

Right now Dhoni is down. He is almost out too. He's endured a miserable year and a half, perhaps as shocked as any of India's cricket fans at how quickly and sharply fortunes have changed since winning the World Cup. Instead of trying to empathize, put yourself in his shoes and understand what he's going through (is it really so hard to understand that people who have been on a prolonged losing streak and who've been hounded left, right and centre by reporters baying for blood, are going to make the odd stupid comment or do you expect to always receive the banalities that the Australian team made a joke about and were criticized for not too long ago?), people have summarily dismissed him as a cynical, uncaring, T20 mercenary. There are those who've always had an axe to grind with him, and there has never been a better time to stick a few knives in him and kick him out once and for all. It was Dhoni after all wasn't it, who brought the entire team out at a press conference to ridicule outlandish rumours put out by sections of the sensationalist Indian media about a rift in the Indian dressing room at a time the team could ill afford such petty distractions?

They're a tightly knit bunch in the Indian sport journalist community and they don't forget slights too easily. Many who are quick to point out how big the egos of sportsmen (on whom they make their money writing articles about) are have developed egos just as large if not bigger, because they've fooled themselves into believing their articles are more important because of their unique insight, like everybody else's. Sharda Ugra seems to have had it in for Mahendra Singh Dhoni for a really long time, or I don't know, maybe just after he decided that it wasn't worth making the extra effort to keep himself in their good books and let his cricket do the talking? Her latest article on cricinfo is a load of rambling rubbish, where she harps on one statement repeatedly to try and give credibility to her loathing of the Indian captain.

On no less than three separate occasions does she bring up Dhoni's remarks that the 2007 World Cup loss hurt more than the recent test series losses. Its what you usually do when you have scant evidence to back a ludicrous claim, shout the one point you have hoarse. The article gets more ridiculous and contradictory with every paragraph. She opens with a reminder that it wasn't just Dhoni who took India to the number one position and that "Besides, captains are only as good as their teams", then a short while later its "Dhoni has lost nine of 16 tests".. oh no, certainly not the captain only being as good or bad as his team there? There are the odd rumors from friends, oh sorry, "peers" who claim Dhoni called "day cricket" boring (protect those unidentified sources at all costs! especially if they don't happen to exist!) as a youngster. There's the standard street-smart gambling /hunch stereotype portrayal instead of a "daring piece of cricketing logic"... well maybe a "daring piece of cricketing logic" should tell you that neither Sehwag, who doesn't deserve a spot in any of the teams based on his form, nor Kohli who is among the most immature of cricketers going around and cannot command respect while he remains such, are anywhere near suitable candidates to captain India right now.

Should it be every cricketer's ultimate goal to think about the good of Test cricket? Every cricket captain? We know Ms Ugra has used Ponting as an example on more than a few occasions to ask how we would react to Dhoni if he was Ponting instead, so maybe we should go back to when the venerable Ponting put himself before the game and chose not to go for a series levelling win to protect himself from an overrate related ban, or when Mahela Jayawardene acted as proxy captain against the Spirit of the Game (Warne has been charged under this same offence in, get this, the BBL!)? Surely these acts deserved equal condemnation? Dhoni has always been a defensive captain, but he is not alone, apart from Michael Clarke in recent times captains from all sides have been defensive. Cook could easily have chosen to set India a target in Nagpur and try to bowl them out under the pressure of the chase instead of giving Trott and Bell the licence to bore test cricket lovers to death, right?

But timing is everything. There will perhaps never be a better opportunity to write a populist article demanding the final removal of the Indian skipper from a format to which he is so apparently unsuited and cares so little about, forget that his patient 99 probably helped stave off a 3-1 loss. Ms Ugra learnt this the hard way the last time her ego got the better of her and she wrote a scathing piece on Dhoni for the unspeakable crime of not showing up for a press conference... which he had no obligation to turn up to in the first place. My my, he left a few journalists waiting for what they mistakenly assumed was obligatory instead of customary, what a scumbag! We'll tell all our fans on cricinfo and they'll demand his head... except, they didn't and the article drew such a vicious response (India were a pretty good team back then, and we didn't care about Dhoni not attending a press conference at another boring Sri Lankan series) that it was pulled from cricinfo's front pages within minutes and relegated to the nether pages, so hard to find a couple of hours later that I need to use exact search strings on google to find it.

Nor is Ms Ugra alone among those who've used India's downfall to trumpet their vindication for doubting Dhoni, almost all exclusively in hindsight. Mohinder Amarnath drew scorn for claiming he wanted to sack Dhoni as captain but stayed silent and decided not to as selector and instead what's he doing, write a book on it? I'm a mere spectator, and like many in the audience I love watching a champion make a comeback from the brink, and there will be fewer victories sweeter for me if Dhoni is able to silence these critics once and for all. Its not that they matter or that they are worthy opponents, its the wave of adversity that he's facing because he has chosen to treat many of the sports journalists in this country for what they are, unlike a few who have become media darlings because of carefully managed and cultured relationships with these two-faced hounds who swish their pens around hoping their jabs will win them plaudits, rarely thinking about the consequences of their influence and responsibilities while demanding the same of those whom they criticize.

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WHERE. IS. CHE. PUJARA?

by achettup

As I write, India have just lost Yuvraj Singh and are in trouble in the 2nd ODI against England, at my hometown Kochi. Yuvraj was perhaps unlucky, but he benefited from a poor decision earlier when he edged the ball to the keeper off Woakes. The top four have all struggled, as they have since the Pakistan series. Poor form, poor technique, troubled atmosphere in the dressing room... it doesn't matter, India aren't fielding their best team, so why is anyone surprised? The excuses for keeping Cheteshwar Pujara out of the team are almost as mind-boggling as the decision to bring RP Singh back into the squad during that disastrous tour when things started going downhill.

Che is in form. Most of the players in this team are not. They say Che doesn't fit in. Yet in an almost identical side they went to great lengths to fit Nohit in the squad. They say Che is a test player, in the Rahul Dravid mode. Yet like Rahul (who scored a 50 in 22 balls in an ODI), Che recently accelerated from 150 to 200 in 17 balls. And what sort of ridiculous argument is that anyway? Dravid was one of the greatest ODI players, and before you scoff, hear me out.

The man has over 10,000 runs in ODI cricket, one of only 10 players to have reached that mark. That he managed in it a side that had two others who achieved the feat in the same era, and lest it be forgotten they had the best positions in the team to take advantage of that opportunity, makes it all the more incredible, though to be fair there were a ridiculous number of ODIs back then. Dravid gave the team excellent stability and played the ideal foil for more flamboyant batsmen around him, as can be seen from the record partnerships he shared with them.

Of course, none of this is to say Che is the next Dravid etc, just to say that because you feel he is similar and so he doesn't fit in the ODI squad, is plain ridiculous, especially when you look at the new rules in ODIs. Che is one of three players in the squad who plays the pull shot decently, the other two being Dhoni and Yuvraj. I'm not sure what value India hope to get out of Jadeja and Ashwin (Ojha has successfully been sidelined while the erratic expensive Mishra gets a call, seriously wtf is going on?) at 7 and 8, but if they are going to play bits and pieces cricketers, they might as well try proper batsmen in the top six. Batsmen in form.

At the moment you couldn't buy form for Gambhir or Rahane. And honestly, Gambhir has been woeful for almost a year and a half, he's played a few gritty innings, but he isn't the free-flowing batsman he once was. You really don't wan to be wasting a spot at the top of the order, you want your best batsmen opening in ODIs, thats what we've always done. Dhoni is our best ODI batsman, but he'd never open, as it is people are saying he's over-burdened, so the natural choice is promoting Kohli to an opening batsman. Che easily slots into this squad.

Gambhir, Dhoni and Yuvraj are all 31 going on 32. Sehwag is 34. Their experience might come in handy in Australia when we look to defend the world cup two years down the line. But that squad cannot afford to be carrying passengers. And it cannot afford to be carrying debutants. Bored members Naked Cricket and Straight Point were shouting themselves hoarse for Che's inclusion into the test side a year and a half before he finally got the opportunity. When Che was finally given the chance, he replaced a struggling Dravid at No.3 and brought confidence to a difficult chase. The team is running out of excuses for picking the likes of Ashwin, Nohit, Jadeja, Gambhir and has no valid reason for keeping Che out. When will they finally give him the chance in ODIs?

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Sachin Tendulkar's ODI Debut and Vivek Razdan

by achettup

Indian cricket fanatics probably know the stats off the top of their heads, right from his test debut, where he scored 3 runs less than Bradman did in his first innings, debuting alongside Waqar Younis. They'll know for certain that he scored a duck in his first ever ODI. These are questions they'd probably have heard several times at school quizzes, before they quickly went out of fashion and hard core questions about particularly special innings found their way to quiz-masters' handbooks. I can confess that I never saw Sachin's first match, indeed it would be two years before I held a bat in my hands and a few months further still before I watched a cricket match with interest... we lost, the infamous 1992 world cup match against England that resulted in Shastri's parent's house being pelted with chapals.

Back to Sachin's debut. The series prior to that point appears to have been largely forgettable. All the tests were drawn, and Sachin had made a decent impression of his abilities against one of the best pace attacks of that generation. The first ODI at Peshawar was abandoned without a ball being bowled, so Sachin would make his debut in the second match. The scorecard for that match makes fascinating reading. For starters, the match was reduced to a 16 over contest, and Sachin came in at the unfortunate Raman Lamba's dismissal, with the score reading 34/3, chasing Pakistan's total of 87. There don't seem to be stats related to when Sachin came out to the middle, but it at the very earliest would have been at 7.3 overs, we can only tell that Aaqib Javed had just dismissed Lamba. Which would have meant India need to chase 54 at a bit more than a run-a-ball.

Tendulkar was dismissed for nought, the second ball he faced, bowled by Waqar and caught by none other than Wasim Akram, who had made his debut all of five years earlier. Akram had tormented the Indian batting line-up a few times already by then, including this match at Sharjah three years earlier, returning with stunning figures of 7.2-4-4-2! He didn't bowl to Sachin in this match, but they'd already done battle during the preceding test series. Pakistan would go on to win the match by 7 runs, and Sachin would suffer the ignominy of being dropped for the remaining match (actually two, the originally scheduled third and final match was abandoned after Prabhakar had Pakistan reeling at 28/3 off 14.3 overs with a spell of 5-2-5-3, and the fourth match was another shortened affair, which Pakistan won convincingly) and replaced by Sanjay Manjrekar (one can only imagine... anyway, not relevant) who'd had an excellent test series.

It does seem to have been a bit harsh to have dropped Sachin given those circumstances and it certainly gave no indication of his future exploits in the format... of course, he would go on to become the greatest ever ODI batsman, single-handedly carrying the hopes of a generation of Indian cricket fans for the next decade. But it was even harsher on another young debutant, 20 year old Vivek Razdan, who bowled all of 2 overs in that match. On his test debut during the second match of the series, Razdan - a right arm medium pacer - hardly got much of a bowl and was promptly dropped for the third match, which was perhaps a blessing in disguise given the run-fest it ended up becoming. But he ended up with the best bowling figures (5/79) in the final test, quite an achievement when you consider that the other bowlers in the match included Imran Khan, Akram, Waqar, Qadir, Kapil Dev and Prabhakar!

Kapil, who had sat out Tendulkar's ODI debut, returned during the abandoned 3rd ODI, replacing Razdan, but he once again sat out during the 4th ODI, and Razdan's bowling figures certainly don't indicate he did much wrong. He would play only one more match, almost a year later against Sri Lanka, and after 4 overs wherein he conceded 31 runs, would never represent India again, relegated to obscurity, a sadly recurring tale for too many Indian pace bowlers. Perhaps it does highlight how batsmen get many more opportunities to prove their worth, but bowlers often just get a few spells to impress and very often luck plays a big role in whether they get that foothold to display their talent over a more prolonged period.

I know the circumstances are obviously completely different, what with a prodigiously talented 16 year old run machine being given the opportunity to showcase his skills in the Test arena, but just imagine if Sachin had been given few opportunities in the test series and played just one good innings out of say 3 or 4, and if he was dropped for good after that ODI debut? The 21 year old Razdan played 29 first class matches in total (and maybe we should ask why he was given the opportunity at the tender age of 20 in the first place?), who knows if he was disheartened, but it makes you wonder doesn't it?

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Sexing Up Australian Cricket

by achettup

You know what I really hate about the IPL? Thats right, everything! Brands flashed in your face every 5 seconds, commentators turned loquacious marketing whores, pointless gimmicks aimed at keeping audiences with low attention spans tuned in, cheap trinkets being auctioned at highly inflated prices (wait, maybe this hasn't happened yet, but it will!) and most of all cheerleaders... oh no, I don't mean our awesome desi-bred cheerleaders clad from head to toe in tastefully designed garments - I mean after all, that's what cheerleaders are for, right? - I mean those Eastern European imports (because I think its the flavor of the season to discriminate between types of women of "loose morals")...

I wish the IPL took a leaf out of an established cricketing house and their classy presentation of the main event, cricket... Like say, the pinnacle of cricket, Test Cricket, in a progressive country that holds on dear to tradition, like say Australia... Where the commentators aren't pushing tv shows on the same network every few minutes, where unhealthy fast food like KFC isn't pushed onto your face every 10 minutes, where pieces of wood stained by permanent markers or photographs aren't sold for thousands of dollars, where there are no gimmicks like kissing cams, where there are no beach stalls at unfinished stadiums consisting of fat, beer-guzzling patrons ogling at primped up beach barbie dolls.. Thats what I'm talking about, where the focus is on the cricket and the cricket alone, promoting test cricket before it can be killed by some disgusting format that appeals to fans who don't have the patience to understand its beauty.. and all those club teams with their silly names... scorchers was it?

Oh no, you won't see too much being written about that, but you'll keep seeing articles about how the IPL has destroyed Indian cricket... There is only one enemy in the cricket world, and as a recently deceased salesman of the game proclaimed, they don't respect the "Spirit of Cricket"... The future's looking so bright I need to wear my blinkered shades out to every game of cricket.

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Why Doesn't Anyone Care That We've Just Witnessed One of ODI Cricket's Greatest Innings?

by achettup

Skipper Mahendra Singh Dhoni came in when his side was reeling at 29/5, batting with the last recognized batsman in the line-up. Against top quality pace and swing, on a pitch that offered reasonable assistance to fast bowlers early on. Raina stuck with him until the 33rd over, and while 102/6 had banished all talk of India succumbing to one of their lowest ODI scores, it was certainly nowhere near a score that offered a fight. Bowlers had economy rates that were in the 2.5 rpo range (those that bowled at the end of the innings saw those economy rates rise to around 5 rpo). Yet Dhoni toiled, refused to play strokes that offered the opposition a chance (save for a lob to midwicket when he was on 16), and then led a calculated assault that gave India a more than respectable score given the horrendous start. His first 22 runs came off 60 balls, meaning he scored 91 runs off his next 65 balls. All this while suffering cramps in the unforgiving Chennai heat and humidity.

Yet while many people acknowledge that it was an excellent, few have gone so far to call it what it was, one of the greatest ODI innings in recent times, if not ever. I can't begin to imagine how the English or Australian press would have gone overboard had it been one of their cricketers who had played such a brilliant innings. It might not be in the league of Viv Richards' 189 or Kapil Dev's 175, but its certainly right up there with Steve Waugh's 120 n.o. against South Africa in the 2001 world cup and was reminiscent of the kinds of innings that Michael Bevan (whose ODI stats are very similar) seemed to play with regularity. Dhoni is widely regarded as the best ODI batsman today, yet I'm not sure if it was because we've taken his performances for granted that this innings hasn't received nearly as many accolades as it should have.

Are we fed up with the number of cricket matches being played, like this series that is squeezed in between England's tour? (Why are even watching it then?) Are we angry with Dhoni for all that has happened over the last 18 months? Have we just lost interest in ODIs now that so many of the stars have retired? Has a pall of gloom descended upon cricket fans over how much we've lost in 2012, and particularly in the last month. Was it that the innings wasn't as valuable given we lost the match? Are we kidding ourselves into believing these innings have become commonplace? Have we lost our objectivity in appreciating excellent cricket knocks, preferring to harp on all that is wrong with Indian cricket at the moment? You see, even while he was batting, it wasn't enough. An accomplished Indian opener, whose 36* is the stuff of legends, was whining about how slow the Indian approach was. This after whining about loose strokes and poor techniques from the batsmen who we give free passes to the test side ahead of the Indian skipper based on... their alleged superior batting technique. Its never enough, and then one fine day he'll retire and the tributes will flow in and maybe, just maybe then, there'll be a mention of this innings in the light that it deserves.

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Six Point Plan For India

by achettup

The following is a six point plan India can use to win the first test:

  1. Show up for days 2 and 3
  2. (i) Learn 10 saffer swear words (ii) Make a point of saying one of them to each of Kevin Pietersen's batting partner (iii) Turn to KP and wink, and send an air text message. For e.g., if Alistair Cook is batting alongside Pietersen, say "Oh look, another stupid English captain with all his doos and don'ts", turn to KP and wink, and send him an air text message.
  3. Take the latest shiny Apple product, smash it smithereens, and sprinkle the shards all over the crumbling pitch. Then let ZaK walk up to the English and say "I hear you English are very fond of Apple crumble"
  4. Keep Harbhajan as far away from proceedings as possible.
  5. Zak should only bowl left-arm slow to KP. I meant left-arm slow orthodox. As in spin.
  6. See 1.

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How Hungry is this Indian Cricket Team?

by achettup

India were decimated in England last summer. The 4-0 whitewash doesn't even begin to describe the complete and utter domination of the English side. The summer seemed to be an unending horror story that just got progressively worse with every step. Each apparent nadir was duly replaced in the following test, until helplessness and hopelessness gave way to a dazed acceptance of the inevitable. Its strange then, that the return series at home, already hyped as India's opportunity to inflict an equally humiliating result on the English, sees only the most ardent of Indian cricket fans expecting a complimentary 4-0 victory margin. Pragmatic fans anticipate a 2-0 scoreline, and some whose mindset has been scarred by the 0-8 results abroad are already looking at potential scapegoats, and rather regrettably the selection panel and the coach have been singled out already.

But what about the team itself, do they believe that they can win every single match against the English at home? They had certainly better be aiming for that, for otherwise what hope or ambition do they carry going into the series? While they might be realistic about the nature of the pitches and the outcomes, they cannot be resigned to a fate wherein it is impossible for them to win all four matches. Forget the demands of a hurt public and the hurt the team should be feeling themselves, to pull themselves out of this rut they must pick themselves up and have the same belief and drive that saw them rise to the summit of the rankings.

England will be quite happy to play for a draw in the first two games, knowing how much pressure that will put on a home-side beleaguered by an impatient, insensitive and sensationalist pack of hounds masquerading as the media, who seem more interested in finding the next head to axe so that they can wax lyrical their tributes and obituaries. If England are to win even one of the matches, that will be victory enough for them. The big question then is, just how badly do India really want to thrash England. In considering this question one is tempted to draw analogies to the absolute hammering the English endured at the hands of the Australians following their first Ashes win in years, back in 2005. I fear however that things could not be more different in making this comparison, but it is still a useful one to analyse.

To begin with, Australia weren't thrashed, they lost an incredibly close and well-contested series. McGrath didn't play in two matches, the only matches England happened to win. But as is usually the case with the English, they went overboard and really laid it thick over the Aussies, for just winning a single test series, the first time in eons. Books, dvds, and all sorts of tributes came in by the truckload, the team was serenaded through the streets as if they'd won the world cup and the players received MBEs. Phil Tufnell was invited to speak at the Allan Border Medals ceremony and used the opportunity to continue making ridiculous jibes. All of this infuriated an Australian team, who quite honestly didn't really need too much inspiration to want to demolish the English.

Nor was this a struggling Australian side, or one that was "transitioning", a few players did want to hang their boots but they were still putting in performances worthy of the most dominant team in modern era. Some, like Warne and McGrath, just seemed to be getting better and better. Even if they wanted to leave, they were too proud to go out without routing the old enemy and putting to rest once-and-for-all all the over-the-top taunts, re-establishing their unquestionable superiority after an ephemeral single series loss. It was this belief, this mindset, this confidence in their own abilities and most importantly, this desire that drove them to the most crushing of revenge series wins, an attitude that seemed to put fear in the minds of the English, who at times appeared like sheep going to the slaughter. Never was this more apparent than in the Adelaide test, where despite scoring 550, Australia and in particular Warne, hunted relentlessly, clinically, focused, ruthless and determined to force an improbably outcome, ultimately making it appear as if it had been conjured from nowhere.

India's rise to the top wasn't the result of dominating the world cricket scene or adopting the arrogant or over-confident mindset that usually accompanies such performances. Rather, India played consistently good, not great, cricket over a period of time while other sides declined or slipped-up. Many talk about the bluster and aggression (or belief if you prefer that term) that the likes of Ganguly, Sehwag, Yuvraj and Harbhajan etc brought to the team, but it is no coincidence that India's golden era occurred while the likes of calm but determined individuals like Dravid, Laxman, Kumble and Tendulkar were guiding a team that had a sensible captain and understanding coach. The rise to the top, perhaps along with the financial success and new-found power from a curiously accommodating board, gave them the belief that they were destined to become the first side to win the world cup at home. Which is why so many found it so hard to some to terms with the abject performances in England and then Australia.

But this was a tired Indian team. The players had hardly had a break after the world cup thanks to the pre-scheduled IPL, and mentally many were jaded. Physically too, a few had sustained injuries. A team that perhaps just wanted to get away from it all, to clear their minds and start over again was never given that chance. Players who were most certainly past their prime didn't seem to want to leave while their side was the best. The delicate fabric that had united the team, the good times and the camaraderie it bred was incinerated after the first few losses and the inability to fight back, spurred on by a slighted media that had an agenda against some players. It wasn't that the players weren't trying, many just weren't there, in the right frame of mind, to mount a suitable counter-attack.

Doom and depression pervaded the dressing room and it seemed to be a sense of "oh no, its happening all over again" when the team went down under. Stupid and irresponsible comments were made, and there seemed to be no attempt to rein in the offenders. Finally, it seemed as if the players were just fed up and didn't care any more. And this is what hurt the most. Would it have been different if Kirsten was around? I honestly don't know, but suddenly all of the teams' problems exploded in public view. It was too much for Indian public who had been basking in the teams' success and had taken much pleasure in "giving it back" to sides that routinely thrashed India in the past, and they turned, as they often do, on the team and demanded heads as if that would magically transform the team overnight.

Which brings us to where the team is today. Stupid comments still seem to be coming out from the camp and there is nothing to indicate that the team has prepared collectively with the same sense of purpose as the Australian side of 2007 did. No camps for the team to prepare mentally, no quiet confidence or silent determination at press conferences. If anything, individuals seem to be pushing for their case every given chance, some even talking about the hurt they felt at the losses as motivation to be picked. Others seem far too pre-occupied with other matters. I honestly hope I'm wrong about all this, but if the intention is to just waltz in and then brag about the 2-0 win that is there for the taking, we could even be looking at losing one test and perhaps worse in the long term, not arresting a debilitating attitude that has crippled this side ever since the middle of the first test in England last year. 

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Did Sri Lanka Give It Their Honest Best?

by achettup

In sentencing Mervyn Westfield to four months in prison for accepting payments to under-perform in a county game, Judge Anthony Morris said "For financial gain you betrayed the trust placed in you to play honestly and to the best of your ability." The crown prosecution service issued the following statement: "Devoted sports fans who pay hard-earned money to watch competitive matches have a right to expect players to do their honest best for the team, whether those games take place in the biggest world class arenas, or at their local ground."

How should "devoted sports fans" feel about the decisions of captains like Mahela Jayawardene and Mahendra Singh Dhoni, when they choose not to pursue a victory in conditions one can hardly call treacherous - on the contrary you might even call them encouraging - in the last match of a test series while they're 1-0 ahead? Have these captains and their teams done their honest best to win a match? Don't give me this hogwash about the series being at risk when hardly any wickets have fallen in the lead up to the declaration, for goodness knows how many overs.

Disgracefully, in both cases the risk was minimal. We hear a lot about Test cricket dying, and people losing interest. We hear a lot about players calling it the "ultimate test" and how it needs to be preserved. There will always be portions of a game, almost any game, which are boring. But to agree to a draw when there is ample opportunity to force a result robs spectators and the game alike. Test cricket is about patience, but you're only testing people's patience when you decide not to make a game a contest. Draws can be fun, results can be boring, but who has ever walked into a ground hoping that a team would call off a reasonable, and potentially exciting, chase so that they can bask in the glory of their banked result?

When questioned, Jayawardene's callous reply was "Well, we won the series, right?" Imagine if Salman Butt, on being questioned (and lest the point is lost, for robbing spectators of watching his team give their honest best) about the spot fixing scandal said, "Well, we won the match, right?"

If the ICC and the players are actually serious about wanting to save test cricket, and this hasn't become one of those fake "We must do all we can to end world poverty" quips you hear at every event from fund-raisers to beauty pageants, they need to start making sure people want to watch test cricket. One way to do that is to play to win. But nobody talks about this. Oh no, its far easier to say India and the BCCI are determined to destroy test cricket. A sham, the whole show.

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Feminazis Protest RAshwin's Attempted Dismissal of Thiriwhatshisname on Mistaken Etymological Grounds

by achettup

Feminazis the world over have taken strong exception to RAshwin's attempted dismissal of (insert long random annoying Sri Lankan name here) in the recent ODI between India and Sri Lanka in Brisbane. Feminazi Mr Warne (names have been changed to protect privacy) swore furiously when first informed of the attempted dismissal, but confirmed that the issue he and most other feminazis had was with the "etymological connotations and disrespect to women" of the popular term coined to describe such dismissals.

"Its not that we hate stupid, fat, unsporting Sri Lankans" began Mr Warne rather bizarrely. "We welcome their privilege to play the game the way they want to and then say at the press conference later that they don't play that way. Nothing wrong with that. Having said that, we don't have any issue with the manner in which RAshwin tried dismissing (insert long random annoying Sri Lankan name here)!" beamed a jubilant Mr Warne, knowing he had used the prized tactic of confounding everyone whilst drawing up sufficient attention to perfection.

There is always one idiot who feeds this frenzied attention whoring much-ado-about-nothing-but-hey-heres-a-mic-somebody-gotta-talk-let-me-at-least-I-can-do-it-for-a-cause (hey! that could be a Sri Lankan name if you remove the hyphens!), and some stupid Mr Manjrekar (name changed to protest privacy of the criminally stupid) then followed up with, "I don't get, what then is your issue, Mr Warne?" much to the undisguised delight of feminazi, Mr Warne.

"Well, here's my concern. If it was a woman's cricket match, we know they're not as soft as some people (snigger), but how would that dismissal have been reported? MAN-KADDED??? I mean, what a joke. Cricket has always been a game for the old men's club and the disgraceful terms they're using are another attempt to force subservience to women, making them utter "man" or "men" rather than something neutral like "thing" or "thang"... And before you ask, I'm not saying you should change it to womankadded, why can't we just use kadded? or thing-kadded?" [I know... thing cudded also inspires visions of bovine supremacy]

An astute observer Mr Bhogle (name changed just for kicks) wondered out loud "Now then. I _just_ wonder, how would Vinoo feel about all this! Surely he's not a thing, or a woman or a ma... well he is a man, but that can't be his fault now, can it?"

Note: This post is not offensive, because I endorse it. It is also not offensive because it mocks the litany of other blogs on this issue that revolve around equally stupid premises. You can take your stupid reasons for agreeing or disagreeing with the spirit or the law and shove it up your candy @$$3$! I have spoken. Because I have the right, like everybody else. And you have read that. Also, tomorrow I'll give my opinion on the impact of rising oil prices and Goldman Sach's role in this affair. THANQ

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Series to Series OR Oh I'm Happy, Hope You're Happy Too!

by achettup

Inspired by the genius of N. Srinivasan's "They cannot beat us here and we will feel very happy" and urm (sorry to put you in the same sentence champ), David Bowie

Series To Series

Do you remember a team that's been
In such a grisly loss
I've heard a rumour from Board Control
Oh no, don't say its true

They got a message
from the Chairy Man
"Oh I'm happy, and you'll be happy too
We've lost
All we had to lose
Domestic T20 following" ;)

The shrieking journos are grinning
Just pictures of stars gone by
in sinking ships
Ain't got no future and ain't got no care
But we're hoping to clip the past it bellowing

Series to series, humped by Humpty
We know CSK's Boss is
a numpty
Sprung out as cricket lies
hurtling to an all time low

Time and again they tell us all
White washes happen now and again
But the little blue caps turn purple and orange
Oh no, not again
Getting rich with our valuable friends
"Oh we're happy, we've made you happy too"
One flash in the pan
but its happened yet again

I've never done good things
I've never done bad things
I've never done anything for the men in the blue
Want to axe a senior or two?
Wanna see a home win instead?


Series to series, humped by Humpty
We know CSK's Boss is
a numpty
Sprung out as cricket lies
hurtling to an all time low

My chairman says
to get things won
you better not stray
outside homely dens

Sing it, it can't be half as loony as the bleatings emanating from our administocrats:



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Fickle Me This, Fickle Me That, Who's Afraid Of The Media's Crap?

by achettup

Pardon the corny headline, it is at least in keeping with the low standards set by cricket's general newsmedia. Ricky Ponting struggles for a year and a bit, the press demands his head, he scores a hundred in vain during the World Cup quarterfinal and retains his batting position but loses the captaincy. Michael Clarke scored 151 against South Africa, an innings described by many as one of the best of the year. Australia were bowled out for 47, Clarke and his men are slaughtered by the press for being unable to bat with the necessary temperament. Australia win a thriller against South Africa to level the 2 match series, the press said Haddin, Ponting and Hussey had done enough to survive another day.

Australia lose to New Zealand at home, Clarke's captaincy is questioned, everyone thinks Ponting should call it a day. Australia win at the MCG, a match that was competitive for a while, the media still demands Ponting's head, Clarke's captaincy is reflected on as being better than Dhoni's, not much of a compliment considering the Indian skipper's leadership during the match. Clarke scores 329, Ponting scores a hundred, as does Hussey and suddenly everyone's glad Ponting has decided to stick around, and Clarke gets rich accolades for his brilliant captaincy.

While the flip-flops are typical of media - no less than Gideon Haigh, whom many accord the title of the best contemporary writer in the sport because of his commanding vocabulary and presumptuous and often misinformed opinion, has had to eat humble pie after yet another of his tiring pieces on T20's included that wonderful question about whether David Warner would ever bat more than 60 balls in his career - that has devolved from stating the facts to jingoistic misinformed opinion pieces, its how they misuse the responsibility handed to them and the privilege of freedom accorded to them that disappoints. The media heavily influences readers who are unable to make their own minds on the state of affairs either because they don't have access to information or because they trust a paper that echoes views they want to hear. Which is what news media has become, rather sadly even in cricket.

There is always an agenda behind a piece, sometimes paid for, and almost always influenced by how many eyeballs can be brought to glance at the myriad of ads strategically placed near the provocative headlines. Cricinfo has often used inflammatory headlines simply to spark a controversy for what is a poorly written piece about nothing in particular. Along with sections of the British and Australian press, they have successfully pulled wool over the blinkered eyes of the majority of cricket's followers into believing the BCCI's sole purpose for existence is greed and the eventual destruction of cricket. Rarely are there any articles about the BCCI's many development projects, some of which are quite admirable. The BCCI of course don't help matters by banning some groups from attending matches and refusing to promote their own successful endeavours sufficiently.

Take the DRS for instance. The BCCI's stand isn't that they don't want the DRS, but rather that the technology behind it isn't foolproof, and until it is there is hardly any point in using it to influence decisions wherein it might only add to further controversy, as was quite evident during India's tour of England. Most people who have bothered looking at the facts agree that this is a sensible outlook. Yet there are people who leave comments such as "Why does India have a right to overrule Cricket Australia's use of the DRS" primarily because the piss-poor variety of journalists like Malcolm Conn mislead people with statements proclaiming the BCCI directly denies bowlers the ability to appeal. Not too surprisingly, -and whether they see it or not, its what they choose to write based on their audience's mood at the moment-  Conn and the like have led the way with adulations over Clarke's captaincy, which not too long ago they questioned.

Clarke has benefited from having a good set of bowlers who've done well at home against a side that has for the most part had a perennial weakness against quick bowlers on seaming wickets. His captaincy against tailenders was as bad as Dhoni's in recent times, and when the game has drifted away from him he looks as lost as his predecessor, who was also falsely proclaimed as a great captain based on his stock of players. Clarke plays it up of course, his decision to declare while admirable is a touch nauseous, and reminds of his decision to dump Lara Bingle when it appeared *her* character might have cost him the captaincy [this criteria in picking a skipper is a topic for another day, Warne , Ponting etc etc...]. But the media is blind to all of this at the moment, the flavor of the moment is Michael - benevolent pup - Clarke, and so logical discourse takes a back seat.

Move over to the Indian media, which swings with more regularity than a pendulum. The usual scapegoat, VVS Laxman, finds that he is about to be axed in the country that he has his best record against. Laxman has often been treated unfairly by the Board, more often by the media, but he doesn't do his case too much good by remaining among the slackest of fielders and runners in the game. That isn't what he is being picked on for, its whether he should be staying in a team which should look towards rebuilding. Indian cricket's second golden boy, Rahul Dravid, cannot be touched of course, despite looking all at sea since Tendulkar's arrival at the crease in the first innings of the tour. This is because Dravid was the only batsman to do well in England. After 3-4 miserable years where he relied on scoring against weak attacks on flat tracks to retain his position in the team.

One might ask, if Laxman should be axed - as he probably deserves to be based on his recent overseas record - in keeping with blooding the next generation, why not Dravid. Indeed, why not Dravid 2 years ago when he relied on inside edges to score the bulk of his runs. Exactly what did Indian cricket gain from Rahul's recent exploits in England? We lost by the most embarrassing of margins anyway, didn't we? And why did he insist on playing on after the tour, nearing the ripe old age of 39? One paper says Dravid and Laxman will probably decide on their own to retire rather than leave it to the selectors -  which is allegedly their right for their great contributions to Indian cricket - but going by their decisions over the last few years its pretty hard to see that happening, right?

Why were these players, including Sachin, touring Bangladesh, we all asked these questions at the time and its time to ask them again. If the seniors don't take a back seat and let the selectors gracefully blood the next generation, then after a tour like this one they are culpable on two counts - overstaying their welcome and foiling the future. These questions were somehow stowed away by the media after the English debacle, when they chose to pick on the scheduling since it was all the rage back then to ape the British fixation with the IPL's devious influence on the sport.

Ah, the future. And here we see the circus coming full circle. The greats are venerated and paid homage to just as overrated film stars in the country buy undue hype. So to the hype accorded to "the next best thing... well at least for the moment." Currently, on the back of glorious innings on flat tracks in the Ranji trophy, the boy who seems to exude so much talent that for a minute you might ignore the accompanying Mumbai-biased sycophancy, Rohit Sharma has apparently earned his spot in the team. Rohit has earned his spot in the ODI team almost as many times as Yuvraj has in tests, and has disappointed just as many but the trigger happy media searching for a hero are convinced this time will be different, like last time.

If he does well, the poor chap - just look at Kohli who did well in 2011 and now has irked just about everyone after two matches in which his seniors have played with far greater trepidation and irresponsibility - can hope for a year's worth of accolades before being consigned to obscurity like Mukund, Das, Ramesh, Vijay, hell even WV Raman and the plethora of next best things of yesteryear. If he does great, he becomes the next Laxman. And as he rides this journey, the crests and troughs amplified by the irresponsible sensationalist tabloid rubbish masquerading as journalism, he will at times loathe his fans and the media and scoff at their influence over each other and himself.

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Comprehensive Bored 2012 Sydney New Years Test Review

by achettup




If you have problems loading the audio, please let us know in the comments.

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What has happened to this Indian Cricket Team?

by achettup

Its been 4 hours since the close of play and I can't sleep. After just 6 of the allotted 24 playing days for this series, it looks like we've conceded it. I can't for the life of me comprehend the manner of this abject capitulation. Is this the same team that fought back every tour for the last four years to at least share honors if not win outright? That embodied the spirit of never giving up, determinedly standing their ground and never giving an inch and that has a world cup to show for it?

Dravid has been dismissed three times this series almost falling over his tentative front foot, Laxman doesn't look like he knows how to bat overseas anymore, Sehwag swishes like he always does but its more like 75% effort swish, Gambhir can't buy a run but keeps selling his wicket to the first low bid, the tail is cut away before its had a chance to wag, Sachin looks imperious and in the form of his life... in short its like the team of the 90s all over again, except a phase when Sachin gets the worst of luck.

The bowlers, poor guys - two of whom are not anywhere near 100% fit, are bowling their hearts out but the kinds of fields being set for them and the complete lack of support from the batsmen means they're drawing unnecessary flak. The last overseas tour we struggled to pass 300, this tour from three efforts we've managed to get past 200 once. While the opposition has managed to pass 300 twice (and looking like getting 600 at least in this match) and their tailenders have looked more comfortable than 3 of our top 6.

But its worse than that. This team doesn't look like it wants to play unless things are going their way. That seems to mean the bowlers get overcast conditions and reduce the opposition to less than a hundred for 6, or that they're playing in the comfort of their subcontinental stronghold. And boy do they win then. But the minute things start to go against them, like Harbhajan whose attitude seems to have infected the entire team, they go into a shell, get defensive, the shoulders droop and they just give up, surrender without a fight. Not to take anything away from their opponents who've bowled sharp and executed plans splendidly, but ultimately have been assisted by unfocussed, cluttered and often thoughtless batting.

A lot can and has been said about the players, but you've got to wonder what the hell the coach's role is. How can he sit back and watch defensive, mind-boggling field set day after day, squandering the advantage tour after tour, getting into to a good position, losing it, and then not giving a fuck about trying to get it back? Exactly what has Fletcher achieved with this Indian team? Has Gary's departure had such a negative impact? Have we just lost the hunger to compete after having accomplished the long cherished dream of winning the world cup again? More than one English player felt Fletcher's presence gave us a strong edge against their side, we have a lovely 0-4 result to show for his presence there, and we're staring at potentially 0-6, even 0-8 if things don't change soon, results from our recent overseas tests.

When Tim Bresnan said it, I thought he was just being the usual arrogant English muppet talking trash while benefiting from home advantage. I didn't believe. I couldn't, this team had often looked battered but then they batted and batted and forced their way back into a series. Now they don't appear remotely interested. The enthusiasm with which they bowled their part-timers for the sole purpose of exiting the field as early as possible today (an on-time finish, no extra half hour, when was the last time that happened?) seems to reflect their mood since departing for England. Perhaps Bresnan was quite right, if you don't want to play, go home. Saves us the worry of waking early/staying up late and then just being pissed the rest of the day for ruining our schedules hoping you'd at least try and make some small part of it worthwhile.

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Sydney 2012: What Controversy Would You Like To See?

by achettup

2008, meh. Shoddy umpiring, batsman standing after edging, the odd racist ('allegedly') remark, match refs blah blah.. Happens just about every game. And they called that controversial. No, we think the bar can be set a lot higher in 2012, which of these inflammable events would you like to see at Sydney during this year's New Year Test?
  1. Bhajji and Symonds spotted sitting together in the crowd, incessantly booing Clarke and Sachin
  2. Cricket Australia springs a surprise and brings in a special DRS (dirty rotten scoundrel) umpire - STEVE BUCKNOR!
  3. Sunil Gavaskar becomes the first ex-international cricketer to streak the SCG during the post match ceremony, all the while screaming "Mind you, the balls might be in the right place, but they still have to be put away." He is banned and never allowed back during the post match ceremony.. oh, wait, that happened last time too, right?
  4. Sachin is batting on 98*, plays his trademark tuck to square leg and hairs off for a double. But as he leaves the bowler's end, Peter Siddle pulls Sach's pants down and starts laughing, Sachin wallops him with his bat thereby improving Siddle's appearance ten-fold and starts to pull his trousers up just as Laxman runs past him (thinking he's completing the second run) to the bowler's crease. The stumps are broken at the batsman's end and Sachin is run out on 99.
  5. India crash to a humiliating innings defeat and 400 runs, and a very drunk Rahul Dravid says in a post match interview "Well all I can say is only one team was playing with the right spirits in the match."
  6. A sensationalist tabloid trash newspaper, whose initials might or might not be TOI, contracts Nasser Hussain to cover the Test while getting a few jibes in at the Aussies. Hussain pokes fun of Warner and Ponting's fielding, calling them "a pair of Asses". He then strikes that out and replaces it with "pack of wild donkeys". He then strikes out donkeys and replaces it with (teri don ki *wink wink*).
  7. Everybody shuts up about the decision review system. ITS LIKE IT DOESN'T EXIST.
  8. Ishant Sharma gets a plain to see inside edge onto his pads which pops up for an easy catch to short leg. Erasmus appears unmoved by Cowan's appeal for the edge and catch, and Ishant screams "Karma is a bitch Eddie", just as Erasmus rules him out LBW.
  9. Dhoni refuses to play unless the BCCI sends in a charter flight to evict three certain Indians (and their stupid tweeting phones) in the crowd who have followed the team's losses in England and brought their (bad) luck to Australia too. Rohit Sharma immediately says he's mentally prepared to keep wickets too, so the BCCI declines. It is to be the costliest error they have made in a while.

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International Cricket As We Know It Is Already Dead

by achettup

The Bangladesh Cricket Board has announced that the first edition of the Bangladesh Premier League will commence from the 9th of February, 2012. The tournament appears to be modelled along the same lines as the Indian Premier League, even rather unnecessarily incorporating the (now discontinued) concept of "icon" players, which was only employed in the IPL to retain the biggest stars from the rival ICL. The same standard T20 international bunch appear to be available. A new sports channel will broadcast the tournament in Bangladesh. Arun Lal, here after referred to as captain-flipping-the-bird-obvious, said "The main thing is that the Bangladeshi players have to be available." Fancy that, you wouldn't want it to just be the 25 international mercenaries playing now, would you?

Take a step back and put yourselves in the shoes of a Bangladeshi cricket administrator. Your team never really deserved Test status, but well, here we are. They have the worst record for any national side, are currently at the bottom of the ICC rankings and have hardly displayed any improvement since their inception. The logical thing to do therefore, is to make sure you're not left behind in the T20 leagues where everybody else is going to be making money. I mean, after all, what is your role as cricket administrator of the country if not to oversee governance of the sport, ensure that you produce cricketers of international calibre who are capable of competing with the best? But whats in it for you, potentially honorable member, apart from maybe getting a few business contracts for your firm while doing this charitable work?

Now take a step back and look at how the pervasive nature of this greed has gripped cricket administrators the world over. Virtually every cricket board has already designed, if not implemented, a T20 league which will eventually become the staple of cricket for that country. Test cricket fans moan about how this will affect the premier format of the game, but they are blind, romantic and ultimately stupid. Sorry! It isn't Test cricket that is threatened, it is international cricket. And it isn't threatened, its already dead. With much the same confidence as the banker who says "I see nothing wrong with hedging against CDO we're selling to investors" we've got cricket administrators pulling the wool over our collective eyes with false promises such as "There is room for all three formats."

What a laugh, there will be only one format in 10 years, and only one international tournament, a T20 world cup. They all know this, they recognized its inevitability the instant the IPL was a success despite the ICL getting the jump on it. They knew too that here was an opportunity staring them in the face, and to not grasp it while in a position of power on their board would be to lose the chance to someone more enterprising, a quite costly business opportunity lost and life only hands you so many. All of this was well known even before the ICL was launched, when Lalit Modi had already drawn out plans for a city based T20 league, but just needed the right moment to get the dinosaurs in the BCCI to understand how profitable and undeniably destined the future of cricket was to be. The current models had already shown themselves to be unsustainable, and while you can only shaft the viewer so much with ads to bag obscenely priced TV contracts, national fervour can only really throw high profits your way for marquee events, and that too only if they go to script. You need something more sustainable, a commodity that will appeal to the masses over a longer term while not ensuring that the only people who can realistically follow it enough are those employed to cover it.

T20 was that commodity, trialled immediately after broadcasters incurred massive losses following India's early exit from the 2007 World Cup. There will always be whispers about how the following T20 World Cup's script was almost too perfect to be true. It certainly was for the games administrators, as a swooned public fell hook, line and sinker for the crucial test to see if the new format would catch on. Zee knew they had to act fast, but their loss of the contract and subsequent action has been well chronicled. This paradigm shift shook the cricketing world far more than any match-fixing scandal ever can. In order to run a league, you needed to be legit. Boards regulated cricket and so they had the rightful claim to organize and manage the finances for this commercial venture. Any and everyone else was banned.

In the ideal scenario, different countries will host different leagues at different times of the year. Much the same way crass sport management has devolved and dehumanized baseball, basketball and "football" (who actually follows any of the international games in these sports, oh thats right, apart from the Olympics, there aren't any), cricket's aping administrators seek to destroy international cricket. Its a right bloody mess anyway, with all that political manoeuvring to appease egoistic puppets appointed by governments to manage sporting boards. No, having your individual fiefdom is a lot more profitable, and if everyone shares everyone's resources carefully, there's enough moolah to go around to everyone (case in point, the bending over backwards of certain boards to ensure the success of the Champions League T20). Eventually you'll end up with the sport looking not too dissimilar to football, the real kind, one world cup where national emotion can be vented every once in a while. To the uncreative aping administrators this only seems logical, it works well in other sports doesn't it, why must cricket be left behind in the dark ages?

You think you can change this? Hah! The world's got far more pressing concerns. Protests if any, will be as futile as the Occupy movements. Who regulates the game? Take a look at the shambolic state of broadcasts in the subcontinent, where some fat cat twerp says "I see NO problem in L shaped ads popping up during the game." You couldn't be bothered stepping up and demanding that you get a quality product for parting with your hard earned money then, now you've let them say "this is how you're going to like what we're going to give you, and you're going to be paying us more over time than you ever did before, and if you don't like it you'll have to learn to because its all you're going to get." Take a look at the way Ashes series are scheduled and broadcast. World cricket is a mess, and nobody really wants to govern it any more. Administrators who should have been looking to preserve the game's history and heritage, while promoting the game's proliferation have taken keen interest in petty fights that throw out associates so as to preserve the revenues of the powerful boards. Where there was supposed to be governance, there is only greed. Greed (at least for a short while) is good for the few, harmful for the many, for it after all comes at their cost. If you liked international cricket, I'd recommend you learn to move on quickly. If not to the T20 leagues, to another sport.

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The Worst Of All Time

by achettup

It took one series, hell, not even one series but three tests, for everyone to do a 180 from "World No.1" to the worst of all time. Sure the manner of the capitulation has disappointed (understatement alert) many, but seriously, how could opinions change so quickly. All of sudden the usual suspects, the same standard flibbertigibbet media morons, are out with glee and a vengeance shouting "BCCI is shit, they don't care about test cricket, Dhoni is an idiot, bowling has always been horrible, old greats are old and must be phased out..." etc etc etc.

Suddenly pundits have declared that if you don't have a world class fast bowling attack, you cannot be No.1. If thats so, explain even the great Australian side's record in India. Simple fact one. England have a good pace attack... especially in England. Simple fact two, South Africa's pace attack is still better. Simple fact three, we never claimed to have the best pace attack in the world, we never said Sreesanth, Ishant and PK were Holdings or Marshalls, we said on their day they could trouble the best, as they have in the past.

So ZaK was unfit, so what? This was a tired attack. They'd just won the world cup. They'd played the IPL. They'd toured the Windies. Sreesanth and Zak came back from injuries. Suddenly the same attack that ripped the heart out of South Africa in South Africa is mediocre. What utter tosh. I'd like England to tour India with this same squad, we'll show the world who is utter tosh. Just go back to Anderson's, the alleged best fast bowler in the world (forgotten Steyn simply because he isn't playing English fucktards?) record in the world cup.

Next argument, N Srinivasan is a moron for saying this is just one series and the players were injured. Guess what, those are facts.  We've had an incredible run, and now a tired, injury-ridden team came up against a better prepared and well conditioned one PLAYING AT HOME. Did the BCCI's decision to schedule the IPL after the world cup show their lack of concern for test cricket? Here's the deal, the IPL had to be held for the same business reasons as England having to host additional T20 matches against the Windies later in the year.

You can pick on the IPL all you want but it, unlike test cricket, has a future. Test cricket is dying. There are no spinners worth writing about because pitches are so shit. There are four sides who can play competitive test cricket, the rest are in total disarray. Bangladesh never deserved the honor and just lost to a side who hadn't played for years. That side would struggle to compete with the Windies or New Zealand, who would struggle to compete with Pakistan, who can just about compete with the rest when they're not busy banning half their side. Sri Lanka are in terminal decline, you want to laugh at India's bowling stocks, take a look at theirs.

So before you write off India's chances at regaining the number one position, talk about Test cricket's chances of surviving. When the big three retire, there will be far less interest in tests in India. That has probably already started with this series loss. The quality of test cricket being played today is the lowest it has been for a while. Australia and England, the apparent last great test survival hopes, have seen their players and boards acknowledge this fact, the future isn't in tests. T20 tournaments are getting more attention, the newer players don't seem as interested in tests as in the big bucks.

The paying public, the large majority who aren't snobbish and claim their powers of concentration, also known as greater periods of joblessness, are greater than those who want to enjoy a fun game of T20, are slowly moving towards the shorter formats. England have just assumed the number one position in test cricket, do you honestly think there are schoolkids out there who'd rather emulate tranny Cook than Dhoni in the IPL? The old folk can whine, they can pick on India, they can harp on the shorter concentration spans, the poorer technique, insult it however they want, but they are all like test cricket, increasingly becoming obsolescent. And deservedly so, if you want to fix something, you fix it, you don't moan about it and rubbish its (serious and worthy) competitors.

So you see how quickly an article about the apocalypse of test cricket can be churned out? That should come as no surprise. That is how quickly and easily they wrote off my national side. A side that accomplished dreams we never could have imagined after the 2007 world cup. They lost just the one series, to Sri Lanka in Sri Lanka. Then they won just about everything they played. Maybe not as convincingly, but well enough to hold the top position. And one abject tour has been enough for those who've been sharpening their knives for a while to come out and squeal "WE TOLD YOU SO!" But it is what it is, just a series loss. Give them time to rest and regroup, to focus, to rejuvenate and you'll be surprised to see how quickly that spirit will be rekindled. Give them the faith and support you did during the world cup, that they rewarded you so handsomely with. Stand by your team when they're down, the fair weather fans never knew the 90s anyway.

Happy Independence Day, from a proud Indian and proud Indian cricket fan.

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