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The case for Suresh Raina.

by Gaurav Sethi

Raina finds himself in the playing eleven of The Oval test. After the day’s play is rained off, the Indian cricket fans make a citizen’s arrest, following which our suspect is produced in a corner shop court.

Raina makes a dramatic entry into court, anticipating another ball coming his way, he feigns fielding it – instead he topples a whole lotta chutneys and pickles, landing right in front of the judge, Mr. Patel.   

Judge Patel: The defendant may rise…

Raina (rising, smiling): I enjoy fielding very much

Judge Patel: You bloody fool, what have you done to my pickles…

Judge Patel’s daughter, Vaishali: Oh Dad, don’t be so harsh on Suresh, he’s just a young hick from outta town…

Just then Graeme Hick enters the shop and objects

Graeme Hick: I object to Raina being compared to me, when I was his age…ohh I too had my problems with the short ball (sobs)

Prosecutor Patel: Hick, you have proved a useful Witness, 10% discount to you, thank you

Defence, Vaishali Patel: In that case I will be Suresh’s defence…Patel uncle

Judge Patel (to Raina): The defendant will rise…(knocks a ‘Kitchens of India’ can for empasis)

Raina (dewy eyed at Vaishali): Yes I will…rise

Prosecutor Patel: That is contempt of court…you

Defence, Vaishali Patel: Daddy…eh.. Your Honour…Suresh Raina my client has an excellent record in the IPL and in the subcontinent, if you could only be so lenient and think back to the 1970s, to 1972 in particular when you and your brethren were so harshly evicted from your beloved Uganda by the evil Idi Amin and arrived here in England without an iota of experience against the swing, against the short ball that those tough times threw at you...

Prosecutor Patel: Clearly besides the point, the defence is...

Judge Patel: Don’t make me emotional, girl…you will not mention Uganda again and for your information I started afresh here, I made a good life for us here, what has Suresh Raina done to warrant such a comparison, I ask you, what has he done?

Defence, Vaishali Patel: I ask you to give me time…give my client till the 3rd one-dayer, and he will prove himself worthy for my hand…er…of everyone’s trust

Raina (to his defense): Er Vaishali, thanks, can you not buy me a little more time like till when the Champions League starts in September?

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