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The Oval Test via the IPL

by Gaurav Sethi

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“Now you know why batsmen like Cook and Trott have no place in the IPL.”

“KP’s cameo showed he’s a team player not too bothered by landmarks.”

My patience is running thin with this Test. It didn’t start well. First my cable guy, Hathway, regaled me with his version of motion capture – frozen images for no less than 3 minutes. Steyn took that long to take his jersey off. It looked as if his head was stuck in it and he was struggling to get out of it. He was out of it. 

He came on in the 11th over. And when he did, he bowled as if he could have waited for that one over booked for Tahir before lunch.

Morkel got a friendly warning first ball. What is a friendly warning? – “You’re getting it off with my sister, mind it” To start a Test, this Test, the first Test, which was almost as waited-for as that first India-England Test last year with a friendly warning is demeaning.

That Bumble broke the ‘friendly warning’ to us lessened the blow somewhat.

From then on I watched most of the first session with the back of my head. Bad telecast tossed with no telecast and vinegar.

There was rain before that. The covers came on before the toss. Only in England. And Sri Lanka. Why don’t they play on the damn covers if they’re worried about the pitch?

And Cook dug in deep. It was under Cook’s tutelage that the phrase, ‘if you don’t get him early fear for the worst’ was coined. When Cook is in you can step out, buy your beer, power nap, fornicate, defecate. It’s the opposite of Sachin really – he knows nobody’s eyes are on him. Not yours, mine, the umpire’s or even Steyn’s.

Imagine if Sachin had that. He would have scored 100 thousand 100s by now.

Then you see what Alastair Cook can do  in the highlights and you realize he can bat, hit boundaries, a straight drive, through the covers.

I did watch that 6 Live though. That would have made a proper IPL batsman proud. The boundaries were in. The bat was beefy. It was an edge, off Steyn, over fine leg.

Steyn smiled – this is just like the IPL where I get smashed shitless. And who knows, Cook could become a proper IPL player one day. But for that we’ll have to watch him first.

1 comment:

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that guy in the kind chair looks like the former president of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez who died last week, but still your drawing is funny