“Now you know why batsmen like Cook and Trott have no place
in the IPL.”
“KP’s cameo showed he’s a team player not too bothered by
landmarks.”
My patience is
running thin with this Test. It didn’t start well. First my cable guy, Hathway,
regaled me with his version of motion capture – frozen images for no less than
3 minutes. Steyn took that long to take his jersey off. It looked as if his head was
stuck in it and he was struggling to get out of it. He was out of it.
He came on in the 11th over. And when he did, he
bowled as if he could have waited for that one over booked for Tahir before
lunch.
Morkel got a friendly warning first ball. What is a friendly
warning? – “You’re getting it off with my sister, mind it” To start a Test,
this Test, the first Test, which was almost as waited-for as that first
India-England Test last year with a friendly warning is demeaning.
That Bumble broke the ‘friendly warning’ to us lessened the
blow somewhat.
From then on I watched most of the first session with the
back of my head. Bad telecast tossed with no telecast and vinegar.
There was rain before that. The covers came on before the
toss. Only in England. And Sri Lanka. Why don’t they play on the damn covers if
they’re worried about the pitch?
And Cook dug in deep. It was under Cook’s tutelage that the
phrase, ‘if you don’t get him early fear for the worst’ was coined. When Cook is in
you can step out, buy your beer, power nap, fornicate, defecate. It’s the
opposite of Sachin really – he knows nobody’s eyes are on him. Not yours, mine,
the umpire’s or even Steyn’s.
Imagine if Sachin had that. He would have scored 100
thousand 100s by now.
Then you see what Alastair Cook can do in the highlights and you realize he can bat,
hit boundaries, a straight drive, through the covers.
I did watch that 6 Live though. That would have made a
proper IPL batsman proud. The boundaries were in. The bat was beefy. It was an
edge, off Steyn, over fine leg.
Steyn smiled – this is just like the IPL where I get smashed
shitless. And who knows, Cook could become a proper IPL player one day. But for
that we’ll have to watch him first.
If Lalit Modi was in charge of England's home series, he'd find sponsors for the rains.
— BCC! (@BoredCricket) July 19, 2012
This Test sucks, by now the Indians would've been bowled out, and ready to follow on. #EngvsSaf
— Gaurav Sethi (@nakedcricket) July 19, 2012
Poor Tihar, worked so fucking hard on those celebrations forgot all about his bowling.
— BCC! (@BoredCricket) July 19, 2012
Watching South Africa bowl over the last few hours, Vinay Kumar's chest must have started to swell.
— BCC! (@BoredCricket) July 19, 2012
After slaving through 31 overs, the most by any bowler so far, Dale Steyn will bowl unchanged in the Indian second innings. Out of 117.1 overs, Steyn bowled less than half the overs – he could have bowled as many as 58 overs, but Smith wanted to save him for India’s second innings - “No matter what the workload is, he is ready to go all out for his team”, said Smith; while Steyn on conditions of anonymity told us he secretly prayed South Africa doesn’t score too many – “a lead of 150 is fine by me – we can get the Indians out in 50 overs, and I will only have to bowl 25 overs. But if the Indians get 250 plus then I will ask Smith to save me for the tailenders – that’s when I get a spring in my step and touch the 90 mph mark”.
Smith was also seen speaking to a masseur and physiotherapist about Kallis – “I don’t care, make him bowl, bat, the fielding is not a concern”. Meanwhile Kallis is looking to grow a beard now.
Suresh Raina has been given a special award by ICC for inventing a new mode of dismissal. It's called FOUND OUT. On Awards night , he sings a song from The Sound Of Music (as he heard a lot of it on the pitch)
Morne & Steyn , Morne & Steyn Every delivery you greet me Bounce and pace Have smashed my face You look happy to greet me
Blossom of red You have wrecked my head Oh how i need A flat track bed
On the surface, Pakistan are playing South Africa. Hang in till the last ten overs, Pakistan start to play themselves. Then around the last 7-8 overs, South Africa start playing themselves. The series is Pak vs SAF vs SAF vs PAK vs PAK. Who needs a triangular, these teams are two faced.
1. The Run-out: Haider plays back to Parnell. Runs a few paces down, and as it should be Haider’s call (but isn’t), Wahab runs more than a few paces down. There is time for a mid pitch conference, instead Parnell runs Wahab out. Wahab looks so sad, if only he could see the run out, he’d laugh too. (And so we tweeted: Next, they should try and run before the ball has been delivered. Even better when the bowler is gng back to his mark.
2. The Run-out that wasn’t: The tailenders go for a second which wasn’t. Ball thrown at bowler’s end, Steyn collects, with his back to the runner, responds to AB’s call, and instead of knocking the bails at his end, about turns and throws to keeper. If only he could see the replay, appears he does. He resembles an annoyed Wahab.
3. Brain fade that wasn’t: It was just Afridi. Just over a 100 to get, 18+ overs to get them in. Boom Boom down the wicket to hit Botha outta the ground. Yes, he’s the captain.
4. Return of the other Y: So the other, other Y has gone away. The world is not big enough for both Ys. Today, Younis hung in long enough to face more balls than Afridi has faced in his entire ODI career. He even made it to the Man of the match. He didn’t smile much, spoke in Urdu. Refreshing.
5. Return of the other captain: Smith was setting the field. Appears he was captain. The other day he wasn’t, Botha was. It is obvious now, both teams complement each other – but not themselves.
6. Gibbs takes his lance out – he sticks it into Smith and his gang. As a result, Smith, Kallis, AB, continue to think about weird excerpts from Gibbs’ book (most expensive shag) when they really should keep their eyes on the ball. Catch dropped. Demands for a new tech called Speech Blurb Cloud find voice.
7. Steyn takes his place – goes for 79 of 10. And that run out.
8. Shoiab Akhtar takes his place – scores 0 runs again to see Pak through. In the 2nd ODI he faced 1 ball, in the 4th, no ball. He did not however receive a free hit.
And so we tweeted: Gng by the freak cricket they produce, SAF and Pak should be part of each others' domestic tournaments.
nothing much... except use their bats more... rather than allowing the ball to pass through like a car whizzes past on a toll free highway...
its very easy to cajole yourself with the argument that india were not playing full strength... coz just two tests back a relatively unheard of deshi attack bowled india to a 250ish score on a placid track... when we played with our best batting line up...
its been a long time since i saw this much relentless high quality seam bowling with unflappable intensity on indian pitches from a visiting team... so lets give credit where its due... sa bowled brilliantly... dale steyn in particular...
theoretically india can still save this test match... but practically it will be a monumental task and the batsmen at the crease and the ones to follow will have to bat out of their skins on a weary pitch... where the threat is not only from the new ball but from the reverse swing of the old ball as well...
the stage is set for fringe players like vijay and badri to stake an irresistible claim otherwise i am afraid they will have to pay the price of the defeat...
whatever happens in this match... i think selectors should bring irfan pathan in place of saha... he seems to be in good form and bringing him in the mix when his confidence is high will give team india much needed balance for the second test match... without compromising on the batting
on this note i leave this open thread to share rants... thoughts... about how india should go for the rest of this test match and beyond...
The 3rd day is probably the day this test is really going to start. After the SA bored us into submission for two days we are all set for Lord Sehwag to get his groove on.
Even the tricky 4 overs yesterday didn't deter him. And ended with 9 off 10.
Are Steyn, Morkel and Uncle Kallis going to be his next victims?
For one, who will bowl the 30th over – earlier it was Shaun Pollock, always, without fail. He did so in the ODIs, and if you investigate further, he may have bowled the 30th over in test matches too. But of course he never bowled the 30th in a twenty20. That would be overdoing it.
I’m quite sure Pollock, who is now in commentary, makes an appearance in the 30th over.
Today, playing Sri Lanka, who should bowl the 30th over – well, Dale Steyn, who else? Steyn will always bowl the 30th over for South Africa –at least till he’s top dog.
The South Africans have this way, it allows them to think less on the field, and go with the flow – that’s why they lose so many knockout matches.
They’re not really choking, that’s a myth. It’s all been planned before. This is a semi-finals, we know how it’s done – we’ve done it so many times before, let’s just focus on the process, we have nothing to lose.
June 18, 2009 2000 hrs: The taxi rings in and it’s time to leave. More importantly it is time for the Dubai chapter of Bored to meet for the first time. Some interesting new chapter it is!!
This time the guy who would drive me to Times Café at Ramee Royal is a guy from Rajasthan, India - Shamsher. The moment the taxi left my house we were talking, about T20 world cup of course. Very unhappy that India is out of the tournament, Shamsher was frightened by the prospect of Pakistan winning the tournament, “Yeh Pathan log hame zinda jeene nahin denge sir”. He was referring to his fellow taxi drivers from Pakistan, how they would react if Pakistan wins the tournament. At the same breath he also added, but it is good if the cup comes back to our region.
By the time the taxi neared Ramee Royal, Kamran Akmal had already dispatched a couple to the boundary off Steyn’s first over. As we taxied in to the Ramee porch came Shamsher’s prophecy, “Sir aaj Afridi ka din lagta hi…” Looks like it is Afridi’s day, if he clicks then they are home and dry.
I happened to meet Bhaskar at the porch, as we walked in I was telling him it looked like Pakistan’s day today. By the time we managed to enter Ramee Royal and locate Q, the whole Pakistani contingent present there were on their toes, some sighing, shouting, cursing and some with that trademark (cricket fan’s) WTF’s happening look. It was entrée Afridi as Shahzaib trudged along after making a 2 ball zero.
As Afridi was warming up for what would be one of his best T20 innings ever, the South Africans were beginning to show signs. Signs, that they were destined to go only this far.
Over 2.5 Botha misfielding and then trying to smile it off. I was reminded of the Younis Khan during the warm up match against India, the "let me wash my pains off with a smile" reaction.
But just balls later, Malik who had just replaced Akmal was trying to play himself in. With some painful "do I or don’t I" prods on the away swinging balls from Kallis. I could hear murmurs “Isko kyun beja yaar” or Why did he send him in? Misbah should have come in...
As Afridi pulled Kallis over the midwicket for a four to end the 5th over, the applause was deafening. I could see Q jumping up with joy and spilling his glass of Coke, I could see a couple of guys rushing towards Q for high fives that would easily have broken at least one out of the five metacarpals on a normal day.
When Afridi "late nudged" Botha for four, to end the 11th over of fours the crowd went mad, I could overhear someone saying “Yaar aaj Afridi dhimag use kar raha hai, very unlike Afridi” (Afridi is using his brains today, very unlike him)
When Afridi got out for a well made 51 off 34 balls, it was over 12.1. Almost everyone in the room seemed satisfied that Afridi had done his job.
It then was a bit of a rollercoaster, at one point in time some among the Pakistani contingent felt Malik might be the the new Ravindra Jadeja for the day. There was a sense of relief among the crowd that Shoaib Malik finally got out after making 34 off 39 balls.
Pakistan finally made 149, it looked like about 5-10 runs less than the par score. Q and his Coke were still standing, they would continue to do so till Pakistan finally got home. But that would only come after a break of 15 minutes and a further 20 overs.
There was nothing to write home about the South African batting innings, except that Kallis innings or the Mumbai Indiansqe 44 by Duminy. The noise of Jeetega Bhai Jeetega soared by every ball bowled, when Morkel was runout in the 20th (19.3) it was party time. The crowd was sure the South Africans wouldn’t make the 16 required off 3 balls.
More beer, said me and Bhasker as Q went on helping the Coke marketshare soar up.
Positives of the day
Finally it happened, the Dubai chapter of Bored met
We saw Afridi in full form, and imagine how exciting this would be when you are the lone Indian (two of us) sitting in the midst of a thousand ecstatic Pakistani fans.
The beer that flowed, Mary - the ever smiling bartender who made sure we got our beer in quick time and the bajjiya and chutney which de-carbonated our beered souls a bit
Negatives
The Dhs 50 cover charge to enter the place (some other day it would have got us 2 pints, we could redeem only one on that day)
I had to be content with the beer and the “ever Young Monk”, Afridi (heard he is only 29 yet) as I wouldn’t get my Old Monk at Times Café.
Poor Shamsher, who is going to be taunted by his Pathan colleagues for god knows how long...
Scene: last over of the Chennai Innings. Dale Steyn is bowling. Freddy Flintoff is at the crease.
Steyn runs in quick and mean, Flintoff shuffles and moves towards the off side. Steyn follows him, misses the bat by about 3 inches, and as it is technically so, Brian Jerling stretches his arms.
Steyn gives it to him in the local language...
That is not it..
3 balls later, Steyn yorks Albie Morkel and mutters to the umpire: "now that wasn't too wide, was it?"
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