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Showing posts with label Alastair Cook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alastair Cook. Show all posts
The Oval Test via the IPL
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“Now you know why batsmen like Cook and Trott have no place in the IPL.”“KP’s cameo showed he’s a team player not too bothered by landmarks.”
My patience is running thin with this Test. It didn’t start well. First my cable guy, Hathway, regaled me with his version of motion capture – frozen images for no less than 3 minutes. Steyn took that long to take his jersey off. It looked as if his head was stuck in it and he was struggling to get out of it. He was out of it.
He came on in the 11th over. And when he did, he
bowled as if he could have waited for that one over booked for Tahir before
lunch.
Morkel got a friendly warning first ball. What is a friendly
warning? – “You’re getting it off with my sister, mind it” To start a Test,
this Test, the first Test, which was almost as waited-for as that first
India-England Test last year with a friendly warning is demeaning.
That Bumble broke the ‘friendly warning’ to us lessened the
blow somewhat.
From then on I watched most of the first session with the
back of my head. Bad telecast tossed with no telecast and vinegar.
There was rain before that. The covers came on before the
toss. Only in England. And Sri Lanka. Why don’t they play on the damn covers if
they’re worried about the pitch?
And Cook dug in deep. It was under Cook’s tutelage that the
phrase, ‘if you don’t get him early fear for the worst’ was coined. When Cook is in
you can step out, buy your beer, power nap, fornicate, defecate. It’s the
opposite of Sachin really – he knows nobody’s eyes are on him. Not yours, mine,
the umpire’s or even Steyn’s.
Imagine if Sachin had that. He would have scored 100
thousand 100s by now.
Then you see what Alastair Cook can do in the highlights and you realize he can bat,
hit boundaries, a straight drive, through the covers.
I did watch that 6 Live though. That would have made a
proper IPL batsman proud. The boundaries were in. The bat was beefy. It was an
edge, off Steyn, over fine leg.
Steyn smiled – this is just like the IPL where I get smashed
shitless. And who knows, Cook could become a proper IPL player one day. But for
that we’ll have to watch him first.
If Lalit Modi was in charge of England's home series, he'd find sponsors for the rains.
— BCC! (@BoredCricket) July 19, 2012
This Test sucks, by now the Indians would've been bowled out, and ready to follow on. #EngvsSaf
— Gaurav Sethi (@nakedcricket) July 19, 2012
Poor Tihar, worked so fucking hard on those celebrations forgot all about his bowling.
— BCC! (@BoredCricket) July 19, 2012
Watching South Africa bowl over the last few hours, Vinay Kumar's chest must have started to swell.
— BCC! (@BoredCricket) July 19, 2012
Alastair Cook and India find scoring 300 difficult.
India is yet to score 300 in the test series, same with Cook. While India’s best so far is 288, Cook’s is 294. However at Lord’s India beat Cook easily– India 286, Cook 12; and India 261 and Cook 1. At Trent Bridge, Cook scavenged for 2 whereas India dined for 288; and Cook 5 and India 158 in the 2nd innings. One innings is too little to go by, India’s collective strength will finally prevail over Cook. Already it appears obvious that India will outscore Cook in the second innings at Edgbaston as Cook may not bat at all.
England Threesome
30th May, 2011. England v Sri Lanka: The final Sri Lankan wicket falls to complete a dramatic victory at Cardiff: Lakmal caught Cook bowled Broad under the captaincy of Strauss - The Terrific Threesome (of Captaincy)
To beat England
Scrap Shakib's chicken pox and dip them in silver to make them look like diamonds. Then offer it to Alastair Cook as a bribe, he is from Essex after all.
Let Andrew Strauss know that his captaincy is in question. It's not, but they are English. They tend to believe in the worst.
Go the ICC way and pretend that Eoin Morgan is still too Irish for you to notice him.
Fix Tamim Iqbal quickly, that always helps. Remind him that Cook is playing and is therefore available to drop him at some point.
Frustrate them till they step on balls or clean them with nails. If we are lucky, they may take a bite as well.
Don't depend on Crashrafool. Or better yet, switch him with Mahmudullah.
Keep Mushfiq happy. He is my son you see. If you keep him happy, I am happy. If I am happy, I am not making the short five hour flight to England to unleash hell on you. If I am not making the short five hour flight to England to unleash hell on you, you are left with a team to at least compete. It all works out splendidly.
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