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Dear Bored Members and the Passionate Followers of IBL,
I do not need two weeks to prepare my defense to the utterly frivolous charges against me. I have conducted the business of the League with utmost integrity and passion. Allow me to reveal the men who tried to bring the game to disrepute.
One of the esteemed Bored Members had a benami stake in Jatman's team. The Bored Member violated the spirit of equal opportunity by only buying players from his country. This league was based on equality, what with each franchise being given $1,000,000 to buy talent. I was offered money and when I declined, was threatened of being removed from my post.
My conscience was clear and I considered it my moral responsibility to move out of my job. At the end of the day, one has to be able to look themselves in the mirror even if they are as ugly as Shilpa Shetty without makeup. Hence, I contacted Bored Member Achettup to take over the reins of the IBL before the start of the next tournament. However, Bored Member Achettup had other commitments. Thankfully, vice-president Aditya stepped forward and showed the IBL is beyond mere personalities. I have full faith in his ability to run it in a smooth and fair manner.
Also, I would like to respond to Shri Thiru Cumaran's allegations of me bribing international players during the New Zealand v/s Australia series.
Mr. Cumaran, I'm afraid you have continued to underperform even after your underwhelming stint with the Indian team. You had accused me of, and I quote,
"He is known to have paid all the NZ and Australia bowlers to bowl tripe for the 2nd T20 to ensure a thriller. He paid extra to the Australia bowlers to ensure that Brendon McCullum made a century."
Allow me to point out to you that the T20 leg of said series was not even considered for scoring points. It was only the ODIs and Test Matches for which the game was active, so clearly your allegations are flawed.
Lastly, I would like to say that I am extremely disappointed by the conduct of everyone concerned. This has been a witch hunt against me and unlike the perpetrators of this hunt I will not lower myself to their level by revealing the names of those behind it. They are naked in public for all of us to see.
Sincerely,
Mahek Vyas
No Need for Two Weeks
Cricket mogul Mahek suspended in growing scandal.
Tax authorities are probing the less than two-year-old IBL, the game's least lucrative tournament, after Bored Members threatened to resign following allegations of improper influence.
Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!) axed Bored Game & IBL chief Mahek immediately after the final match of the 2010 series, past midnight, saying he had "brought a bad name to the administration of Bored and the game itself."
The widening scandal has sparked off tensions between the Congo and the Nationalist Congo Party (NCP), a key ally whose chief is seen close to Mahek, ahead of a possible confidence vote in parliament on Tuesday over high fuel prices.
While Mahek has not been formally charged and denies any wrongdoing, newspapers have said authorities were investigating reports of improprieties in bidding for teams and in negotiating television broadcast rights for the matches.
"The Bored looked into the allegations and took a decision to to issue a show-cause notice to Mr Mahek and pending inquiry, decided to suspend him," BCC! president Man-oh-R told a news conference in Mumbai.
The Bored’s probe would be dropped if Mahek convinced them of his innocence within two weeks, Man-oh-R said.
We have had some off-field unpleasant dramas only based on innuendos, half-truths and motivated leaks from all types of sources," Mahek told the crowd that had come for the IBL final on Sunday night.
"I assure you all decisions have been jointly taken by the governing council and approved by the general body in both year one and two of the IBL."
Mahek was replaced by a BCC! vice president, Chv Aditya, an engineer who is also on the IBL governing council.
(with thanks and apologies to CJ Kuncheria, Reuters)
"Yeh Andar Ki Baat Hai" Breaking News - Bored Posts raided
Language Mafia raids Bored Posts
Officers belonging to the Grammar, Syntax and Semantics department of the Language Mafia have conducted simultaneous raids on multiple Bored Posts, it has been learnt.
Officers were seen gleaning through the different Bored Posts to identify any syntactic or grammatical errors. "Its a can of worms" one officer was heard to be saying.. "F7 F7 please.. F7" said another.
Our reporters on duty have also learned that officials belonging to the Arts Department have conducted seperate raids on Bored.. While no official was willing to comment on record, some officials described the situation as "too sketchy" and "too much bad pun".
No official statement has been issued by the Language Mafia so far. However it is suspected that the ongoing spat between two Bored members has triggered this raid.
KhufiaBaaz: whose side are you on?
Previously on the world wide web, Bored Member Achettup had entered into conflicts with Bored Guest Shree Sam alias Chandler alias this and alias that. Even though company name changes were carried out by Shree Achettup, and not by Shree Sam, the conflict was of Shree Achettup’s creation.
Shree Achettup’s notoriety has earned him a block from upcoming cricketer and tweeter Aakash Chopra; uncalled for sarcasm at the expense of growing boy Yuvi are not uncommon either - now you know why trouble is his middle name.
"Yeh Andar Ki Baat Hai" Late Breaking News - "Patki-di my inspiration"
"Patki-di my inspiration", says Bhadka
Bhadka the Hutt, cousin of Jabba thrice removed and host of the very popular TV show "The Duck Squats Here" has credited MAK Ko Patki-di as the inspiration behind the title of her show.
"It so happened" said a breathless Bhadka, "that we were in phoren, going on a long drive to nowhere when, all of a sudden, a deer of some sort, possibly a black buck, was spotted at a distance. On seeing this, Patki-di jee commented "The buck stops here".
"Bas phir kya, I was so taken by the statement that I wanted to name my show "The Buck Stops Here". But Sharmila aunty said that the name would not pass through the Censor Board. So, showing verbal dexterity that has come to define my show, I decided to name it "The Duck Squats here" ", said a beaming Bhadka.
"Yeh Andar Ki Baat Hai" Breaking News - Catfight at Lokhandwala
Catfight at Lokhandwala
A war of words has broken out between Slimline Sheety, owner of one of the Bored Game franchises The Rials and Pity D. Junta, owner of the Kinks of Punjab Presents.
Ms Junta, daughter of a failed South American dictator, is alleged to have said that Ms Sheety, daughter of Rama Sheety of Dagdi Chawl fame "purposely chose Shame He'sWorn and Some Twat to derail my team's campaign this Bored Game season".
Ms Sheety is believed to have retorted by questioning Ms Junta's questionable selection of the love child of Charlize Theron and Juan Peron.
Things got so heated that Aaj Iamjustthechaperone and Bas Wohdiya had to step in to separate the two ladies.
The failure to make the semi finals is assumed to be behind this showdown. That and the fact that both have acted in movies with another franchise owner, who shall remain un-named at this moment.
Neither Ms Junta or Ms Sheety were available for comment.
A Right-eyed View Of The Bored Scandal
For Aam Aadmi
Bhaiyon aur unki behnon,
It took me a while to understand what Mango Man means. You see, as Minister of Agriculture I have been so engrossed about my portfolio that I have stopped seeing the funny side of things. But this letter is not for such trivialities.
It has been brought to my attention that I have a role to play in the recent Bored scandals. I have absolutely nothing to do with the Bored in any way. My son-in-law is a stakeholder but I never liked him for deflowering my precious daughter.
I used to be an esteemed Bored Member but I have bigger fish to fry in six months. For those who want a piece of it, get your own frying pan and fish. I cannot hand out free food with the price rise in food products, everyone will know I have been hoarding them in my basement.
This is just an attempt to gain political mileage out of the sport that belongs to the Peoples. There are foreign elements at work. Elements that want to pressure me and my more suave sidekick into giving unconditional support to the establishment. Let me assure you this Maratha will not walk quietly into the sunset - But do not tell anyone of the Lamborghini I shall be driving into it.
Sincerely,
Darad Power
Bored Council Working Committee To Meet To Be Called Tomorrow
Bored Member Hon. Shri Homer does not have the authority to call an Extraordinary General Meeting. In all his years at Bored he has never called such a meeting in the past, hence there shall be no Extraordinary General Meeting unless I am calling it.
We shall meet tomorrow at a Bored Council Working Committee Meeting to discuss Bored Member Hon. Shri Homer's continued workings at a Bored level. Nobody need fear missing out on dana paani ka kharcha, sufficient quantity has been ordered for all attending the meeting and everyone shall have his own individual share which cannot and will not be withheld by any member and especially a member who does not have the authority to withhold appetizers at Bored Meetings. Also, kindly do not RSVP for Bored Member Hon. Shri Homer's Extraordinary General Meeting.
And Bored Member Hon. Shri Homer is hereby required to attend the Bored Council Working Committee's Emergency Meeting tomorrow, but he shall not be allowed to make a statement. Neither is he applicable for Rasmalai (desert).
Dear Shri Achettupji,
It is with great sadness that I read the show cause notice issued to me by Bored. The show cause notice is illegal and in violation of the Consititution of the Bored.
Per clause CMLXXXXVI of Article 7.5.4.3.6.7.8 para 378, "a show cause notice can be issued only in the case that a 2/3rd majority of the Bored Membership is in agreement and an affidavit of the said agreement is notarized by three legal notaries and filed in triplicate. It is also mandatory that said notarized affidavit then be posted, via regular mail and reach the noticee in no less than 3 business days from the date of the vote."
Therefore, the show cause notice is null and void. I am taking this opportunity to call on an Extraordinary General Meeting (EGM) of the Bored at a time and place of my choosing.
RSVP ASAP.
Sincerely,
Your good friend,
Homer
Sources: Content Of Bored Council Email Leaked
Dear All,
It has been brought to my notice that some of you are planning to "leak" the previously sent meeting invite on the Bored forum in the interests of "transparency".. It will behoove you to know that any such action will bring about the strongest reprimand.. And if you still insist on the above course of action, it will also behoove you to know that REDACTED , REDACTED and REDACTED are on my People I Follow list. And REDACTED is a follower..
Now that you have digested that, I would again repeat my strong urging to you to desist from leaking anything anywhere ( not to be taken literally). And do remember, my last line of defense is that my e-mail account was hacked and there is no paper trail of the said meeting invite.
Please do note that my minions are, at this very moment, digging up the dirt on you.. It wont take much to prove your "Internet Rights" are dodgy or that your "Bhevioral Patterns" are inconsistent.
So be warned ( yet again).
Sincerely Yours,
DDDDADVCB XXXXX (COUNT THE NUMBER OF Xs HINT HINT)
PS:- Please note that the above threat is equally applicable for this note too. And please also do remember that those leaking this mail ( or the previous one) stand to lose thier dana paani ka kharcha for the Bored meeting ( and that is just the appetizer).
Clarification on the "Statement issued on the ongoing Bored Scandal by Bored Member Hon. Shri Homer"
It has been brought to my notice that a statement has been issued in my name on the pages of Bored.
I categorically deny having issued any such statement. This is nothing but a lie used by my opponents to sully my reputation.This is a conspiracy by certain vested interests in the Bored who are jealous of me and the work I have done for the Bored.It saddens me that after all these years dedicated to the Bored, I have to endure this humiliation.
I have been subjected to a media witch hunt, having been selectively misquoted by sections of the media to besmirch my good name.
I have always been, and shall remain, a loyal and humble foot soldier for the Bored. To my supporters, be aware that my sex life is alive and well. Sure it take a blue pill, sometimes four, and I put the quick in quickey more often than not, but atleast I am not Matthew Hayden in Chennai colors.
To my well wishers and friends, you are the great unwashed. This makes you our future.God help us all!
And for those who are yet to be convinced, you will note that the Statement issued in my name does not contain my name!
Homer.
Statement issued on the ongoing Bored Scandal by Bored Member Hon. Shri Homer
I have had no sexual relations with that woman. Or any other woman. No further comments.
Sources: Bored In Crisis Over Threat To Leak Bored Threatening Emails
Sources have informed this Bored member that threats have been made to or by senior members of Bored about the threat of leaking threatening emails made to the Bored Committee. I would like to dismiss these allegations of the threats being made about the threat to leak threatening emails as false and unfounded rumors. There is no question of leaking threatening emails since if a leak is made it is made by the entire Bored council and not by a solitary member, and all members are fully aware of this. It is in the interest of Bored secretaries with conflicts of interest not to create an unnecessary conflict within the Bored. No leaks about threatening emails within the Bored committee have taken place.
I will reveal all later at a suitable time.
