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Showing posts with label Salman Butt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Salman Butt. Show all posts
How many years did Hansie get
How many years, how many years
How many years did Asif get
How many years, how many years
How many years did Salman get
How many years, how many years
How many years did Aamer get
How many years, how many years
How many years did Wasim Bhai get
How many years, how many years
How many years did Waqar get
How many years, how many years
How many years did Akmal get
How many years, how many years
How many years did the Pak fan get
How many years, how many years
How many years did Ijaz Butt get?
How many years, how many years
How many years did the PCB get?
How many years, how many years
How many years did Azhar get
How many years, how many years
How many years did Jaddu get
How many years, how many years
How many years did Hansie get
How many years, how many years
How many years did Hansie get
HOW MANY YEARS, HOW MANY YEARS
HOW MANY YEARS DID HANSIE GET.
At Salman Butt’s Ice Cream Parlour
In the finest tradition of the no-balls there is an ice cream that isn’t an ice cream – want a scoop, just ask for “no scoop”. Want a double scoop, simple, say no, no scoop. You will get two cones or cups, but no scoops.
Asif’s flavours – Fix your own sundae, Opium of the masses (Vanilla), Coke Shoke, Droopy eyed decadence. All available in no scoop and customs.
Aamer’s flavours– Innocent Eye Candy, Glider Godiva, I don’t know what I did last summer (all-in-one), and on popular demand, Swinging Strawberry, and the acquired taste of Swings more ways than one (Shakes). All available in no scoop.
Mazhar Majeed's flavours– Things that make you go MM, I have 3 players (triple sundae), I have more players (ice cream buffet). All available in no scoop. For MM’s offerings, you are filmed on a sofa.
News of the world's flavours – In bad taste (vomit flavor), Hidden pleasures (surprise flavours), NOTW Darling (sleazy adult offering). All available in no scoop.
Salman Butt's flavours – English speaking (talking ice cream), Salman Pink Fishy Strawberry, ‘X’ Captain’s unknown flavours. All available in no scoop
Ijaz Butt's flavours – Mischief Mango, Senile Strawberry, Leech Lychee. All available in no scoop
Kamran Akmal's flavours – Whatever falls on the floor.
Shahid Bhai's Flavours - Uncertain availabilty
MoYo's flavours: Discontinued after traces of facial hair were found.
ECB to PCB:
by Kartik Chintamani
As Sunny once said... I was the king of park cricket... But that bloody Lalit Berry always got me with his beamers.
The Spot Fixing Investigations Begin
The usual suspects are seated in a cozy court room, Lord Condon begins the spot fixing investigations with an unrepentant Salman's Butt.
Lord Condon: Salman’s Butt, did you order the fix?
Yawar Saeed: You don't have to answer the question
Salman’s Butt: I'll answer the question. You want answers?
LC: I think I'm entitled to them.
SB: You want answers?
LC: I WANT THE TRUTH!
SB: You can't handle the truth.
SB: We play in a game which has money and that money needs to earned by men with talent. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Giles Clarke? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Amir and curse his teammates. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Amir’s no ball, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that field. You NEED me on that field. You use words like honour, code, loyalty. You use these words as the backbone of the life spent defending something. We use these words as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very entertainment that I provide and that questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a bat or a ball and take the field. Either way, I don't give a DAMN what you think you are entitled to.
LC: Did you order the fix?
SB: I did the job...
LC: DID YOU ORDER THE FIX?
SB: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I DID!!!
Yawar Saeed's face falls, and with it the Pakistan flag slips to half mast.
Cricket's Greatest Betrayal
Dramatic, no? But allow me to make my case for how accurate that title is.
There were so many, simply unbelievably so many people who made this tour of England possible. And they all did it for one thing: they love cricket and they know how much cricket needs Pakistan. And you wouldn't be too far off the mark if you said Pakistan needs cricket just as much.
People are often quick to point out how many times Australia have refused to tour Pakistan. What they fail to also add is that, in years when Pakistan have hardly had any international cricket, they've played a lot against Australia, and plenty of those matches have been at neutral venues. Whether that was in the scorching, unforgiving heat in the UAE (both tests and ODIs), the oppressive humidity on slow pitches in Sri Lanka or in the most conducive of swing bowling conditions in England, Australia have not eschewed a responsibility to playing against Pakistan. And Pakistan needed those games, one might argue more than Australia did.
England gave Pakistan the opportunity to host matches on their turf against Australia, giving them the opportunity to entertain thousands of passionate fans in the British Isles while helping the PCB in the midst of their sternest financial crisis to date. The MCC went so far as to christen the two series as "The Spirit of Cricket", cognizant of the fact that Pakistan's tours of England in the past were marked by unsavory incidents and that the best way to help ensure this series went smoothly and benefited one and all, and particularly Pakistan, was to make the cricketers believe they had a greater responsibility to fair play. How utterly ironic and misplaced that theme was in the light of what has transpired.
The Pakistani people, starved of competitive international test cricket at home, facing hardship after hardship whether man-made or natural, willed their team on. They took heart, comfort and strength from the performances of gifted young men who were never expected to win too much, but excelled and excited everyone who loves the game. That delivery bowled by Amir to dismiss Mitchell Johnson was easily the best bowled this year. And despite the ragged and often comical fielding, the inadequate and inexperienced batting, the team won. And not once, but twice, written off before each match. For a nation of proud cricket crazy fans, there could have been fewer things that kept them going in such tough times.
All of these people were betrayed by those who gave in to temptation for a few dollars more. You might even say the ICC was betrayed since they also played a heavy role in facilitating this series, but as Straight Point argues, they are also culpable since their Anti-Corruption Unit seemed oblivious to what was going on when they should have been on high alert- young cricketers playing under a weak corrupt board, unsure of what might happen next to them, their careers, their families and their country were always going to be easy targets and the ACU had a responsibility to ensure they were given little opportunity to stray.
The players had a responsibility, they should have understood how dire the consequences of their actions were. The team, like the country, was in ruins and the future of the side was at stake. Already several veterans have been dismissed for their erratic and irrational behavior over the last couple of years. It seems like the team has been rebuilding since forever. And now everything that might have been achieved has been ruined. The game's future in the country is in doubt. People will lose faith.
The circus that is about to follow is so predictable that it would be hilarious if it were not so sad. There will be a commission created to find out what has gone wrong, there will be calls for blood and reform, there will be promises made that things will change and unscrupulous politicians will try to gain as much mileages as they can from these events. The media and ex-cricketers will demand someone who is distinguished and who has integrity take charge, but will they find such a candidate, one who is willing to work in an environment where at any moment a politician can demand and overrule any decision made? There will be some scapegoats made to ensure the best and most talented are allowed to continue, they will be painted as the scheming villains who fooled innocent and naive youngsters into bringing the game into disrepute for their (the scapegoats') sole benefit.
Perhaps ultimately it will be that these cricketers have betrayed themselves. Promising world class talents who should have rewritten record books will either end up not playing and achieving their potential or having to live with the taint of fixing and getting away with it. The game was betrayed this weekend, and betrayal brings anger. But if people are to emerge from this better than when they went into it, then anger needs to be pushed to the backseat and sensible decisions must be taken with just one aim, securing the future of the game. For we love cricket and we know how much cricket needs Pakistan. But things must not be allowed to continue as they have in the past. And if Pakistan can't change and cannot free itself from this corruption, then cricket must not change for it. We must keep trying to support Pakistani cricket and give them opportunities, but at the same time we must demand that they are willing to help themselves.
For Aamer
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
by W.H Auden
News of the World link
Gypsy Kings
Home, away
Home is away
Away is away
Will play where we play
Will play where we play
Anywhere, will you have us?
Will you have us?
Roll out your pitch
In the middle of Arabia
Roll out your pitch
In the middle of England
Will play
I will be chieftain for today
You will be my tribe
My mental age is much less
Than my fudged age
But I will talk
Raise my arms
And take it day by day
I will be chieftain
You will be my tribe
I will play like I'm playing
India
And we will win
Every team we play is India.
Home is away
We are away
so far away from you
So far we just can't see
(last two lines by Dire Straits, once SRT's favourite band)
Last and final call for Younis Khan.
By now you know that Younis Khan could be on the next flight to Sydney. He’s been on standby ever since the Melbourne test went according to plan, that is abysmally wrong. Younis being a Pak ex-captain was expecting this; he had his bags packed as he heard S&G’s Homeward Bound backwards.
Till tea, fourth day, the test has had only one flow; after tea is when it reverted to a classic Pak test, ebb, flow, ebb and flow, and sometimes flow and ebb.
It was in the post tea session that Younis was put on high alert; he was on call. The smile was back as he patted random travellers and high fived a few youngsters at the Karachi airport. He urged his mobile to ring, a call from MoYo, even his ringtone had been changed to the appropriate, “AHJA AHJA…AAAH!” (come, come…come!)
To be honest, the phone did ring a few times. Each time Younis started to gyrate like some Bollywood nymph, and then just when he was through with his item number, the phone would stop ringing.
Deal is, after a wicket, a partnership had started to develop. The first phone rang at 18/1 when Farhat fell. And as Younis took his time to take the call, Salman Butt and Faisal Iqbal already got into partnership mode.
It is known that MoYo can change his mind abruptly; his shenanigans of calling and then disconnecting, not something new, ask Kapil Dev if you don’t believe me.
Of course Younis called MoYo back, whose ringtone was appropriately “Kabhi haan, kabhi naa” ('times yes, 'times no); as expected MoYo didn’t take the call. Why would he, that’s not the nature of the beast.
And then, Butt played across to one; MoYo was mortified – how could he, this chokada? Padded and set to walk out, MoYo decided to call Younis one more time, and tell him, “Arey, board kar plane, kayamat aah gayi hai yahaan…”
But did he get to tell him? Younis’ phone rang, and how he danced, he knew Butt was gone; he was still enjoying the replay on the giant flat screen, doing his gig, beaming, high fiving random travellers.
Now even though it wasn’t a T20, you still have to get there and bat. Why wasn’t Younis answering – MoYo was going mad. Misbah muttered from behind, “Ja yaar, Ja”
Always being in two minds, MoYo walked with bat, and mobile phone. But that incident the Late Cronje had with the Late Woolmer; ear implants are disallowed; and MoYo chucked his mobile in disgust.
As it wasn’t a 3 Mobile, the sponsors didn’t take the call. Elsewhere, Younis wildly repeated, “Yousuf bhai, Yousuf bhai…bhai??!”
But all he could hear were abusive Aussie kids, and drunken wankers. A rare black sea pearl shaped tear drop appeared, and then disappeared; it was as if Younis had never cried.
Almost ten overs later when Faisal fell, Younis’ hopes rose…MoYo asked for a drink, the drink came, he asked the drink’s boy for his mobile, but the mobile never came.
It was trampled upon by the drinks’ boy, who kept telling his mates, “my feet are talking – strange airport announcement sounds” They thought he was mad.
Fifty four runs and no wickets later, MoYo and Umar Akmal returned, to fight and call another day – Younis meanwhile sits in the Terminal, thinking about that Tom Hanks movie he once saw. Can cricket imitate the movies?
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