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Showing posts with label Bored guest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bored guest. Show all posts

Guile and Spin

by Bored Guest

Book review “Guile and Spin” by Stuart Larner 978-0-9573156-0-0, approx 315 pages, available to download via Amazon as an ebook £3.96, published by Cricket International. 

The cricket novel was becoming a sadly neglected and often overlooked genre of fiction. Until recently the sport that we love with all of its complexities and technical nuances had not always found its literary niche. However hope and salvation has been offered to avid fans in recent times, notably by several tomes including Joseph O’Neill’s “Netherland” and Jennie Walker's “24 for 3”, perhaps indicating that the great game has once again reclaimed its rightful place among the bookshelves of contemporary fiction.

In this rekindling fire sparks a new and exciting modern novel entitled "Guile and Spin", by former professional psychologist Stuart Larner. It combines the subtle sporting acumen and its psychological underpinnings.

This modern cricket novel is set in the present day recession in Northern England, and is the first cricket book ever to feature a woman cricketer as the heroine and a man who doesn’t like cricket as the hero.

The story is recounted by Jeremy, a council sports centre manager, who is told by his boss that he must resurrect an extinct village cricket club in order to obtain government money to save the crumbling sports and leisure service. He is helped by the woman cricketer Claire and by a Sikh coach, Fardeep Singh. In a manner reminiscent of “The Magnificent Seven” Jeremy takes to the streets to recruit players by dropping into a garage, visiting a man who runs a cricket museum in his spare room, and approaching groups of bored lads on street corners. Singh teaches Jeremy how to develop his mind to control his reactions in the zone.

These interesting passages are reflective of the author’s background as a clinical psychologist. The writing is always engaging, simple, and clear. The plot and characterisation is well-structured. The end has unexpected spin and a woman’s guile.

Reviewed by Tim Robbins. 

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Beast of Burden

by Bored Guest

You’ve always been our beast of burden
Yer back is broad but you’re just a wastin’
You sure ain’t no rockstar  - it’s how it looks to me
You’ll always be a feast of burden
Familiar sight now is you getting a whippin’
It’s just baffling how your fame even came to be

You ain’t good enough
And not tough enough
And not even smart enough
You’re just too blind to see

You shouldn’t be our beast of burden
So just go home and draw the curtains
It’s about time man
Forget Warney's bullshit and set yourself free

You ain’t good enough
And not tough enough
And not even smart enough
You’re just too blind to see

Oh you little ogre
Chunky, clunky, hunky, gunky dude
You’re always in a funky, funky, funky, funky mood
Chunky, clunky
Such chunky, clunky dude
Come on beasty please, please, please

I'll tell ya
It’s time we put ya out
On the street
Put you out
With no choice but to retreat
Just, put you  out, put you out
Put you right back to your mother’s teat

Yeah, all your absence
Your brother can suck it up
In all probability though
He'll definitely fuck it up
There's one thing you lump
That I don't understand
Warney keeps on telling us
That you're one of a kind
But you’re not big enough
And not tough enough
And not even smart enough
You’re just too blind to see

You should never be a beast of burden
It's time you stopped bein’ a fucking feast of burden
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be

By Sriram Dayanand
who blogs at Boundary Conditions and protects his tweets @sdayanand

*Sorry Mick Jagger

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Ballad of the Belligerent Non-Retiree

by Bored Guest

Oh, I feel a sniggerin’ chuckle comin' up, a guffaw burstin' out
Ain't over for me at least darlin’, while you may twist n' shout
Givin’ up ain't so simple asshole, it's been my ass and life
Oh so you think I'll cut my balls off, just coz' the team's in strife?

<chorus >

Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho
So you think the time is nigh? So it's time for me to blow?

I am your precious national monument baby, I tend to last for life
Just gaze upon my pretty ass, lose thoughts of weildin' that knife
I am primo T-bone steak yo, I be the whipped cream on the top
Relishin’ is all your lazy ass gotto do, yet you moan for me to stop?

<chorus>

Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho
You think I dunno when to stop? Dunno when I friggin’ gotto go?

 This been just a lil' stutter honey, ain't worth a hue and cry
When we play back in our backyard, everyone's ass is bheja-fry
Overseas results are just a wee glitch, our glory be at home
When we nail their butts up sky high, and their mouths begin to foam

<chorus>

Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho
I can feel them home wins comin’, my badass game begin to flow

 Don’t ya know livelihood's a f**kin’ pain? Just makin' it itself a bitch?
Do you even have a job? Have ya ever felt the naggin' itch?
Why dontcha try n' make it big ya loser? Climb up the treacherous hill
Just unclench your rigid ass man, for f**k's sake swallow a chill pill?

<chorus>

Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho
Just watch me pout n' preen, just watch my golden ass glow

Now, I ain’t prone to abdication you imbecile, I've never been a quitter
I got a constitution of lead, not like your sorry chicken liver
Just coz you ain’t got no patience, ain’t packin a rigid spine
I am gonna fly the coop? So loooong before my time?

<chorus>

Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho
Just calm the f**k down, try suckin’  on your own big toe

I'm a smooth cat on steroids baby, and this be my life No. 9
Stop pokin’ your nose in my business, and it'll all be spit n' shine
I ain’t scrapin’ at the bottom, I got reserves built in my ass
Just wake me up, hand me my teeth and don't forget my balls of brass

<chorus>

Heidi-heidi-heidi-hi, Heidi-heidi-heidi-ho
Glory be to me, ya sorry a** sucker, just welcome me back to the show

By Sriram Dayanand
who blogs at Boundary Conditions and protects his tweets @sdayanand

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Laugh at Shoaib Akhtar again

by Bored Guest




Thanks to @OhTeri_BehenDi + @Sidhuisms for the link. This is an Amul ad. Eat it, Shoaib. 

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Tiger, Tiger burning bright. My hero passed away tonight.

by Bored Guest

Could there have been a more romantic figure in cricket? Royal Blood, Piratically one eyed, with a a flashing rapier of a bat. Fearless, brilliant, and in the still colonical hungover era could make White men realize that not all natives simply rolled over and begged for mercy.

I remember snatches; a personal memory of him patting my head, when i was a little boy: his magnifcent tactical acumen in countering the fearsome West indies side in 1974.The clairvoyant use he made of Prasanna, Bedi and Chandrashekhar. Oh, if only he had a Kapil dev too. He laid the foundation of the self belief which led to India's first overseas triumphs; never mind that the Last Pataudi trophy to be given away by Tiger while alive was in a Whitewash: nobody doubts that India will rise again.

I remember his epic battles at Headingley, Brisbane, the pirate admiral on a burning deck, repelling musket shot and cannon with his scimitar of a bat. Of his peternatural and feline fielding at covers.

Above all, his class, his persona, his wonderful understated humour and grace.

To his wonderful Begum, Saif and daughters, my deepest condolences.

This tiger is prowling his elysian fields, staring down all with one tigerish eye, down that imperious and regal nose.

Goodbye Tiger. Goodbye, legend.

by Rajiv
You can follow Rajiv on twitter  @RR2303

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The Number ‘One’ resigns its post.

by KhufiaBaaz

Following the one-sided Edgbaston Test, the number ‘One’ has petitioned the world of Math’s to reorder the number system. Embarrassed by the erstwhile No.1 team’s performance, the Number ‘One’ was at a loss for words – “One cannot continue as the head of natural numbers, one wants to resign one’s position…” 

If the request is accepted then apart from the obvious alterations in Arithmetic one expects changes in other texts too. "Famous Firsts" in History could be changed to "Scintillating Seconds" and water won’t be H20 anymore but H3O2. Neil Armstrong, Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay will lose relevance while Buzz Aldrin and Jurg Marmet will be elevated to further celebrity status. Everest itself could lose prominence to K2. China will officially change its 1 child policy to 2 many. 

Extra: While it has been accepted that the Number Zero was India's contribution to the world, it is now believed that the Indian was none other than Jatman, Sehwag.

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28 year old man suddenly regresses to the age of 14.

by Bored Guest

The family of a man identified as Vijay Chauhan reported to be in his late 20s was in for a shock when he began to pack some notebooks in a bag before going off to sleep at an unusually early hour so he could wake up in time for school the next day. "After watching TV over dinner, he excused himself and was frantically looking for his school calendar so he could pack his bag according to the next days timetable", said the man's visibly distressed wife. "Vijay even mouthed some juvenile expletives when he realized he had two periods of SUPW the next day", she added.

The trauma for the family was over when he was reminded that he was 28 years old, the year was 2011 and school was 11-12 years ago. While initially unbelieving, the man was eventually reminded of his age when family members repeatedly showed him pictures of India's World Cup victory and also convinced him that the "hot didi" in the room was actually his wife.

Earlier in the evening, Vijay had been watching the 2nd Test between India and England on TV. Soon he began cursing Mohd. Azharuddin, supposedly the Indian captain, for India's shoddy performance. "Actually, I blame it on the team. England's tail batted longer than our whole team. This took me back to the 90s when I was a school kid and believed in the Indian team's moral right to victory. With this performance, the memories of Durban '96 and Barbados '97 came back to me. The resemblance to this test was so much that I started believing I was in the 90s all over again. Look we also allowed Broad to come back into form and talk about replacements turning out match winning performances. I am telling you, it was not difficult to be taken back to the 90s. " said Vijay speaking at a press conference after it was confirmed that he had regained his senses and come back to the present day. "By the way, anyone know whats up with Franklin Rose ?", he added.

Aashish Kapoor, a pillar on whose shoulders Team India rested in the 90s was quick to point out how Harbahajan Singh, just like him, was effectively playing the role of an extremely ineffective spinner. "The game plan for the boys should be to ball well, field well and bat well, you know and we will be back in this series", added India's longest serving captain of the 90s, Mohd. Azharuddin.

Pranav thought he'd play for India. An honest self evaluation of his cricketing talents made him realize that he would do well if he made the playing 11 of his college team for 2 consecutive games.
Pranav also blogs at http://www.clearaswater.blogspot.com/

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Bored Cricket Cunning Linguists on the India-England test series (Telugu)

by Bored Guest

Early Bored Call Soulberry Telugu by bored cricket

Soulberry, one of the original Bored Members returns with his Early Bored Call in Telugu. He blogs in English at The Cricket Watcher's Journal and tweets @Slbry


 

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The Old Batsman: Outside, Looking In...

by Bored Guest

As Rahul Dravid was adding the last few of his 12, 314 Test match runs over in West Indies, it was interesting to watch the volume of ‘advice’ from Indian fans that came streaming through the Twitter feed.

If you’d never seen Dravid bat and instead formed an opinion of him from these screams from cyberspace, you might have pictured a timid schoolboy who’d been dragged unwillingly to the crease, where he was now cowering somewhere between the stumps and square leg bent only on surviving the remorseless onslaught of Darren Sammy, rather than the imposing, infinitely skilled player that he is.

We never see ourselves as the rest of the world does. From the outside though - which is all I can write about – the Indian team looks much like Rahul Dravid must if you’re a bowler who’s been trying to get him out for six hours under unrelenting sun on a wicket that bounces about as high as a dead cat thrown into a swimming pool: a vast and sometimes unscaleable wall that will resist you forever.

It’s all about perspective: Rahul Dravid has scored 3,414 more Test runs than any Englishman who has ever played the game. And Dravid is not even the highest scorer in the team. Sachin Tendulkar has made 5,792 more runs than any English player ever. Of the current England side, only Andrew Strauss and Kevin Pietersen have scored more than 5,792 Test runs.

Virender Sehwag has made 22 Test match hundreds. That puts him level with Boycott and Hammond, who hold England’s record. Dravid has ten more. Sachin has more than Boycott and Hammond put together. No current England player yet has 20.

Then there’s the other stuff. Harbhajan Singh has more Test wickets than any bowler currently playing. His 404 puts him 21 ahead of Ian Botham, whose England record has stood since 1992, but still leave him more than 200 wickets adrift of India’s best-ever, Anil Kumble. Zaheer Khan’s 271 mean he starts the series with 52 more wickets than Jimmy Anderson, who is by a distance England’s current leading wicket-taker.

India arrive with all of this weight, this statistical heft, behind them. It means as much as you want it to, of course, and England can counter with the ICC rankings of Swann and Anderson, and the remarkable Test match average of Jonathan Trott, which at 62.23 makes him either six runs an innings better than Sachin or the next Mike Hussey depending on your view.  

The point is that, from the outside, this Indian side is a monolithic thing, containing players whose greatness cannot be denied. They have their foibles because they are human beings, but they represent an era of cricket that will be looked on as a golden age: something that England cannot say they’ve had for a while. 

by
The Old Batsman

The Old Batsman is an English cricket blogger – www.theoldbatsman.blogspot.com

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Protective Gears – Then and Now

by Bored Guest

Let us transport ourselves to the days of Jardine`s bodyline series made famous by the sheer speed and accuracy of Harold Larwood and Bill Voce. It is reported that the fastest ball by Larwood was recorded at 96 mph (remember miles not kilometers) with only the not so precise electrical instruments of the thirties, but players of his time vouched him to be even faster.

The essence of the bodyline theory was to attack the batsman with short rising deliveries rather than aim at the wickets. The purpose was to intimidate the indomitable Don and prevent him from scoring as many at such furious rate. It succeeded to a large extent, because Bradman failed in the series, but only by his lofty standards. His average in the series stood at 53 point something as against his grand average of 100 minus fraction. But his average of 54 for the bloodiest series is as good as, if not better than the average of all the modern gladiators- Lara and Sachin included.

But…

Bradman played in only four of the five match series and scored a century, a fifty plus (73, I Believe) and two near fifties in the eight innings he played in the series. Not a bad job for a man facing missiles hurled at him in excess of 150 kmph constantly by the deadliest combination of Larwood and Voce.

Of course he did take quite a few body blows, so did the old Bill Ford and the versatile Macabe. But they scored runs, not enough to win the ashes (they lost the series 1-4), But enough to show some fight and determination.

Let us consider the protective armor that Don and his contemporaries had.

The pads that protected the longest single bone of the body that carries the frame on it.

The pair of gloves that protected the maximum number of bone joints in our body.

Then the abdomen guard that protected the human race.

Some preferred to have a cap to protect against the sun-glare.

A pair of buck-skin boots to protect the toes and they had spikes to give a good grip.

Contrast this with the gladiatorial gears of the modern day professional. A helmet to protect the skull. A chest pad to protect the chest. The arm guard to protect the fore arm. The conventional box to protect the vitals. Then a thigh pad that covered the part of the leg above the knee. The conventional pad to protect the legs.

With a donkey’s load of protective gear the best average of all the greats of the fully armored men of modern times just about matches the scantily protected Bradman and the co exposed to the ‘bodyline attack’ of the bowlers hurling down constantly in excess of 150 kmph.

Perhaps the pre-gladiatorial men are driven by fear. How else can we explain the craze for more and more of protective gears? Added to the satiety of the protective gears is the senseless law (added quite recently) restricting the fast bowler to bowl no more than one short rising delivery aimed at the batsman.

The fast bowler has become near irrelevant. A few McGrath’s still command respect, but these are the men of Gubby Allen pace, not the express pace of Larwood.

If KP’s switch hit and the now more often used reverse-sweep are legitimate , why should the bowler be obliged to inform the umpire and the batsman if the is going to bowl over around the wicket. Let the bowler run up and deliver the ball from whatever angle he wants.

Why should law prevent a bowler from wearing some rough plaster around the fingers of his bowling arm to get better grip of the ball. Why should law prevent a bowler (or a quiet captain like Atherton) from applying some foreign matter to one surface of the ball or lift the seam (a la Tendulkar) with the nail.

If law could be silent about new arrivals in a batsman’s protective gear, it has to go silent about what adds to the advantage of a bowler. Or it is not cricket. (Both in the literal and in the figurative sense)


by M Rajagopalan

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Could Sehwag have been as good as Sachin?

by Bored Guest

Virendra Sehwag, after smashing a superb 119 against the Deccan Chargers was honoured with the orange cap, his first in the IPL. In spite of being part of one of the all time worst teams in the IPL, he has single handedly won them all their matches, scoring close to 70% of their runs in the match vs Deccan Chargers.

In the last few weeks Sehwag has been very critical of his performances and it appears the burden of captaincy has actually improved him. It makes you think, what if Sehwag had entered a Tendulkar-less team , would India’s expectation of him have changed? When Sachin comes to bat people expect him to carry the Indian innings, scoring a century, when Sehwag comes to bat all you expect him to do is entertain.

Sportsmen like other performers adapt their style according to the expectations of fans and teams, Dravid was a far more aggressive player when he started. Similarly, Sehwag entered into the fray with one of the world’s all time best batting combinations on paper. The likes of Ganguy, Dravid and Tendullkar have all scored more than 10000 runs in ODIs, hence it wasn’t really expected of Sehwag to stay and save the team’s grace, all he was expected to do was attack and in 10 years he has now become a totally different batsman. Sehwag’s technique is top notch, if he settles it won’t make a difference whether you are a Wasim Akram or a Douglas Hondo! He is often criticised for his lack of temperament but you don’t score two triple centuries just like that (something no other Indian Test batsman has achieved). Overtime plenty have criticized him as irresponsible but that is just wrong. You can be responsible only when you are given responsibility and Sehwag with his orange cap has shown that. He now makes an effort to at least stay for 10-15 overs and a settled Sehwag is utter menace to bowlers he is almost unstoppable.

But could Sehwag have been as good as Sachin?

by Shashank Tripathi
A management student and a bored cricket crazy Indian ;)

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Hunting Sidhu: The Alternative Cricket Movement

by Bored Guest

“Eh g**du! Have chor, yaar!”

This is what my dad would say to me, every time I watched cricket instead of studying.

I guess he won in the end. My parents crowbarred me into doing medicine, instead of my patented idea of sitting on my ass all day, and waiting for a million dollar idea to come into my head.

In fairness, it could have been worse – at least there was no family corner shop or pharmacy for me to be burdened with. And thank goodness that my parents weren't accountants.

As a kid in London, I couldn't get away from cricket. I was a die-hard, obsessive fan, constantly refreshing scorecards during my lunch breaks, and blessed with an uncanny ability to recall Sadagopan Ramesh's Test average and Indian opening combinations over the past decade.

Throughout my teens, I had idly mastered the art of shadow-batting in empty corridors, and right down to Harbhajan's 'stop-and-hope' follow-through, my shadow-bowling was coming along nicely.

Fast-forward a few years, and through several bizarre twists of fate, I find myself condemned to studying medicine for six years in a small town in the Czech Republic.

You will know the country formerly known as Czechoslovakia as famous for stunning architecture, The Velvet Revolution, and beer.

Expat students view it as infamous for mass-produced communist-era tower blocks, bone-chilling winters, gypsy-baiting and mullets.

Frankly, I would not have cherry-picked this location as a mind for young, curious minds to thrive. Yet, in practice, this relative adversity is what is needed to bring out the best in people. Many will go through our six-year course as relative zombies – gliding serenely through, as contented but as bored as they will ever be. There is an overwhelming feeling of 'meh' that engulfs our mini-community of 500-odd foreign students.

From watching the Kitply Cup on a shaky live stream, to playing Xbox through the night, to bingeing on four packets of instant noodles for dinner, my student life could not be deemed as 'enriching'. Frustrated, I eventually reached the stage of perennial ennui where enough was enough.

Combining my passion for cricket with my love for writing and growing social conscience, I decided to start the 'Alternative Cricket Movement'.

Thanks to Twitter and Facebook, I found 20 of the best bloggers going, and convinced them into submitting their finest work for a book: The Alternative Cricket Almanack 2011.


"So good, they made a cake out of it."

Our book is self-published, a collection of the finest articles you would never have read otherwise. The overall quality of cricket writing is at an all-time low – perhaps the avalanche of matches does not allow writers to even pause for breath – but I was determined to take a stand and show the world that there are passionate, immensely talented underground writers who are chomping at the bit for an opportunity to have their voice heard.

The quality of our book is there for all to see – there is an eclectic mix of articles, with witty satire interwoven with deeply personal anecdotes. As well as this, our original turns of phrase make for a totally different experience. Throughout the book, we are unapologetic in our honesty, a quality I feel that cricket journalists and commentators are lacking in.

We often get the feeling that many cricket writers and commentators try to be 'in bed' with certain cricketers, as well as pandering to public opinion – woe betide the evil man who even contemplates criticising Dhoni's defensive field settings. It's a wonder that some writers even have the time to put pen to paper, when they seem to spend most of their time fellating the player du jour.

Furthermore, we don't just want to lead the way in terms of cricket writing, but encourage others to do their part for a good cause. Therefore, I decided that all proceeds from our book would go to a good cause – in this case, the Afghan Youth Cricket Support Organisation.

Afghanistan is a country in need of a role model, and we have seen through the likes of Tendulkar and Murali that cricket is potent in terms of transcending politics. If we can unearth just one Afghan cricketer from a small village, who plays in a World Cup – ICC elitist snobbery notwithstanding – then he could be talked about for years, if he dismisses a Dhoni or a Yuvraj with a magic delivery, or hits consecutive sixes off Steyn or Malinga.

Kids would emulate their hero, and perhaps they would have some semblance of hope. Essentially, we are looking to inspire any number of young people with this scholarship fund.

No need to point out the unlikelihood and naivety of it all, but who's to say what can and can't be achieved? All great ideas started out as being preposterously ambitious. With pure intentions and public support, the sky is our limit.

And of course, in 2024, when our Afghan warrior hero strides up to collect his Laureus Sportsman of the Year award and/or Nobel Prize, his first words will be: "I'd like to thank my parents and dear friends, but you should all know: I did it for Sachin."

You can buy The Alternative Cricket Almanack 2011 – beri cheap – from Amazon (US and UK) and from Flipkart (India)


Read our blogs at AlternativeCricket.com, where you can read about Ian Chappell ending up in hospital after eating humble pie, and the now infamous Ugly Oscars

You can also follow us on Facebook and Twitter @AltCricket.

by Nishant Joshi

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Sri Lankan players to "Work From Home" for England tour

by Bored Guest

Sri Lankan players are awaiting a response from the Sri Lankan Cricket Board on their proposal to allow them to "Work from Home". The proposal; which the Lankan cricketers claim has the backing of the PCA; is viewed by many in the World of Sport as a breakthrough that will spark innovation and productivity of sportsmen the world over.

Telecommuting is not an entirely new concept. For example in the US 40% of the workforce has telecommuted at least portions of their jobs as software programmers, call center operators and political campaign workers. Believers of telecommuting often site this as the only viable "going green" option with immediate, quantifiable, near term benefits to costs and the environment.

How exactly this model will work for the Sri Lankan cricketers on their upcoming tour of England has left many experts and fans perplexed, if not mildly amused.

Lasith Malinga, who is nursing an injury by playing for the IPL franchise, the Mumbai Indians, is the architect behind the proposal. Asked how he can play for a privately owned franchise while asking to be rested from Tests that Sri Lanka is scheduled to play in England, Malinga said, "Its part of the rehabilitation"

Lasith Malinga, chose to focus on the benefits of telecommuting to cricketers, especially in the age of IPL. "Look with telecommuting you can play in the IPL and play for your country. You won't have situations like Chris Gayle, where the poor guy is forced to play in the IPL instead of his country. You won't have to embarrass the BCCI by calling your players before the IPL finals to play side games on the England tour"

But isn't telecommuting for people who work from home? he was asked...

"Well IPL is our home". He added quickly.

"Look doctors can operate on their patients remotely, choirs are sung virtually over the Internet, software gets developed by people working from home. So why can't cricketers get to play remotely. This way we can play the IPL finals and show up for the first Test in Cardiff on Day 4 and play the rest of the game in person; after telecommuting for the first 3 days"

But where is the technology to support this?

"Look at the DRS...." he added

"Don't we have a DRS with no hot spot, snick-o-meter, reliable ball tracking technology and common sense in Billy Bowden? Why should lack of technology be a roadblock for my proposal? If we can implement the DRS using basically just "slow motion" - a technology invented in the 1930s, surely we can allow cricketers to telecommute using Video Conferences"

By Golandaaz
You can read Gol's opinions at his blog, Opinions On Cricket and on twitter, http://twitter.com/oponcr

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Memories of watching cricket in India circa 1983

by Bored Guest

Watching the finals on June 25 1983 on an incipient Indian TV network is one of the most defining moments in the history of my generation in India. For a few months, we Indians were on top of the world. That euphoria, however, did not last long. The West Indians came to India immediately after the World Cup finals and inflicted the most gut wrenching sequence of losses in a series of matches on Indian soil. Both the highs and lows of that year were televised.

Things were much different back then. Cricket was not as commercial as it is today and the biggest checks the cricketers got were from endorsing assorted shaving products, clothing lines and an occasional mail order English teaching course and looked to steady government jobs to support them during the off-season. The billions of dollars for broadcast rights were unheard of and the only source for watching cricket was the government's public broadcasting channel called Door-Darshan. It was the dawn of television in India and the color broadcast had been introduced only the year before in 1982 to showcase the Asian games held in Delhi. The TV craze had finally reached a stage where the first TV showroom (an entire store selling TVs!) opened in our little town. Being from a lower middle class family with little disposable income and no particular interest in early technology adaption, we relied on accommodating neighbors to watch TV.

We lived in a typical middle class Hindu locality with a few pockets of wealth clearly marked by freshly installed antenna on the roofs. Arrival of the TV upended the social hierarchy in the neighborhood. The earlier caste based superiority inherent in our society now seemed secondary to the social cache that came with owning TVs. Previously, the stereotypes based on caste and sub-caste were taken for granted as matters of fact than prejudice and never allowed to interfere with daily life in the neighborhood. The Brahmins felt superior to their merchant class neighbors but were not about to stop borrowing sugar from them. The merchant family who considered their Brahmin Math teacher neighbor to be uncouth for treating his wife as an untouchable for a few days a month nevertheless sent their daughters to him for Math coaching classes. All that changed with TV. People who would drop everything and babysit us, would now demand that we be picked back before the 7:30 PM Hindi soap opera started. The TV owners started displaying caste based favoritism reflected in who was invited to watch the weekly Hindi movie on Sunday evenings. My parents associated arrival of TV with the decline of society and refused anything to do with it.

As children we never let these differences deter us from gaining access to a home with TV. We barged into any home that allowed us in. Over time, we mapped out the TV landscape in the neighborhood and rated the homes on hospitality index. We never crossed out the neighborhood grinches from the list as they served as essential back-ups in case of electricity failure. We had a thorough understanding of the local electrical grid system and mastered the pattern of rolling blackouts imposed by the city's electricity department to predict with utter certainty the best house to watch TV at any given time. We also became privy to critical information such as the fact that although Sheshadris and the Joshis shared a wall, their electrical supply was controlled by two separate transformers, which meant that they were never in danger of being out of power at the same time. For us gaining entry into one house, though it did not guaranty automatic entry to the other in case of a black-out, improved statistically, our ability to watch uninterrupted cricket. An ability to climb roofs and fix intransigent antennae become indispensable during windy days and gained us entry into a grateful home.

Among a few houses with TVs in the immediate neighborhood, there was only one home with a brand new color TV and obviously the best ticket in town. A cement merchant, Mr Builda had imported a Sony TV just in time to watch the world cup cricket. Although the Buildas were neighbors, intimidating differences in wealth, social status and his spoiled children prevented us from seeking routine entrance into their home. His oldest son Gopal had pioneered a metered entry system which he gleefully implemented during cricket games. At any given moment, he would allow two people from the teeming masses waiting outside the compound walls into his house to sit by the shoe stand and watch TV. A sociopath in making, Gopal, would then arbitrarily decide that the chosen pair was no longer suitable for that day's TV viewing and boot them out. He would then walk back to the compound wall and pick another pair of equally eager and sniveling youth ready to sit by the door and enjoy a few minutes of pure cricketing joy in color. The humiliation was not worth the excitement but the lure of color was irresistible.

The alternatives were less exciting but less humiliating as well. There was Mr Deshpande and his 21" TV with a gritty screen which had a serious issue with the vertical hold control (which steadied the picture in the vertical direction), making it appear as if we were watching the game on panels drawn on an ancient scroll. The V-hold knob had to be finely positioned and held by hand to ensure image stability. Unfortunately for few of us, that meant taking turns standing behind the TV during the game. The geniuses who had designed the TV had thought the best place for the knob was in the panel behind the cathode ray tube.

A few streets down, Mr Sathkhed owned one of the earliest indigenous TVs made by the government owned EC TV company. The 21" TV came ensconced in fine wood panelling. Mr Sathkhed, a physics professor at the local college, had covered the screen with a blue transluscent plastic shield. According to his deep understanding of physics, this shield was supposed to protect us from the harmful rays of the TV. We were not sure it worked but it definitely made the game appear as if it was played on Pandora.

Then there was the tiny 15" TV at Rao's. The Raos were nice folks and our immediate neighbors always allowing any number of people into their living room to watch the game. The only problem was getting through Mr Rao's aging mother who always sat by the door in her wooden chair chewing paan and positioned herself as the official gatekeeper of the household. Her criterion for allowing children into her son's home was simple. She would cast a scrutinizing eye on the salivating horde at the door and inquire the last names of the assembled; Joshis, Deshpandes, Kulkarnis and other assorted Brahmin last names were met with polite approval and ushered inside. The rest of us, whose last names gave away our lowly pedigree, swallowed our pride and waited patiently trying to catch the attention of Mr Rao and circumvent the old dragon at the gates of hell.

The final option was the 21" TV at Mr Patil's home. Here the stars aligned perfectly for me. We were of the same caste, and Mr Patil was the nicest person known to man and his house had a sprawling living room able to seat 15 people comfortably. But the demands of the cricket season ensured there were at least three times as many people at any given time. Watching cricket at Mr Patil's house was not for those with weak bladders. The concept of re-entry did not exist in that house. A seat relinquished to attend the nature's call was quickly filled by someone else who had prepared well for the 8 hour stretch.

On the day of the World Cup final, 25th June 1983, I walked by Mr Builda's house and saw Gopal in his element trying to lord over the sea of people assembled by his house. I quickly headed to Mr Patil's house where I spent rest of the afternoon till my bladder-control failed me and ended up at Mr Deshpande's which left me with severe headache. By the Innings break, India had put up a paltry 183 runs in the sixty overs making the game a foregone conclusion even in the minds of hardcore Indian fans. The West Indies innings started with a quick wicket but the arrival of King Richards changed the game. A gloom settled on the crowd at Deshpande’s as Richards dismantled the Indian attack and I shuffled out dejected, heading home to get dinner and sleep, hoping to wake up to a miracle. On my way home I passed by Mr Rao’s house. As I turned the corner, I saw his mother sitting by the door in her usual position. Something in me snapped that day, the days of humiliation suffered at her hands bubbled up and with nothing to lose, I decided to act. It was time to confront the bigoted old woman and tell her that in this modern era, cricket was more than religion and caste and that all men were created equal and cricket did not care whether you were a Brahmin or an Untouchable. I wanted to drag her in and show her the example of the Indian team made of Hindus, Muslims and Christians all playing side by side.

I stood in front of her in anticipation of her question and she did not disappoint, squinting her eyes to inquire if my pedigree was suitable enough to be allowed inside. As I prepared to confront her, I heard a loud noise from the living room with the three words an Indian cricket fan had been waiting to hear “Richards is out!” This was the catch that changed the game, the Indian captain running a long distance while looking back to catch the arcing mishit from Richards. This was the miracle everyone was hoping for and I had missed it. Time was short and I needed to act quickly before the replays ended. I puffed up my chest drew in my breath and blurted that I was son of Mr Joshi, the Brahmin priest, from the next street over. The revolution could wait for another day.

Her failing eyesight and the noises around me worked in my favor. I was allowed in with a gentle pat on my back. I went in ashamed at myself for being a turncoat for a couple of hours of entertainment. But the guilt was soon forgotten as the last West Indies wicket fell and the jubilant Indian team ran back to the pavilion. We all cried tears of joy and hugged each other that night, Joshis and Jogikalmaths, Patils and Raos, setting aside our petty differences. On that night there was only one set of gods to worship, the eleven men in pajamas.

by Gangadhar Jogikalmath

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Dhoni+Sachin play

by Bored Guest

To get their mind off the loss to South Africa, Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Sachin Tendulkar indulge in a game of scrabble.

Its Dhoni's turn...



by Golandaaz
First posted on his blog, Opinions On Cricket , follow him on twitter, http://twitter.com/oponcr

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WTF happened before the match was tied

by Bored Guest




The other day on the way to work (it's the same route every day) I passed Chinnaswamy and there were hundreds upon hundreds of chappals scattered along the street. At first I thought "whoa! chappals... but they're not even in any particular order..." then it occurred to me that something bad had just occurred here. It wasn't until I saw the papers the next morning that I realised people had been camping for tickets the whole night and had been lathi-charged when they woke up. Maybe they woke up when they were lathi-charged. It's immaterial.

By Gene Hashmi

Shot by Gene outside Chinnaswamy stadium, Bangalore. Loaded by Achettup outside India. 

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Ponting in treatment

by Bored Guest

Sunil Gavaskar has suggested that Ricky Ponting getting away with no punishment after smashing the LCD TV in the players' dressing room has everything to do with the color of his skin.

A nervous Cricket Australia, fearing more such outbursts against Ponting, have decided to take handle this issue on a more proactive basis. Yesterday they announced that Ponting will be prescribed counselling sessions designed to help him cope with the mental strain of handling run-outs.

Sanjay Manjrekar and Inzamam Ul-Haq, recognized the world over for never having smashed a TV in the face of countless run-outs they have endured, will provide the necessary counselling to Punter.

Johnty Rhodes will be available on hand if the counsellors choose to stage role play sessions as they help Punter come to terms with accepting "run-outs" as a part of cricketing life.

Reaction from players to this incident has been diverse

Virender Sehwag said that a batsman always has the option of not responding to calls for quick singles.

Harbhajan Singh said he never likes to get Ponting run-out. Why bother when you can use his wicket to add to your tally of wickets.

Kapil Dev, who was never run-out in more than 100 Tests said he will now reassess his own assessment of Ponting as an all-time great. He said he himself has no respect for people who can't run fast between wickets.

Sachin Tendulkar said Ponting should treat a "run-out" as just another way of getting out. As long as the team wins, Ponting should not worry about his own failures.

Courtney Walsh was most compassionate about Ricky Ponting's state of mind. He said, he believes batsmen should be given a warning before the fielding side can run-out a batsman.

By Golandaaz
You can read Gol's opinions at his blog, Opinions On Cricket and on twitter, http://twitter.com/oponcr

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Strategery Session: How to beat India

by Bored Guest

Every one is doing their part, In hyping India's chances at the world cup. This time even opposing teams have fallen for it.

There are reports emerging of a secret boot camp held in Germany. Exact location, undisclosed.

But Andrew Strauss has defended it.

Yes in the thick of winter. Where all of India's opponents met for a week long bonding session, sharing ideas and performing "strategery" on how to beat the mighty Indians.

Notes from those sessions were leaked. We don't believe Assange was involved.

Scribbled on paper were these notes. An assessment of the Indian team and tips on beating them. We could detect a strong Australian and South African accent.

* Bowling is wafer thin. No cause for alarm. Let Zaheer and Harbie do their things; go after the rest.

* Take away the cause. Give Sachin an honorary world cup.

* ODIs are too complicated for Sehwag's simple mind. Let him self destruct. If he lasts beyond the first 2-3 overs. Slip him your shit bowler. Preferably a spinner.

* Gambhir's sister is delivering a baby. His second cousin's maternal uncle's nephew is turning 16. Then there is the Gambhir family reunion for Holi. Enough reasons for Gambhir to miss games. His body double; Murali Vijay; is not part of the team. India will be in strife.

* Tempt Yuvraj with what life would be without cricket. Show him pictures of retired men and women sitting back and enjoying life. On far away lands. Quaint towns. Pristine beaches.

* Commission a mathematician to find out Pathan's area. Preferably one which does not involve "π". Then bowl to the left of it. And whatever you do don't get him afraid.

* Share with Dhoni some books on process optimization. Let him come to realize how inefficient his own processes are. He will consume himself with irrelevant problems

* Keep mentioning Cheteshwar Pujara and the summer tours of West Indies and England to Suresh Raina

* Invite the entire Chappel clan to watch all of India's games. Keep Greg in the center.

We are waiting to hear from Justin Langer. We are sure he will express his embarrassment.

By Golandaaz
You can read Gol's opinions at his blog, Opinions On Cricket and on twitter, http://twitter.com/oponcr

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Australia Win The Asses.

by Bored Guest

What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer? Retired.

What do you call an Aussie with a bottle of Champagne? A waiter

What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch? A fisherman.

Why can no-one drink wine in Australia at the moment? They haven't got any openers.

...What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies? Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.

What's the Australian version of LBW? Lost, Beaten and Walloped..

Ponting's mom phone the Aussie change rooms. Hussey picks up and say: Sorry mam he just went out to bat. Mom: Don't worry I'll hold on . . .

Ponting and Clarke (combined) average 19.18 for the series, while Siddle averages 19.25.

Hussey has finished the series not only with the best batting figures for Australia, but on one basis, economy rate, the best bowling figures!

Clarke wanted to captain the Australians very badly. And now he has done!!

Via Bored Friend, Harish Chandra via Allan Murrell (Also read Nishant's post on slipstream cricket )

If you know the author, please do tell.

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Con Call1: Maa

by Bored Guest

Preamble:
This was waiting to happen if you consider the enormity of the 2G scam. The arbitrary manner in which spectrum licences have been handed out to any Anil, Sunil, or Vellan was bound to reflect in the overall quality of mobile connectivity. Over the past few weeks, the issues faced by subscribers have gone beyond the reasonably acceptable problems such as call drops - to actually being able to listen in on entire conversations between two complete strangers!

One such conversation which was thrust upon us prompted us to start this all-new feature: “Con-Call”. We kick off with the very same conversation, but we have no inkling when the next ‘eavesdrop’ will be reported; so keep checking this space!

Con-Call 1: Maa

This is a conversation we overheard between a mother and her son (whose voice had an uncanny similarity to that of a cricketer of (past) repute). While the conversation was in part Hindi & Punjabi, for the benefit of our global audience we have translated most of it:

UV: Hello... Maa?
Maa: Who is this?
UV: Maa, you too? Forgot me, what?
Maa: Kaun, UV? Beta, sorry, didn’t recognise... your voice... it sounds different. I don’t see you on TV nowadays, no? That’s why...
UV: MAA! What are you blabbering? If you don’t see me on TV, how does that make you forget MY VOICE?
Maa: Er... uh... nahi beta... duh... leave all this! But you do sound different – is everything alright?
UV: How will it be, Maa? I am no longer in the team, my chances of getting back in are looking bleaker as each test goes by... and they have demoted my status too! MAA...(commences to sob)
Maa: Now, now, son... get a grip on yourself. Big boys like you shouldn’t be crying! By the way, you aren’t talking about Priety’s team, are you?
UV: MAA! No, Maa... the Indian Team!
Maa: Oh... ok, I get it now! They demoted your status, matlab??
UV: Matlab, they moved me from Grade A to Grade B... I will get less money than some of the kids like Raina!
Maa: Will this impact your ad contracts?
UV: I suppose it will...
Maa: Oh, then it’s a big problem! But you are still in Priety’s team, no?
UV: She does not have a team now! Their team was thrown out of the IPL.
Maa: Oh my God, beta, now what are you going to do?? No ads, no Priety... this is big shit you are in, beta! What are you going to do now?
UV: I have to somehow get back into the Indian team, Maa. I was very hopeful of getting back in till the New Zealand series started. And I had a plan too... But I don’t know now... with all the dead pitches, everyone’s making runs by the tons...
Maa: But that boy, Raina... he didn’t score anything much in this series. So you may still have your chance again soon. What plan did you have in mind?
UV: Nahi Maa, the selectors will probably take him to South Africa and wait to see if he fails there... even then, there is Pujara waiting for a chance. My plan was to focus on another slot and I thought I had it under control. You see Maa, Bhaji’s bowling has been pathetic over the last year or so... and I was hoping to replace him for the SA tour as the lead spinner who can bat too – an all-rounder, you know. Now, that door’s closed too, with Bhaji scoring more runs than I ever did in one series!
Maa: Chalo, whatever’s happened, has happened... Now what?
UV: Dunno... I guess I will have to keep playing these silly domestic matches.
Maa: Hang on; the mention of Bhaji has sparked a thought... He has been going through bad bowling form for a long time, no?
UV: Yes... more than a year now, but he never lost his place in the team.
Maa: EXACTLY! Do you know why? You know beta, in our Ladies’ club, we discussed this few months back and all of us agreed it was part of team strategy.
UV: Team strategy??
Maa: Haan, team strategy! You see, we were playing a lot of matches against the Aussies and we needed someone who appeared as aggressive as them, who gave it back to them. It didn’t matter how well he played – he had to focus on being aggressive!
UV: Maa, what are you saying??
Maa: Listen, I am pretty sure my theory is right. Even that episode with Dumbo was a staged one... Why do you think Sachin fumbled during the hearing? We all know he is a bad actor, haven’t you seen his ads? He just forgot his lines; that’s all!
UV: Dumbo?? You mean Symmo, Maa?
Maa: Symmo, Dumbo, what does it matter - all same, same only... The point is it was fixed! Even slapping Srikkanth was pre-planned, to add to the aggressive image of Bhaji!
UV: MAA! Srikkanth nahi, Sreesanth... though I do wish you were right!
Maa: Jo bhi! But do you understand the theory now? It was part of strategy.
UV: Maa, even if I assume your theory to be true, what are you suggesting?
Maa: Get aggressive, beta! You see, now with Bhaji having scored 2 tons, he is going to take himself and his batting seriously – probably will start comparing himself to Kapil Paaji also – and he will not have time to do all those aggressive things. The team management will then start looking for another person to be the aggressor... even if he can’t bat or bowl to potential. In walks UV – taa, daa!
UV: Maa, it’s not that simple... even then, I can’t be doing all the silly things Bhaji did...
Maa: Don’t under-estimate yourself beta! You have it in you to hog the limelight for all the wrong reasons... er... I mean, for the aggressive acts. All you have to do is to get started – maybe by slapping someone.
UV: But whom? I don’t think Santh, dumb though he is, will agree to get slapped once more. Slapping Raina or Pujara – won’t have the same effect!
Maa: Maybe... your dad??? Just once?
UV: MAA! TUM BHI NA...! Waise, slapping Papa will not help – I will have to slap someone who is in the team.
Maa: How about Dhoni?
UV: (After long pause) Hmmm... that’s a thought. Waise, he has been struggling for runs too. Maybe the sympathy generated will help him keep his place too. I am sure he will agree to the plan!
Maa: Great! Get started right away, beta! Wish you the best!
UV: Thanks Maa! You have been very supportive – as usual. I will update you later... bye Maa!
Maa: Bye, beta!

Click!

by AM

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