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Showing posts with label Tillakaratne Dilshan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tillakaratne Dilshan. Show all posts
Why Cricket is no more a gentleman’s game…
Suraj Randiv, the latest reason for all of us to dive deep into the Old Testament of Cricket which contains incorrigible words and phrases such as “Fair play” , “Spirit of Cricket”, “Cricket is a gentleman’s game” et all. Before we proceed further, let me say what the world is saying… What Randiv and Dilshan did was criminal, especially denying a century for a beloved Indian cricketer. They should ideally have tried these guys at The Hague, than these hogwash fines and match bans.
As we keep fanatically persecuting the Sri Lankan cricketers for this dastardly act, I asked myself, “Is cricket really a gentleman’s game?”
You might see an answer to that question in this post. If you don’t, let me know your point of view.
1993, was the year when this famous word “recusal” was added to my vocabulary thanks to one Prof. Rajagopalan. This man was a cricketer of some repute during his youth, at 50+ he was a decent bat yet. He could famously win 3-point basketball challenges against the best of the basketball players from the college. He was the chief selector of our college cricket team. The man stood down because his son was in the fray, an aspirant for a place in the college cricket team. He made sure the others didn’t know who his son was, he wasn’t selected in the team that year although he came back into the B team next year flaunting his connection (or was that talent ?) to the Prof’s annoyance. That for me was an introduction to the “Spirit of cricket” and “a gentleman’s game”. But unfortunately that also was the last time I heard about those words or phrases.
1994, it was an intramural tournament and I was batting on 47 (I was sure). I glided the ball down the fine leg and ran 2 to hear & see my teammates standing up and applauding. They were sure that I had made my 50 and I played to the gallery, celebrated and promptly got out the next ball. As I was walking out, I could hear my captain telling the guys around “Come on we did well, this guy wouldn’t stop talking for eons had he made it to 50”. I didn’t quite understand it till I saw the scoresheet “R Baradwaj, Runout 49”
1996, many of the guys I knew were abusing a particular parent, the father of the guy who captained a cricket team. The accusation was that he interfered in selection, the toss, the field placement and the batting order. Why should he do it ? He always wanted his son on top of things.
1997, we were playing an intramural cricket match. It was the semifinals, a closely fought one. Our opponents need 33 with their last recognized batsman shepherding the tail. We needed to get “Srinivasan” out. He was having a ball in the middle, but still he was tense. After every ball he was rushing out like a mad man to speak to his partner who was playing snooker on the cricket field. The wicketkeeper (one Mr RajaB) took advantage of this attitude of Srini and ran him out, he knew Srini wasn’t trying to steal a single but still he put him out of the game. And his team won.
1999, I lived in a lodge (what they call a mansion in Triplicane, Madras) near the famed MAC stadium in Madras. Every morning as I went for a jog I could see kids, as young as 4-5 buried between the kitbag and the stepney of a slow moving scooter as his father ferried him to his cricket coaching camp. For want of space the kid invariably had his helmet on. One day, the curious I went in to see what happens in the nets. I could see parents standing behind the net and barking orders “put your leg forward”, “Drive that one straight”, “In the back foot”, “Fool, don’t commit yourself there” etc. I also saw fathers arguing with the coach about the time their kid got to bat vis-à-vis another
2000, I befriended a dad, who was an officer with SBI. His 9 year old son was too small even for that age. His kid had a problem, he was what we call the “Rabbit on headlight”. Every time he was put in a match situation, he had a problem running between wickets. He would freeze the moment he saw the fielder throwing the ball, endangering himself and his partner. The dad was livid as we spoke about this particular shortcoming of his son, “That idiot doesn’t change. Have told him many times… At least you don’t get out, I have tried to reason… but he doesn’t understand the value of his wicket… It is a minimum 30 runs”. I didn’t quite understand the 30 run logic till one of my friends confirmed that 30 is the minimum on board in your name you require to see your name on the next day’s papers.
There are many parents today who think cricket brings them easy money and hence goading and prodding their kids to take the game up. At one point they come to a stage where they do anything for their kids to get selected, to be in the playing 11 and to score and get seen. We have heard stories of parents gifting the selectors with televisions, mobile phones, mopeds and cars. There is also this nauseating story of a mother sleeping with a selector to ensure her sons selection (the fact that the selector found that the dad had tricked him by pressing the services of a prostitute to proxy for his wife is another story)
The expectations of the parents, the pressure they put on their kids, their greed for seeing their kids name on the scorecard and in the newspapers & television, the lure of IPL and the monies it offers, the endorsement contracts it would bring in and most importantly the urge for being on top at any cost have made this game a business.
No one cares anything about being a gentleman or about spirits, all they care about is the scorecard & winning, how they or their wards and their teams fared.
So, let us not recite the Old Testament and fool ourselves. Cricket is no more a gentleman’s game. The only spirit cricket and the cricketers have is Ethyl Alcohol !!
PS: Heard NC is upset with me not writing my two lines to commemorate the two years of BCC!, “Sorry NC, I’ve never wish myself on my birthday”
Zimbabwe win hearts then lose toss.
Taibu got to bat and make runs. When that happens, it’s usually in a lost cause. If the Zim think tank got thinking, they’d bat Taibu low down. Far from runs, death threats.
The other problem, very early in the game it was known Brendan Taylor was not going to be man of the match. Zim floundered by sending him too early, he should have batted where Utseya batted – away from the bad morning breath of the new ball.
I am serious, this ex-captain of theirs, Utseya, should be rechristened Useless. He is a common noun. Prosper is his first name, and Useless his second. How on earth did that proper noun perch itself on him – I thereby call him Prosper Useless. And if a middle name be needed, call him Little – so from now on, he be PLU – Prosper little Useless; some folks will call him pretty useless no doubt, that’s up to them.
What does Useless do – he bats lower down than the extras, but he’s still not benched. Then he bowls, overbowls and any runs that are scored, are scored of him. When I saw his analysis I nearly dropped my mouse. It’s a good thing it was grounded anyway.
As for Coventry, he just doesn’t look good enough for a 199 again, why play him I ask. As for the 2Cs, here's BoredCricket in a previous game on twitter: Gng by their bowling analysis today, Chigumbura and Chibhabha are not pedigree. Bring on Chihuahua
Over to Lanka. That Dilshan guy is playing like it was 2009 again. What did they feed him, a friggin’ time machine. Clearly he’s plugged his razor into his bat – explains some of his beard like precision that has snuck into his batting.
Ok, that’s enough for a game neither you nor I give a toss for. Not a toss joke that, even though the toss was a joke. Win the toss, win the game. At least the Indian team has got somebody to blame. U2?
PS:
RT @Crownish: BAW Mendis and BMAJ Mendis. Tremendis!
Jatman: Never tell a Sri Lankan to bowl a super over
Mendis and Murali, arguably both Sri Lankans, have both bowled super overs – they both lost it for their teams. Captain Raina disagreed, throwing that “cricket is a team sport, and we collectively lost it” logic. Murali disagreed with Raina taking complete credit for the defeat.
When contacted Mendis claimed he did not remember playing in the IPL, leave alone bowling a super over.
Jatman had an altogether different take – appears when the Daredevils hand Dilshan or Maharoof the ball, they are also told, “Do anything, but don’t bowl a super over”
No doubt like the IPL, that’s a good joke, but usually the batsman has the last laugh. Dilshan’s last over was anything but super and went for 6, 6, 6, though not in that order – it was anarchy.
As for Maharoof, like Dilshan, he too has been dropped to concentrate on not bowling a ‘super over’.
A day of daredevilry.
First the Jatman – 146 runs on the rocks. Then Dilshan, “hit me with a 160”. After that Nehra, shaken not stirred. If Rajkot was a bartender, these Dardevils were alcoholics.
Elsewhere Vettori started by snacking on two wickets, setting the Kiwis for a series win. Not to be, but then Vettori doesn’t play all Daredevil games. If he was a regular, who knows, a five for, followed by fireworks with the bat.
Even Asif, an erstwhile Daredevil lasted ten deliveries for his zero. His innings was such a dampener, it roped in the rains that robbed the Kiwis of a win.
And what about the other ex-Daredevil, Shoiab Malik; though not playing, and largely useless, he still booked his spot for the series down under.
Meanwhile Amit Mishra was letting it rip in the nets. If that wasn’t enough, David Warner ran two apartment blocks to catch a ball from another game. “Not out!” said the umpire, but David continued to smile impishly. And the whole world smiled; with the Daredevils.
Hello, was that you Bhajji?
There was something about Bhajji today; from the moment he greeted Jatman’s hundred with a slavelike bow, you could tell he was determined to put in a special performance.
This of course was aided by not bowling in the power play overs; that’s for kids like Jadeja. Bhajji ages like wine, and the uncorking must not be rushed.
Bhajji came on to bowl after every bowler had been smashed. By then he believed in his legend, that he will save this cricketing race from decline.
He knocked Dilshan and Sanath over, though closer examination will tell you they knocked themselves – but Bhajji had it all today, for he doesn’t like it easy. When the wicket helps spin he doesn’t help himself. Today as he saw lesser mortals like Zaks and Nehra fall around him, he decided – I will bowl slow; a ball at 80 kmph. They will not expect this.
And when they try to play it off their pads, I will sneak one on the off stump. Ha! That will have them in a quandary. How do you think I knocked Dilshan’s off stump?
Also, let it be known I was the only bowler who went at less than 6 runs per over. Bhajji being a creature of habit likes to go at 5.80 runs per over; irrespective of the conditions, and today was no different. Who cares if the other guys go at 10 and 12 r.p.o., I’m good with my 5.80 r.p.o.
Of course Bhajji was the man of the match. But the modest man that he is, he requested the commentators to honour a lesser player. Well done Bhajji, you played so well, even we didn’t recognise you.
Making a song and dance out of Bhajji and Dilshan.
(A tribute in broken Punjabi-Hinglish to the unbreakable Bhajji and his compelling appeals that have devoured Dilshan twice.)
Kar de ungal upar shupar!
Upar Shupar! Upar Shupar!
Sun le meri baat puttar!
Kar de ungal upar shupar!
Upar shupar! Upar shupar!
Dilshan ka kya, pad lagi ki paad maari
Awaaz ayee, awaaz ayee!
Gandi se joh bu ayee!
Kar de ungal upar shupar!
Upar Shupar! Upar Shupar!
Dey de, dey de, dey de yaar
Upar Shupar!
Abey! Don’t care what he says!
Dilli daredevils da munda haiga!
He should know kaise haiga!
Upar Shupar! Upar Shupar!
Kar di appeal, ho gaya mamla fit
Kar di appeal, ho gaya mamla hit!
Umpire ne kar di Dilshan ki!
Upar Shupar!
Bhajji ne kar di Dilshan ki
Upar Shupar!
Upar Shupar! Upar Shupar!
(This song is best danced in two steps, first raise your dreaded finger like an idiot umpire would with a glazed look into the mid distance (enamoured by Bhajji’s appeal) then raise the other hand’s finger up, break into the Bhangra with both fingers raised – sing it yaar, Upar Shupar! Kar de ungal Upar Shupar!
you can do nothing about it...
dilshan stood no chance... when bhajji appeals... nothing else matters...
umpires have no option but to raise the finger... in accordance...
Sehwag Q &A
Q. How does Sehwag ‘milk’ the spinners?
A. He dumps them over cow corner.
Q. When a spinner comes on, Gambhir askes Sehwag ‘Let’s keep rotating?’ Sehwag nods vigorously. What does he do?
A. He slogs the spinner out of the attack. He assumes Gambhir wants him to rotate the bowlers.
Q. Why is the Sri Lankan squad planning to lodge a formal complaint?
A. They are certain the balls used were of poor quality. They plan to use Sehwag’s testimony which goes, ‘I only hit bad balls today’
Q. Which cricket manual consists of a single page?
A. ‘Sehwag’s introduction to battting’. The page reads, ‘See ball, hit ball. Don’t see ball yet? Wait for the ball boys to get it back. Then hit it’ There’s also a footnote, ‘Don’t forget to thank Sachin’
Q. What was the one positive of Sehwag getting out before Dravid?
A. That he didn’t get to bat with Tendulkar. Otherwise the whole innings would have been dedicated to ’Tendulkar’s advice of waiting for the bad balls’
Q. How many sane people thought Dilshan was the next Sehwag before the Brabourne test?
A. 780
Q. How many still think so?
A. 3 including Dilshan himself who is wavering. The other two are Sri Lankan fishermen who have been stranded at sea for the past two days...
Q. What is Sehwag's favourite dessert?
A. Triple layer chocolate cake. His motto in life is 'Why settle for one when you can have three?'
Any suggestions?
And now Dilshan says Thank You Sachin!
Statutory Warning: Reading this could make you feel sick
From TOI: Tillekratne Dilshan, who had a memorable opening game greeted Tendulkar enthusiastically, but as expected the exchange was more like one between master and pupil. "So you are playing today," said Sachin, more a statement than a question. Dilshan nodded, again enthusiastically.
"Where do you play?"
"Centurion"
"Best of Luck"
Dilshan won't be complaining: After scoring a century, he will now wish he could meet Tendulkar before every game!
Dilshan at point
Like a sniffer dog after a bone doused in cocaine.
Like a Columbian drug lord in beard and chains.
Like not very likeable.
Why did Shane Bond play
He was not injured.
Fitness aside, can you put an age to Shane Bond? Not that he’s timeless, but he doesn’t look any particular age. Almost like his twin, Putin. Can you put an age to Putin?
Even Bond doesn’t know he’s 34. It’s like Afridi doesn’t know he’s forty or Jayasuriya doesn’t know he’s a hundred or Sachin doesn’t know he’s not eighteen. And what the hell is age but a number that lies.
But Bond is 34, that’s what his birth certificate says. What this cert doesn’t say is that he’s played 17 tests strewn all over the Lord of the Rings sets, and a pocketful of one-dayers.
Shane Bond returned to play Sri Lanka in a twenty20. He returned in body, not in spirit. Bond doesn’t have spirit. If he was an alcoholic, even then he wouldn’t have any spirit.
He is a limp biscuit. Dipped in a Delhi ICL team, that was so bad, to conform he had to be equally bad. Ditto with Lara and his Mumbai Champs.
Bond’s ICL jaunt was called Delhi Giants and they made a midget out of him. They lost everything, except maybe games against the Champs, which both teams lost.
This of course cannot be proven as there are no records of the ICL. For the record, Bond’s non-existent spirit was broken by Dilshan, four fours of his first over.
Later, standing alongside Vettori he seemed small, almost like a left arm spinner. Vettori though, still didn’t look like a quick bowler.
Bond pulled it back, but not because of his bowling, the zip was missing, and the buttons too. He bowled yorkers that weren’t, speeds that were ICL-like at best.
There was a smallness to him, and that was sad. He just needs to play India again. On conditions of anonymity, Vettori told me, 'if not for India I would be half the bowler I am.'
That would be the bitter half.
Born convert!
His strike rate in first 20 Tests is under-50. His strike rate in last 35 Tests is 70-plus!
The caterpillar turned butterfly and the stonewaller morphed into a swashbuckler.
Look, what sharing a dressing room with Sehwag can do to you!
He kept wicket but then threw away the gloves to morph into The Great Lankan Check Post at backward point.
He adds beef to middle order and then muddles the order to open in Tests.
And there he scores at a rate that prompts the scorers to cross-check the format.
What’s the issue with him?
You look back and realise he was Tuwan Mohammad Dilshan prior to his conversion from Islam.
And since then, he continues converting -- those 20s and 30s into big ones.
Merely the most violent Buddhist around?
No, Dilshan is a born convert!
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