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Denial Vettori no more.

by Gaurav Sethi

For a day Vettori accepted the name given by his folks. Daniel. Mom, Dad, today I will be Daniel. I feel like Daniel today. I’ve been in Denial so long. It’s been sooooo long. He said, unfurling that big-long monstrous tongue. He looked just a bit hangdog, but that was more to do with his ice lolly tongue, Blistering Barnacles beard, sexy specks than his demeanour.

Vet knows when his day has come, we’ve been telling him for so long, if only we were him, and he was us, the Kiwis would’ve won more matches. But Vet was not always like this.

He was a selfish, number crunching accountant of a player. Either that, or he was damn myopic. The kind who can’t read the scoreboard when he’s sitting in it.

Deal with Vet – even in this article he is on the cusp between Denial and Daniel, which is why we don’t refer to him as either. Yeah, so the deal with Vet is, he looks like an animal, but he is also a Vet – so he knows the cure, and he is the disease. He is both. Hangdog, Top dog, captain, culprit, selector, geek, strong, weak.

He plays so many roles, the studios should give him a shot at Fu Man Chu, and Piggy Chops latest hop. He is not the man, he is the men. Many men at that.

So, here we are a repeating ourselves, (here, and here and here) but Vet is always 8 down. Of course, that is to do with the number of rounds the players buy him to stay in the team. And after 8 down, he packs up.

But Vet makes all those impressive scores at 8 down, 40, 70s, 50s, even 100s, they have great annoyance value, he plays you, and flays you through third man, and point, but really these are usually pointless innings.

For long I’ve felt he should bat before McCullum in tests, but we’ll save that for later.

Yesterday, Vet came so early, it seemed a little premature. The girls were worried, didn’t you see the look on that lady next to Ian O’ Brien.

But such was the deep understanding of beating the Pakis at their own ugly game – Younis Khan put his hands up, he knew, if you can’t beat this much ugly, join it. And MoYo too, looked at Vet’s beard and said, ‘Now that’s a beard I C…!’ Meanwhile, Malik was transfixed at Vet’s dragonesque tongue – how does he do it, mine pales in…

Only Afridi, who was too busy looking himself in another player’s eye, was unmoved. While Afridi practiced his next ballet move, Vet did a Balle Balle with the bat. It was crude, rustic and from the farmlands of Mahe and Dev D.

I almost expected Vet to hit the bottle, urinate on the wicket, and have the wet ball changed. He was capable of anything. But the animal inside stayed within, the Vet took over. It was a clinical performance.


Unknown said...

*sobbing in the corner
I wish Dan was SA's captain :'(

Gaurav Sethi said...

Hi TCC, What's he got that Smith not got - ok, a beard, specks, reptile tongue. I hear you.

The Cricket Corollary said...

Better talent, better personality, better captaincy skills.

Mahek said...

Jokes apart, I think Vettori knows his batsmen need to take on more responsibility and hence bats lower than them. I kinda agree with him on this because having Vettori at 6 means you don't have a specialist batsman who can finish games. I don't know what Neil Broom is doing in the side, Scott Styris should be there in his place. Guptill is a really good batsman but he tends to have a brain freeze and gets himself out. Ditto for Taylor and Ryder. These three need to rectify this problem and NZ would be a lot more consistent.

Gaurav Sethi said...

TCC, to that I'll say, when Vettori beats Aus in Aus in a test series, there will be some truth to what you say.

Till then I say, Smith should drop some of those soft allrounders.

Gaurav Sethi said...

Mahek, frankly some of the lower order like Franklin and Vettori do more than the batsman. They might be better served just playing 4-5 batsmen and packing the team with bowling allrounders - can only get better, and what with the added bowling options.

Little use playing batsmen when they can't bat.

Mahek said...

What good is it to play 8 bowlers and underbowl half of them? And what happens when these bowlers get injured or retire? Packing the side with bowlers who can bat may work in the short terms, but in the long run you need batsmen who have the ability and the temperament to put up big scores. Right now you get the feeling that New Zealand don't have the batting to chase a 300+ score and the 2011 World Cup is likely to be high scoring.

Coming to Vettori, it's unreasonable to compare him to Smith based on how their teams perform. Smith has a much better test side at his disposal. I'm glad Vettori said captaincy was overrated and that the captain should first and foremost take care of his own performance.

Gaurav Sethi said...

In yesterday's semis 6 guys bowled - they include Styris tomorrow and you have 7 who can bowl. Get Oram back that's 8. Add to that McCullum, Ryder, Taylor. And when Guptill thinks he's ready, they can give him a shot.

Yeah they don't have the batting, but they can have the bowling to make a 300 score, 270. In the sub, Patel plays, maybe he should tomorrow.

Mahek said...

I doubt they have the bowling to do that on subcontinent pitches, not against teams like Australia, South Africa or India. Even Bond seemed to struggle on those pitches during the 2006 Champions Trophy, and the rest of the bowlers aren't going to get you out unless you get yourself out.

I do like Styris in the side. He's someone who can bat anywhere in the middle order. He's fine at number 6. Don't see anyone else who can bat there unless you put Vettori there and pack your side with bowlers. My preferred NZ XI, irrespective of where they play, would be

1.Brendon McCullum
2.Jesse Ryder
3.Martin Guptill
4.Ross Taylor
5.Grant Elliott
6.Scott Styris
7.Jacob Oram
8.Daniel Vettori
9.Kyle Mills
10.Shane Bond
11.Jeetan Patel

Gaurav Sethi said...

I'm with you on the team, esp Patel. Don't like the way Vettori uses him tho. It's always an after thought. Almost like the way MS uses Mishra, when all else fails.

With Vet I get the feeling he sees Patel as a threat. Either Patel performs in every game, or he's back on the bench.

They serious about winning tomorrow, play Patel. Beat oz with spin, that's how it's done. Even India hasn't figured that one yet.