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Showing posts with label Daniel Vettori. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Daniel Vettori. Show all posts
Dan sings the Rain Blues
Spotted outside the MA Chidambaram stadium, venue of the 5th ODI between India and New Zealand, a handful of crazy fans are praying for rain. This went largely unnoticed, till a group of Black Caps led by Daniel Vettori joined them.
Even though Vettori and his boys were in disguise, dressed appropriately as peacocks, the theme for this congregation, it was the captains’ hangdog look that gave him away.
Cover blown, Vettori mumbled something about how it was unfortunate that rain had postponed the one-day series in Sri Lanka. Carrying on in the same vein, he added that the Aussis did not deserve to be saved by rain at Adelaide.
“I will gladly play a rain-effected match today, as we have had some success in the past against India in T20s.” he said, as he turned to sing the Rain Song in Tamil.
James Franklin was still at the hotel, watching the highlights of his 98 not out in Bangalore.
New Zealand Cricket to investigate Vettori, Martin
India reeling at 82/6, what more could a Kiwi want? If you’re one of the suits at New Zealand Cricket (NZC) this was obviously not enough. Far from it, appears NZC will investigate why Chris Martin was underbowled – bowling 13 of the 40 overs sent down in India's 2nd innings on the fourth day. A fitness test was carried out on both Vettori and Martin soon after stumps, gauging the sanity of their bowling options. While tests were carried out on Martin’s bowling arm, Vettori’s brain was put under the scanner. Martin bowled 13 overs, taking 5 for 25. When questioned, Martin snapped, “Do what you will, I'm not gonna lose hair thinking about this”. Vettori’s specs fogged up, seen by many as a show of guilt. On further questioning, Vettori shrugged, and hung his tongue out. There was something amiss.
India prepares for New Zealand.
MSD: Of course we must know the opposition..who they are, what they are… of course there are some youngsters in their side but we will not be taking them lightly…we will just be taking them
(laughter around)
I will call Suresh to introduce the Kiwi side to you because I myself don’t know anybody from New Zealand except Jacob Oram who was with the Chennai Super Kings..Suresh please…
Raina: Thanks MS. As MS was saying we must know the opposition – first, their captain who needs no intro – Daniel Vettori
Vijay: Areh, we want introduction!
Raina: OK, Vettori is the captain, even though he is a spinner he is their strike bowler and he is also their stock bowler – after 8 overs of the new ball Vettori will bowl for the rest of our innings either to keep the runs down or take wickets…if he can’t then he will bring on a change bowler. (looking at Vijay)…is that enough?
Vijay: Nahi, we want more on Vettori
Raina (smiles) Vettori is a lower order batsman but because New Zealand has no higher order batsman he became a middle order batsman…if we bowl well he will be batting after 8 overs for the rest of their innings…he likes to score through the slips and square of the wicket – his nickname is Dan…we can make fun of his nickname in Hindi
MSD: Suresh, let’s talk about the other players now
Raina (fumbles as he looks through the team sheet)…ummm there are other players MS? OK, OK, because of his bowling Vettori can’t keep wickets…they have Brendon McCullum…nahi, here it says Hopkins is keeper, who is Hopkins yaar?
Bhajji: Areh, don’t take the Kiwis lightly
Raina: (reads from team sheet) AREH! They have an Indian also – Jeetan Patel
(Someone snaps from behind): Even Yuvi pa can join Kiwis!!
Raina (continues): There is Jesse Ryder who will have a tough time in Ahmedabad…
(someone snaps from behind again): Salaah Piyakar!
Raina (unmoved goes on): Hamish Benett, BJ Watling, Brent…
Dravid (puzzled): Even I haven’t heard of these guys…
MSD: OK, meeting adjourned..
Raina makes a paper ball of the Kiwi team sheet and hurls it at Murali Vijay. The team clears up from the room, only Sachin remains. He walks up to the paper ball, opens it, smoothens the creases of the crumpled paper and starts reading the team names…nodding after each name
A fly on the wall: Wah! Even after 21 years….
Are You Upholding The Appeal?
So asked the umpires, and Paul Collingwood later admitted he probably made the wrong decision. The subsequent reactions from first New Zealand and later the press must have affected the English captain and a short while later he resigned from the position. New Zealand's reaction was viewed with cynicism by some, considering wicket-keeper Brendon McCullum infamously ran-out Muralitharan when the latter walked over to congratulate his skipper on reaching a fine century in December 2006, a move that then skipper Stephen Flemming justified by saying
You can't just wander off when the ball's in mid-air and if we'd had an overthrow I'm sure they would have taken that.Yet little over a year later, when McCullum pulled the stunt again (apparently he'd even managed to do it once more between these two occasions when he ran out Chris Mpofu as he walked out to congratulate his partner on scoring a fifty) to run-out none other than Paul Collingwood, skipper Daniel Vettori withdrew the appeal after Daryl Harper spoke to the Kiwi skipper.
The circumstances in which each of these incidents took place are interesting. In the first instance, the game was close and Elliot's run out swung the game heavily in England's favor. In the second, Sangakkara played an absolute blinder and with New Zealand batting last obviously would have wanted to chase as little as possible. In the final case New Zealand were in a reasonably strong position with England struggling at 27/3 in the 11th over but Collingwood's dismissal at that stage would no doubt have improved their chances of making the semifinals of the Champions Trophy. So its not like you could say that sides are ruthless when they need to be and willing to adhere to spirit of cricket only when the odds are already stacked heavily in their favor.
But the key issue here is that all three incidents could have had a decisive bearing on the match's result, and but for an umpire's intervention, all three captains were happy to stick within the laws at the cost of cricket's over-hyped conduct of sportsmanship because at the end of the day, as RajaB said in the last post, it comes down to the numbers. For this generation, maybe even the next, the circumstances will leave an indelible mark, but what about after that? History will remember the numbers, the stats and it takes considerable digging up to find the fascinating story behind the numbers, an effort that all too often will be too much bother unless the incident has been researched for that specific purpose.
Which is why sometimes in focusing too much on the numbers, in striving too hard to maintain the only records that history will judge you by, you do something that gains you notoriety. How you then react is what makes the difference between whether the issue will be deemed inconsequential and confined only to a paragraph in annual review, or whether it makes the centerpiece of the decade's review. Jardine's "I'm not here to win friends. I'm here to win the Ashes" gave writers the opportunity to paint him as cricket's primary villain for years. Steve Waugh's "They make the rules, we try to make sure we play within them" response* fitted perfectly with the ruthless, ice-man persona the press had created. Indeed you would find such retorts litter the landscape of events in cricket that went down as controversial, right from W.G.Grace to Fleming's stubborn support for McCullum.
By his early action on the field though, Vettori managed to successfully quash a controversy before it had the chance to become one, and but for the line about Harper's instigation, even if you did notice the event you would believe Vettori had conducted himself strictly by the Spirit of Cricket immediately. Collingwood made the wrong decision but did apologize after the match, which while not sparing him from criticism at the time, didn't leave him with the ridiculed legacy Brad Haddin will have to live with for flatly denying and refusing to believe even with available video evidence that he had made a mistake.
It would appear then that the only place where the spirit of cricket seems to find a place today is in making a qualitative assessment of a cricketer's morality in determining the degree to which an incident is reported and recorded, as inconsequential or outrageous. The only exception being in justifying whether an Australian captain is capable of counting and organizing, skills you would have thought were prerequisites for leading your national side, but that is another issue.
Which brings me to Randhiv. He might have been coaxed into bowling the no-ball, but whether by volition or by instruction, he did apologize and he hasn't complained about SLC's punishment. But the board's reaction is interesting, and not just because the common consensus is that it is over-the-top. In recognizing the place where the spirit has the most relevance, which is most certainly not on the field, they have acted in a manner that shall forever taint Randhiv whilst reflecting their actions in a quite different light. After all, can it honestly be asked a few decades from now whether theirs was an overreaction? Quite likely it will be remembered as the days when administrators felt they had an obligation uphold the spirit.
I'm not criticizing them. What I'm trying to say is, they felt they were asked "Are you upholding the appeal?" to which they answered decisively in the negative and so lives on this fascinating aspect of the game... where all manner of individuals use the spirit as required at the moment and then react based on how they believe history will judge them for it.
*In the match in question, Aus vs WI, the Windies had been bowled out for 110 and Australia crawled to 111 off 40.4 overs (in stark contrast to their lightning quick chase of 180 in under 20 overs against Bangladesh in the previous match) as they tried to prevent the West Indies' nrr from falling too far behind New Zealands'. The reason being the Kiwis had won against Australia and would carry those points forward to the Super Six stage which would mean Australia would carry none. With only a game against Scotland left, New Zealand would have to win by a large margin to overtake the West Indies nrr, which they did.
Nail Biting Cricketers!
One of the most popular pastimes on a cricket field is ‘nail-chewing’ or ‘nail-biting’. After ‘spitting’ it surely is the most popular pastime on the field!
Amazing that -- in a [so-called] gentleman’s sport – these guys are allowed to do it and get away with it?! Why no fines here??
Let’s analyze this somewhat:
So, what are they really doing: Is it just nervousness? Are these fellows always too tense and is that why they are chewing their fingernails? Is it a lack of calcium in their bodies or is it just a way to recycle calcium?
OR
Are they still in a ‘teething’ state, where they desperately need to gnaw on things, just as little pups do when they grow up?
I mean, it doesn’t have to be the nails -- it can be the cricket ball itself!
Shahid Afridi can show you how that’s best done.
Now, if gnawing the ball is called “ball tampering”, why shouldn’t the prior, be referred to as “finger tampering”? In an abstract fashion, one may ask, does it lead to any particular advantage for the team with the highest percentage of chewed up nails?
Without complicating the issue, let me address what’s more obvious:
Weren’t these guys ever taught at home not to chew on their finger nails? This, well before they were let onto the cricket field, exposed to the cameras and a world-wide audience of children. Is that what our child viewers are meant to emulate [while learning more about cricket]?
Shah Rukh Khan (the poor Bollywood Filmstar with a nicotine addiction!) was banned from smoking in public, last exposed at an IPL cricket match on 21st April, 2009, simply because the cameramen (Nimbus or Neo… whichever?!) couldn’t keep his camera pointed towards the playing field. The reason I bring up smoking is because it is almost as bad an addiction as chewing on nails (ask a psychologist!).
In a day and age of greater consciousness about ‘addictions’, we do have to be careful what we expose our societies to:
Fact remains, nails are not just bitten during “nail biting finishes” (like the latest 1-ball win of India against South Africa in the 1-day international at Jaipur on 21st February 2010) but it is a rampant habit, an addiction that is an integral part of any cricket game on TV today. Some clinical psychologists even call it “a form of cannibalism and a sign of low self esteem”. Wikipedia states that “Onychophagia or nail biting is a common oral compulsive habit in children and adults, affecting around 30% of children between 7 to 10 years and 45% of teenagers” but what about ‘adults’ that are not teenagers anymore? That quoted, is there reason enough for yet another aspect of training/ coaching to come into play? Must India’s Cricket Coach Gary Kirsten concentrate on this aspect, too?
In the meanwhile, do watch reality unfold on TV for yourself, look out for:
Amazing that -- in a [so-called] gentleman’s sport – these guys are allowed to do it and get away with it?! Why no fines here??
Let’s analyze this somewhat:
So, what are they really doing: Is it just nervousness? Are these fellows always too tense and is that why they are chewing their fingernails? Is it a lack of calcium in their bodies or is it just a way to recycle calcium?
OR
Are they still in a ‘teething’ state, where they desperately need to gnaw on things, just as little pups do when they grow up?
I mean, it doesn’t have to be the nails -- it can be the cricket ball itself!
Shahid Afridi can show you how that’s best done.
Now, if gnawing the ball is called “ball tampering”, why shouldn’t the prior, be referred to as “finger tampering”? In an abstract fashion, one may ask, does it lead to any particular advantage for the team with the highest percentage of chewed up nails?
Without complicating the issue, let me address what’s more obvious:
Weren’t these guys ever taught at home not to chew on their finger nails? This, well before they were let onto the cricket field, exposed to the cameras and a world-wide audience of children. Is that what our child viewers are meant to emulate [while learning more about cricket]?
Shah Rukh Khan (the poor Bollywood Filmstar with a nicotine addiction!) was banned from smoking in public, last exposed at an IPL cricket match on 21st April, 2009, simply because the cameramen (Nimbus or Neo… whichever?!) couldn’t keep his camera pointed towards the playing field. The reason I bring up smoking is because it is almost as bad an addiction as chewing on nails (ask a psychologist!).
In a day and age of greater consciousness about ‘addictions’, we do have to be careful what we expose our societies to:
- Drug misuse & addiction (Floyd Landis, Cycling, UCI & Shoaib Akhtar)
- Sex addiction (Tiger Woods, Golf, PGA & Shane Warne)
- Nail biting addiction (LeBron Raymone James, Basketball, NBA & Harbhajan Singh)
Fact remains, nails are not just bitten during “nail biting finishes” (like the latest 1-ball win of India against South Africa in the 1-day international at Jaipur on 21st February 2010) but it is a rampant habit, an addiction that is an integral part of any cricket game on TV today. Some clinical psychologists even call it “a form of cannibalism and a sign of low self esteem”. Wikipedia states that “Onychophagia or nail biting is a common oral compulsive habit in children and adults, affecting around 30% of children between 7 to 10 years and 45% of teenagers” but what about ‘adults’ that are not teenagers anymore? That quoted, is there reason enough for yet another aspect of training/ coaching to come into play? Must India’s Cricket Coach Gary Kirsten concentrate on this aspect, too?
In the meanwhile, do watch reality unfold on TV for yourself, look out for:
- Harbhajan (Bhajji) Singh, standing at deep mid on and chewing away to glory.
- Graeme Smith, standing at first slip and chewing away, nervously.
- Daniel Vettori, biting his nails almost anywhere on the field.
- Even Virendar Sehwag, Rahul Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar are often seen with their fingers in their mouths, whilst standing in the slip cordon.
Here’s a case in point, as to how desperate [and deplorable] this habit/ addiction can get:
I hear that our own champion, pseudo sardar ‘Bhajji ‘ (Harbhajan Singh) had at one stage chewed off so much of his finger nails that none were left to chew. So, quite desperate to chew on a nail, he was caught on camera chewing on his toe nails doing one of the flexibility exercises for his back and upper thighs in the warm-up area of a cricket stadium -- you can’t beat that!
(The picture in now unavailable for us, as it was pulled off the net by concerned authorities!)
Where are we getting to?
Are these our heroes of today… our role models?
We’re not letting anyone off the hook here… I’ll write about ‘spitting on the field’ some other day!
by Ajoy Eric Lal
When I’m watching cricket, I’m not just watching the game but also thinking about all that is subtly happening on and off the field. It’s a kind of analysis Sunil Gavaskar, Ravi Shastri and Harsha Bhogle wouldn’t dare undertake!
BEARDS ‘n’ BRISTLES… in Cricket
The good old beard is subtly reemerging in international cricket.
Cricketer turned commentator Dean Jones lost his job by calling the devout South African Muslim Hashim Amla a “terrorist”, while several England fans sported fake beards during a Leeds Test to show their admiration for the Indian Origin Mudhsuden Singh (Monty) Panesar. Not long ago, Harbhajan (Bhajji) Singh was labelled a “patit” Sikh by the SGPC as he trimmed his beard. With his “Patka” (pseudo Turban) and next to no facial hair, Bhajji does look like a young lad… so leave him alone!
There always is some controversy or the other around beards and, as we know, these obviously come in umpteen variations – by true definition, the moment the man hasn’t shaved for more than a day, he is sporting a beard´… or shall we at least call it a bristle?!
And then, for men, there’s the women angle… as always.
Many women like facial hair but most don’t, so what do the cricketing wives/ girlfriends like about their men with beards ‘n’ bristles?
Now, now, I wonder: Does it actually tickle them between the legs when the batsmen come 1, 2, 3 or more down?
Virgin, long haired beards are supposed to be the softest but are they fashionable enough – do women want to be seen walking down Bond Street with a guy sporting one of these “Swamiji/ Guru Beards”?
On the other hand, the constantly shaven, short-haired variety of beards do get rather pokey (yeah, we men do know that too!) but is it this variety that women enjoy more? Are these beards chique [and as useful]?
Whatever, one thing is certain, in the post 9/11 world, the beard is somewhat controversial. Has it become a prominent religious symbol, perceived negatively by many just for that reason?
Pakistan’s Mohammad Yousuf grew one soon after his conversion from Christianity to Islam to underline his devotion for his new Faith. Earlier, his former teammates Saeed Anwar and Saqlain Mushtaq had also undergone such a facial metamorphosis.
Gong further back in time [because there really is a history of beards in cricket]:
There was a time when the beard epitomized Victorian splendour. W. G. Grace, the colossus of English cricket, was as popular for his brilliant game as for his long, bushy beard. Back in the 1890s, Australian speedster Ernest Jones once delivered a ball that went through Grace’s beard. The latter, not at all pleased, asked him, “What do you think you’re at, Jonah?” The apology was prompt: “Sorry, Doctor, she slipped.” One wonders what the burly Grace would have done to the other Jones (Dean) had the Aussie called him a terrorist?!
In Grace’s days, there were other bearded cricketers too, such as England’s Alfred Shaw and Australia’s Harry Boyle and George Bonner.
The beard virtually disappeared from cricket with the death of Grace in 1915. It resurfaced in the 1960s with the emergence of two of India’s finest spinners: Bishan Singh Bedi and Bhagwat Chandrasekhar, the latter lovingly called ‘Chandru’. However, it was in the next two decades when unshaven, rugged looks became trendy again. Several top cricketers grew a beard for a while not because of their religion but only to make a style statement.
England had Ian Botham, Mike Brearley and Mike Gatting, while for Australia there were Greg Chappell and Allan Border. The West Indian “beard brigade” included Andy Roberts, Michael Holding, Malcolm Marshall and Vivian Richards. Pakistan had Wasim Raja and Zaheer Abbas, while the Indian representative was Chetan Sharma (Sikhs Maninder Singh, Balwinder Sandhu and Navjot Sidhu kept a beard for obvious reasons).
In the 1990s, the clean-shaven “Gillette look” became more than predominant. Pacers Courtney Walsh and Curtley Ambrose, however, occasionally preferred to have a short beard. Among today’s Caribbean bowlers, Corey Collymore has kept the “tradition of beards” alive.
Today, Danniel Vettori sports a beard more often than not. Even the little master-blaster from Mumbai, Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar always has a 3-day beard because it’s the only thing that makes him look his age!
In contemporary cricket, the beard or bristles are there to stay.
Credits:
We thank Vikramdeep Johal (The Tribune Chandigarh) for the idea. More was added to the article and it was re-edited by Ajoy Eric Lal.
A day of daredevilry.
First the Jatman – 146 runs on the rocks. Then Dilshan, “hit me with a 160”. After that Nehra, shaken not stirred. If Rajkot was a bartender, these Dardevils were alcoholics.
Elsewhere Vettori started by snacking on two wickets, setting the Kiwis for a series win. Not to be, but then Vettori doesn’t play all Daredevil games. If he was a regular, who knows, a five for, followed by fireworks with the bat.
Even Asif, an erstwhile Daredevil lasted ten deliveries for his zero. His innings was such a dampener, it roped in the rains that robbed the Kiwis of a win.
And what about the other ex-Daredevil, Shoiab Malik; though not playing, and largely useless, he still booked his spot for the series down under.
Meanwhile Amit Mishra was letting it rip in the nets. If that wasn’t enough, David Warner ran two apartment blocks to catch a ball from another game. “Not out!” said the umpire, but David continued to smile impishly. And the whole world smiled; with the Daredevils.
Denial Vettori no more.
He’s back to being Daniel again, could be just for one innings, but I’m sure it’s good getting your Christian name back. I’ve always felt Vettori will be better opening the innings than closing it. Sure it’s easier to score of a ruddy old ball than a hard new one, but if you have a scientist in the team, let him out first – allow him to set up his lab, suss the conditions, and get back to you.
That’s the thing with Vettori, he will always get back to you; if not with the bat, then, with the ball, or an email. Oddly enough he’s not a comeback kid, but then, that could be because he doesn’t go anywhere – just a passing thought, what if they drop him, what kind of comeback will he make? I’m sure he’ll come back strongly, somersaults, pommel horse, maybe even the Roman rings.
Bloody unlikely with the glasses you’ll say – I agree. But what if he put the specs aside, and tried contacts? What if?
Like I’ve always felt what if Vettori bats ahead of McCullum? He can take his position, and give him his glasses. It will happen tomorrow – don’t be amazed if you see Vet walk out at 6 looking like a batsman sans specs, clean shaven, a proper looking cricketer; an enhanced stance, and once he plays, no prods to third man – where will he score his runs then, you ask?
My dear, as a proper Kiwi batsman you don’t score runs. You are part of the ruins.
"How can a Danish play for Pakistan?"
The Kiwis were asking some highly inane questions on the second day of the Wellington test. Not least of them, "how does one play test cricket?" Nobody told them “one doesn’t play test cricket, eleven do”. Naturally an individualistic team such as the Kiwis loses its way when Shane Bond’s body walks out on them. In a way, the soul of the team leaves them. They’re left with the brains and glasses, but how much can four eyes do?
Stumps first day, when Pak was only five down, of which Vettori had three, it was obvious the Kiwis had already lost it. That in spite of Misbah having lost it again; a sweep befitting his Kamikaze ways. Without dwelling on the MoYo distraction, the Akmal & bowling brothers secured the game with the bat – if an Akmal was not a keeper, you’d expect one of the bowlers to keep too. Perhaps it’s time for a bowler to captain Pakistan again.
Weather permitting, the game should be over in three days, latest lunch fourth day. We can however be done by lunch tomorrow, if Pak declares overnight. First use of the morning conditions, doubt New Zealand will better their 99 red balloons.
And while we’re at it, a special mention for Brendon McCullum and his first ball idiocies, now what the hell is he doing batting before Shane Bond. Oh forgot, Bond isn’t batting this one.
Vettori to captain Pak now.
Captain, selector, coach, bowler, batsman, spectacle, still not enough for Vettori. But a little much for Younis – it was bad enough skippering MoYo and Boom Boom, then to see this spectacled monster juggle so many roles.
Younis smiled angrily:
“While Aamer and last wicket partnership is happening this Vettori was appealing so much I didn’t like it much and he is putting not good pressure on to us so I am not going to be being captain for the New Zealand test series and if he could can be doing in such a good job let him could be captaining Pakistan team also it is up to him I am not saying anything let him see what he can do”
Basically Younis will not captain the Pak test team to New Zealand. He could still go as a tourist, but not captain. MoYo will be captain in name, meaning, Pak will be headless.
This of course suits Boom Boom and MoYo who never call heads at the toss, but spare a thought for Vettori.
Never one to shy away, Vet is taking Younis’ comment positively. And while he will remain captain for the Kiwis, he will be a Ghost captain for the Pak team.
A big one for fancy dress, Vet as ghost captain pulled out his Halloween outfit as the three witches from Macbeth. "Very apt, he’s such a multi-tasker, he is, isn’t he, oh, yes he is" – echoed the three witches in union. Along with the usual, “fair is foul, foul is fair” drivel.
Also read: A third rate captain
Vettori and Collingwood knew all along.
Playing for a team with ‘land’ in it is simple. No wonder they make the New Zealand and England XI, what, they even captain some times. But when it comes to the Delhi Daredevils, they’re all at sea.
Who knew Paul Collingwood was part of the Delhi Daredevils. Playing is one thing, he doesn’t even make the bench. Surprising then, that Paul’s posterior problem was sighted as a reason for his absence from the Daredevils.
Then there’s good friend, Denial Vettori. He pulled out of the Champions Trophy finals, just so he could stay clear of the Daredevils bench. Owais Shah will be there, like his footwork, he goes anywhere. As for McGrath, he’s been called last minute – add to the bench strength no doubt.
Denial is back, Daniel is out.
It wasn’t long back that Daniel threatened to take over Vettori’s personality. He even won them a semi final game against Pakistan (who refused to play cricket since that wonky Australia game.)
Today it’s a big finals’ game, Vettori knows he’s out of his league. Now that he’s made runs against Naved and his teammates, batting up the order, how will he make it to No. 8 again?
It was his reputation at stake, he has other things to worry about: like working out how he’ll edge Amit Mishra out in the Delhi Daredevils later this week.
Either way the world order is restored, McCullum and his ghosts take over the captaincy. If only Shah Rukh Khan was around, the Champions Trophy could dream like the IPL.
Denial Vettori no more.
For a day Vettori accepted the name given by his folks. Daniel. Mom, Dad, today I will be Daniel. I feel like Daniel today. I’ve been in Denial so long. It’s been sooooo long. He said, unfurling that big-long monstrous tongue. He looked just a bit hangdog, but that was more to do with his ice lolly tongue, Blistering Barnacles beard, sexy specks than his demeanour.
Vet knows when his day has come, we’ve been telling him for so long, if only we were him, and he was us, the Kiwis would’ve won more matches. But Vet was not always like this.
He was a selfish, number crunching accountant of a player. Either that, or he was damn myopic. The kind who can’t read the scoreboard when he’s sitting in it.
Deal with Vet – even in this article he is on the cusp between Denial and Daniel, which is why we don’t refer to him as either. Yeah, so the deal with Vet is, he looks like an animal, but he is also a Vet – so he knows the cure, and he is the disease. He is both. Hangdog, Top dog, captain, culprit, selector, geek, strong, weak.
He plays so many roles, the studios should give him a shot at Fu Man Chu, and Piggy Chops latest hop. He is not the man, he is the men. Many men at that.
So, here we are a repeating ourselves, (here, and here and here) but Vet is always 8 down. Of course, that is to do with the number of rounds the players buy him to stay in the team. And after 8 down, he packs up.
But Vet makes all those impressive scores at 8 down, 40, 70s, 50s, even 100s, they have great annoyance value, he plays you, and flays you through third man, and point, but really these are usually pointless innings.
For long I’ve felt he should bat before McCullum in tests, but we’ll save that for later.
Yesterday, Vet came so early, it seemed a little premature. The girls were worried, didn’t you see the look on that lady next to Ian O’ Brien.
But such was the deep understanding of beating the Pakis at their own ugly game – Younis Khan put his hands up, he knew, if you can’t beat this much ugly, join it. And MoYo too, looked at Vet’s beard and said, ‘Now that’s a beard I C…!’ Meanwhile, Malik was transfixed at Vet’s dragonesque tongue – how does he do it, mine pales in…
Only Afridi, who was too busy looking himself in another player’s eye, was unmoved. While Afridi practiced his next ballet move, Vet did a Balle Balle with the bat. It was crude, rustic and from the farmlands of Mahe and Dev D.
I almost expected Vet to hit the bottle, urinate on the wicket, and have the wet ball changed. He was capable of anything. But the animal inside stayed within, the Vet took over. It was a clinical performance.
Should Denial Vettori bat at all?
Vettori is facing a mid life batting crisis. No amount of runs will make him believe he can bat. In fact the more runs he scores, the more seeds of doubt sown. If it goes on like this, pretty soon he may not bat at all.
This will not hurt New Zealand. Vettori will be able to focus on his captaincy, his bowling. Who knows, he may even start to rate himself a bowler – and flex some muscle in the power play.
This of course will tempt batsmen into bashing him all over the place. And then you know what happens – free wickets.
Right now, understandably, Vettori is worried about his Delhi Daredevils’ contract. He should be. Why pay him if they don’t play him?
Here’s some advice Dan, open the batting. You may not score many runs, but that was never your objective, was it – you always wanted to serve the team.
PS: After reading this, Dan decided to bowl the 13th Power Play over. He can now look himself in the eye.
Also read: Vettori protects Vettori
Why did Shane Bond play
He was not injured.
Fitness aside, can you put an age to Shane Bond? Not that he’s timeless, but he doesn’t look any particular age. Almost like his twin, Putin. Can you put an age to Putin?
Even Bond doesn’t know he’s 34. It’s like Afridi doesn’t know he’s forty or Jayasuriya doesn’t know he’s a hundred or Sachin doesn’t know he’s not eighteen. And what the hell is age but a number that lies.
But Bond is 34, that’s what his birth certificate says. What this cert doesn’t say is that he’s played 17 tests strewn all over the Lord of the Rings sets, and a pocketful of one-dayers.
Shane Bond returned to play Sri Lanka in a twenty20. He returned in body, not in spirit. Bond doesn’t have spirit. If he was an alcoholic, even then he wouldn’t have any spirit.
He is a limp biscuit. Dipped in a Delhi ICL team, that was so bad, to conform he had to be equally bad. Ditto with Lara and his Mumbai Champs.
Bond’s ICL jaunt was called Delhi Giants and they made a midget out of him. They lost everything, except maybe games against the Champs, which both teams lost.
This of course cannot be proven as there are no records of the ICL. For the record, Bond’s non-existent spirit was broken by Dilshan, four fours of his first over.
Later, standing alongside Vettori he seemed small, almost like a left arm spinner. Vettori though, still didn’t look like a quick bowler.
Bond pulled it back, but not because of his bowling, the zip was missing, and the buttons too. He bowled yorkers that weren’t, speeds that were ICL-like at best.
There was a smallness to him, and that was sad. He just needs to play India again. On conditions of anonymity, Vettori told me, 'if not for India I would be half the bowler I am.'
That would be the bitter half.
A test of left arm spinners.
There was Herath who took 8 wickets and Vettori who at number 8 scored 140 in a lost cause.
To get the record straight, this was Vettori’s fourth hundred, his highest. Good for him, he’ll get many more while his team will continue to bat themselves to defeat.
Vettori comes in after McCullum and Oram, honestly how can anyone come after McCullum? After Vettori comes the tail, Patel, O’Brien and Martin. That makes Vettori, New Zealand’s most consistent batsman for a while now, at best, a lower order batsman, the gateway to the tail.
Vettori is not only captain, he’s also a selector now, making his crime doubly serious. To call him Denial Vettori is not far from the truth – here’s a senior player who refuses to do anything about his improved performances as a batsman.
It can be argued if Vettori bats any higher he may not have the same impact, or score the same runs. If so, it can’t be any worse than the blundering McCullum or openers. Just like every tail-ender deserves a promotion based on performance, Vettori needs to bite the bullet and shove himself into the wars.
Right now he’s batting for his own records, in complete denial of his own worth as a batsman. It’s possible he’s no-good higher up, but let’s face it, he’s no good lower down.
Meanwhile Herath returns, yet again, with a five-for, displacing Mendis both from the team and the mind. Here’s to more uncertainty in cricket.
Looks like that’s what Vettori needs, somebody to challenge him as the team’s leading player. But then that’s an argument that holds good for the likes of McCullum and those nameless openers. Case reopened.
cricinfo: Daniel Vettori has scored 2002 in Tests since January 2005, at an average of 44.48. He is the highest run-scorer for New Zealand during this period. Brendon McCullum is next, with 1712 runs at an average of 30.03.
Ten Sports is sick. But then so are the Kiwis.
The Kiwi-Lanka test match broadcasters, Ten Sports have been off-air all morning. Had Brendon McCullum been the broadcaster, a few slogs in the air, and who knows what could have been.
Does it matter that I missed the morning session - not really, chances are so did New Zealand.
In fact, they turned up for the morning session. When the players can’t do the job, a selector has to – Daniel Vettori's shot selection was good enough to earn him a not out at lunch.
In the coming series, selector Moles will need to play. His coaching has done nothing. Or maybe the players are plain thick. Last match 9 out of 11 players were sick, this time, what excuse will it be?
“We’re just sick of cricket”
PS Ten Sports returns, the outfield is wet, the Kiwis are damp squibs, Anshuman Gaekwad's on instead. Which is worse?
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