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Jatman's hands are aching

by namya

Place - Jatman's house
Time - The day before the MI match at Mumbai

Jatman comes home shouting for his mom asking her to heat a bucketful of water.

"What happened Puttar? Why do you need a full bucket of hot water for relaxing your fingers? Won't a small bowl suffice?"

"No Maa! My entire hand is paining after all the exercise."

"Why? Did you bat for more than 4 balls at the nets today? Those DDDs really overwork you. My poor kid! Should I call up Gouti to stop treating you like an ordinary batter? Wo meri baat jaroor sunega."

"It's not like that Ma! I batted only 2 balls as usual. But later I had to massage Gouti's hamstring, which unlike RCB, doesn't wilt under pressure."

"But why didn't Gouti ask the physio to attend to him?"

"DDD pays pittance to even its star players. The physio is paid peanuts so he refuses to do overtime as it was past 5.30 p.m. So I had to do the job "

"But how much is he paid?"

"I told you no Ma, peanuts! 1kg every day."

"Ohh puttar you must be really tired."

"Maa, it doesn't end there." Jatman said with tears in his eyes "Later I had to go to Sachin Paaji's place."

"Why did you go to meet Sachin?"

"You see, we are playing a match against him tomorrow. I was sent by the coach to plead and beg with him to let us win the match."

"And what happened there?"

"As I entered the room I saw Sachin sleeping on his bed and Anil bhai sitting near his pillow. He was there to plead for his team's cause as well."

"So if Anil beta was sitting there puttar, how could you beg and plead with Sachin in his presence?"

"Arre Maa, I always play my natural game and today was no exception. Pressure doesn't get to me. Ever!! My natural pleading style is pressing people's feet and today was no exception. I went and sat at Sachin Paaji's feet and started pressing them."

"The what happened Puttar?" JatMa asked with baited breath

"As soon as Sachin Paaji opened his eyes, he saw me first. So I was given the first option of choosing either he desisting to play against us or the rest of his team not playing against us."

"So what did you choose?"

"Obviously I asked him not to play against us. But he said that he would have to take permission from his owners."

"And what did Anil puttar get?"

"Well, Sachin Paaji said to him that RCB couldn't be helped even by HIM if Kallis batted for 15 overs."

"Puttar, the water must be boiling hot by now. You have a long day tomorrow. Go get some rest and don't start your hourly night phone call to Gouti now."

This piece is a mix of a figment of one's imagination and some ideas inspired from the Mahabharata. This is an MI fan's ungli cricket piece. Let the battle begin :-)


Gaurav Sethi said...

Haha! Hilarious namya

Jatma is a character with great promise, just like Jatman. And what is GG's ma called - jiji by one all.

Aashrey said...

Hahaha, good one!

Spare Delhi Sachin. Do not play your natural game.

namya said...

Thanks NC
jiji is brilliant.. we can have a conversation between jatma and jiji on BCC!.

namya said...

Thanks Aashrey :)

straight point said...

'ungli' cricket at its best boss!! solid!!

Unknown said...

Yes! This is everything I imagined Sachin to be :P

namya said...

@SP and @Rishabh,


Mahek said...

Yeah I was wondering if you got the pillow and feet bit from the Mahabharat :)

This is ungal cricket of the highest order.

namya said...


Jatman didn't press Sachin Paaji's feet too well:)

Rohit said...

Hilarious! I've never got a Mahabharata pun before. That was great!