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International Cricket As We Know It Is Already Dead
The Bangladesh Cricket Board has announced that the first edition of the Bangladesh Premier League will commence from the 9th of February, 2012. The tournament appears to be modelled along the same lines as the Indian Premier League, even rather unnecessarily incorporating the (now discontinued) concept of "icon" players, which was only employed in the IPL to retain the biggest stars from the rival ICL. The same standard T20 international bunch appear to be available. A new sports channel will broadcast the tournament in Bangladesh. Arun Lal, here after referred to as captain-flipping-the-bird-obvious, said "The main thing is that the Bangladeshi players have to be available." Fancy that, you wouldn't want it to just be the 25 international mercenaries playing now, would you?
Take a step back and put yourselves in the shoes of a Bangladeshi cricket administrator. Your team never really deserved Test status, but well, here we are. They have the worst record for any national side, are currently at the bottom of the ICC rankings and have hardly displayed any improvement since their inception. The logical thing to do therefore, is to make sure you're not left behind in the T20 leagues where everybody else is going to be making money. I mean, after all, what is your role as cricket administrator of the country if not to oversee governance of the sport, ensure that you produce cricketers of international calibre who are capable of competing with the best? But whats in it for you, potentially honorable member, apart from maybe getting a few business contracts for your firm while doing this charitable work?
Now take a step back and look at how the pervasive nature of this greed has gripped cricket administrators the world over. Virtually every cricket board has already designed, if not implemented, a T20 league which will eventually become the staple of cricket for that country. Test cricket fans moan about how this will affect the premier format of the game, but they are blind, romantic and ultimately stupid. Sorry! It isn't Test cricket that is threatened, it is international cricket. And it isn't threatened, its already dead. With much the same confidence as the banker who says "I see nothing wrong with hedging against CDO we're selling to investors" we've got cricket administrators pulling the wool over our collective eyes with false promises such as "There is room for all three formats."
What a laugh, there will be only one format in 10 years, and only one international tournament, a T20 world cup. They all know this, they recognized its inevitability the instant the IPL was a success despite the ICL getting the jump on it. They knew too that here was an opportunity staring them in the face, and to not grasp it while in a position of power on their board would be to lose the chance to someone more enterprising, a quite costly business opportunity lost and life only hands you so many. All of this was well known even before the ICL was launched, when Lalit Modi had already drawn out plans for a city based T20 league, but just needed the right moment to get the dinosaurs in the BCCI to understand how profitable and undeniably destined the future of cricket was to be. The current models had already shown themselves to be unsustainable, and while you can only shaft the viewer so much with ads to bag obscenely priced TV contracts, national fervour can only really throw high profits your way for marquee events, and that too only if they go to script. You need something more sustainable, a commodity that will appeal to the masses over a longer term while not ensuring that the only people who can realistically follow it enough are those employed to cover it.
T20 was that commodity, trialled immediately after broadcasters incurred massive losses following India's early exit from the 2007 World Cup. There will always be whispers about how the following T20 World Cup's script was almost too perfect to be true. It certainly was for the games administrators, as a swooned public fell hook, line and sinker for the crucial test to see if the new format would catch on. Zee knew they had to act fast, but their loss of the contract and subsequent action has been well chronicled. This paradigm shift shook the cricketing world far more than any match-fixing scandal ever can. In order to run a league, you needed to be legit. Boards regulated cricket and so they had the rightful claim to organize and manage the finances for this commercial venture. Any and everyone else was banned.
In the ideal scenario, different countries will host different leagues at different times of the year. Much the same way crass sport management has devolved and dehumanized baseball, basketball and "football" (who actually follows any of the international games in these sports, oh thats right, apart from the Olympics, there aren't any), cricket's aping administrators seek to destroy international cricket. Its a right bloody mess anyway, with all that political manoeuvring to appease egoistic puppets appointed by governments to manage sporting boards. No, having your individual fiefdom is a lot more profitable, and if everyone shares everyone's resources carefully, there's enough moolah to go around to everyone (case in point, the bending over backwards of certain boards to ensure the success of the Champions League T20). Eventually you'll end up with the sport looking not too dissimilar to football, the real kind, one world cup where national emotion can be vented every once in a while. To the uncreative aping administrators this only seems logical, it works well in other sports doesn't it, why must cricket be left behind in the dark ages?
You think you can change this? Hah! The world's got far more pressing concerns. Protests if any, will be as futile as the Occupy movements. Who regulates the game? Take a look at the shambolic state of broadcasts in the subcontinent, where some fat cat twerp says "I see NO problem in L shaped ads popping up during the game." You couldn't be bothered stepping up and demanding that you get a quality product for parting with your hard earned money then, now you've let them say "this is how you're going to like what we're going to give you, and you're going to be paying us more over time than you ever did before, and if you don't like it you'll have to learn to because its all you're going to get." Take a look at the way Ashes series are scheduled and broadcast. World cricket is a mess, and nobody really wants to govern it any more. Administrators who should have been looking to preserve the game's history and heritage, while promoting the game's proliferation have taken keen interest in petty fights that throw out associates so as to preserve the revenues of the powerful boards. Where there was supposed to be governance, there is only greed. Greed (at least for a short while) is good for the few, harmful for the many, for it after all comes at their cost. If you liked international cricket, I'd recommend you learn to move on quickly. If not to the T20 leagues, to another sport.
Take a step back and put yourselves in the shoes of a Bangladeshi cricket administrator. Your team never really deserved Test status, but well, here we are. They have the worst record for any national side, are currently at the bottom of the ICC rankings and have hardly displayed any improvement since their inception. The logical thing to do therefore, is to make sure you're not left behind in the T20 leagues where everybody else is going to be making money. I mean, after all, what is your role as cricket administrator of the country if not to oversee governance of the sport, ensure that you produce cricketers of international calibre who are capable of competing with the best? But whats in it for you, potentially honorable member, apart from maybe getting a few business contracts for your firm while doing this charitable work?
Now take a step back and look at how the pervasive nature of this greed has gripped cricket administrators the world over. Virtually every cricket board has already designed, if not implemented, a T20 league which will eventually become the staple of cricket for that country. Test cricket fans moan about how this will affect the premier format of the game, but they are blind, romantic and ultimately stupid. Sorry! It isn't Test cricket that is threatened, it is international cricket. And it isn't threatened, its already dead. With much the same confidence as the banker who says "I see nothing wrong with hedging against CDO we're selling to investors" we've got cricket administrators pulling the wool over our collective eyes with false promises such as "There is room for all three formats."
What a laugh, there will be only one format in 10 years, and only one international tournament, a T20 world cup. They all know this, they recognized its inevitability the instant the IPL was a success despite the ICL getting the jump on it. They knew too that here was an opportunity staring them in the face, and to not grasp it while in a position of power on their board would be to lose the chance to someone more enterprising, a quite costly business opportunity lost and life only hands you so many. All of this was well known even before the ICL was launched, when Lalit Modi had already drawn out plans for a city based T20 league, but just needed the right moment to get the dinosaurs in the BCCI to understand how profitable and undeniably destined the future of cricket was to be. The current models had already shown themselves to be unsustainable, and while you can only shaft the viewer so much with ads to bag obscenely priced TV contracts, national fervour can only really throw high profits your way for marquee events, and that too only if they go to script. You need something more sustainable, a commodity that will appeal to the masses over a longer term while not ensuring that the only people who can realistically follow it enough are those employed to cover it.
T20 was that commodity, trialled immediately after broadcasters incurred massive losses following India's early exit from the 2007 World Cup. There will always be whispers about how the following T20 World Cup's script was almost too perfect to be true. It certainly was for the games administrators, as a swooned public fell hook, line and sinker for the crucial test to see if the new format would catch on. Zee knew they had to act fast, but their loss of the contract and subsequent action has been well chronicled. This paradigm shift shook the cricketing world far more than any match-fixing scandal ever can. In order to run a league, you needed to be legit. Boards regulated cricket and so they had the rightful claim to organize and manage the finances for this commercial venture. Any and everyone else was banned.
In the ideal scenario, different countries will host different leagues at different times of the year. Much the same way crass sport management has devolved and dehumanized baseball, basketball and "football" (who actually follows any of the international games in these sports, oh thats right, apart from the Olympics, there aren't any), cricket's aping administrators seek to destroy international cricket. Its a right bloody mess anyway, with all that political manoeuvring to appease egoistic puppets appointed by governments to manage sporting boards. No, having your individual fiefdom is a lot more profitable, and if everyone shares everyone's resources carefully, there's enough moolah to go around to everyone (case in point, the bending over backwards of certain boards to ensure the success of the Champions League T20). Eventually you'll end up with the sport looking not too dissimilar to football, the real kind, one world cup where national emotion can be vented every once in a while. To the uncreative aping administrators this only seems logical, it works well in other sports doesn't it, why must cricket be left behind in the dark ages?
You think you can change this? Hah! The world's got far more pressing concerns. Protests if any, will be as futile as the Occupy movements. Who regulates the game? Take a look at the shambolic state of broadcasts in the subcontinent, where some fat cat twerp says "I see NO problem in L shaped ads popping up during the game." You couldn't be bothered stepping up and demanding that you get a quality product for parting with your hard earned money then, now you've let them say "this is how you're going to like what we're going to give you, and you're going to be paying us more over time than you ever did before, and if you don't like it you'll have to learn to because its all you're going to get." Take a look at the way Ashes series are scheduled and broadcast. World cricket is a mess, and nobody really wants to govern it any more. Administrators who should have been looking to preserve the game's history and heritage, while promoting the game's proliferation have taken keen interest in petty fights that throw out associates so as to preserve the revenues of the powerful boards. Where there was supposed to be governance, there is only greed. Greed (at least for a short while) is good for the few, harmful for the many, for it after all comes at their cost. If you liked international cricket, I'd recommend you learn to move on quickly. If not to the T20 leagues, to another sport.
The minutes of the 2nd Day - Thank You Sachin! (And Pattinson)
Half a bottle of red later, signing out at 2, a 5 am start
was remote. I connected with my mobile at 8 down, knocked the last two with
twitter and TV. Sometime then, Dad and tea appeared. Followed by James
Pattinson, who after Mohammad Aamer, is a reason to chase the game.
Today was a day you drink to. Today was Absinth.
He should have ended up with many more, and possibly will tomorrow and the second innings unless India finds new counters and shake his elbow up. Players like Pattinson are the reason kids will take to fast bowling, to cricket, to tests. Privileged to watch him bowl, I just heard myself say.
Sehwag Drop (via Hussey) - With Hussey's luck, even if he had taken it, the umpire wouldn't have given it.
Warner and Haddin dropped Sehwag too, but neither of the drops will be match-defining. Viru was slow by Jatman’s standards, which explains why the three drops were strewn all over his innings.
There was a time when the Aussie subs equaled the umpires and this was inevitable - Subway installs kiosk in the Aussie dugout
Almost embarrassing for him, but Sehwag reached one of those milestones that Sachin throws at people when they throw stones at him - Earlier batsmen dealt in singles, 2s, 3s, 4s, 6s, now it's freaking 1000s#Jatman8k
You will see it in the news, but we saw it in the stars - Coming soon - Sehwag says#ThankYouSachin!
for his 8000 test runs.
OMG - Dravid started with a 4, taking the Rajasthan Royals' captaincy to heart
And the odd couple put together yet another cricketing sitcom - Scene from a courtroom -Dravid the defence, Sehwag the Prosecutor
OMG again -Good decision and Erasmus spoken simultaneously.#Ripley's
Hussey turned his arm over - Mike Hussey being brought on, possibly to demean whatever cricketing skills he has left
After 3 drops, what you will hear from Michael Clarke - Clarke post match - "rub of the green..."
Siddle knocked Dravid, but it was a no ball - Next thing you know, Siddle will knock Dravid over with a wide
Dravid was beat - When two is the call, Dravid runs one, when one is the call, Dravid runs none
Sachin arrived, with biscuit beneath helmet, Goddammit! it was nearly tea-time – he was shaky, as would anyone who has everything-to-lose (Shastri-blurb), but finally tea prevailed, and after that he bit the biscuit and the bullet.
Sachin played. Conjured the Three Non-Blondes – “OMG, WHAT’S GOING ON?!” Upper cut 6, cover drives, straight drives, sex drives, and I was 19 all over again.
That you have to give Sachin, even if you are older than him, by a year and some, he will grab you, mark the moment, and hurl you back into that gawky haircut time and way.
We all have our baggage, and much of it is to do with Sachin. Days like this, he makes it float-like-a-feather. And I can feel the whiskey and that cover drive jigging inside my head. Or was it the straight drive? Could be either, but it wasn’t the 100th 100. That didn’t even pass my mind. How we’ve grown, for a day.
Today was a day you drink to. Today was Absinth.
For Pattinson - This kid can bowl. Can this kid bowl. Bowl
this kid can.
He should have ended up with many more, and possibly will tomorrow and the second innings unless India finds new counters and shake his elbow up. Players like Pattinson are the reason kids will take to fast bowling, to cricket, to tests. Privileged to watch him bowl, I just heard myself say.
Sehwag Drop (via Hussey) - With Hussey's luck, even if he had taken it, the umpire wouldn't have given it.
Warner and Haddin dropped Sehwag too, but neither of the drops will be match-defining. Viru was slow by Jatman’s standards, which explains why the three drops were strewn all over his innings.
Gambhir is fast playing himself into if-the-team-loses, they’ll
look at me, and then you know what happens - Gambhir's new technique isn't quite compact, more like Tata
nano
Between all that - A quiche is
what you eat, a cliché is what Wasim + Shastri eat yr head with.
There was a time when the Aussie subs equaled the umpires and this was inevitable - Subway installs kiosk in the Aussie dugout
Almost embarrassing for him, but Sehwag reached one of those milestones that Sachin throws at people when they throw stones at him - Earlier batsmen dealt in singles, 2s, 3s, 4s, 6s, now it's freaking 1000s
You will see it in the news, but we saw it in the stars - Coming soon - Sehwag says
OMG - Dravid started with a 4, taking the Rajasthan Royals' captaincy to heart
And the odd couple put together yet another cricketing sitcom - Scene from a courtroom -Dravid the defence, Sehwag the Prosecutor
OMG again -Good decision and Erasmus spoken simultaneously.
Hussey turned his arm over - Mike Hussey being brought on, possibly to demean whatever cricketing skills he has left
After 3 drops, what you will hear from Michael Clarke - Clarke post match - "rub of the green..."
Siddle knocked Dravid, but it was a no ball - Next thing you know, Siddle will knock Dravid over with a wide
Dravid was beat - When two is the call, Dravid runs one, when one is the call, Dravid runs none
Sachin arrived, with biscuit beneath helmet, Goddammit! it was nearly tea-time – he was shaky, as would anyone who has everything-to-lose (Shastri-blurb), but finally tea prevailed, and after that he bit the biscuit and the bullet.
Sachin played. Conjured the Three Non-Blondes – “OMG, WHAT’S GOING ON?!” Upper cut 6, cover drives, straight drives, sex drives, and I was 19 all over again.
That you have to give Sachin, even if you are older than him, by a year and some, he will grab you, mark the moment, and hurl you back into that gawky haircut time and way.
We all have our baggage, and much of it is to do with Sachin. Days like this, he makes it float-like-a-feather. And I can feel the whiskey and that cover drive jigging inside my head. Or was it the straight drive? Could be either, but it wasn’t the 100th 100. That didn’t even pass my mind. How we’ve grown, for a day.
The minutes of the first day: Zaheer Khan is bowling within Vinay Kumar.
After two Jamesons, I turned in early at half past midnight. I refused to set an alarm. If it’s important enough, I will be the alarm. I have no stories to file, no deadlines to meet, I’m breaking into S&G there, feeling groovy.
That’s the way it was. I first woke at 3.32 am. By then I had dreamt deeply – vivid, weird cricket story.
The Boxing Day test was being played in the Junior school lawns of St Columba’s. The pitch though, was more like a side practice pitch. India was batting, Gambhir played on, Sachin retired hurt 60, Sehwag was out, not out, it was confusing.
And then I woke up again, around 4.40 am by my watch which is ten minutes ahead. I wake to assemble myself, the laptop, tracks, woolens, a quick net search on the phone – Australia will bat, there will be cricket.
I retreat to an isolated TV that will not wake sleepers. The first hour is yet another warmup for India’s seamers, they are bowling so-as-not-to breakdown.
@BoredCricket tweets (from the night before 1st day)
Indian cricketer (overheard) saying - "The real test will be when we have to prove our match fitness in the morning"
Match day -
Zaks, Ishant prepare for a net to prove fitness
Zaheer Khan is bowling within Vinay Kumar
First we wake up early. Then this bowling. Time for a wake
Someone tell the Indian bowlers that this bloke Ed Cowan is not right handed.
Vinay Kumar warming up in the nets for the 2nd test. Little does he know Mithun will play before him.
Haha cricket, Ponting. #EarlyBoredCall - Ponting makes runs today.
Oh look, this lean patch of Ponting's has made him lose hair - of-the-arms
Ponting has a new shot to fall back on - the one where you fall after the shot
Ed Cowan, Rahul Dravid conspire to take boxing day test into the 4th day
Ishant Sharma is what you call a Thoughtless Man's Bowler
Australia go past 100. That sub 100 score will have to be the 2nd innings then
Ponting is on top of India's game.
Buy-a-wicket-time, Umesh Yadav
Things that make you go UMMMMESH Yadav
OK now till our next tour down under, this Yadav over to Ponting will be spoken of as that Ishant over was.
Zaks finds his voice. And a wicket
Point to be noted: It takes Zaks 64 overs to warm up.
Aus 214/6. Bigger question, how did they let them get past 100
Dogged style departs. Well played Cowan.
Unrelated:
Good thing about Romesh Powar is, he doesn't rest on his Laurels. He rests on his Hardy's
On to some wine now, we’ll be @BoredCricket on twitter tomorrow, join us for #EarlyBoredCalls – got a few bang on today, including Ashwin dismissing Cowan and Ponting scoring runs.
Today was Australia’s day, even though they don’t know it. India, be happy they had Hussey for free. Moral: Bowl good balls, APPEAL in all caps, and Erasmus will deliver.
Where is this test going - nobody has a clue but Australia will bowl better first up than India did.
Let’s have a late Xmas in Australia.
India has in the past tried their darnedest to beat Australia by playing better cricket. That’s old school. India must look no further than its surroundings to beat them – on Boxing Day, when the Indians step into the coliseum that is the MCG, they have to befriend the locals – and then, make them turn in on their very own.
If the Indians field first, big names like Sachin, Sehwag and even MSD should patrol the boundary – interaction with the crowds is key, as will signing hundreds of autograph books, a sign alone won’t do – make it personal, talk IPL contracts. Skipper MS must look to win over the rowdies, the drunks; if this means keeping at cow corner, so be it – it will be hugely innovative, yes, but more so a lasting bond with the upstarts will be forged.
Work on the Ponting sledges, make them penetrative, invoke Bhajji – if Ricky is neutralized in the first test, and still better, dropped after that, Australia as a nation will be deflated. They may even concede the series so as to not drop Ponting mid-series.
Play two spinners. Fewer quicks will breakdown this way.
The spinner(s) should wear Bhajji masks (circa 2001). India must acknowledge that it wasn’t Bhajji’s bowling that had the Aussies under the cosh – it was his obnoxious, prickly ways – and his in-the-face (and yes, his face too) demeanour that had a major part to play in the successes of 2001 etc
Sehwag and Gambhir should spend plenty of quality time together – that is the key to their wellbeing as openers. In the nets, instruct them to develop running-between-the-wicket skills. Keep an update on Sehwag’s hearing, Gambhir’s head, as also weddings in his household. Make him angry again. Tell him he’s ordinary like Bangladesh.
Let Dravid make a few speeches in the dressing room, that will keep him going. Employ ace communicators to inform Sachin that he has scored hundreds in the past, and the likelihood of him scoring another one, very soon, is not too remote. Let him also know that the Tendulkar Opus is one helluva book.
Let VVS Laxman be, he’s playing Australia.
As for Virat Kohli/Rohit Sharma – let it be known they’re lucky to play at number six, this is Cheteshwar Pujara’s spot.
The warm-up games are over, MSD, you can play now. Sarcasm is the only language MS speaks. MSD will be key to India’s success Down Under, if he clicks as a batsman, he clicks as captain, and India should win the series 2-0. The only way to make it click is to have MSD wear his CSK jersey under his India whites.
Zaheer Khan, for once, will have to last the whole damn tour. Umesh Yadav will have to be possessed by the policeman he wanted to be, lathi charge on the Aussies – should be weary of all those one-day variations, just bowl the cliché – good areas, boy.
Ishant Sharma should be prepared to bowl more than 5.3 overs. Greg Chappell should be allowed to make that inspirational speech to the Aussies on match eve. And the next day will be Christmas for the Indians.
First Published @Youth Connect
If the Indians field first, big names like Sachin, Sehwag and even MSD should patrol the boundary – interaction with the crowds is key, as will signing hundreds of autograph books, a sign alone won’t do – make it personal, talk IPL contracts. Skipper MS must look to win over the rowdies, the drunks; if this means keeping at cow corner, so be it – it will be hugely innovative, yes, but more so a lasting bond with the upstarts will be forged.
Work on the Ponting sledges, make them penetrative, invoke Bhajji – if Ricky is neutralized in the first test, and still better, dropped after that, Australia as a nation will be deflated. They may even concede the series so as to not drop Ponting mid-series.
Play two spinners. Fewer quicks will breakdown this way.
The spinner(s) should wear Bhajji masks (circa 2001). India must acknowledge that it wasn’t Bhajji’s bowling that had the Aussies under the cosh – it was his obnoxious, prickly ways – and his in-the-face (and yes, his face too) demeanour that had a major part to play in the successes of 2001 etc
Sehwag and Gambhir should spend plenty of quality time together – that is the key to their wellbeing as openers. In the nets, instruct them to develop running-between-the-wicket skills. Keep an update on Sehwag’s hearing, Gambhir’s head, as also weddings in his household. Make him angry again. Tell him he’s ordinary like Bangladesh.
Let Dravid make a few speeches in the dressing room, that will keep him going. Employ ace communicators to inform Sachin that he has scored hundreds in the past, and the likelihood of him scoring another one, very soon, is not too remote. Let him also know that the Tendulkar Opus is one helluva book.
Let VVS Laxman be, he’s playing Australia.
As for Virat Kohli/Rohit Sharma – let it be known they’re lucky to play at number six, this is Cheteshwar Pujara’s spot.
The warm-up games are over, MSD, you can play now. Sarcasm is the only language MS speaks. MSD will be key to India’s success Down Under, if he clicks as a batsman, he clicks as captain, and India should win the series 2-0. The only way to make it click is to have MSD wear his CSK jersey under his India whites.
Zaheer Khan, for once, will have to last the whole damn tour. Umesh Yadav will have to be possessed by the policeman he wanted to be, lathi charge on the Aussies – should be weary of all those one-day variations, just bowl the cliché – good areas, boy.
Ishant Sharma should be prepared to bowl more than 5.3 overs. Greg Chappell should be allowed to make that inspirational speech to the Aussies on match eve. And the next day will be Christmas for the Indians.
First Published @Youth Connect
NDTV 24X7 Debut of Bored Cricket Crazy Indians (BCC!)
Earlier this year, NDTV 24X7 featured us. If you can get your hands on a better quality video, we won't say no.
BORED CRICKET CRAZY INDIANS from Yash Chawla on Vimeo.
Better quality video minus the NDTV credits though
BORED CRICKET CRAZY INDIANS from Yash Chawla on Vimeo.
Better quality video minus the NDTV credits though
Zaheer Khan has all the answers.
Still fresh from his speech at the Bradman Oration, Rahul Dravid is asked to captain the Indians in the tour opener against the Chairman’s XI. Some of the youngsters are apprehensive, why play against a team that consists of Chairmen? They may run their big corporations, but what good could they be in a cricket match?
Dravid is amused, Duncan Fletcher is unmoved.
Dravid cites an example of the Board President’s XI, how Pratibha Patel or Abdul Kalam never played for the team – it’s just a name, like the Prime Ministers XI or the…at which point, the whole lotta them crack up, and the joke’s on Dravid.
Dravid though, stoic as ever, prepares to address his team, called the Indians. He stresses that under him, instead of huddles, each player will have the chance to make a speech – to signify the 37 minutes of his Bradman Oration, the duration should be no more than 37 seconds. He takes it upon himself to make the opening speech…
“To begin with, I’d like to thank you all for playing under me. I know it’s another useless tour opener, but we must do our best. I know Sehwag doesn’t think much of warm-up games, MSD refuses to play them, and Zaks isn’t playing because..
At which point, Coach calls time. The players are perturbed, why isn’t Zaks playing?
As the tour game plays out, more speeches are made. Ishant Sharma on bowling the third delivery of his 6th over, asks for the players to gather around him…
“I was feeling good, my rhythm was good for five overs, and I was really enjoying myself, hitting the bat hard, my lengths were good too, after I bowled the third ball of the fifth over, I felt something and remembered what The Zaheer Khan had said…”
At which point, Dravid calls time. Ishant throws the ball to Ojha who completes the over but not his sentence. The players are perturbed, what had The Zaheer Khan said?
As the second day gets underway, the Indians are 240/3, Sachin on 92, on his way to a well- deserved 100. It’s been a while too, he tells himself – this hundred could make that elusive 100th somewhat easier. Which is when Zaheer appears with gloves, and a message for Sachin. Sachin starts to walk off, the scorecard reveals Sachin Tendulkar Retired Out 92
Sachin enters the dressing room. It’s time for a speech. Coach Fletcher starts his stop-watch.
Sachin – “ I was stroking the ball well, and enjoying myself in the middle, it was one of those days when my timing was good, both VVS and I had a good partnership, we were looking good for many more when Zaks came to me and said…
And then Coach Fletcher mumbles TIME. Sachin walks off. The players are perturbed, what did Zaks say to Sachin?
The players all look to Zaks, who also walks away.
The players all look to Zaks, who also walks away.
Teri Maa Ki series renamed The Border Gavaskar Trophy.
In lieu of neither Bhajji nor Symonds playing, the Teri Maa Ki! Series will be renamed The Border Gavaskar Trophy. This hasn’t gone down too well with any of the non-players.Bhajji – “First I lost my passport and my credit cards, to now lose the Teri Maa Ki! Series is like…losing my passport and credit cards all over again”. Yet another flat delivery from Bhajji.
Bhajji spoke of his association with Symonds in the Mumbai Indians’ dressing room – and how they had kept the TMK spirit alive by abusing each other in their newly acquired IPL mother tongue – Marathi. Bhajji added – “Thanks to Sachin’s lessons in Marathi, Symonds can now tell when I’m calling him a monkey or his mother a eh…” he tapered off.
Symonds – “Honestly, I have no idea that the series will not be called TMK – I’m in the Big Boss house, mate. I also have no idea that Sunny Leone is what they say she is…in the Big Boss house none of us know that she is a porn star.”
Sunny Gavaskar – “I’ve had enough of being confused with Sunny Leone. Though I will say this, she needs only two more films to reach that magical figure of a century of porn films.”
Border – “Ummm just like one of Ricky Ponting or Michael Hussey must go, it’s obvious to me that one of TMK or BG will have to go, finally it’s the performance of the players that should decide who stays – Ricky, Hussey, Bhajji, Symonds, Gavaskar and Border are all has-beens – they should rename the TMK or BG trophy The MSD-MJC trophy.”(after Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Michael John Clarke)
Symonds also spoke of his association with Bhajji in the Mumbai Indians dressing room – and how they had kept the TMK spirit alive by abusing each other in their newly acquired IPL mother tongue – Marathi. Symonds added – “Thanks to Sachin’s lessons in Marathi, I can now tell when Bhajji is calling me a monkey or my mother a eh…”, he tapered off.
India’s preparation has been first-rate – unlike the England series where key-players broke down while playing in a test match (Zaks, Bhajji, Gauti) for the series Down Under, players have broken down weeks before the tour. Praveen Kumar in fact, broke down so well-in-advance, it’s feared, he may actually have enough time to recuperate and stage a premature comeback and breakdown yet again. Even though it’s often said that there’s no such thing as a good time to be injured, Varun Aaron timed his perfectly. No sooner was he selected, he was able to combine his letter of gratitude with his unavailability due to injury in the very same email.
Aaron’s letter – Thank you kind sirs for picking me for this prestigious tour…oh, it’s just come to my notice that I can’t type anymore…I fear bowling will be a tad more difficult.
Dravid scribbles as the new Rajasthan Royals' captain
I’m
quite used to being used. After being picked for the one day squad in England, I’m
prepared for anything. So tomorrow if someone approaches me for an endorsement, that won’t surprise me.
Who
am I kidding, I have done a few ads. They’re just not very memorable – the one
with Gillette was very dull, too many world class professional sportspersons,
obsessed with perfection, we all ended up shaving and re-shaving just to
arrive at that perfect shave. The filmmaker was at his wits’ end – also he had
a beard.
Today
it was announced that I will be the Rajasthan Royals' new captain. Me and a T20
captain? I’ve never seen my own family laugh at me as they did today. And I could
tell, they really found it funny. They would just look at me and say something
like, What? You’ll be an IPL captain?
I
reminded them, much to my detriment, that I had been an IPL captain in the past.
To which my wife snapped –and you remember how that turned out? And then she
laughed some more.
I
felt like hiding my face behind a book. But I too saw the funny side of it.
That’s because, times like this I just think of how the whole team struggled in
England and I…
Solace
Suddenly
my wife was all serious – you do remember how it was with the Challengers?
Of
course I do. I still have nightmares. Sitting between Mallaya and his son and
those models. All I wanted to do was to be tucked in with a good book.
I
argued, my experience back then would help me tackle Shilpa and her gang. She
snapped – How? You’ll take a book along for the after parties??
I
have a plan. But as always, I’m not going to reveal it. You’ll
only know when it goes wrong. Swatch's Irony collection, that's right up my street.
I
expect to be asked how will it be stepping into Warne’s shoes – I’ll have to
give some half assed, politically correct answer about how Shane did some great
work with the boys, how he was a legend of the game – ideally I’d like to just
say, it’s cool by me, long as I don’t have to step into his underwear.
I know, that doesn't sound like me. I'm the Rajasthan Royal's new skip. Dude.
I know, that doesn't sound like me. I'm the Rajasthan Royal's new skip. Dude.
--- RDX
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