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PSL: Another pointless Indo-Pak skirmish

by Gaurav Sethi

Upset Pakistani cricket fans appear to be even more upset. They claim it was bad enough the Indians didn’t invite them to the Indian Premier League (IPL), but not inviting themselves to the Pakistan Super League (PSL) will be pushing things a bit too far. “I pray they will beg to play in the PSL, only to see Pakistan government refusing them entry!” said a fuming 19 year old, Moin Razzaq Akram Khan (named after his father’s favourite cricketers), quickly adding that his anger had nothing to do with raging hormones and he had had his full of Bollywood beauties on pirated videos. “They help me concentrate on my cricket practice and keep my mind clear from diversions like Deepika Padukone and Sunny Leone while putting the short ball away”.

As it often does, it all started with a tweet. And a rather restrained one at that from Ramiz Raja; not one to use such few words, he did remarkably well holding back on the adjectives.

The reactions were swift: Imran Ata opined “Let's not become low life's like them and let the game begin.” Rana Ahmed broadened his options: “yes..! We are not nerrow mind people's.” and @owesomecricketfan: “yes we should invite them ,bcoz we are not like them ,we are sports loving nation,we respect all ,unlike the indians” but it took @talha24 to nail the Pakistani sentiment - “Sir not need to be called the Indian players in PSL as they don't invite Pakistani players in IPL we should also not invite as also this from @fishwickrangers: “they should be taught a lesson for the pakistani players not being able to play in the IPL.” while Daniyaal Farooqi pushed the envelope when he said, “but we want a clean tournament not one filled with FIXING!! They should also behave well if they want to play” And finally this from Junaid Khan: “Sir we should include Indian players too.... we should show world Pakistanizz always step forward for friendship...”

India's counter was equally swift: @koushikdacool snapped - “Indian are not interested in your tournament . cry Man cry” and when @Neokhan1 said, “yes they should be included we should be different & better than IPL. we should be the stepping stone for change”  @neet1985 shot back with “Abe terrorism band karo pahle Stepping stone my foot Wo haffez saeed lakhvi dawood ko bahar nikalo pahle” @Neokhan1 held his horses - “first of all PSL will be hosted in UAE/Qatar so no terrorism there 2 IDK abt AJMAL bt hafez will be playing as batsman.” @neet1985 wasn't convinced though - “Are bहै mere hafeez saeed ki baat kar raha hu mohamnad hafeez ki ni”

When asked if India should be invited to the PSL, Shahid Afridi was as candid as ever, “No, India should invite the PSL to India. They already have experience of the IPL. Bollywood actors like SRK who say they love cricket and own teams like KKR should invest in new teams like Karachi Knight will be a brand extension and both will be sister teams or brothers or some kind of relations you know what I mean” When informed that we didn't know what he meant, Afridi said the Indian media was always twisting things and responsible for the sad state of affairs between the two nations. He also issued a statement saying he was seriously considering retirement from the interview. At the same time, he didn't want to rule out a comeback to the interview at a later date, saying somewhat obscurely, “It depends”. Depends on what? Apparently Afridi is open to shorter format interviews where he can stretch his arms in the middle of the room.

Shoaib Akhtar expressed his desire to own a PSL team. “With my fitness, age and credibility, it's the only way I see myself playing in the PSL. Also playing cricket again will keep me away from the TV shows where I end up abusing all my former colleagues...What can I do? If I was an Englishman, my name would be Frank Akhtar or something like that, you've read my book, I just can't control myself” On whether India should be invited for the PSL, he said it depends on the Indians if they wanted to be invited. “My contracts with Indian TV channels during the IPL ensure that I suck up to people like even Sidhu, so what do you expect me to say?”

It appears, Chris Gayle was the first overseas' player contacted by the PSL. No prizes for guessing what his reply was: “LOLZ do i luk like i need an invite just show me the honey or somethin that rhymes wid it PSL LOLZ Raja”

(However plausible this might sound, this is largely a work of fiction. Except of course for Ramiz's Tweet and the reactions to it)

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