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Showing posts with label 2016. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2016. Show all posts

Blimey!!! Blighty!!!!

by Homer

 Plenty of commentary, especially post the collapse at Mirpur, about England's prospects in India.The general consensus is that it will be a wipeout, that India will steam roll England. But even the most optimistic (or pessimistic, depending on what camp you are in) supporters are unwilling to concede a 5-0 series win to India. Granted it is early days, and cricket, by its very nature, is a fickle mistress, but lots of parallels are being drawn to England's last outing in India, where they emerged victorious, 2-1.

While there is a lot to merit for cautious optimism, I respectfully beg to differ.

And this stems not from the fact that 2016 is not 2012, but also the following additional factors:

In 2012,

Alistair Cook was on his third tour of India, having played 4 tests prior, in 2006 and 2008.
Kevin Pieterson was on his third tour of India, having played 5 tests prior, in 2006 and 2008.
James Anderson was on his third tour of India, having played 3 tests prior, in 2006 and 2008.
Ian Bell was on his third tour of India, having played 5 tests prior, in 2006 and 2008.
Monty Panesar was on his third tour, having played 5 tests in 2006 and 2008.

5 players were on their third tour of India, having previously played a sum total of 22 tests between them.

Stuart Broad was on his second tour, having played a test in 2008.
Matt Prior was on his second tour of India, having played 2 tests in 2008.
Graham Swann was on his second tour of India, having played 2 tests in 2008.

3 players were on their second tour of India, having previously played 5 tests between them.

Tim Bresnan played his first 2 tests in the country.
Nick Compton played his first full series in the country.
Jonathan Trott played his first full series in the country.
Samit Patel played his first 3 tests in the country.
Steve Finn played in Kolkata.
Johnny Bairstow played in Mumbai.
Joe Root played in Nagpur.

7 players were on their first trip to India, with no experience of playing in these parts.

In comparison, in 2016

Alistair Cook will be on his fourth trip to India. [8 tests]
James Anderson ( if fit), will be on his fourth tour. [ 7 tests]

2 players on their fourth tour, with 15 tests between them.

Stuart Broad, on his third tour [3 tests]

1 player on his third tour, having played 3 tests previously.

Johnny Bairstow [1 test]
Steve Finn [1 test]
Joe Root [1 test]

3 players on their second tour, having played 3 tests between them.

Ben Duckett [0 tests]
Haseeb Hameed [0 tests]
Adil Rashid [ 0 tests]
Ben Stokes [0 tests]
Jos Buttler [0 tests]
Gareth Batty [0 tests]
Gary Ballance [0 tests]
Moeen Ali [0 tests]
Zafar Ansari [ 0 tests]
Jake Ball [0 tests]
Chris Woakes [0 tests]

11 players with no prior experience of playing in India..

When you look at the numbers, the contrast couldnt be starker.

As Aussies of the 2004-05 vintage can attest, cracking India is hard at the best of times. And by playing India repeatedly, in India ( 1996, 1998,2001,2004), the puzzle was finally solved. And not without a little help from the rain gods and Shashank Manohar's lackey.

England, in 2016, have basically sent a project team on tour.

Alistair Cook has the most experience in these parts, and the next  most experienced player is Stuart Broad ( in Jimmy Anderson's absence).

Their bowlers have a sum total of 4 tests bowling in India. In comparison, England bowlers of the 2012 vintage had 11 tests between them.

And the spinners of the 2012 vintage, had played 7 tests, over 2 tours and a bit. England's current spin quartet has a sum total of 0 tests in India.

And then there is the small matter of a wicket keeper playing his first series in India. I have always maintained that England's fortunes are directly linked to Johnny Bairstow's performance behind the stumps, rather than in front of. And notwithstanding Dobell's extolling of Bairstow's performance in Bangladesh, the fact remains that he dropped catches and allowed byes.

And this against a team that the English barely beat ( by 22 runs) and were pounded by 108 runs in the follow up.

And then there is the small matter of the Pataudi Trophy being played over 5 tests, instead of 4 ( or 2 or 3) as in the previous go-arounds. 5 tests, over 6 weeks, across the breadth of India, taxes even the best. For an England side that is top heavy in experience, and very little after, the task is even more daunting.

And then there is the small matter of the Indian batting, bowling and crowds.

Also, unlike 2012, where the gap was closer to 2.5 months, the Indian team will be going into the test series with less than a month between tests.

Anything less than 5-0 and the Indian team will be selling itself short.

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Virat Kohli's WTF New Year Resolutions

by Gaurav Sethi

Having become cricket's leading A-Lister, Virat Kohli thought to himself, why not make yet another feel-good list, a list of New Year resolutions? It was already 2016, Australia beckoned, he needed to jot down all those thoughts he was buzzing with.
He picked the phone to call Rav (Ravi Shastri for the uninitiated) but then something came over him.
1. Exactly. Do not need Rav to make up my mind for everything and anything. Hell, not a list of New Year resolutions at least. From here, this moment, I'm independent. Single ready to mingle. LOL. Oh, this is turning to be a light hearted list. Get serious, V, Australia is round the corner.
2. Can't wait to get my finger out at the Aussies again. Figuratively. Like last time. Not like time before last. As Rav often says, will let my bat do the talking. Sh*t gotta stop quoting Rav all the time. It will come to me. Focus. Yeah, can already see it flowing in. Focus V Focus.
3. Believe in self. Yeah. OK, that was never a problem. Scratch that off.
3. Again: Continue to believe in Rohit Sharma. He's going through a tough patch in Tests, lots of T20s, ODIs, IPL, before we play a Test, it's for MS (ODI, T20 Skip) and Rohit (MI skip) to believe in Rohit. So, do I scrap this Resolution 3 again also? Hmmm
3. Yet again: Assist MS' and Rohit's belief in Rohit. This doesn't make sense. But this resolution has potential...LOL old joke in new bottle, I'm sounding like those f*cking trolls.
4. Continue to believe in Yuvi Pa (Yuvraj Singh) Oh how he took care of me, now I gotta take care of him. So glad he's back in the team. But can I keep defending him like I did after that last World T20? Why not? It's nearly nine years and people still haven't had their fill of those six 6s, what if Yuvi Pa hits one 6, they'll go crazy and soak themselves wet with nostalgia. Will ask Yuvi Pa to concentrate on one 6 - and once one comes that can lead to another one and we all know how that can do a world of good for his confidence! Damn that sounded like Rav again. Easy. I'll be my own man very soon but these damn clichés, they're so f*cking hard to get out of your teeth. I spend more time with A (Anushka) than Rav but I don't talk girlie...Hehehe A isn't that girlie, is that a compliment, will she take it as a compliment, guess V will never know..lol hehehe..why am I heheheing? Is that the A-effect?
5. Go on more holidays with A. Strike a balance between C & A (cricket and Anushka) Should I ask her to not attend my matches? Should I mix A & C? Or should I be calling it C & A? What comes first? Hate it when people blame A if I get out cheaply. That's wrong. Or as we say now that's so WROGN (lol sponsor alert) Will not allow that to happen. But it makes A very upset when ch*tiya junta go ballistic and blame her. So from now on, will ask A to wear a burka so people don't recognise her. A wants to see me bat. Bat outta my skin, outta my p*nts. Lol. A and I don't want A to take blame. Problem solved. It will work like great Sheikhs. LOL.
6. Continue to look at the great Sachin Tendulkar for inspiration. Must work at being humble like him. How? Will ask Him. Getting senti. Wish he had never retired. Will ask him to unretire. But sh*t if he unretires he will have to retire again and will get tooooooo senti. Bad idea.
7. Will not abuse the press. Even if they are worthy of being abused. LOL. Especially if they are worthy of being abused. Will use fresh tools like sarcasm.
But will it be lost on those thick skinned @#$%%%#@!& LOL that felt so much better. Restraint, Virat, Restraint V with a Capital R. It's too Risky also with a capital R. Will ignore if sarcasm in lower case fails. Or better still will continue to be honest to myself and sickeningly earnest. Even they lose interest then and ignore me. LOL.
Any other resolutions? Damn A is calling. What if she asks what I was doing? Should I share with her? What if she sees Resolution No. 5 what will she say? I will take the bull by its horns.
Later when Anushka reads Virat's list of resolutions:
Anushka: Who were you calling a bull?
Virat: Damn, that's not me, it was Rav.
(However plausible this might sound, this is largely a work of fiction.)
Note: Rav is for Ravi Shastri, V is for Virat Kohli, A is for Anushka Sharma

First published here

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