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Showing posts with label Andrew Strauss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Andrew Strauss. Show all posts
England Threesome
30th May, 2011. England v Sri Lanka: The final Sri Lankan wicket falls to complete a dramatic victory at Cardiff: Lakmal caught Cook bowled Broad under the captaincy of Strauss - The Terrific Threesome (of Captaincy)
Strauss sings da blues
I came here down under
But not for this
To play out 200 overs
To save a bloody test
This I detest, this I detest
The rate we’re going
19 of 15 overs
We’ll need another test
To make them bat again and get some bloody rest
This I detest, this I detest
I’d much rather have stayed at home
In my quilt
Than to watch us wilt
Little by little, bit by bit
Where the fuck is that British grit?
Player Profile: Andrew Strauss
Andrew Strauss was one of the British airmen hiding in Rene Artois’ Inn, in ‘Allo ‘Allo! After his brief acting career, he started to play act as the English captain. He was responsible for Nasser Hussain’s retirement and is a much hated bloke in the Sky commentary box. The Sky boys accused in chorus, “it was bad enough seeing Nas’ back on the field, now we gotta see his front in the box”. To which Strauss smiled his half smile and uttered something under his breath.
Little is known of Strauss’ Machiavellian ways except that he is responsible for cleansing the team of Flintoffism, and its founding father, Andrew. Under Strauss’ reign the team was de-glamourised, and even wore uniforms on late night jaunts. Individualistic, Freddie like roars, and post-wicket romps on the field were frowned upon. It was best to smile, clap your hands, though a handshake and pats were acceptable.
Under Strauss, KP’s streaks suffered, as did his form. Whereas forgettable players, who put team before self, prospered. Trott, Collingwood, Cook, amongst his able lieutenants, were known to carry midnight purges on twitter and porn.
In spite of himself, Strauss is a perfectly likable gentleman, and the best man to lead England. It’s a shame he’s being underutilized in sport. 10 Downing Street beckons.
Play Bangladesh
Scenario 1: KP of the English/Saffa heritage requires some inspiration in the form of lots of runs as he had just come off a major injury and was sucking balls.
Solution: play Bangladesh.
Scenario 2: Trott, who started to believe that he was the English number three and hence played like one, needed to keep his spot in the side.
Solution: play Bangladesh.
Scenario 3: Captain Strauss, who couldn't even score against a second division English county team needed to not go the Vaughan way.
Solution: play Bangladesh.
Scenario 4: Gautam Gambhir, had a disappointing IPL, disappointing T20 World Cup, disappointing face (hence no real fun in the IPL parties) needed to not be demoted to the team that gets sent to Zimbabwe.
Solution: play Bangladesh.
Scenario 5: Virender Sehwag, who is also not as fit as Gary Sir needed to hone another skill so he doesn't get dropped on top of Yuvi. I don't really understand this, as Yuvi would make for a very soft landing.
Solution: play Bangladesh
Scenario 6: Bangladesh, providing motivation, inspiration, stimulation, instigation, career save-ation, for everybody who comes in contact with them. Needs to start winning something.
Solution: Err...play Bangladesh.
To beat England
Scrap Shakib's chicken pox and dip them in silver to make them look like diamonds. Then offer it to Alastair Cook as a bribe, he is from Essex after all.
Let Andrew Strauss know that his captaincy is in question. It's not, but they are English. They tend to believe in the worst.
Go the ICC way and pretend that Eoin Morgan is still too Irish for you to notice him.
Fix Tamim Iqbal quickly, that always helps. Remind him that Cook is playing and is therefore available to drop him at some point.
Frustrate them till they step on balls or clean them with nails. If we are lucky, they may take a bite as well.
Don't depend on Crashrafool. Or better yet, switch him with Mahmudullah.
Keep Mushfiq happy. He is my son you see. If you keep him happy, I am happy. If I am happy, I am not making the short five hour flight to England to unleash hell on you. If I am not making the short five hour flight to England to unleash hell on you, you are left with a team to at least compete. It all works out splendidly.
Pot Kettle Black
Scene 1: Sri Lanka v/s England at Johannesburg
Angelo Mathews is run out attempting a second run. He would have probably not made his ground even if the bowler hadn't accidentally impeded his line of running. Mathews throws a major tantrum. Andrew Strauss, the opposing captain withdraws the appeal and Mathews stays at the crease
Scene 2: India v/s Sri Lanka at Nagpur
Gautam Gambhir pushes the ball to mid on and takes off for a single. Chanaka Welegedera takes a brief look at the batsman and tries to get back to the stumps. Well, only if the stumps are five yards away from where they usually are. Mathews takes aim and throws down the stumps while Gambhir bangs into the bowler and is well short of the crease. The batsman throws his bat in disgust while the Sri Lankans celebrate. The commentators decide to ignore Welegedera's actions and call it an unfortunate run out.
Scene 3: Australia v/s India at Brisbane
Gautam Gambhir drives Michael Clarke to mid-off, the bowler moves across and takes out Tendulkar with a tackle, pulling him down. Tendulkar isn't bothered but Ravi Shastri goes ballistic in the commentary box and you can hear him ask someone in the background to put up the replay. He is clearly unhappy about Clarke's behaviour and makes sure everyone knows about it.
There are two issues to consider here. The first one is that the player who was called back when he felt he was obstructed was more than happy to celebrate effecting a similar dismissal. His captain seemed to have no problem with that either. This is the same captain who felt his team lost out on atleast 500 runs because of umpiring mistakes.
The second, and the more important issue is that of how people perceive similar situations completely differently based on their prejudices. We keep talking about how cricketers and officials from white countries use different yardsticks to judge people of different races when we are no different. One wonders how Gavaskar would have reacted if the last name of the bowler who impeded Gambhir was Johnson instead of Welegedera. It's no use calling out the Athertons and Healys for their biased attitude when our so-called greats do the same from the comfort of their commentary box. The cricketing world has been split down the middle and neither side is willing to give an inch. I hope it changes. If it doesn't, I know what sport I won't be encouraging my kid to take up.
Andrew Strauss loses cool, turns semi-geek, semi-bad guy
Andrew Strauss leading and freeing the team of unpredictable uncertainties
Andrew Strauss has been having a really troubled life. Just when he thought that immortality was his after winning the ashes, the Aussies crushed his ego which by then had reached the peak of Rosemary Bank.
Then, having decided that he was full of shit and capable of no good (equilibrium frame of mind), Australia New Zealand surprise him by losing. “Why me?”, he asks god.
Now he is thinking about such important life and death issues, about the quest to solve his identity issues, about saving the world from inconsistencies, and suddenly he looks up to see his team scoring more than 320 odd runs against South Africa.
His eyes light up: “Are we going to be the team this time? Will we be given the opportunity to knock these buggers out of an ICC Event this time? Are you sure, Lord!”
Another twist awaits him. Cut to two and a half hours later. A certain G Smith is batting on about 120, Strauss is still in his Utopian Wannbreams of course. He is snapped out of that by the Umpire who is just doing the formality of asking the opposition skipper as Smith had called for a runner.
“I am in the middle of a conversation with the almighty and you need a RUNNER? That’s too bad, as I won’t let you have one. The rulebook says that I have full right to deny you if I feel like so. F*ck the rulebook, I won’t anyway allow you. You have no idea how f*cked up my mind is right now, so don’t push it. Aiite?”
Smith replies in a language which could not be understood by any England player as KP wasn’t there.
It is another story that England won this game too and are lost in the pit of disbelief at the moment. Smith can have the last laugh.
Early Bored Call: England v themselves v (Sri Lanka)
One good thing, the English cannot lose 7-0 in the Champions Trophy. If it’s any consolation, they can’t lose 6-1 to the Lankans today. However, they can be outnumbered.
They should be, because that is acceptable, and it will help restore the balance of one-day cricket. Mendis is expected to take 10 wickets today, which could happen, if he bowls from the 7th over – that’s when he started to prise out the Indians not long ago.
For England, the key should have been Prior, but he can only bat with Flintoff. Flintoff can’t even bat with himself. Predictable as England are, they will look to Strauss for another fifty in a lost cause.
The whole lot of them, Bopara, Shah, Collingwood should be sharpening their skills in county cricket. Instead they’re in South Africa helping the ECB sharpen their knives.
And of course England will lose, because they have nothing to win. On the contrary, if Sri Lanka loses, it will be because they had everything to lose.
England should bat forty overs, that’s a format they’re comfy with, and the Lankans should score the runs in less than forty.
How to survive the Champions Trophy.
1500 overs of cricket, from September 22nd (that’s today, sunshine) to October 5 - fifteen games lasting two weeks flat – that’s a fraction of England’s interminable summer with Australia.
The dodgy bit is a game every day, and two on Super Sunday – but it’s not that super really, you have South Africa-England and New Zealand-Sri Lanka playing. In a way, that’s not two games, that’s half a game – England and New Zealand aren’t teams, they are a bad assortment of cheap chocolates, the type you gift to save money.
Straight away that’s thirteen games you have to survive. Looking much better already. Do not underestimate the indelible scars the Windies can leave on your young impressionable self – Do Not Watch Them. In fact, place a Do Not Disturb sign on your forehead that day.
Whether you side with the WICB or the WIPA, you can’t side with this team that makes England nigh watchable – it does help if you know the players, in this case, you know of Tino Best by fluke, and the others by puke – you threw up while watching them.
It’s not so much as the team, or maybe it is, as the reason they’re here – how can anyone replace Chris Gayle and his merry men.
So, the West Indies are out – that’s another 3 games knocked off, you’re now left with ten.
If you’re really strapped for time, you could knock off all the England games, that is optional – but they won’t last long. And it is fun to watch the odd county game in an international tournament. England will play 40-potty over cricket. You’ll see earnest players with limited skill at the highest level – it will be funny, the collapses after Strauss is dismissed, the gloom on Flower’s face, and then Strauss’ smirk for no particular reason.
Chances are you will only watch one game, India v Pakistan on the 26th. And if India make the semis, then one more, and if India makes the finals, another one. And ok, you could watch India-Australia too, on the 28th – that’s 2 games for sure, and possible 4.
The Champions Trophy isn’t that bad, you’ll survive.
Why Australia must play Warwickshire county instead of the England nation
They have Freesanth, Sreesanth. That’s already two reasons. Then there’s Trott, the name’s Jonathan Trott. He’s a batsman cricketer. He may be playing county cricket but he belongs in a national side, not necessarily England but some respectable team. By the same lack of logic, English players belong in county cricket. Not Warwickshire but Yorkshire.
Then there’s Ian Bell. He is the discard, the wild card. Even he doesn’t know when he’ll come off. When he does, his cover drives are exquisite, not quite Indian, but nearly Bangladeshi. He’s scored more tons this season that the whole English team. That could be one or two tons, but it’s still more.
Of course, if Strauss played for Warwickshire it would be even better. But he has 50s to make for England. Not since Elvis has a man been so rooted to the 50s. As in Elivis’ case, here too, it’s a lost cause.
What Andrew Strauss felt on winning the Ashes back...
congrats Andrew Strauss!!
feels good to know that nice guys too can finish first...
although it's not in your nature... go on and say it...
'Teri Maa Ki!!'
maybe not openly... but in your mind at least...
...to all those non-believers...
...to all those non-believers...
This Aussie team has nothing to lose…except for the Ashes.
Frankly Strauss’ aggressive fields left me feeling sick in the stomach. One slip and one wicketkeeper, that when you know you only need a keeper behind, why that extra slip fielder?
The man at slip could have easily been in the covers, preferably a sweeper cover.
Ideally, the keeper too could have gone down to the boundary, sans his keeping pads and gloves, covering up for fine leg and third man. Also, it’s been proven that Katich’s get out shot was the move across the stumps cramped pull to fine leg – a keeper down at the boundary would have ensured a squarer fine leg, and the English could have concentrated on bowling short.
And what about the short cover and short mid wicket, again too aggressive – you’re only defending 546, and that is so gettable with these tactics, what about the boundary riders. Choke the Aussies, Strauss, they really believe the runs are gettable.
Worse still, so do you.
If ever 500 plus are to be made to win a test match, they can be, over the next two days. The Aussie team may be crap, but the English, they grew up thinking they were crap.
To repeat the most maligned cricketing phrase, this Aussie team has nothing to lose…except for the Ashes. That they have already lost. And you cannot lose something twice over. Ponting can, but you get my drift.
On the fourth morning when Australia embark on a record breaking, history bending, mind altering, kick in the Poms’ arse chase, they must believe a few things: Let’s have two days of fun, let’s stress the Poms out.
There is nothing else in it. If ever there was a chance for the Aussies to dig out the dirty, self centred, perverse, bastard cricketer out, it is now. Let’s get dirty. Let’s listen to the Rolling Stones: Start me up!
Jonathan Trott: cricket with balls.
Around the time England was two wickets down in their second innings, on the second day, Trott busied himself with a batting drill.
He appeared behind the glass like some cricket wild cat, a caged tiger. Batting profile, exaggerated forward defence, straight drive, smooth, brisk movements of the bat. Repeat.
There was something about Trott that evening. There was a definite signal of intent, yes, but more importantly a joy of the game. A joy to be playing cricket, yet alert at the same time, to warm up, both in limb and mind.
Here was a player, who in spite of being a pro, appeared rooted to his cricket basics, not overawed by either situation or debut.
Then there was the back-foot swat through midwicket that Atherton likened to one of Inzi’s. The urgency to get to the hundred mark and not lurk in the nervous nineties. Here was a batsman who partnered all and sundry in both innings, largely unaffected by a tricky run-out, and the personalities around him.
Clearly Trott has in him a bit of the dogged determination of his captain. And when Trott reached three figures, you’d be forgiven for thinking Strauss was the centurion. But then Strauss knows all about scoring a century on debut.
Mother Trott wept tears of joy, and Papa Trott maintained a stoic interest in the cricket. We were at once connected to Trott’s world. It was intensely real, you could call it cricket with balls.
also blogs at Naked Cricket
...and they said WE can't play short pitch stuff...
19.6 Johnson to Strauss, OUT, and the bouncer does the trick! It's a quick one and right on line, Strauss can't get out of the way and the ball clearly takes his gloves and flies up in the air, Clarke runs back from the cordon to take a simple chance
AJ Strauss c Clarke b Johnson 30 (60b 4x4 0x6) SR: 50.00
Happy Bored Day to a rolling stone
Happy B’day Herr Strauss.
How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?
Helps if you can laugh off Flintoff and ignore KP, and score big runs. You were unstoppable when you knocked Nas Hussein out, knuckle down boy, it’s gonna be a long, filthy summer. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
Subcontinental Headlines No More
By Q
Despite the English and the Australians holding the claim for bringing the game to the globe, the subcontinent seemed to make the game their own.
The exciting occurrences of a new young player making the headlines, a thrilling run chase with last ball wins, all bowled hatricks, reverse swinging demolitions of oppositions to snatch victories from impossible positions were always associated with the Pakistans and Indias of the world.
All this while the English and the Australians went about their business with expected calm and composure.
The Australians winning everything in clinical fashion and the English losing everything.
With the pulsating positives came the dark negatives as well.
Revolts against the captain, dressing room rifts among team mates, player-management arguements, factions within the team, fixing matches, relationship with bookies, ball tampering, visits to the match referee, fines, bans, you name it and the subcontinental players were in the limelight for everything wrong.
As much as they were for 16 year old debuts, 10 wicket hauls on debuts, youngest to score centuries, fastest 50s and 100s, first to 10,000 test runs, most 6s, first to 500 ODI wickets, and a whole lot more.
Then something changed.
Indians, Lankans, Pakistanis went into the background and the non-Asians, for lack of a better word, started to emerge.
Emerge with a bang to put it aptly.
The calendar changed from 2008 to 2009 and within 11 days the headlines seemed like lightning bolts.
A captain asked for the removal of the coach, while the coach remained quiet.
An emergency board meeting later the captain and coach were both gone, apparently resigned, and a new captain was put in charge.
News of rifts, factions, dressing room arguements surfaced.
The outgoing captain finally spoke and said that he was forced to leave, unlike we were told initially by the board.
All this and it did not involve a team from the subcontinent. In fact, the entire drama unfolded faster and with more twists and turns than any subcontinental drama in the past.
Elsewhere, another cricketer was forced to miss a match because he had one too many the night before, and was "inadequately prepared".
Night out partying and that too not for the first time and facing disciplinary measures sounds like a cricketer from the subcontinent outskirts suddenly exposed to the big bad world of international cricket.
Not quite right, as yet again the headlines were splashed by a non-Indian, non-Pakistani, non-Lankan cricketer.
His replacement for the match was a young 22 year old whom not many had heard of.
Had you? I hadn't.
He grabbed the opportunity with both hands and turned out to open in place of his drunk-and-dumped mate and smashed a debut ton.
It wasn't long ago when young players from India and Pakistan, whom not many had heard of, were being thrust on to the big stage.
Yet again, not this time.
This one wasn't even the most scintillating debut of the year, which is a mere 11 days old.
Nearby, another 22 year old was elevated to the international stage against arguably the best pace attack in the world today.
Awesome would be an understatement for what the young kid produced.
Here was another young cricketer, whom not many had heard of. Whats more is that he became the first ever cricketer in the country's century a bit old cricket history to play an international match without ever having played a first class game.
There was a time when such things were the order of the day for India and Pakistan. In their history, there have been numerous instances of boys spotted in the streets and thrust into international action with no first class experience whatsoever.
This time this headline belonged to no one from the Subcontinent.
It has taken the non-Asians 11 days this year to turn the tables and deliver headlines of the subcontinental nature.
Is the world a changed place? Are the Australians and the English and the Kiwis taking over? I haven't even mentioned the South Africans whose captain walked out at the fall of the 9th wicket to try and save the match with literally one hand!
If the first few days of 2009 are anything to go by, the year ahead will see a lot more drama, both on and off the field, and for a change it will not involve anyone from the Subcontinent.
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