This is not my swan song
This is not my gone song
This is not my last hurrah
You’re either in or you’re out
You’re either playing or you are not
How hard can it be – to give it all you got
When all you got is…
I took somebody’s place
Somebody with more runs than me
Somebody will take my place
Somebody with less runs than me
It’s always the same
Nobody’s getting younger
It’s always the same
Somebody’s gotta cop the blame
Why don’t I speak to Steven Waugh?
And ask him what a scrap is?
Why don’t I speak to Shivnarine Chanderpaul?
And ask him what to bat like crap is?
We were the brightest stars
Playing like children play, with their dinky cars
Now we are nowhere half as cute
So we’re told, you can either fly away
Or take a chute
Take a chute, take a chute
But
This is not my swan song
This is not my gone song
This is not my last hurrah.
And I
Think I know what a scrap is
Think I know what to bat like crap is.
Think I know.
I think I know.
Shane Warne has decided to play for Pakistan first, and then consider his options with Australia. Comebacks, even post retirement, have always been much easier in Pakistan, Mohammed Yousuf will vouch that that. Also playing for Pakistan will ease Warne into international cricket, he can get away with 2 over spells, then go off for a drink, smoke, put his legs up, Akhtar will vouch for that.
Appears he will return for the tour opener - Auckland vs. Pakistanis, a warm-up match on 23rd December. If he wants, he will be allowed to captain the side. In all likelihood, if he has a good game, he will seriously consider playing in the Boxing Day test in Melbourne.
Warne claims if fitness is an issue, he will stand at first slip throughout the test. He wants to be there to captain the side, and reduce Ricky’s load so he can focus on his batting. Warne also said he was looking to replicate his Rajasthan Royals’ model in the Australian team, and having Shane Watson play for him was just great. Though he did quickly add, that not having Yusuf Pathan was a huge blow.
Even before the weather could intervene, Australia made quick work of the 2nd test, losing their last 6 wickets in the first session itself. “We didn’t want to be dependent on the weather – it’s terrible when you’re constantly reminded that the weather saved you..also now the Poms don’t have the gloating rights, they won a test but we can live with that” said Ponting.
In another instance, Cricket Australia has come down heavily on their players. By losing well within the first 90 minutes, that is way before 7 AM Indian Standard Time, there was a massive loss of Indian viewership. It is still not certain, but the players could lose up to 70-90% of their match fees. North and Doherty could even face a one-to-two match suspension. Expect the official reason to be CA’s rotational policy, injury or something as lame as loss of form.
Ponting struck a deal with the devil who made him the world’s best batsman, but in exchange sucked him of every ounce of happiness. Before he knew it, instead of captaining a team, he was running a kennel. This he liked at first, particularly the barking. It worked with umpires, as against most teams. But when the top dogs stopped playing ball, he was left with himself and some choices. He then ran into India. Somehow he was no longer the best batsman, so he called on the devil again, reminding him of their deal. The devil laughed at him. He then ran into England. He then ran into India again. He then ran into England again. On the eve of the 2010-11 Ashes, Ponting returned to the devil: he begged him for an ounce of happiness. Which is when the devil asked him to go watch his post match interviews. To which Ponting said, “what about on the cricket field?” To which the devil said, “play cricket on the cricket field, and the joy will return…” To which Ponting said, “who the devil are you, Anil Kumble?”
real ricky
(Ponting is two-faced, so there are two Ponting Profile Pictures - one comic, the other more realistic. The irony being, Comic Ponting doesn't have a grip on reality, whereas Realistic Ponting can't get a handle on the comic. )
Peter Mathew Siddle or PMS, as he was taunted as a teenager, got along just fine with the girls. Before cricket, he was a wood chopper, and an unusual one at that – he chopped wood with his teeth. He took his first hat-trick at 13, second at 26, on the first day of the Ashes in Brisbane on his birthday. He even cut the celebratory cake with his teeth. And laughed, showing off his math skills, “ah mah next hat-trick be when am 39…so I plan to play for a long time”. It was later learnt from his victims, that more than the bowling, it was the fearful prospect of looking Siddle in the eye that lost them their wickets. To which Siddle laughed, “my eye not in mah mouth haha”. Clearly Siddle’s fitness was debatable again.
There was a time, KP muttered, “at the end of the day” like MSD mutters his "of course". That was when he was captain. Now he’s blindfolded, and in this cool but pointless video. There’s a series of videos coming up – KP on one leg, KP on his head, KP in a tub, KP in drag, KPLD, KP in SAFA gear, KP breaking his ribs.
Deal with KP is, he can pull it off. May be not in SAFA gear, but pretty much everything else. So if you’re English, or South African with an English mommy, send in your mails to KP@theasses.com how do you want KP to bat? 158. Damn right you are.
More »
