Had Paris Hilton been a cricketer

Well, had she been a cricketer, one thing is certain. Shane Warne would not have been available to comment on men's cricket. Neither would be Ravi Shastri.

While men's cricket can heave a sigh of relief that she is not, I could not leave it there.

I applied my mind to the subject and have no qualms in admitting that I was nearly conned into believing that she would have been a spinner in that case.

Mind you, she shares a strong trait with Ajantha Mendis. Both cannot be classified, at least in the conventional terms.

Socialite-heiress-model-singer-actress-author-fashion designer...you name it and she is.

It would suffice to say that she is famous for being famous.

But had she been a cricketer, I don't see her being anything other than a pace bowler.

Well, giggles can be put on hold till I present my case.

As far as modesty is concerned, even her staunchest critic would admit, she has overstepped the line with amazing regularity. Much like a pacer out of his rhythm.

Mind you, a similar no-ball problem nearly cost Brett Lee his place in the Ashes side.

But what really convinced me of Paris Hilton's possibility of being a pacer is her brief flirtation with Portuguese 'winker' Cristiano Ronaldo.

Shammi Kapoor had 'An Evening in Paris'. Ronaldo had one full night. And the British tabloid industry simply lost the rag, lamenting how the then Man U star was letting Hilton lick his face.

And she was licking again, this time wounds, when the unscrupulous footballer found greener pastures elsewhere and dumped her.

Even though I'm rather uneasy discussing something as greasy as licking, nothing should stand in the way of objectivity.

Applying saliva on something may not sound an impressive idea but the fact remains it's an universal practice among the pacers' community to shine the cherry.

Let's give her the due, Paris Hilton, in spirit, is as much a pacer as Zaheer Khan is.

Of late, she also had allegations leveled against her that she swings both ways.

No mean achievement that is, from cricketing point of view. Bowling coaches across the cricketing spectrum – from Venky Prasad to Troy Colley – will tell you how difficult it has been to teach their wards.

Pity Paris Hilton is not a cricketer.

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