More »
Provided the pain in the neck, both figuratively and literally, subsides, Michael Schumacher would be back behind the Ferrari wheels in Valencia later this month.
In another world and at this point of time, he could well have been a former Australia cricket captain, minting money out of syndicate columns and commentary stints.
Had he been a cricketer, Schumi would have been Steve Waugh.
As much a cyborg as Tugga. Even when the world around them come crashing down, they would just flick the dust off the coat sleeve and move on.
And the similarity doesn’t end their. Both were followed by their siblings into the field.
Steve arrived, in this world that is, full four minutes before Mark.
Michael Schumacher arrived little earlier, six years to be precise, than bro Ralf.
Those who have seen him vouch, like Waugh, Schumacher too drove. And with élan.
And he cut as well. Like in 2006 Hungarian GP, where he cut chicane after Pedro de la Rosa’s McLaren had overtook him.
And there are fair chances that after Damon Hill had rammed his car into Schumacher’s in 1994 Australian GP to miss the Drivers’ Championship, the German said:
“You’ve just dropped the Championship, son.”
And if Waugh had his Sourav Ganguly, Schumacher had Jacques Villeneuve.
Fast forward to 1997 European Grand Prix, season’s last race at Jerez.
Schumacher leads the Championship race by a wafer-thin one point from Villeneuve and is cocksure he would romp home.
Fortunately there is no toss of coin in F1 and drivers have to turn up in time. So Villeneuve, unlike Ganguly, could not be blamed for getting under Schumi’s nerve in that particular way.
Race starts and Schumacher pips Villeneuve before the Canadian steps on gas. And as he is about to go past Schumi, the devil in German takes over. Schumacher rams his right wheel to knock off Villeneuve’s side pod before coming to a screeching halt.
To his dismay, Villeneuve contrives to complete the race in third position to bag four points and the driver’s championship!
And like Waugh, Schumi believed charity doesn’t begin at home. It begins abroad.
While Waugh bats for orphans in Kolkata, Schumi’s charity is of much bigger magnitude. The guy has shelled out nearly USD 50 million for victims of the 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake, UNESCO and child victims of war in Sarajevo.
P.S. An ominous fallout of the hypothesis is Ricky Ponting might soon be hit on head, a la Felipe Massa, to prompt Steve Waugh come out of retirement in Australia’s hour of crisis.
Som also blogs at Doosra.
picture courtesy Tribune India
Had Michael Schumacher been a cricketer
Had Paris Hilton been a cricketer
Well, had she been a cricketer, one thing is certain. Shane Warne would not have been available to comment on men's cricket. Neither would be Ravi Shastri.
While men's cricket can heave a sigh of relief that she is not, I could not leave it there.
I applied my mind to the subject and have no qualms in admitting that I was nearly conned into believing that she would have been a spinner in that case.
Mind you, she shares a strong trait with Ajantha Mendis. Both cannot be classified, at least in the conventional terms.
Socialite-heiress-model-singer-actress-author-fashion designer...you name it and she is.
It would suffice to say that she is famous for being famous.
But had she been a cricketer, I don't see her being anything other than a pace bowler.
Well, giggles can be put on hold till I present my case.
As far as modesty is concerned, even her staunchest critic would admit, she has overstepped the line with amazing regularity. Much like a pacer out of his rhythm.
Mind you, a similar no-ball problem nearly cost Brett Lee his place in the Ashes side.
But what really convinced me of Paris Hilton's possibility of being a pacer is her brief flirtation with Portuguese 'winker' Cristiano Ronaldo.
Shammi Kapoor had 'An Evening in Paris'. Ronaldo had one full night. And the British tabloid industry simply lost the rag, lamenting how the then Man U star was letting Hilton lick his face.
And she was licking again, this time wounds, when the unscrupulous footballer found greener pastures elsewhere and dumped her.
Even though I'm rather uneasy discussing something as greasy as licking, nothing should stand in the way of objectivity.
Applying saliva on something may not sound an impressive idea but the fact remains it's an universal practice among the pacers' community to shine the cherry.
Let's give her the due, Paris Hilton, in spirit, is as much a pacer as Zaheer Khan is.
Of late, she also had allegations leveled against her that she swings both ways.
No mean achievement that is, from cricketing point of view. Bowling coaches across the cricketing spectrum – from Venky Prasad to Troy Colley – will tell you how difficult it has been to teach their wards.
Pity Paris Hilton is not a cricketer.
Had Harry Potter been a cricketer...
If girls like me, that's great...they all scream and it all goes mad, but that's a different type of me - that's the red carpet me...but the me that sits in a darkened room for eight hours a day watching the cricket with a big bowl of pasta in my socks and my underwear is not nearly so appealing to women.
These words from Daniel Vettori…err..Daniel Radcliffe...put me in a Sherlock Holmesque conundrum.
Had Harry Potter been a cricketer, what he would have been?
A pie-chucker dishing out left or right arm filth? A mindless slogger? A soporific stonewaller?
Or possibly an ICL rebel!
When I came across the first Harry sketch, the scar on the face immediately caught my eyes. JK Rowling did manage to convince her gullible readers that some Lord Voldemort’s curse rebounded off Harry’s forehead, as if it was a carom board, resulting in the dent.
But from cricketing point of, the scar was a tell-tale sign of someone whose suspect technique against the rising delivery has left a permanent tattoo on his forehead.
Let's face the truth, Harry could have been in India's ODI middle order.
Continuing with his batting, I have this sneaking suspicion that Harry was possibly more comfortable against the spinners. The magic broom suggests he was a natural sweeper and chances are there that he used the long handle to good effect too.
Fancy Rowling's Harry Potter facing cricket's own Harry Potter Daniel Vettori. And it can’t be just a coincidence that Vettori and Radcliffe share their name!
At the same time, considering that he has been doing all the running around on magic brooms, it would be difficult to vouch for his running between the wickets. In fact, I would rather be surprised if he is not actually in the mould of a say Inzamam-ul-Haq or a Sourav Ganguly.
Evidence doesn't suggest much about his fielding but since he plays in the Seeker's position in the queer game of Quidditch, where his primary job is to search for the Snitch, Harry could be one of those fielders in the deep with a strong throwing arm.
Similarly, lack of evidence blighted my view of Harry the bowler. But considering he doesn't come from the sub-continent, we can safely assume that he has not been reported for suspect bowling action so far.
