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10. New Zealand batsmen: We won't let Dan "The Man" Vettori come to the crease before the scoreboard reads 200.
9. Australian batsmen: We will put the team before personal milestones by bringing up our hundreds with a six.
8. Ian Healy: I will not wear baggy green thongs to the Channel 9 commentary box.
7. Rohit Sharma: I will not throw away my wicket.
6. Ravi Shastri: I will refrain from using cliches like "Down to the wire" and "Like a tracer bullet".
5. Pakistan Team: We will hold on to our catches.
4. Sunil Gavaskar: I will not mention Sachin Tendulkar in every other sentence I speak.
3. Harbhajan Singh: I will take wickets.
2. Lalit Modi: I will not monetise every trivial event during an IPL game.
And the Number One New Year Resolution for 2010 That Will Never Come True is...
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Bored Cricket Crazy Indians: We won't bore our patrons with any more Thank You Sachin posts!!!!
10 New Year Resolutions That Will Never Come True
Boring Cricket Commentating Idiots XI
With commentary being such an integral part of the cricketing experience, it's only fitting that there was a discussion on the best in the business. There have been teams of the year and sides of the century, but honours don't come much greater than being part of the greatest collection of commentators to have irritated us with their cliches and prejudices. So with much satisfaction and a large dose of fear, BCC! is introducing the definitive search for the all-time crappiest commentators from all the Test-playing countries.
It's time we recognized the booming voice of Ravi Shastri, the patronising comments of Sir Ian Botham, those anti-white remarks of Sunil Gavaskar. Ian Healy needs to be appreciated for wearing his baggy green in the Channel 9 commentary box. And this list wouldn't be complete without Tony Greig who is in a tririlemma about what team to call his own. Make no mistake, the competition will be tense and since there can only be a team of 11, something will have to give. Rest assured the race will go down to the wire.
In order to ensure none of these commentators slip through the web, I encourage our readers to nominate the commentators that have enriched their cricket-viewing experience with their description of the bleeding obvious. We're talking about the kings of cliches, the princes of bad puns, the badshahs of bias. Nominations are welcome until 00:00 GMT on Sunday, December 6. Once the nominations are in, due diligence will be done to examine their commentating credentials. The list will be divided into groups based on the commentators' primary job when they were cricketers. Our XI will comprise 2 opening batsmen, 3 middle order batsmen, an allrounder, a wicket-keeper, 3 pace bowlers and a spinner.
Voting with start from Monday, December 7 with readers choosing their opening batsmen. It will continue for 7 days, after which it will be turn of middle order stalwarts. This will continue for six weeks, after which BCC! will announce the Elite Eleven.
In case you're wondering what's in it for the voters, there is absolutely nothing. However, it does give them a chance to hurl abuses at commentators, share their favourite quotes, basically provide further evidence of how bored and cricket crazy they are.
A wordkeeper leads to a wicketkeeper.
The cricket juggernaut rolls on. Where once swords were being crossed, now words are. Try doing a crossword worth its salt without testing your cricketing acumen. Men, naturally, will have it easy. But women too, especially those that cross words are known to have taken to cricket. Only today, not for the first time, I might add, I assisted with a former Australian wicketkeeper, first word three letters, second word five letters. Heals the world, no doubt. Can’t help adding, for the lasses, Heals also the word.
