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Showing posts with label India vs England 2011. Show all posts
Showing posts with label India vs England 2011. Show all posts
England's coach excuses himself.
England coach, Andy Flower is an articulate man. Trouble
with him though, like his pet shot, the reverse sweep, his talk can be far from straight.
After England went down 4-0, Flower let it rip again.
Regarding Ian Bell
After Ian Bell was requested to bat again by MS Dhoni in the second test at Trent Bridge, Bell came under strong criticism from various quarters, in particular from the opinionated Indian media and public.It is in the light of this extreme reaction, and the possibility of more verbal volleys, had Ian Bell taken the field in India, that our hand was forced not to play one of our best batsmen.I can safely assume, had Ian Bell played in the one day series, the result would have been quite different from what it is now.
Regarding the food
While the boys have learnt to accept that the food in India will be unlike what they are accustomed to back home, they did not expect the chicken tikka masala to be such a poor imitation…
Regarding the crowd
Back home in England, our players were buoyed by the extremely vocal support for the Indians. Though I will say, the people of Indian origin here greatly outweighed what we are accustomed to back home – I cannot say that this was not a factor in the outcome of the series.
Now you don't have to take Flower seriously, just excuse him, for he knows too much.
After the India England Revenge series:
Neo cricket has pimped the India-England ODIs as a Revenge series.
But what if there is no revenge, and England beat India, what will they call the next series?
An India Sri Lanka 7 one-dayers series.
But what if there is no revenge, and England beat India, what will they call the next series?
An India Sri Lanka 7 one-dayers series.
Bhajji don't go.
The biggest non-SRT cricket news going is that his chela, Bhajj’s been dropped for the first 2 ODI's against England. He will be missed. In his time away, he will undergo spa treatment, action-change, flight enhancement, tweaking of spinning finger and I-will-not-pitch-the-ball-outside-off-and-see-it-jump-up-short-enough-to-be-played-behind-square-by-Kallis rehab. He will return with a Chautha – an ode to the erstwhile non-spinner he once was – it will be the ball that will return to hand after leaving hand.
He will in all probability also return for the 3rd ODI. It’ll take one bad over from Rahul Sharma or Ashwin or Kohli, and Bhajji will be back to change-the-game. It’s happened often enough with Ojha, Mishra, and every other spinner whose name you can’t remember. I just hope Bhajji remembers to thank Sachin’s new house for watching over him from the sidelines.
He will in all probability also return for the 3rd ODI. It’ll take one bad over from Rahul Sharma or Ashwin or Kohli, and Bhajji will be back to change-the-game. It’s happened often enough with Ojha, Mishra, and every other spinner whose name you can’t remember. I just hope Bhajji remembers to thank Sachin’s new house for watching over him from the sidelines.
The voices inside Rahul Dravid's head
Greg Chappell's gone, the bad run's behind him, and after years, his name is mentioned ahead of His. Almost, often enough. But what is it with these freak show dismissals - is there a milk of confused human kindness that flows out of Dravid's ears - first that shoelace edge that he didn't refer, and now that spot that never showed up on hot spot - and Dravid has to go on telly and tell everyone he thought he heard a feather? Is this Adelaide, are there seagulls fluttering? Why can't he just stick to technology and say - hotspot never showed up, what I think here, doesn't matter. As it is, you've never been too forthcoming with what you think, why bother now. Or is 2011 that post 2007 English summer gone full circle - don't be too surprised if accepts the captaincy again. Maybe he's heard something we haven't.
The case for Suresh Raina.
Raina finds himself in the playing eleven of The Oval test. After the day’s play is rained off, the Indian cricket fans make a citizen’s arrest, following which our suspect is produced in a corner shop court.
Raina makes a dramatic entry into court, anticipating another ball coming his way, he feigns fielding it – instead he topples a whole lotta chutneys and pickles, landing right in front of the judge, Mr. Patel.
Raina makes a dramatic entry into court, anticipating another ball coming his way, he feigns fielding it – instead he topples a whole lotta chutneys and pickles, landing right in front of the judge, Mr. Patel.
Judge Patel: The defendant may rise…
Raina (rising, smiling): I enjoy fielding very much
Judge Patel: You bloody fool, what have you done to my pickles…
Judge Patel’s daughter, Vaishali: Oh Dad, don’t be so harsh on Suresh, he’s just a young hick from outta town…
Just then Graeme Hick enters the shop and objects
Graeme Hick: I object to Raina being compared to me, when I was his age…ohh I too had my problems with the short ball (sobs)
Prosecutor Patel: Hick, you have proved a useful Witness, 10% discount to you, thank you
Defence, Vaishali Patel: In that case I will be Suresh’s defence…Patel uncle
Judge Patel (to Raina): The defendant will rise…(knocks a ‘Kitchens of India’ can for empasis)
Raina (dewy eyed at Vaishali): Yes I will…rise
Prosecutor Patel: That is contempt of court…you
Defence, Vaishali Patel: Daddy…eh.. Your Honour…Suresh Raina my client has an excellent record in the IPL and in the subcontinent, if you could only be so lenient and think back to the 1970s, to 1972 in particular when you and your brethren were so harshly evicted from your beloved Uganda by the evil Idi Amin and arrived here in England without an iota of experience against the swing, against the short ball that those tough times threw at you...
Prosecutor Patel: Clearly besides the point, the defence is...
Judge Patel: Don’t make me emotional, girl…you will not mention Uganda again and for your information I started afresh here, I made a good life for us here, what has Suresh Raina done to warrant such a comparison, I ask you, what has he done?
Defence, Vaishali Patel: I ask you to give me time…give my client till the 3rd one-dayer, and he will prove himself worthy for my hand…er…of everyone’s trust
Raina (to his defense): Er Vaishali, thanks, can you not buy me a little more time like till when the Champions League starts in September?
Indian cricketers to undergo cataract and knee replacement surgery.
Just when you thought it was all but over, medical science could extend a few flagging careers in the Indian cricket team. Even though this will mean missing out on another West Indies’ series, the players will be available for the Champions League starting September 23, with the final in Chennai on 9th October. CSK is expected to play that game.
After hair transplants invaded cricketers’ scalps, could the medical cartels be far behind? Here they are, ready to grab their pound of flesh – already an ad shows a cricketer promoting a hospital – “Cricket is a religion in India and Delhi Maximum Medical World is my temple.” Another one shoots – “I like to Pharma the strike with Zetziggi plus”.
It is not yet known whether Pujara will be allowed to keep his nose out of this. But it is almost certain that Raina could add a few more inches with the Height Advancement therapy, you can almost guess what his ad will say, “I added a few inches to overcome the short ball’. Not funny, but then, neither is this.
The Number ‘One’ resigns its post.
Following the one-sided Edgbaston Test, the number ‘One’ has petitioned the world of Math’s to reorder the number system. Embarrassed by the erstwhile No.1 team’s performance, the Number ‘One’ was at a loss for words – “One cannot continue as the head of natural numbers, one wants to resign one’s position…”
If the request is accepted then apart from the obvious alterations in Arithmetic one expects changes in other texts too. "Famous Firsts" in History could be changed to "Scintillating Seconds" and water won’t be H20 anymore but H3O2. Neil Armstrong, Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay will lose relevance while Buzz Aldrin and Jurg Marmet will be elevated to further celebrity status. Everest itself could lose prominence to K2. China will officially change its 1 child policy to 2 many.
Extra: While it has been accepted that the Number Zero was India's contribution to the world, it is now believed that the Indian was none other than Jatman, Sehwag.
Alastair Cook and India find scoring 300 difficult.
India is yet to score 300 in the test series, same with Cook. While India’s best so far is 288, Cook’s is 294. However at Lord’s India beat Cook easily– India 286, Cook 12; and India 261 and Cook 1. At Trent Bridge, Cook scavenged for 2 whereas India dined for 288; and Cook 5 and India 158 in the 2nd innings. One innings is too little to go by, India’s collective strength will finally prevail over Cook. Already it appears obvious that India will outscore Cook in the second innings at Edgbaston as Cook may not bat at all.
A cricket geisha.
Are you dead white bloody and cold
With your smile wrinkled wide on the outsides
Then you’re top, on top of your game
You played on a low daily allowance
Your hands cold, in the deepest recesses of your pockets
You were slow, so old, you were so old
But you were there
A cricket geisha
And how you looked, as you went down
It was mesmeric
I nearly stopped to see
What went wrong this time
With your smile wrinkled wide on the outsides
Then you’re top, on top of your game
You played on a low daily allowance
Your hands cold, in the deepest recesses of your pockets
You were slow, so old, you were so old
But you were there
A cricket geisha
And how you looked, as you went down
It was mesmeric
I nearly stopped to see
What went wrong this time
Where is match-fixing when you need it
Today, India lost its second consecutive 2-day game. The last one wasn’t telecast, and we were called Indians and not India. They were not called England, instead, something long and wiry like Northamptonshire. It sounded like a fair and fun. You lose two day games, they are meant to be lost, especially if you want to shove four innings in, and go on the basis of first innings’ lead.
That sort of thing happens in the Ranji, and nobody gives a fuck for that. Also, India, no, the Indians went past 300 in that match. India’s opener for the first two tests, with no IPL or marketing future scored a hundred (113/160, 18 4s) at one down. He was made to retire hurt.
This player is not playing in the third test.
A few weeks before this series started, on a whim, I was overcome with this brazen fucking desire to get my ass over at the Oval. As I didn’t push too hard for accreditation or a corporate box, that eventually fell through. In my delirious state, at that moment, I was sucked by my desire to see the trophy being lifted. For me, it was going to be another Mohali-vs-Aus indulgence. Only this would’ve meant pricey air tickets, and worse, putting up with the pompous Poms at close range. I would’ve shacked with my cousin who’s shacked with a Pathan from Yorkshire.
I would be spreading like our batting.
Here I am in Delhi, with whiskey, scorn, writing, purging, working at feeling better.
And the boys are out there, in a foreign place, far from ghar ka khanna, far from their mummies.
Oh look, I pressed Ctrl Z, and it deleted some, and some more, about Mummies, and joint families, and I was going to keep Ctrl Zing but I didn’t. That would be like match fixing?
And I could just finish there, start-finish with the match fixing shit, be as thoughtless as this series, but it would also be lazy, again, like our thinking for this series.
Why not? Should you watch? Are you into S&M?
Ishant Sharma has a plan.
It’s been learnt that Ishant Sharma could force the batsman to play the ball on the 5th day of the Edgbaston test. The plan until then is to muddle the batsman’s mind with a shrewd mix of wide outside-off and way outside leg bowling. In a nutshell, Ishant intends to play the waiting game.
The erstwhile conqueror of Ponting plans to bowl in the extended-corridor of uncertainty (keeping 3rd slip and gully honest) and only gradually move his probing line closer to the stumps.
“Look at my figures, I am the cheapest bowler today – 7 overs for just 16 runs, I want to make The Zaks proud…he once sang to me, you’re still young, it’s not your fault” explained Ishant as he gathered his goodies from the Riot! Sale.
In the absence of Zaheer Khan, Ishant could also attempt copying the injured bowler’s action, yet again. Last seen Ishant was looking for a hamstring injury.
Meanwhile Sachin Tendulkar, who is still enjoying the game, has postponed plans of scoring his 100th 100 until the 4th Test to put the team's interest ahead of personal milestones.
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