Bored Members - Guests | Media | White Bored | Interview | Bored Anthem - Songs | Boredwaani | Cartoons | Facebook | Twitter | Login

Bring on some fresh blues - I

by Bored Guest

The BCCI was justifiably alarmed at the steady, if unspectacular slump in the performance of the Blue batters. ‘They have gone from beating everyone black and blue to going blue in the face at the sight of a willow’ screamed the headlines. This lead to much consternation in the BCCI and they sacked the physio without informing him. A final decision was also made to drop Yuvi and test a new talent.

To this end, the BCCI hastily organized an Emerging Blue Tournament at Motera, to congregate all the possible batting contenders who have at least a tinge of turquoise in them. The pitch, despite five days of play, was in excellent condition.

All the batting prospects were collected under one roof and given a chance to display their unquestionable talents. Kris Srikkanth, as chief selector was at hand to provide the final say on who could be given a chance at Kanpur. Ravi Shastri and Sunil Gavaskar were at hand to provide insightful comments and aid Srikkanth in making the decision.

The batsman lined up. First out of the hut was Suresh Raina, who was mistaken for a staff’s kid on the way to the middle. After a lengthy clarification, Raina whipped out his ID and ignored the collective gasps when he stated he was indeed 22, not 12. Undeterred, he began with some deft strokes towards mid on. The bowlers bowled short, full, wide of off and leg but were treated with equal disdain as Raina proceeded to chop, heave, pull and drive everything towards midwicket, as is his wont.

Srikkanth, always the sagacious one, observed ‘Eh, machaa? Why do you plaay yeverytheeng yon the leg saide??’

To this Raina excitedly countered, ‘This is nothing! I’m practicing on developing cover drives and square cuts which also end up in midwicket!!’

Suitably flummoxed, Srikkanth looked on either side for inspiration. Gavaskar mumbled on about how Greg Chappell had ruined Raina as a batsman and about how all this was Australia’s fault. Shastri was missing as he had gone to obtain some lozenges for his throat which was sore from screaming in delight at each of Raina’s shots. Srikkanth indicated for the next man to walk in.

Rohit Sharma jaunted in with a flourish. He proceeded to play five balls of every over beautifully, with grace and precision. Somehow, he always managed to get himself out on the sixth. He then proceeded to tell everyone that he was a young player and he was still developing and that was how developing players played.

As he droned on, Gavaskar looked at the floodlights and wondered whether the lack of light could be a reason for Sharma’s non performance, in spite of his obvious talent. ‘Probably imported from England. Those whites always try to screw us’ he muttered to himself.

Rohit’s whining was interrupted by Srikkanth, who said ‘Taalent, machaa! Taalent is yaal you need! Rest not important! You tamil, no?’ On being informed that he was telugu, not tamil, Srikkanth abruptly lost interest and waved him away.

Next in line was Badrinath who just proceeded to introduce himself sending Srikkanth into raptures. ‘This ess yexactly what we need!’ he said. Shastri, lozenged and rejuvenated, roared in agreement making Srikkanth duck for cover. Gavaskar voiced his assent by declaring that Badrinath was the ‘CEAT’s cricketer of the week.’

But the most promising contender was still to prove himself. Pujara had disappeared from the scene. ‘Che kyan che?’ questioned the Gujarati groundsman, oblivious to the underlying humour.

An exhaustive search was carried out and finally yielded a note of explanation in the locker room. It seems ‘Che’, a hitherto unknown computer freak, had come onto this blog of dubious quality which had a picture of his face morphed onto that of an Argentine revolutionary on its homepage. Inspired by this, he decided to dedicate his life to fight the prevailing injustice in India. He’d even left a book behind, tentatively titled ‘The Batting diaries’ which tabulated the injustice in cricket in India.

As Shastri mourned for a talent he had not seen, but was sure about and Gavaskar thumbed through Che’s biography and settled on a chapter titled ‘They call Praveen Kumar a fast bowler? It’s injustice!’, Srikkanth was at a loss of words, probably for the first time in his life.

After great contemplation, our Chief Selector finally remarked ‘Maybee deyar ess some thing in yimporting taalent from Sauth Africa…..can’t be too different fraam sauth India!’ resulting in groans being elicited from all present. The search for the next batting blue continues….

by Rohit Pillai

17 comments:

Mahek said...

Nice touch with Sunny's anti-white attitude and Shite's amplified voice. You forgot Arun Lal and his talks about birds and bees :)

Che kutte che? I wonder what language that is, cus it's certainly not Gujarati. Also, Sharma is as Telugu as butter chicken.

Rohit said...

Rohit's mom is Telugu and he speaks it fluently. I was going to run the Gujarati past my friend in India, but it was late night there and I eventually went with my own idea of what it would be! based on what I thought I might have heard him say..
What should it be?

Thanks anyways! It was my first attempt at page 2 type stuff.

Rohit said...

@ Naked cricket

A very opinionated Gujju told me that it should be 'Kyan' not 'kutte'. Could I get that edited, somehow??

Thanks, mahek!

Leela said...

LOL.

Rohit said...

@ Leela..

Thank you. I was worried the piece was so bad that people refused to acknowledge its existence completely!

Leela said...

I was worried the piece was so bad ...
Really?

I thought it was quite insightful; take away a few (only a few)funnies, put in a few serious lines... and I can totally believe that the said meeting took place!
:-)

Rohit said...

@ Leela...


The thing is, I always think my jokes are great only to realize I'm the only one laughing at them! I'm not really a great judge of it in short..

Thanks a lot! Cheers!

Sujan Rao said...

Yenaku rumba pudichirku machaa !

Awesome stuff Rohit, Enjoyed reading every line. Nicely written. I'll be waiting for more of this kind :)

Nathan said...

"The pitch, despite five days of play, was in excellent condition."

That pitch could have taken five days as a piece of a Motera Test Cricket Memorial Freeway and still be in excellent condition.

Rohit said...

@ Sujan Rao..

Thanks, man. Appreciate it! I'm working on Part II-The bowling blues...!

@ Nathan..

How about this one? The pitch could take Ranatunga teaching Inzamam power yoga on it for five days and still host a test!!
Any comebacks?

Nathan said...

That pitch could have taken five days as a NASA test pad and still been in excellent condition!

That pitch could have taken five nights at an LA nightclub and still been in excellent condition!

That pitch could have taken five days of a World Grand Heavyweight Sumo tournament and still been in excellent condition!

straight point said...

excellent pc rohit... the humor is not only funny but very insightful...

as for my take...

that pitch could have taken just one man thinking test cricket and still host a test!

Rohit said...

@ Nathan..

I asked for a single comeback and you've wiped the floor with me! The sumo thing doesn't count as it's too similar to my comment..!
I can't think of anything else...you win.

@ Straight Point

Thanks a lot! Nathan still wins though with that carpet bombed assault.

@ Mahek

The gujarati is authentic now...!

tanmay said...

LOL!!! nice one rohit, looking forward to bowling blues....

Nathan said...

Another notch in the belt, Rohit :)
j/k!

Loved the post, as well!

Ankit Poddar said...

rohit,

awesome page 2 stuff! in fact it is so good, i can not believe that it isn't actual bird eye view of the end of the first test!

do you fly?

Rohit said...

@ Nathan...

Thanks....That was a little below the belt, though...:-)

@ Tanmay...
Thanks!

@Ankit Poddar..

Thanks a lot! Yup! I've got the whole meeting on tape....will send it to you if you want!