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The selectors are huddled together with their lists of 15 players that make the cut for the World Cup. A technician plugs the video conferencing equipment, and gives them the go ahead.
Meanwhile in South Africa, Kirsten and Dhoni sit with their list of 15 players. Piyush Chawla is doubling up as the technician as he sorts the video-con stuff, giving them the thumbs’ up.
Srikkanth: WhatDoYouCallit BOSSDhoniCanYouSeeUsClearly
MSD: Well ofcourse Piyush has made some very good arrangements
Srikkanth: BossWeHaveOur15KaList..
MSD: Of course and we have ours…I think the injured players pick themselves
Srikkanth: WhatDoYouCallIt SachinShewagGambir
MSD: Of course they will be there and there are other injured players that will be very fit by the world cup even fitter than the fit players now becoz they will not be playing or exerting themselves at all and getting of course all the time to work on their fitness..Praveen Kumar and Ashish Nehra
Srikkanth: BossTheyAreInOurListTooThatIs5PlayersWeHaveHandShakedOnBossGaryWhatDoYouCallIt
Kirsten: Sounds good
Srikkanth: I’m CON-FI-DENT ThatWhatDoYouCallIt RainaAndYusufWillBeCON-FI-DENT ChoicesToo
MSD (sounding a tad nervous now, looking around, wears his keeping gloves) : Of course
Srikkanth: BAJJIWillBeThereThatIsAndMunafTooBoss
MSD (even more nervous starts clapping with keeping gloves) Of course…are you forgetting someone
Srikkanth: YuvrajSinghViratKohliWhatDoYouCallItZaheerKhanBoss
MSD (Now very itchy, starts waving his gloves as if arranging a field) Well Of course, are you forgetting someone…
Srikkanth: WhatDoYouCallItVijayHasBeenSHITBossEvenICan’tGetHimInSorryBossButAshwinShouldPlay
MSD (Removing sweat from brow with his keeping gloves): Of course, I think we are missing someone…we have 13 players…and every team needs a…wic..
The transmission snaps…and MSD is left with his words hanging in the air
Piyush Chawla meanwhile gets busy, checks the wires and gets them going again…
Srikkanth: WhatDoYouCallItChawla??? BossWhatIsChawlaDoingThere…
MSD: Of course he is helping with the technical side of things and all and we have 13 players now….Sachin, Sehwag, Gautam, Yuvi, Kohli, Raina, Pathan, Bhajji, Zaks, Nehra, Munaf Patel, Praveen, Ashwin but are we missing something every side needs a wicketkeeper…
Srikkanth: BossWhatDoYouCallItShouldWePlayParthivPatelAsTheSecondWicketKeeperBoss…
MSD (much relieved, breaks into a smile, shows teeth): Well of course we can consider that once we have picked the first wicket keeper and that is why I have been saying for sometime that are we missing something and you know how it is Cheeka
Srikkanth(laughs) : BossSeedhaBolo…YesIThinkWeCanPickMahendraSinghDhoniAsWicketkeeperFirstChoice
MSD: Who will be the 15th player now..
Piyush Chawla is hanging around with a hopeful yet utterly hopeless face…he seems like a pathetic little mutt who hasn’t eaten in days…he looks into camera and all at once woos Cheeka
Srikkanth (overcome with emotion) MaiBhiBaapHoonIAmAlsoAFatherAnirudhaWillVouchForThatWithCON-FI-DENCEHahhaHaHaIHopeSoBossHahahaICannotSeePiyushChawlaLookSoSad...HeWillBeWhatDoYouCallIt....The15thPlayerBoss
Just then the door swings open and Rohit Sharma walks in sweating profusely after a net.
MSD (to Rohit): Well of course...you are late by 10 seconds Rohit Sharma...
Why was Piyush Chawla picked?
Team Building Exercises for Chennai Super Kings
CSK and India Cements owner, N Srinivasan hops into the hall in an India Cements sack, followed by Kris Srikkanth and the resident CSK astrologer, also in their cement sacks.
Srikkanth: Wadducallit ImGoingHoppingMadInSacks…
Astrologer: Shhh Sri sir will hear you, shhh...Sri Sir…you’re enjoying hopping
Srinivasan: I have not digested my lunch only
Astrologer: For team morale sir, we must lead the ways
The CSK team is gathered in the hall, they start to get into their CSK India Cements' sacks.
Srikkanth is excited, he's just spotted his son, and makes an effort to run-hop to him in his sack…
Srikkanth: Wadducallit MySon…Anirudha
In his excitement, Srikkanth trips himself, and falls over in the sack; Anirudha embarrassed titters weakly at his mates…
Astrologer: Aaah there you are Mathew Hayden..I was telling Sri Sir that like you played lucky mascot in IPL you will play lucky in semis
Hayden: But I don’t wanna play, mate….ummm Hussey should play…
Srinivasan: Should we start the sack race…boys
Hayden: Can I hit the sack, mate…don't wanna play nuthin no more
Badrinath in sack, tries to get off the bench but falls..MSD reprimands him
MSD (to Badri): Areh, you don’t need an early start…you will come later
Badri sullen face sits back on the bench
Srikkanth can be seen pushing his son forward, while the son tries to shrug him off. Vijay tries to hop ahead – not hopping straight, he attempts to hop across the line and falls.
After Vijays early fall, MSD shouts at Badri to come off the bench…while the astrologer is still pushing Hayden. Murali is frowning, someone has made the 8 in his 800 t-shirt a zero. Raina puts on skates and gets into the sack. His fate, not to different from Vijay’s. Hussey meanwhile is half way across the hall, Badrinath has just started, Kemp can’t fit into a sack..
MSD (to Hayden): Where’s Morkel, Matt
Hayden: Ummm he hit the sack, mate..
MSD: No he didn’t, I don’t see him in the sack, mate
Hayden walks away, thought blurb over his head – “these Indians”, thought blurb over MSD’s head, “these Aussies”.
A sexy CSK groupie starts to flirt with MSD and asks him
Groupie: Know you’re married and all, but you wanna hit the sack with me...
MSD (bewildered, twitches and then winks): Areh? How does my being married stop me from playing in the sack with you
Groupie jumps with joy and nearly jumps MSD there…
MSD (as if looking into camera): Ub hoga usli mukabla!
Also Read: Bangalore Royal Challenger's Team Building exercises
Bring on some fresh blues - I
The BCCI was justifiably alarmed at the steady, if unspectacular slump in the performance of the Blue batters. ‘They have gone from beating everyone black and blue to going blue in the face at the sight of a willow’ screamed the headlines. This lead to much consternation in the BCCI and they sacked the physio without informing him. A final decision was also made to drop Yuvi and test a new talent.
To this end, the BCCI hastily organized an Emerging Blue Tournament at Motera, to congregate all the possible batting contenders who have at least a tinge of turquoise in them. The pitch, despite five days of play, was in excellent condition.
All the batting prospects were collected under one roof and given a chance to display their unquestionable talents. Kris Srikkanth, as chief selector was at hand to provide the final say on who could be given a chance at Kanpur. Ravi Shastri and Sunil Gavaskar were at hand to provide insightful comments and aid Srikkanth in making the decision.
The batsman lined up. First out of the hut was Suresh Raina, who was mistaken for a staff’s kid on the way to the middle. After a lengthy clarification, Raina whipped out his ID and ignored the collective gasps when he stated he was indeed 22, not 12. Undeterred, he began with some deft strokes towards mid on. The bowlers bowled short, full, wide of off and leg but were treated with equal disdain as Raina proceeded to chop, heave, pull and drive everything towards midwicket, as is his wont.
Srikkanth, always the sagacious one, observed ‘Eh, machaa? Why do you plaay yeverytheeng yon the leg saide??’
To this Raina excitedly countered, ‘This is nothing! I’m practicing on developing cover drives and square cuts which also end up in midwicket!!’
Suitably flummoxed, Srikkanth looked on either side for inspiration. Gavaskar mumbled on about how Greg Chappell had ruined Raina as a batsman and about how all this was Australia’s fault. Shastri was missing as he had gone to obtain some lozenges for his throat which was sore from screaming in delight at each of Raina’s shots. Srikkanth indicated for the next man to walk in.
Rohit Sharma jaunted in with a flourish. He proceeded to play five balls of every over beautifully, with grace and precision. Somehow, he always managed to get himself out on the sixth. He then proceeded to tell everyone that he was a young player and he was still developing and that was how developing players played.
As he droned on, Gavaskar looked at the floodlights and wondered whether the lack of light could be a reason for Sharma’s non performance, in spite of his obvious talent. ‘Probably imported from England. Those whites always try to screw us’ he muttered to himself.
Rohit’s whining was interrupted by Srikkanth, who said ‘Taalent, machaa! Taalent is yaal you need! Rest not important! You tamil, no?’ On being informed that he was telugu, not tamil, Srikkanth abruptly lost interest and waved him away.
Next in line was Badrinath who just proceeded to introduce himself sending Srikkanth into raptures. ‘This ess yexactly what we need!’ he said. Shastri, lozenged and rejuvenated, roared in agreement making Srikkanth duck for cover. Gavaskar voiced his assent by declaring that Badrinath was the ‘CEAT’s cricketer of the week.’
But the most promising contender was still to prove himself. Pujara had disappeared from the scene. ‘Che kyan che?’ questioned the Gujarati groundsman, oblivious to the underlying humour.
An exhaustive search was carried out and finally yielded a note of explanation in the locker room. It seems ‘Che’, a hitherto unknown computer freak, had come onto this blog of dubious quality which had a picture of his face morphed onto that of an Argentine revolutionary on its homepage. Inspired by this, he decided to dedicate his life to fight the prevailing injustice in India. He’d even left a book behind, tentatively titled ‘The Batting diaries’ which tabulated the injustice in cricket in India.
As Shastri mourned for a talent he had not seen, but was sure about and Gavaskar thumbed through Che’s biography and settled on a chapter titled ‘They call Praveen Kumar a fast bowler? It’s injustice!’, Srikkanth was at a loss of words, probably for the first time in his life.
After great contemplation, our Chief Selector finally remarked ‘Maybee deyar ess some thing in yimporting taalent from Sauth Africa…..can’t be too different fraam sauth India!’ resulting in groans being elicited from all present. The search for the next batting blue continues….
by Rohit Pillai
Bored to the Bone VI
Stub the Smoking Ban. Take a puff to ponder: who were those fine gents in white who huffed ‘n’ puffed and shmoked the little piggies out? Warne, Srikkanth are the easy ones, who else?
