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If I had purchased Pollard for the Delhi Daredevils.

by Gaurav Sethi

Pad up Pollard, you are going to open the batting.

Pollard OUT! No problem. Batsman will feign injury, Pollard with his giant strides will be the runner.

Batsman feigning injury OUT! No problem, Pollard will be the change in gloves-man, the drinks’ boy, the messenger, the message, the conversationalist in the dugout.

During breaks, Pollard will go on an autograph signing spree, shake hands, shake his booty.

Change of innings

Pollard will speak animatedly to his mates in the huddle.

Right arm over, Pollard will open the bowling. He will bowl his full quota of overs unchanged.

He will converse with the captain, if he is captain, he will converse with himself.

These conversations will be telecast. Shastri will intervene, with “Make no mistake, that is Pollard & Pollard”

Pollard & Pollard, the all-round product will be released – it will belong to Delhi Daredevils. It will also be an accounting firm.

After the game, Pollard will be part of the big, fat Indian prize giving committee – he will stand in the centre. On occasions when he has to receive the prize, it will serve as yet another Pollard & Pollard plug. He will gift himself the gift cheque.

Any bikes, cars, tractors gifted, will be steered by Pollard. It will be announced that when Pollard drives he doesn’t reverse – because Pollard doesn’t belive in a backword step.

I will make Pollard do all this and more. Why? Probably because I don’t belong to the Mumbai Indians Underutilization of Utilities Department C/O some careless conservative thinkers. Oh, that’s a contradiction, but then so is MI.

Also read: Mumbai Indians in a fix

1 comment:

Govind Raj said...


You have hit the 'nail' in the 'snail's head. MI lost the IPL-3 final thanks only to some wise people sitting there in the dug out who allow Duminies and like to go out and escalate the RRR to 24.3 and then leave it to Pollard to win.

Sachin Tendulkar is again proving his inability to Captain. That is a pity. he will retire as a great man who was a very ordinary Captain.

It is just disappointing and disgusting. And I would play a 41 year old Jayasuriya ahead of Dhawan simply because Sanath can roll over his arms for a couple of overs and also has a shock value.

Mumbai Indians made the finals in IPL-3 simply because of Sachin's master-class batting. They will go out in round-1 here. And that is sad !