by
Gaurav Sethi
I sat the players round the TV, and played recordings of my innings against India. It did take a long time, as they were all long innings, we skipped meals, cheated on sleep, our loved ones, as we sat huddled watching me play.
After some 36 hours, KP stood up, and threatened to walk out; and then he said, “At the end of the day, what do you want to do – play for England? In that case you’re showing this to the wrong people”
I was glad KP spoke up, of all the players, our games are most similar. I asked KP, “Kevin, what’s common between us?”
Even though KP likes to think he’s unique, he had to grudgingly admit, “The reverse sweep, Andy”
I somehow impressed upon the players that the only way forward was to do the reverse of everything – in addition to inculcate the Shaolin monks' habit of sweeping one's chambers in the morning.
From that day, I encouraged players to speak up and admit what the reverse of their present personalities would be. Even though this is confidential, I must share it with you:
Chris Broad: Winner (as opposed to loser)
KP: Team man (as opposed to loner)
Collingwood: Upbeat (as opposed to brooder)
Eoin Morgan: English (as opposed to Irish)
It was all in good spirit, and finally Swanny joked that the reverse of Andy Flower would be Cat (as opposed to mouse).
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by
KhufiaBaaz
After England’s unbeatable 3-0 lead against Australia in the Natwest series, and Germany’s unbeatable 4-1 lead against England in the FIFA World Cup, England’s cricket coach, Andy Flower has been approached by the football fellahs.
Stoic at the best of times, Andy moved his non-existent lips,
“I’m contracted with the ECB, though there is another Flower, Grant, speak to him”
When contacted Grant Flower refused to take on the English football team, and put the coach hunters on to one Henry Olonga.
And here's what Olonga said -
"who do you think I am Pommie Mbangwa?"
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by
Gaurav Sethi
1500 overs of cricket, from September 22nd (that’s today, sunshine) to October 5 - fifteen games lasting two weeks flat – that’s a fraction of England’s interminable summer with Australia.
The dodgy bit is a game every day, and two on Super Sunday – but it’s not that super really, you have South Africa-England and New Zealand-Sri Lanka playing. In a way, that’s not two games, that’s half a game – England and New Zealand aren’t teams, they are a bad assortment of cheap chocolates, the type you gift to save money.
Straight away that’s thirteen games you have to survive. Looking much better already. Do not underestimate the indelible scars the Windies can leave on your young impressionable self – Do Not Watch Them. In fact, place a Do Not Disturb sign on your forehead that day.
Whether you side with the WICB or the WIPA, you can’t side with this team that makes England nigh watchable – it does help if you know the players, in this case, you know of Tino Best by fluke, and the others by puke – you threw up while watching them.
It’s not so much as the team, or maybe it is, as the reason they’re here – how can anyone replace Chris Gayle and his merry men.
So, the West Indies are out – that’s another 3 games knocked off, you’re now left with ten.
If you’re really strapped for time, you could knock off all the England games, that is optional – but they won’t last long. And it is fun to watch the odd county game in an international tournament. England will play 40-potty over cricket. You’ll see earnest players with limited skill at the highest level – it will be funny, the collapses after Strauss is dismissed, the gloom on Flower’s face, and then Strauss’ smirk for no particular reason.
Chances are you will only watch one game, India v Pakistan on the 26th. And if India make the semis, then one more, and if India makes the finals, another one. And ok, you could watch India-Australia too, on the 28th – that’s 2 games for sure, and possible 4.
The Champions Trophy isn’t that bad, you’ll survive.
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by
Gaurav Sethi
I finally watched Zimbabwe play. There was more integrity to them than the West Indies Z side. For one, it’s tough to recall what political mush they’re in, there’s a liberal sprinkling of dark and white skin, they look like a UN peacekeeping side.
So they look ok. But actually they aren’t because former keeper captain Taibu isn’t there. Nor is Andy Flower or Henry Olonga.
Btw wasn’t Olonga the first bowler to make Zaheer feel like a batsman? And wasn’t Zim the first team to make Zaks feel like a bowler – who can forget those yorkers, how they zoned in on those little Zim feet.
Which begs the question, for Zaheer to make a strong comeback, what does he need 1) County cricket 2) Zimbabwe 3) Lesser bowlers to team up with
Btw who was the first black cricketer to play internationals for Zimbabwe? And no, it wasn't a Flower child. Happy Woodstock 40th Anniversary. Here's to independence.
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by
Gaurav Sethi
Happy B’day Andy Flower. Here’s to reverse sweeping us of our feet.
(look left to click on Andy's page today, tomorrow it'll be another left-right kinda guy)
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by
Gaurav Sethi
Bangladesh have been bad boys. They need to be spanked. Which they were, by Zimbabwe.
No, the Flowers haven't returned. Neither has Olonga. Nor Goodwin or Houghton or any of those guys who made your dream Zim XI. Now, out with it, you closet dreamer: what’s your Dream Zim XI? Don’t be shy just let your feelings roll on by…Is Traicos in? Johnson? And don’t say only Andy Flower, KP won’t like that.
Back to Bangladesh. They had their backs to all the walls in Mirpur. Zim 205, Shakib scalps 3 for 22. And what do Bangla do – they bungle it. Not Shakib though, he scorches 52 of 66.
Bangla 167/10. Time to rattle off your Nightmare Bangla XI, boys. How many for Ashraful as skipper, raise your typing finger.
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by
Gaurav Sethi
by Naked Cricket
KP won the toss but didn’t find his lost mojo. England did what they often do: score runs upfront and then lose so many plots they burst the real estate bubble again - 4 for 65 off 33 overs. That’s empathy for you: they rather play like Zim than play them. Divide your screen into two: play the Zim horror chases vs. Lanka on the right, and you’d be left with England chasing its tail.
But before that they swept. If you didn’t know it, now you do - Andy Flower is their assistant coach. In spirit and in sweep. The reason they hired Flower was his 50+ test average. Poms, even the best of them respect a 40+ average, with 50+ they go flat out on the floor and levitate.
You have to grant Flower this much. He maybe Zim but he got that 50+ avg without playing Zim.
England watched hundreds of Flower videos, but in doing so, (largely because of poor video edits) they also inculcated into their batting, the attributes of lesser Zim batsmen.
KP, for one, took a shine to Henry Olonga’s batting. Convenient as Olonga now lives in England.
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