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Showing posts with label Ashes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ashes. Show all posts
I failed to lead from the back: Michael Clarke
With the Ashes not just lost but squandered, strewn across the British Isles like tattered little bits of nothing, Australia's Test captain, Michael Clarke, has decided to call time on his international career. After losing the fourth Test, and pretty much their marbles too, the Australians have decided not to prepare for the fifth and last Test. "It's not as if any of the prep has done the boys any good" chirped coach, Darren Lehmann.
At first, the articulate Michael Clarke said he failed to lead from the front. But then realising that it meant nothing as he had only demoted himself down the order continuously, he swiftly corrected himself - "It may not be wrong to say that I failed to lead from the back - I started off as a top order batsman, but now I'm pretty much a middle order bat, what is my position - five? Six? Hard to tell really, the wickets fall so quickly, especially when we got knocked over for 60, I was in before Boof could say Pup!"
Pup continued in the same remorseful way - "If I overstay my welcome any more, I might end up as a tailender. Also because of these constant niggles with my back, and the lack of advancement in medical science and the inadequacy of those painkillers, my wretched back was just that. You tell me, with a back this bad, how can you lead from the front or for that matter, the back? Yeah, I'm asking you?" He snapped at an Indian reporter who insisted on asking if a farewell Test at his home ground, the Sydney Cricket Ground (SCG) might not have been an appropriate way to bid his billions of fans adieu.
"Guys like you would like it if I played my farewell Test at the Wankhede, right? But we Aussies are different. We're not a sentimental lot, really. We drop our heroes when they lose their "A" game, and quite often when they're at the top of their game. I say this with the greatest respect for Sachin Tendulkar but if he was leading a bunch of losers like my mates, he would've called time on his career too after an England series. 60? Honestly how does a team get dismissed for 60?"
The Indian reporter further persisted if Clarke saw any changes in the team for The Oval and would the captain contemplate dropping himself further down the order or from the team altogether. Clarke showed immense patience when he said, "No, next question." Not satisfied, the reporter snapped at Clarke, "What about bowling some left arm spin; don't you think your spin might be more useful to the team than your batting?"
Clarke took a deep breath, and then asked the reporter earnestly, "Why are you such an a**hole? Next question." An Aussie reporter asked the same question to which Clarke said he'd like to turn his arm over one last time if his back permits.
Other questions from the presser:
Any regrets? "Yes, not playing another five years."
Indian reporter (again): You recently said that Chris Rogers started off again at 35 and you... "Next question."
Future of Australian cricket: "It's in good hands, I've seen Steve Smith take some blinders at slip."
Darren Lehmann vs Mickie Arthur as coach: "It's all down to the homework, isn't it?"
Indian reporter (again: About Chris Rogers... - "Next question."
You recently said that if Chris Rogers could start all over again at 35... "Yes I did say that, it varies from player to player, doesn't it, mate?"
Indian reporter (again): Is Sachin Tendulkar the greatest batsman you have ever seen, even greater than Sir Don? "Well, I haven't seen Sir Don bat... Next."
How's the back, Pup? - "I can stand it, but it's worse when I sit down for long."
Indian reporter (again): When you got married there was a photograph of your wife on a horse; will you be taking to horse rearing now? "Nay (neigh)... Next."
Do you see Haddin and Watson back for the fifth Test - "Yeah, quite honestly, I see a complete overhaul from our last misadventure... except for me."
Indian reporter (again): Your favourite IPL franchise... "Has to be Pune since it's the only one I've played for..next"
Sri Lankan reporter: Sangakkara will be playing his last Test against India; where do you rate him among the modern greats... "Amongst the very best."
Indian reporter (yet again): If Pune Warriors returns to the IPL, will you also consider returning to the IPL... "Will you just back off, mate?"
Michael Clarke will retire from international cricket at 34 years of age. Imagine.
(However plausible this might sound, this is largely a work of fiction.)
First published here
How can India own the Ashes
It's not about England and Australia any more, hasn't been for long - it's India first, and then Australia and t-h-e-n England. Yet, in spite of Test cricket's long pending demise, the Ashes continues to thrive, seen by some as almost rivalling the popularity of the IPL. Yet, just as there are very few, if any Englishmen in the IPL, the Ashes continue to ignore Indians. And just when the mighty N Srinivasan is set on world domination it now appears he's struggling for a chair to park his behind in the Cricket Centre, Mumbai. But while the good folk of the BCCI mend fences (so much fence-sitting these days), the people of India must wake up, and ask for what is rightly theirs, a piece of the pie that is the Ashes.
While it is widely believed that Sachin Tendulkar's dream was to win the World Cup, few know that he lives with the deep regret of not scoring a century at Lord's, and to a lesser extent, never taking part in an Ashes Test match. "What use is it playing 200 Tests when you cannot be part of a great rivalry", he was once overheard saying to one of his many minions. While some interpreted this as the paucity of India-Pakistan encounters, noted cricket historian, Albe Plemisphere observed that the little master often spent his summers in England, not so much for Wimbledon but for the Ashes. "Even at Wimbledon, he's always streaming the Ashes on his mobile phone. And how can he not be at the tennis? His good friend, Federer won't have it any other way".
If the Indians can accommodate four foreigners in the IPL, why can't England and Australia extend the same favour to India? Just imagine how it will help South Asian youth corrupted by football hooliganism to reconnect with their desi heroes in the summer. And for those who think cricket is too soft, what better than an earful from Virat Kohli to his detractors Down Under?
Kohli, in fact, has already proven that he is ready for split-captaincy and could quite easily take over as England's Test captain. He rarely moves without his trusted general, Ravi Shastri, and considering that the latter is already on board as a Sky Sports analyst, the duo should be signed on by a county to fast-track the tedious requirements to play for Old Blighty.
And what about Kohli's lieutenants, Rohit Sharma and Ajinkya Rahane? Rohit should be considered just so that he may not be considered after a routine overseas underachievement, and to give the Poms an illusion of equality in selection. Also, seeing that there's no Dhoni to unpick Rahane, and that these are not "slow wickets", the quiet one should play, right?
But enough of selection; what about the sponsors, why is it the Investec Ashes? Does anyone in India know of Investec? This is a clear case of alienation - tap into Micromax or Maruti, and if they're hell-bent on specialist banking and asset management groups, why not ICICI or HDFC?
Of course, the Ashes must be played in England or Australia; this much tradition demands. But like all one day internationals (ODIs) played by India in England, a larger desi presence at the grounds will only add to the festivities - it can be argued that the Indians hardly turned up for the England-India Test series, but that was largely owing to the visitors' poor performance. With four Indians in either team, no matter who wins, an Indian wins! (with the odds forever in their favour.) Add to that subsidised tickets (student rates for South Asians), which should do the trick.
There are strong English traditions on display, and while desis can down their sparkly and ale like anybody else, halves and quarters (Old Monk etc) and super strong beer (Haywards 5000) too should be allowed to mingle with the other vile spirits. The drinks trolley should embrace truck art and refreshments should be served in stainless steel lassi glasses. Who knows, maybe even a charpai in the centre with a hookah for good measure? But these are mere details; the crux of the matter is, to save Test cricket, India will have to enslave the Ashes.
Just a matter of time, when it's down to seven Indians and four Englishmen/Australians. As for the Pakistanis, no doubt they'll want to play in the Ashes, but do you think we can allow that?
(Is this satire? Or will this be a reality? However plausible, it does appear for now, this is fiction at play.)
First published here
First published here
Protective Gears – Then and Now
Let us transport ourselves to the days of Jardine`s bodyline series made famous by the sheer speed and accuracy of Harold Larwood and Bill Voce. It is reported that the fastest ball by Larwood was recorded at 96 mph (remember miles not kilometers) with only the not so precise electrical instruments of the thirties, but players of his time vouched him to be even faster.
The essence of the bodyline theory was to attack the batsman with short rising deliveries rather than aim at the wickets. The purpose was to intimidate the indomitable Don and prevent him from scoring as many at such furious rate. It succeeded to a large extent, because Bradman failed in the series, but only by his lofty standards. His average in the series stood at 53 point something as against his grand average of 100 minus fraction. But his average of 54 for the bloodiest series is as good as, if not better than the average of all the modern gladiators- Lara and Sachin included.
But…
Bradman played in only four of the five match series and scored a century, a fifty plus (73, I Believe) and two near fifties in the eight innings he played in the series. Not a bad job for a man facing missiles hurled at him in excess of 150 kmph constantly by the deadliest combination of Larwood and Voce.
Of course he did take quite a few body blows, so did the old Bill Ford and the versatile Macabe. But they scored runs, not enough to win the ashes (they lost the series 1-4), But enough to show some fight and determination.
Let us consider the protective armor that Don and his contemporaries had.
The pads that protected the longest single bone of the body that carries the frame on it.
The pair of gloves that protected the maximum number of bone joints in our body.
Then the abdomen guard that protected the human race.
Some preferred to have a cap to protect against the sun-glare.
A pair of buck-skin boots to protect the toes and they had spikes to give a good grip.
Contrast this with the gladiatorial gears of the modern day professional. A helmet to protect the skull. A chest pad to protect the chest. The arm guard to protect the fore arm. The conventional box to protect the vitals. Then a thigh pad that covered the part of the leg above the knee. The conventional pad to protect the legs.
With a donkey’s load of protective gear the best average of all the greats of the fully armored men of modern times just about matches the scantily protected Bradman and the co exposed to the ‘bodyline attack’ of the bowlers hurling down constantly in excess of 150 kmph.
Perhaps the pre-gladiatorial men are driven by fear. How else can we explain the craze for more and more of protective gears? Added to the satiety of the protective gears is the senseless law (added quite recently) restricting the fast bowler to bowl no more than one short rising delivery aimed at the batsman.
The fast bowler has become near irrelevant. A few McGrath’s still command respect, but these are the men of Gubby Allen pace, not the express pace of Larwood.
If KP’s switch hit and the now more often used reverse-sweep are legitimate , why should the bowler be obliged to inform the umpire and the batsman if the is going to bowl over around the wicket. Let the bowler run up and deliver the ball from whatever angle he wants.
Why should law prevent a bowler from wearing some rough plaster around the fingers of his bowling arm to get better grip of the ball. Why should law prevent a bowler (or a quiet captain like Atherton) from applying some foreign matter to one surface of the ball or lift the seam (a la Tendulkar) with the nail.
If law could be silent about new arrivals in a batsman’s protective gear, it has to go silent about what adds to the advantage of a bowler. Or it is not cricket. (Both in the literal and in the figurative sense)
by M Rajagopalan
The essence of the bodyline theory was to attack the batsman with short rising deliveries rather than aim at the wickets. The purpose was to intimidate the indomitable Don and prevent him from scoring as many at such furious rate. It succeeded to a large extent, because Bradman failed in the series, but only by his lofty standards. His average in the series stood at 53 point something as against his grand average of 100 minus fraction. But his average of 54 for the bloodiest series is as good as, if not better than the average of all the modern gladiators- Lara and Sachin included.
But…
Bradman played in only four of the five match series and scored a century, a fifty plus (73, I Believe) and two near fifties in the eight innings he played in the series. Not a bad job for a man facing missiles hurled at him in excess of 150 kmph constantly by the deadliest combination of Larwood and Voce.
Of course he did take quite a few body blows, so did the old Bill Ford and the versatile Macabe. But they scored runs, not enough to win the ashes (they lost the series 1-4), But enough to show some fight and determination.
Let us consider the protective armor that Don and his contemporaries had.
The pads that protected the longest single bone of the body that carries the frame on it.
The pair of gloves that protected the maximum number of bone joints in our body.
Then the abdomen guard that protected the human race.
Some preferred to have a cap to protect against the sun-glare.
A pair of buck-skin boots to protect the toes and they had spikes to give a good grip.
Contrast this with the gladiatorial gears of the modern day professional. A helmet to protect the skull. A chest pad to protect the chest. The arm guard to protect the fore arm. The conventional box to protect the vitals. Then a thigh pad that covered the part of the leg above the knee. The conventional pad to protect the legs.
With a donkey’s load of protective gear the best average of all the greats of the fully armored men of modern times just about matches the scantily protected Bradman and the co exposed to the ‘bodyline attack’ of the bowlers hurling down constantly in excess of 150 kmph.
Perhaps the pre-gladiatorial men are driven by fear. How else can we explain the craze for more and more of protective gears? Added to the satiety of the protective gears is the senseless law (added quite recently) restricting the fast bowler to bowl no more than one short rising delivery aimed at the batsman.
The fast bowler has become near irrelevant. A few McGrath’s still command respect, but these are the men of Gubby Allen pace, not the express pace of Larwood.
If KP’s switch hit and the now more often used reverse-sweep are legitimate , why should the bowler be obliged to inform the umpire and the batsman if the is going to bowl over around the wicket. Let the bowler run up and deliver the ball from whatever angle he wants.
Why should law prevent a bowler from wearing some rough plaster around the fingers of his bowling arm to get better grip of the ball. Why should law prevent a bowler (or a quiet captain like Atherton) from applying some foreign matter to one surface of the ball or lift the seam (a la Tendulkar) with the nail.
If law could be silent about new arrivals in a batsman’s protective gear, it has to go silent about what adds to the advantage of a bowler. Or it is not cricket. (Both in the literal and in the figurative sense)
by M Rajagopalan
look who is whinning already...
aussie media has already started whinning about the upcoming two test series in india as bad preparation for the ashes... here is a sample clip...
Australian captain Ricky Ponting has conceded that playing Tests in Mohali and Bangalore in October is hardly ideal preparation for the first Test against England at Brisbane’s Gabba on November 25, it said.
The newspaper said “pancake-flat” Indian pitches were probably the worst place to try to recalibrate misfiring spearhead Mitchell Johnson, who returned a woeful bowling average of 72 in the two Tests against Pakistan in England.
the last time aussies visited india... they lost the series 2-0 playing on “pancake-flat” indian pitches and on one of those pitches... mohali... they were steamrolled by zaheer who cut through their middle order like a hot knife cuts through butter...
are they sure they are referring to the same 'pancake-flat' mohali...? or is this just an excuse to avoid another thrashing before the one they will receive in the ashes...?
Nobody covers the Ashes like we do.
We haven't got started at Headingley. But then neither has England.
Timing: Katich gone.
They got the Ashes, WTF have we got: Border Gavaskar Trophy?
The Ashes. Soaked in tradition, baked and fried in tradition, and then, a toast to tradition. If you were a doubting Thomas, you’d be canonised by the Ashes. Just because they’re called the Ashes.
You know the two teams. England and Australia. If anything, today, when they play each other, it doesn’t seem right to say they’re playing for the Ashes. Better if you said, they’re playing for crumbs.
Look at England. They have fight in them, when it comes to No. 10 and 11. Look at Australia, they whine. And can’t get No. 10 and 11 out for 11 overs. And then they whine some more.
Then you have India and Australia. It’s a dog fight. That too between two rabid dogs. And what are they playing for: The Border Gavaskar trophy.
That’s right: you ever heard a soldier saying to his Ma, “I’m going to battle, to fight for my country, to win the Border Gavaskar Trophy.”
No way. And now we’re talking about the death of test cricket.
We need a war cry, war paint, war!
A war waged to save test cricket and tell the world what matters – it’s not the Ashes. It’s not Australia South Africa. It’s not India Pakistan either, anyway, that’s not happening.
It’s India Australia, damn it.
It’s in you, it’s in me, and it’s in them.
Feel it. Feel it bad enough that you want to pull their eye balls out.
Feel it so f**king deep that you’ll lose it all to win the series.
What series? What will you call it?
Not the Border Gavaskar Trophy. That’s just etched on the silverware.
What’s tattooed on your heart, brother?
The Ashes T20 Final
2007. Two proud cricketing nations, steeped in historical rivalry on and off the field, crash out of a prestigious World Cup. Heads roll. Tears are shed. More importantly, the suits face a drop in popularity of the game, and thence, a drop in TRP’s, and hence, drop in revenues. Out comes a T20 WC; the cash cow, hitherto not conscious of its potential, and snobbishly behind the ODI milch cow, realizes that this is the chance to restore the status of the game in its most profitable territory. Things happen. And it’s , miraculously, the final that would have exactly suited the ICC and its member boards – the very final that will resuscitate the game where it needs it most.
2009. Two proud (well, at least one of them; the other is more arrogant than proud) nations, stepped in historical rivalry on the field, face the prospect of crashing out of a World Cup, which is not so prestigious yet, or at least the two nations pretend so, maybe because they haven’t won it yet, but nevertheless, is clearly the future of the game. Both lose their first games. Articles abound laughing out loud at them. Newspapers talk about the potential drop in television ratings . Hosts crashing out in 2 days? The proud but falling champions of World Cricket crashing out in the first round? Miraculously, then, the first of these pound a volatile but a strong Pakistani side, which, one suspects, is capable of much better. Would Australia shrug off their defeat to WI and bounce back today?
Will there be an Ashes T20 final, thus conveniently generating hype for the upcoming Ashes series in host land, and also ensuring that the T20 WC is taken seriously by the snobbish Old Blighty? Will Ricky Ponting finally admit that T20 is a game of skills after all? ( I mean after/if his team wins it). After all, grapes that you can actually eat aren’t sour, are they?
by Raj
Hayden to return for Ashes
With today's purple cap will also come a new baggy green. Watch the Aussies beg Hayden for a swift Ashes' return, and announce his retirement from retirement.
First Ever
By Q
Australian captain to lose the Ashes in 20 years.
Australian captain to lose a home series in 16 years.
What next Ponting?
First ever Australian captain to be sacked before retirement in 3 decades?
How don't we play now
by Naked Cricket
Try not to think of the second Ashes test played at the Adelaide Oval in December, 2006.
England scored over 550 runs, had a first innings lead of 38 runs, and lost the match.
India’s first innings lead is 36.
In the ’06 game, Collingwood scored 206.
Here, Gambhir made a similar score.
England declared after losing 6 wickets, India 7.
Australia still has the intent. They just don’t have Warne. Or McGrath.
But they have Clarke. Who also made a ton in that game.
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