After Sangakkara and Clarke, will India retire from Test cricket?

It has already overstayed its welcome, should have retired after the big four

The retirements were thick, fast and often furious but India refused to see the writing on the wall or between the headlines. First Sourav Ganguly, then VVS Laxman, followed by Rahul Dravid and ultimately, Sachin Tendulkar. By November, 2013, when Tendulkar retired, the Indian Premier League (IPL) was already six seasons old. Tendulkar (1989-2013) had played his 200th and last Test match. Compare that to India which made its Test debut way back in 1932 and is still playing in 2015 - 489 Tests in all. If Tendulkar could call it a day at 200, why has India overstayed its welcome?

Could it be the 500th Test milestone: There are hushed whispers behind closed doors that India could retire from Tests altogether after they play their 500th at home. Previously, teams such as the West Indies (508 Tests) have played on well after their decline but it's only to lose their first series at home against Bangladesh. India is yet to lose a home series against Bangladesh but this could only be because Bangladesh is yet to a play a Test series in India.  

MS Dhoni retired from Test cricket in December, 2014, and with him a substantial chunk of his IPL fan boys also pulled out from the longer format. Somewhat significantly, the Chennai Super Kings (CSK) also threatened to be pulled out soon after Dhoni's Test retirement. Although Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) mandarins claim the two events have no connection with each other whatsoever, it only takes a wise conspiracy theorist to put two and two together. "The only reason I watched India play in whites was to see Mahi dirty his whites so that they resembled a CSK shade of yellow." said a boy who fancies calling himself Arvindswami Baraharami from Chennai via Ranchi.

August, 20, 2015 marks the start of the end of two great Test careers - Michael Clarke (2004-2015) in his 115th Test and Kumar Sangakkara (2000-2015) in his 134th Test. Both players were fairly forthright in their reasons for retiring. Michael Clarke said he had not scored a Test fifty all of 2015 and would have preferred to retire from 2015 but unfortunately cricket and time were not that gracious. "If only I could have had one more go at the Indians, I'm sure a big score would be just round the corner. But here I am stuck with England in England. Honestly after I couldn't even score a fifty against the West Indies in four innings, I should have called it a day. But one last stab at the Ashes, who can resist that? Not Michael Clarke." said Michael Clarke, stabbing his finger at his chest rather accusingly, followed by an "OWWW that hurts!"

Elsewhere Sangakkara appeared calm sitting with his mate, Mahela Jayawardene in their restaurant, Ministry of Crab.  "After Mahela retired, I've really been bored in the middle. I don't know how you can go on for five days without a friend? Of course, with India it doesn't go on for that long but I miss the banter in the middle. And we have so much to plan here, new recipes, tweaking old ones, hosting our friends and families. Also the lunch breaks aren't long enough to enjoy a good take-away meal from the restaurant. And then you'd rather grab a nap than chase balls in 100 per cent humidity at my age. Not playing in Chennai in the last few IPL seasons has made me not want to play in Sri Lanka as well. It's so much comfier this way. Like I said before, cricket has nothing to do with my retirement from Test cricket." said Sangakkara as he cracked his way through a giant crab.

Another retiree, Chris Rogers (2008-2015) could only muster 24 Tests, 23 of them in the last two years, said he'd rather retire now than be dropped again and wait another five and a half years for his next Test. "Making a comeback at 43 isn't that exciting. Retiring with a Test average of 43 on the other hand isn't that bad" said Rogers, appearing pleased with his mathematical acumen.

A BCCI spokesperson however was bullish when he said, "If Rohit Sharma is playing Test cricket for India, India will continue to play Test cricket for India." Rohit on the other hand wasn't so sure; he shrugged his shoulders and said he loves the shorter format but he must respect the wishes of his captain and coach.

Virat Kohli did not confirm nor contradict India's retirement from Test cricket. Instead, he added with a smirk, "If India has to retire from Tests then it must retire aggressively".

(However plausible this might sound, this is largely a work of fiction.)

First published here

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I failed to lead from the back: Michael Clarke

With the Ashes not just lost but squandered, strewn across the British Isles like tattered little bits of nothing, Australia's Test captain, Michael Clarke, has decided to call time on his international career. After losing the fourth Test, and pretty much their marbles too, the Australians have decided not to prepare for the fifth and last Test. "It's not as if any of the prep has done the boys any good" chirped coach, Darren Lehmann.

At first, the articulate Michael Clarke said he failed to lead from the front. But then realising that it meant nothing as he had only demoted himself down the order continuously, he swiftly corrected himself - "It may not be wrong to say that I failed to lead from the back - I started off as a top order batsman, but now I'm pretty much a middle order bat, what is my position - five? Six? Hard to tell really, the wickets fall so quickly, especially when we got knocked over for 60, I was in before Boof could say Pup!"

Pup continued in the same remorseful way - "If I overstay my welcome any more, I might end up as a tailender. Also because of these constant niggles with my back, and the lack of advancement in medical science and the inadequacy of those painkillers, my wretched back was just that. You tell me, with a back this bad, how can you lead from the front or for that matter, the back? Yeah, I'm asking you?" He snapped at an Indian reporter who insisted on asking if a farewell Test at his home ground, the Sydney Cricket Ground (SCG) might not have been an appropriate way to bid his billions of fans adieu.

"Guys like you would like it if I played my farewell Test at the Wankhede, right? But we Aussies are different. We're not a sentimental lot, really. We drop our heroes when they lose their "A" game, and quite often when they're at the top of their game. I say this with the greatest respect for Sachin Tendulkar but if he was leading a bunch of losers like my mates, he would've called time on his career too after an England series. 60? Honestly how does a team get dismissed for 60?"

The Indian reporter further persisted if Clarke saw any changes in the team for The Oval and would the captain contemplate dropping himself further down the order or from the team altogether. Clarke showed immense patience when he said, "No, next question." Not satisfied, the reporter snapped at Clarke, "What about bowling some left arm spin; don't you think your spin might be more useful to the team than your batting?"

Clarke took a deep breath, and then asked the reporter earnestly, "Why are you such an a**hole? Next question." An Aussie reporter asked the same question to which Clarke said he'd like to turn his arm over one last time if his back permits.

Other questions from the presser:

Any regrets? "Yes, not playing another five years."

Indian reporter (again): You recently said that Chris Rogers started off again at 35 and you... "Next question."

Future of Australian cricket: "It's in good hands, I've seen Steve Smith take some blinders at slip."

Darren Lehmann vs Mickie Arthur as coach: "It's all down to the homework, isn't it?"

Indian reporter (again: About Chris Rogers... - "Next question."

You recently said that if Chris Rogers could start all over again at 35... "Yes I did say that, it varies from player to player, doesn't it, mate?"

Indian reporter (again): Is Sachin Tendulkar the greatest batsman you have ever seen, even greater than Sir Don? "Well, I haven't seen Sir Don bat... Next."

How's the back, Pup? - "I can stand it, but it's worse when I sit down for long."

Indian reporter (again): When you got married there was a photograph of your wife on a horse; will you be taking to horse rearing now? "Nay (neigh)... Next."

Do you see Haddin and Watson back for the fifth Test - "Yeah, quite honestly, I see a complete overhaul from our last misadventure... except for me."

Indian reporter (again): Your favourite IPL franchise... "Has to be Pune since it's the only one I've played for..next"

Sri Lankan reporter: Sangakkara will be playing his last Test against India; where do you rate him among the modern greats... "Amongst the very best."

Indian reporter (yet again): If Pune Warriors returns to the IPL, will you also consider returning to the IPL... "Will you just back off, mate?"

Michael Clarke will retire from international cricket at 34 years of age. Imagine.

(However plausible this might sound, this is largely a work of fiction.)

First published here

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The Border Gavaskar Trophy - T1 D1

First things first - David Warner is finally living upto his billing of being the natural heir to Sehwag's legacy.

On the day after Sehwag tonked a double hundred in ODI cricket, 3 years ago, David Warner's boundary laced, emotional 145 set the foundation for what should have been a formidable Australian first innings total - that the day ended up with honors shared has plenty to do with India's bowling. And luck.

Plenty has been written about the bowling lengths - sure they could have been fuller, and straighter, but equally, the rewards might not have materialized. Australia could just as easily have ended the day at 250/2, and if the toss up is between 250/2 and 354/6, I know what I would go with.

Also, cognizance has to be taken of the fact that 3 of the four bowlers India played were playing their first test in Australia, on what is a belter of a wicket. If similar lines and lengths are persisted with on Day 2 of the Third test, then Houston, we have a problem. But on Day 1 of the first test, I would not sweat the short stuff.

And now, luck. Between David Warner's mistimed swipe off Karn Sharma, and Michael Clarke's back giving way, India should have played the lottery, thats how much luck they had.

Both are significant - another session of Warner, in form and riding on his 100, and the game, as a contest, was over, right there and then. And another session of Clarke, continuing on with from his 60, and onto three figures, and the Australian dressing room would have gotten the emotional and adrenaline boost that the past few weeks must have sapped out of them.

And Clarke's injury has a greater bearing on the test, and the series.

For tomorrow, India's best chance would be to take the remaining four wickets quickly, but I dont see how Australia can be restricted to below 400 - Harris, Johnson and Siddle can all bat, and a few aada-patta shots should see them cross 400 easily. What is important from an Indian POV is that number should not grow greater than that.

And while the pitch remains a belter, my Indian game plan would be to play for time, not runs. Here's why -

• None of the Australian bowlers have bowled a ball in anger for over a month now - 
• Harris last played in mid November, coming off of his knee surgery
• Johnson hasnt bowlewd since his toe injury
• Siddle is under pressure to justify his spot after the debacle in the desert
• Keep them on the field for sufficiently long periods of time, and fatigue and fitness will become issues. And with back to back to back tests, it becomes critical.
• Prolonged periods on the field will also test Clarke's fitness.. And a team without its captain is more vulnerable.
• Finally, Brad Haddin. He hasnt played since he jarred his shoulder in the desert. Add to that the very real possibility that he will have to perform the dual role of keeper and captain for some portion of this test, and maybe this series. Add also to the mix that his lead bowlers are both coming off long injury layoffs. The longer India bats, the greater the pressure. And with a bum shoulder, on a hot day, a dropped catch by the captain, and who knows ....

And then there are the square boundaries, shorter than the straight boundaries at the Adelaide Oval. And the risk/reward with the hook/pull isnt as skewed as say, Perth of Melbourne.

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Beats talking about India's cricket problems

What's with the Aussies? Are the Indians getting to them - are they getting to themselves? Watch Bored Member Gaurav Sethi talk Naked Cricket with Kashish and Nishant Joshi. 

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Fickle Me This, Fickle Me That, Who's Afraid Of The Media's Crap?

Pardon the corny headline, it is at least in keeping with the low standards set by cricket's general newsmedia. Ricky Ponting struggles for a year and a bit, the press demands his head, he scores a hundred in vain during the World Cup quarterfinal and retains his batting position but loses the captaincy. Michael Clarke scored 151 against South Africa, an innings described by many as one of the best of the year. Australia were bowled out for 47, Clarke and his men are slaughtered by the press for being unable to bat with the necessary temperament. Australia win a thriller against South Africa to level the 2 match series, the press said Haddin, Ponting and Hussey had done enough to survive another day.

Australia lose to New Zealand at home, Clarke's captaincy is questioned, everyone thinks Ponting should call it a day. Australia win at the MCG, a match that was competitive for a while, the media still demands Ponting's head, Clarke's captaincy is reflected on as being better than Dhoni's, not much of a compliment considering the Indian skipper's leadership during the match. Clarke scores 329, Ponting scores a hundred, as does Hussey and suddenly everyone's glad Ponting has decided to stick around, and Clarke gets rich accolades for his brilliant captaincy.

While the flip-flops are typical of media - no less than Gideon Haigh, whom many accord the title of the best contemporary writer in the sport because of his commanding vocabulary and presumptuous and often misinformed opinion, has had to eat humble pie after yet another of his tiring pieces on T20's included that wonderful question about whether David Warner would ever bat more than 60 balls in his career - that has devolved from stating the facts to jingoistic misinformed opinion pieces, its how they misuse the responsibility handed to them and the privilege of freedom accorded to them that disappoints. The media heavily influences readers who are unable to make their own minds on the state of affairs either because they don't have access to information or because they trust a paper that echoes views they want to hear. Which is what news media has become, rather sadly even in cricket.

There is always an agenda behind a piece, sometimes paid for, and almost always influenced by how many eyeballs can be brought to glance at the myriad of ads strategically placed near the provocative headlines. Cricinfo has often used inflammatory headlines simply to spark a controversy for what is a poorly written piece about nothing in particular. Along with sections of the British and Australian press, they have successfully pulled wool over the blinkered eyes of the majority of cricket's followers into believing the BCCI's sole purpose for existence is greed and the eventual destruction of cricket. Rarely are there any articles about the BCCI's many development projects, some of which are quite admirable. The BCCI of course don't help matters by banning some groups from attending matches and refusing to promote their own successful endeavours sufficiently.

Take the DRS for instance. The BCCI's stand isn't that they don't want the DRS, but rather that the technology behind it isn't foolproof, and until it is there is hardly any point in using it to influence decisions wherein it might only add to further controversy, as was quite evident during India's tour of England. Most people who have bothered looking at the facts agree that this is a sensible outlook. Yet there are people who leave comments such as "Why does India have a right to overrule Cricket Australia's use of the DRS" primarily because the piss-poor variety of journalists like Malcolm Conn mislead people with statements proclaiming the BCCI directly denies bowlers the ability to appeal. Not too surprisingly, -and whether they see it or not, its what they choose to write based on their audience's mood at the moment-  Conn and the like have led the way with adulations over Clarke's captaincy, which not too long ago they questioned.

Clarke has benefited from having a good set of bowlers who've done well at home against a side that has for the most part had a perennial weakness against quick bowlers on seaming wickets. His captaincy against tailenders was as bad as Dhoni's in recent times, and when the game has drifted away from him he looks as lost as his predecessor, who was also falsely proclaimed as a great captain based on his stock of players. Clarke plays it up of course, his decision to declare while admirable is a touch nauseous, and reminds of his decision to dump Lara Bingle when it appeared *her* character might have cost him the captaincy [this criteria in picking a skipper is a topic for another day, Warne , Ponting etc etc...]. But the media is blind to all of this at the moment, the flavor of the moment is Michael - benevolent pup - Clarke, and so logical discourse takes a back seat.

Move over to the Indian media, which swings with more regularity than a pendulum. The usual scapegoat, VVS Laxman, finds that he is about to be axed in the country that he has his best record against. Laxman has often been treated unfairly by the Board, more often by the media, but he doesn't do his case too much good by remaining among the slackest of fielders and runners in the game. That isn't what he is being picked on for, its whether he should be staying in a team which should look towards rebuilding. Indian cricket's second golden boy, Rahul Dravid, cannot be touched of course, despite looking all at sea since Tendulkar's arrival at the crease in the first innings of the tour. This is because Dravid was the only batsman to do well in England. After 3-4 miserable years where he relied on scoring against weak attacks on flat tracks to retain his position in the team.

One might ask, if Laxman should be axed - as he probably deserves to be based on his recent overseas record - in keeping with blooding the next generation, why not Dravid. Indeed, why not Dravid 2 years ago when he relied on inside edges to score the bulk of his runs. Exactly what did Indian cricket gain from Rahul's recent exploits in England? We lost by the most embarrassing of margins anyway, didn't we? And why did he insist on playing on after the tour, nearing the ripe old age of 39? One paper says Dravid and Laxman will probably decide on their own to retire rather than leave it to the selectors -  which is allegedly their right for their great contributions to Indian cricket - but going by their decisions over the last few years its pretty hard to see that happening, right?

Why were these players, including Sachin, touring Bangladesh, we all asked these questions at the time and its time to ask them again. If the seniors don't take a back seat and let the selectors gracefully blood the next generation, then after a tour like this one they are culpable on two counts - overstaying their welcome and foiling the future. These questions were somehow stowed away by the media after the English debacle, when they chose to pick on the scheduling since it was all the rage back then to ape the British fixation with the IPL's devious influence on the sport.

Ah, the future. And here we see the circus coming full circle. The greats are venerated and paid homage to just as overrated film stars in the country buy undue hype. So to the hype accorded to "the next best thing... well at least for the moment." Currently, on the back of glorious innings on flat tracks in the Ranji trophy, the boy who seems to exude so much talent that for a minute you might ignore the accompanying Mumbai-biased sycophancy, Rohit Sharma has apparently earned his spot in the team. Rohit has earned his spot in the ODI team almost as many times as Yuvraj has in tests, and has disappointed just as many but the trigger happy media searching for a hero are convinced this time will be different, like last time.

If he does well, the poor chap - just look at Kohli who did well in 2011 and now has irked just about everyone after two matches in which his seniors have played with far greater trepidation and irresponsibility - can hope for a year's worth of accolades before being consigned to obscurity like Mukund, Das, Ramesh, Vijay, hell even WV Raman and the plethora of next best things of yesteryear. If he does great, he becomes the next Laxman. And as he rides this journey, the crests and troughs amplified by the irresponsible sensationalist tabloid rubbish masquerading as journalism, he will at times loathe his fans and the media and scoff at their influence over each other and himself.

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Michael Clarke and his inheritance

click on cartoon

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ponting finally relents...

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Laughing Stock Options

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Fear Of The Clarke

Asked if he was still the best choice as Australian captain, Ricky Ponting replied "Absolutely - I've got no doubt about that at all. I will give my absolute best as I always have since I've been the Australian captain … to be the best leader I can be and the best player I can be."

But is Ponting just putting on a brave face? Is this what he really believes? As more people begin to question whether he has ever been the right choice as skipper, there are some who wonder if deep inside Ricky is convinced himself and whether he's trying to suppress recurring nightmares. Sources have informed us that a new artist, suspiciously named "pRiggy", has released a single titled "Fear of the Clarke." At this point we are trying to ascertain if it is indeed pRick singing. Bored has obtained a complete bootlegged copy of the track, but due to copyright concerns we can only release a 30 second preview right now...

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"Abandon Sydney Test"

Watson finished 94 short of his second hundred. Ponting finished way before he got started. Katich finished even before the test started. Australia finished 127. It was much worse at tea, 66/7 which is when the murmurs started – the SCG is no better than the Kotla, abandon the test, someone’s ego will get hurt. Sangakkara was heard mumbling in his sleep.

Still asleep, he started waving, calling the Aussies back – they walked back for tea, somehow Sangakkara saw that and dozed off again.

Awake to the situation, Ponting looked sullen; then he asked if there was a match referee in attendance – what’s his name, is he the same idiot who officiated in Delhi? Appears it was someone by the name of Madugalle – Ponting was perplexed, isn’t Madugalle that place in Lanka, think I’ve played there.

When the 8th Aussie wicket fell, Sanga jumped out of bed – what, they’re still playing, he blurted. He started waving them back again, and nodding his disapproval - “Kandamby come back! NOW!”

Ponting felt his captain’s itch (that’s how test captain’s communicate) – he felt Sanga’s pain, “They really should abandon…”

Clarke nodded like only he can, and Hussey nodded like only he can, and Haddin didn’t nod, like only he can…yes, yes, they really should abandon…

Ponting continued…they really should abandon...the Kotla match.

Not for the first time, Ponting's team was disappointed by him.

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Pot Kettle Black

Scene 1: Sri Lanka v/s England at Johannesburg

Angelo Mathews is run out attempting a second run. He would have probably not made his ground even if the bowler hadn't accidentally impeded his line of running. Mathews throws a major tantrum. Andrew Strauss, the opposing captain withdraws the appeal and Mathews stays at the crease

Scene 2: India v/s Sri Lanka at Nagpur

Gautam Gambhir pushes the ball to mid on and takes off for a single. Chanaka Welegedera takes a brief look at the batsman and tries to get back to the stumps. Well, only if the stumps are five yards away from where they usually are. Mathews takes aim and throws down the stumps while Gambhir bangs into the bowler and is well short of the crease. The batsman throws his bat in disgust while the Sri Lankans celebrate. The commentators decide to ignore Welegedera's actions and call it an unfortunate run out.

Scene 3: Australia v/s India at Brisbane

Gautam Gambhir drives Michael Clarke to mid-off, the bowler moves across and takes out Tendulkar with a tackle, pulling him down. Tendulkar isn't bothered but Ravi Shastri goes ballistic in the commentary box and you can hear him ask someone in the background to put up the replay. He is clearly unhappy about Clarke's behaviour and makes sure everyone knows about it.

There are two issues to consider here. The first one is that the player who was called back when he felt he was obstructed was more than happy to celebrate effecting a similar dismissal. His captain seemed to have no problem with that either. This is the same captain who felt his team lost out on atleast 500 runs because of umpiring mistakes.

The second, and the more important issue is that of how people perceive similar situations completely differently based on their prejudices. We keep talking about how cricketers and officials from white countries use different yardsticks to judge people of different races when we are no different. One wonders how Gavaskar would have reacted if the last name of the bowler who impeded Gambhir was Johnson instead of Welegedera. It's no use calling out the Athertons and Healys for their biased attitude when our so-called greats do the same from the comfort of their commentary box. The cricketing world has been split down the middle and neither side is willing to give an inch. I hope it changes. If it doesn't, I know what sport I won't be encouraging my kid to take up.

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Ashes 09' aftermath

Scorpicity also writes for Cricketfizz.

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overheard in oz dressing room...

clarke: roy...i think you owe a debt to selectors for choosing you...now perform and re-pay...

roy: let them pay for my exile first...


related story

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happy bored day pup

Happy B’day Clarke. Thanks to your hundred on debut, my trip to Bangalore was ruined, and I stayed clear of the Chinaswamy stadium. You always were a spoilsport, look what you did to Roy, and what’s happened to Ricky, has to be your doing. Not to mention KP going all soft, must be your bad influence.

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The Unthinkable!!!

now do the 'unthinkable' clarke...

win three consecutive matches to win the series!

(specially after losing 5 on the trot @ home...)

by straight point

unthinkable! related story

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Punter & Pup

One failed to make it to double figures, the other to triple figures. It figures.

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From a Koala to a Kotla Bear

by Naked Cricket

You can change its name
You can’t change its game
From a Koala to a Kotla Bear
You can change its name
You can’t change its game

Lazy, Lazy, Lazy
Hazy, Hazy, Hazy
On the day after Diwali
Over the hill, in my valley

Look, Katich the Koala
Very temperamental
Very nearly mental
Stay away, or be very gentle

Look, Clarke at the Kotla
So very grown up
With no Roy to show up
Stay away, coz he’s no pup

You can change its name
You can’t change its game
From a Koala to a Kotla Bear
You can change its name
You can't change its game


Like wombats and sloths, the Koala has a very low metabolic rate for a mammal and rests motionless for about 16 to 18 hours a day, sleeping most of that time. Koalas that are disturbed are known to be violent, their teeth and claws capable of causing considerable injury to humans; special handling requirements are as such applicable.[17]

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