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Showing posts with label The Ashes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Ashes. Show all posts
Australia Win The Asses.
What do you call an Aussie with a bottle of Champagne? A waiter
What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch? A fisherman.
Why can no-one drink wine in Australia at the moment? They haven't got any openers.
...What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies? Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.
What's the Australian version of LBW? Lost, Beaten and Walloped..
Ponting's mom phone the Aussie change rooms. Hussey picks up and say: Sorry mam he just went out to bat. Mom: Don't worry I'll hold on . . .
Ponting and Clarke (combined) average 19.18 for the series, while Siddle averages 19.25.
Hussey has finished the series not only with the best batting figures for Australia, but on one basis, economy rate, the best bowling figures!
Clarke wanted to captain the Australians very badly. And now he has done!!
Via Bored Friend, Harish Chandra via Allan Murrell (Also read Nishant's post on slipstream cricket )
If you know the author, please do tell.
Ponting: This is not my swan song
This is not my swan song
This is not my gone song
This is not my last hurrah
You’re either in or you’re out
You’re either playing or you are not
How hard can it be – to give it all you got
When all you got is…
I took somebody’s place
Somebody with more runs than me
Somebody will take my place
Somebody with less runs than me
It’s always the same
Nobody’s getting younger
It’s always the same
Somebody’s gotta cop the blame
Why don’t I speak to Steven Waugh?
And ask him what a scrap is?
Why don’t I speak to Shivnarine Chanderpaul?
And ask him what to bat like crap is?
We were the brightest stars
Playing like children play, with their dinky cars
Now we are nowhere half as cute
So we’re told, you can either fly away
Or take a chute
Take a chute, take a chute
But
This is not my swan song
This is not my gone song
This is not my last hurrah.
And I
Think I know what a scrap is
Think I know what to bat like crap is.
Think I know.
I think I know.
Bill Lawry: GAAAWN!
Warne's pre-Ashes workout and beyond
Shane Warne has decided to play for Pakistan first, and then consider his options with Australia. Comebacks, even post retirement, have always been much easier in Pakistan, Mohammed Yousuf will vouch that that. Also playing for Pakistan will ease Warne into international cricket, he can get away with 2 over spells, then go off for a drink, smoke, put his legs up, Akhtar will vouch for that.
Appears he will return for the tour opener - Auckland vs. Pakistanis, a warm-up match on 23rd December. If he wants, he will be allowed to captain the side. In all likelihood, if he has a good game, he will seriously consider playing in the Boxing Day test in Melbourne.
Warne claims if fitness is an issue, he will stand at first slip throughout the test. He wants to be there to captain the side, and reduce Ricky’s load so he can focus on his batting. Warne also said he was looking to replicate his Rajasthan Royals’ model in the Australian team, and having Shane Watson play for him was just great. Though he did quickly add, that not having Yusuf Pathan was a huge blow.
Australia beat weather, lose Adelaide.
Even before the weather could intervene, Australia made quick work of the 2nd test, losing their last 6 wickets in the first session itself. “We didn’t want to be dependent on the weather – it’s terrible when you’re constantly reminded that the weather saved you..also now the Poms don’t have the gloating rights, they won a test but we can live with that” said Ponting.
In another instance, Cricket Australia has come down heavily on their players. By losing well within the first 90 minutes, that is way before 7 AM Indian Standard Time, there was a massive loss of Indian viewership. It is still not certain, but the players could lose up to 70-90% of their match fees. North and Doherty could even face a one-to-two match suspension. Expect the official reason to be CA’s rotational policy, injury or something as lame as loss of form.
Strauss sings da blues
I came here down under
But not for this
To play out 200 overs
To save a bloody test
This I detest, this I detest
The rate we’re going
19 of 15 overs
We’ll need another test
To make them bat again and get some bloody rest
This I detest, this I detest
I’d much rather have stayed at home
In my quilt
Than to watch us wilt
Little by little, bit by bit
Where the fuck is that British grit?
Who needs Hussey and Katich
Both Hussey and Katich are playing in their 55th test. They’re both left-handed batsmen. They’re both very quiet too. I’ve seen a few Hussey interviews, volume on, but as Floyd says, “your lips move, but I can’t hear what you’re saying”. Katich, I’m convinced, doesn’t give interviews. I have never heard his lips move. If they do, they move sideways.
It’s wonderful that Cricket Australia has stuck with such strong silent types, they add backbone to the side. Through the many crisis that Ponting has captained them, these two have been an inspiration. Post match, game lost, to either India or England, abuse and socks being hurled, and these two, arms folded, looking blankly into the mid-distance.
And that’s when Ponting stops pulling at his freshly planted hair and says, “Look at Huss…will you take a look at him”. Which is when, pokerfaced Katich, sitting alongside Hussey, slides his head ever so slightly, in Hussey’s direction and looks at him.
And Ponting continues, “and will you take a look at Kat..”. And Hussey nods, without looking at Kat.
And then Clarke jumps up, nodding, smiling, wagging his finger, standing alongside his captain. And Haddin, as always, jumps in front. And Watson barges in with his misplaced bonhomie. And Johnson sings on in the corner, “When i was little bitty baby my Mama would lock me in the closet…
And that’s why Australia need Huss and Kat. Though of course they would prefer to be referred to as Mr. Simon Mathew Katich and Mr. Michael Edward Killeen Hussey. Australian for bear.
(Oh look, Hussey + Katich chat each other up here)
Thanks to Wes of Play for country not for self for the video.
Player Profile: Ricky Ponting
 |
| comic punter |
Ponting struck a deal with the devil who made him the world’s best batsman, but in exchange sucked him of every ounce of happiness. Before he knew it, instead of captaining a team, he was running a kennel. This he liked at first, particularly the barking. It worked with umpires, as against most teams. But when the top dogs stopped playing ball, he was left with himself and some choices. He then ran into India. Somehow he was no longer the best batsman, so he called on the devil again, reminding him of their deal. The devil laughed at him. He then ran into England. He then ran into India again. He then ran into England again. On the eve of the 2010-11 Ashes, Ponting returned to the devil: he begged him for an ounce of happiness. Which is when the devil asked him to go watch his post match interviews. To which Ponting said, “what about on the cricket field?” To which the devil said, “play cricket on the cricket field, and the joy will return…” To which Ponting said, “who the devil are you, Anil Kumble?”
 |
| real ricky |
(Ponting is two-faced, so there are two Ponting Profile Pictures - one comic, the other more realistic. The irony being, Comic Ponting doesn't have a grip on reality, whereas Realistic Ponting can't get a handle on the comic. )
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