Why you should look to buy a captain at the IPL Auctions
To beat England
Scrap Shakib's chicken pox and dip them in silver to make them look like diamonds. Then offer it to Alastair Cook as a bribe, he is from Essex after all.
Let Andrew Strauss know that his captaincy is in question. It's not, but they are English. They tend to believe in the worst.
Go the ICC way and pretend that Eoin Morgan is still too Irish for you to notice him.
Fix Tamim Iqbal quickly, that always helps. Remind him that Cook is playing and is therefore available to drop him at some point.
Frustrate them till they step on balls or clean them with nails. If we are lucky, they may take a bite as well.
Don't depend on Crashrafool. Or better yet, switch him with Mahmudullah.
Keep Mushfiq happy. He is my son you see. If you keep him happy, I am happy. If I am happy, I am not making the short five hour flight to England to unleash hell on you. If I am not making the short five hour flight to England to unleash hell on you, you are left with a team to at least compete. It all works out splendidly.
Thank You, Lalit! Says Who? ECB, that's who!
Well, why would we thank Lalit when there is Sachin and Captain Cool to thank?There's a reason, you see.England have won the world cup. That's right. You aren't dreaming and I haven't gone insane.How did they do it?This is where you get the inside scoop from Bored - sources close to England management sang to the Bored representative.They won because they followed the IPL model.Yes, thanks Lalit. How? Why, by picking 4 foreign players in the 11, ofcourse. Which was the last team in Cricket that won with 4 foreign players? CSK, ofcourse. Which tournament? Exactly! And who dreamed up the 4 foreign player rule? So you can take Cricket out of Lalit's hands but you can never take Lalit out of Cricket!
Back and Forth...
Ireland struggling to retain their players, goes the report.
The well-documented case of Morgan being a free man to represent England rather than his country, apart, one hears that Ed Joyce, once the bright future of English Cricket, prior to that of Irish Cricket, now wants to be the future of Irish Cricket again.
Pedanticism about ICC rules apart(and I know a certain gentleman who will bring the "rules" in now), one wonders how certain writers and premier cricket portals will react, if it was India poaching players in a similar fashion. Whines will abound, irrespective of conformity to rules. "It is not Cricket", the cry will go around.
If ICC is committed to the development of associate nations, what is it going to do about this? Clearly, this is not a case of Darren Patinson, whom Australia will not touch with a bargepole, getting into a pathetic English side. This is systematic poaching of a country's best players by its big-brother neighbour, by exploitation of loop holes in rules. Isnt this cynical? Isnt this a complete negation of ICC's pledge to develop cricket in associate nations? On one hand, ICC pumps in funds and programmes to develop Irish Cricket, and on the other, allows emigration of star players to England, systematically? How, pray, will an Irish school boy get the inspiration to aspire for representing Ireland in Cricket?
Of course, India has enough troubles pruning its selection to 15 players without leaving out equally deserving candidates so ICC is unlikely to run into a bitter situation where lesser countries like India exploit this rule. But, be sure of one thing - if and when that happens, there will be whining in certain countries, most of all, England, about India's big-brother poaching tendencies and how bad BCCI is for World Cricket, and how it is crushing Cricket in a neighbouring country.
In that context, one wonders if Pakistan should take in Afghanistan as an additional domestic team now, and ensure that the best among their current players are qualified and groomed for the 2015 world cup - to play for Pakistan. That will ensure that this rule is altered, and qualifying for another country made more stringent.Because an ICC rule is good only until it exclusively favours England, you know
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