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Showing posts with label Sydney test. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sydney test. Show all posts
Comprehensive Bored 2012 Sydney New Years Test Review
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Sydney 2012: What Controversy Would You Like To See?
2008, meh. Shoddy umpiring, batsman standing after edging, the odd racist ('allegedly') remark, match refs blah blah.. Happens just about every game. And they called that controversial. No, we think the bar can be set a lot higher in 2012, which of these inflammable events would you like to see at Sydney during this year's New Year Test?
- Bhajji and Symonds spotted sitting together in the crowd, incessantly booing Clarke and Sachin
- Cricket Australia springs a surprise and brings in a special DRS (dirty rotten scoundrel) umpire - STEVE BUCKNOR!
- Sunil Gavaskar becomes the first ex-international cricketer to streak the SCG during the post match ceremony, all the while screaming "Mind you, the balls might be in the right place, but they still have to be put away." He is banned and never allowed back during the post match ceremony.. oh, wait, that happened last time too, right?
- Sachin is batting on 98*, plays his trademark tuck to square leg and hairs off for a double. But as he leaves the bowler's end, Peter Siddle pulls Sach's pants down and starts laughing, Sachin wallops him with his bat thereby improving Siddle's appearance ten-fold and starts to pull his trousers up just as Laxman runs past him (thinking he's completing the second run) to the bowler's crease. The stumps are broken at the batsman's end and Sachin is run out on 99.
- India crash to a humiliating innings defeat and 400 runs, and a very drunk Rahul Dravid says in a post match interview "Well all I can say is only one team was playing with the right spirits in the match."
- A sensationalist tabloid trash newspaper, whose initials might or might not be TOI, contracts Nasser Hussain to cover the Test while getting a few jibes in at the Aussies. Hussain pokes fun of Warner and Ponting's fielding, calling them "a pair of Asses". He then strikes that out and replaces it with "pack of wild donkeys". He then strikes out donkeys and replaces it with (teri don ki *wink wink*).
- Everybody shuts up about the decision review system. ITS LIKE IT DOESN'T EXIST.
- Ishant Sharma gets a plain to see inside edge onto his pads which pops up for an easy catch to short leg. Erasmus appears unmoved by Cowan's appeal for the edge and catch, and Ishant screams "Karma is a bitch Eddie", just as Erasmus rules him out LBW.
- Dhoni refuses to play unless the BCCI sends in a charter flight to evict three certain Indians (and their stupid tweeting phones) in the crowd who have followed the team's losses in England and brought their (bad) luck to Australia too. Rohit Sharma immediately says he's mentally prepared to keep wickets too, so the BCCI declines. It is to be the costliest error they have made in a while.
The Kamran Akmal Interrogation - An Exclusive
Kamran Akmal is being wired up by the polygraph test guys. His mouth appears even more swollen than usual. The Q & A session starts
Questioner 1: Did you intentionally drop those catches??
Kamran Akmal: Shahid Bhai! Shahid Bhai!
Questioner 1: Answer our question…did you…??
Questioner 2: Wait, the machine says that’s an honest answer
Questioner 1: Did you intentionally miss those stumpings??
Kamran Akmal: Shahid Bhai! Shahid Bhai!
Questioner 2: Bhai Wah! the machine says that’s also an honest answer
Questioner 1: Let’s see if you can dodge this one…
Kamran looks on nervously, his lips swell up some more…
Questioner 1: Did you intentionally miss the Michael Hussey run out in the Sydney test?
Kamran waits, doesn’t answer it…
Questioner 1: Did you…
Kamran Akmal: Well bowled Danish!
Questioner 2: Bhai wah! Once again that is the honest answer!
Kamran’s toothy grin becomes even toothier and the swelling subsides somewhat….
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