The return of Shahid Bhai, Shahid Bhai - The Big Ban

INT. SHAHID BHAI'S DINING ROOM - DAY

Bent back, almost parallel to the ground, much like Quasimodo, Kreeper runs into Shahid Bhai’s household –

KREEPER

you not believe unbelieveables newses

Shahid Bhai lunching, seated at the head of the table, surrounded by Fans with banners that read Boom Boom! + Afridi for PCB captain + Shahid Bhai! Shahid Bhai! you’re 2 sexy and other assorted suck-ups. Behind Shahid Bhai is a babe, a hark back to the Mughal times – she is feeding him grapes..

SHAHID BHAI

(his lips move but say nothing)

Subtitles: Grapes are sour, puss…

He spits a grape out for his pussy cat – and then throws a roti in Kreeper’s direction, who pounces dog-like at it

KREEPER

kinda like it haha dats what they say down under

SHAHID BHAI

(his lips move but we can’t hear what he’s saying)

KREEPER

like coach saying, am getting deaf touch, what you saying

SHAHID BHAI

(speechless)

KREEPER

Younis Bhai is Younis bye and MoYo bhai is Moyo Bye too, I’m feeling retired hurt

The fans at the table start shouting for Shahid Bhai, flashing posters, howling, as if he is coming in to bat. Shahid Bhai gets up stylishly albeit slowly, spits another grape at puss, flicks his hair back, hurls another roti at Kreeper (which he pounces at). He stands in front of the window so the sunlight lights him up, he then poses like only he can, arms outstretched as if he’s taken another wicket. And then he breaks his silence

SHAHID BHAI

I am speechless

His fans at the table go delirious.

Song: It’s bye bye Mr MoYo bhai…Bye bye Mr Younis bhai…and good old bhais were drinking risky and hai singing this will be the day that I’ll be banned…this will be the day that I will be banned!