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Showing posts with label Siddharth Mallaya. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Siddharth Mallaya. Show all posts
Why Kohli and not Kumble was retained by the Bangalore Royal Challengers
Kumble is shown into Sid Mallaya’s office by a buxom secretary. Seeing her, he coughs the obligatory cough.
Kumble: Hi Siddharth
Sid Mallaya (laughs): You can call me Sid…we’re friends, we know each other….right babes (asking secretary)
Secretary: Eh…
Kumble (briskly): You know I'm the Karnataka State Cricket Association President, and with that comes an added responsibility…just yesterday I was at the stadium in a suit…
SM: It was pretty ill-fitting….
Kumble (ignoring): Eh…Rahul thought it was smart…anyway, now I have to be a certain way, dress a certain way in public
SM: Whatever…
Kumble: So when I play for the Royal Challengers, I will have to wear a suit
SM: No way man…what’re you saying…you’re kidding right
Kumble: I’m very serious. These are not silly games anymore – this is politics. You can’t afford to have the KSCA President running around in some red and gold jump suit
SM (To secretary): Get me Dad… (and to Kumble)…man, next you’ll say, you wanna bowl in a friggin’ head bandage…
Kumble: Yes, people have very fond memories of the bandage…I even got Lara out in that
Virat Kohli breezes into Sid Mallaya’s office
VK: Hey Sid, wasup?
SM: Hey Vir, what will you wear for the IPL…
VK: What? The Bangalore Royal Challenger’s jersey of course.
Dr. Mallya’s Team Building Exercise – At the BRC Camp
At the hottest nightclub in town, Mallya addresses his boys, as his sycophants look on mesmerized. His son Sid Mallya and friend Deepika Padukone stand by him either side.
Mallya: Tonight’s game will not be played in the bedroom..(waits for laughter, the coterie obliges as they roll over with laughter) it will be played on a cricket field..let’s drink to that!
The coterie raises their glasses, drinks bottoms up. Kumble and Dravid raise their mugs (concealing the hot choco and sip determinedly)
Mallya (continuing): Tonight we play Guyana…and we’re gonna beat them…(applause) and to make sure we beat the pants off them…I wanna make sure you boys are inspired…yeah, Uthappa…you hear me dude?
Uthappa obliges with his customary bow
Mallya: So here’s the deal…the Man of the Match…and like hell he’s gonna be from The Bangalore Royal Challengers will have a dinner date with the lovely Miss Deepika Padukone
The coterie gasps…Kumble and Dravid smile at each other..Uthappa dabs himself with cologne..Taylor practices his cross batted heaves…and Kallis runs his hand through his non-existent hair
Sid Mallya (pleading): Daddy…
Mallya: Don’t Daddy me…
Sid Mallya: Make it a dinner with the lovely Deepika and Sid Malaya…
Mallya (ignoring his son): OK boys, in front of each of you there’s a bottle…and in it…there’s a message..haha that’s why it’s called…
Coterie (chorus): Message in a bottle
Mallya: Yah, that’s right…your roles have been clearly defined…but to get to the message..you gotta empty the contents first…
In front of each player is a miniature RC bottle, and each player takes a shot. In front of Dravid and Kumble however, there’s a miniature Kingfisher soda bottle. Everyone has a shot, and proceeds to read the message.
Mallya: OK, any questions…
Deepika: Do I do my item number now?
Mallya: Yeah, Sid you and Uthappa will join her…
Sid Mallya: Daddy…
Item number starts as Mallya sits on his throne like a B grade Bollywood villain sipping his whiskey, as his chelas swoon around him.
Kumble: Dr Mallya, excuse me, but Rahul and I need to turn in for the night..
Mallya: OK Anil, but I gotta tell you, this Rahul is a very bad influence on you…
The coterie goes nuts laughing, the two players exit. And Deepika dances a badminton dance, while Sid and Uthappa act like the shuttlecocks being hit around by her.
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