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Showing posts with label Vijay Mallya. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vijay Mallya. Show all posts
Inside Chris Gayle's book of baby names
Blush is for girl, Brag is for boy.
I'm here, just to see your eyes for the first time. It's nice so hopefully we can win this game and have a drink after. Don't blush, baby."
Right, so you get the drift. It takes some cheek after all that to name your daughter, Blush. Not if you're Chris Gayle. You are #WorldBoss So you tell yourself and so says all of us. Now what if Gayle has a son, what do you think he'll name him? What's on top of Chris Gayle's mind? In addition to Chris Gayle, here are some possibilities:
If you thought you knew Chris Henry
Gayle, then you got another thing coming. The whole, “Don't blush, baby!”
episode is still pretty fresh in Gayle's mind, not yours?
After hitting the Hobart Hurricanes for 41 off 15 balls in The Big
Bash, Chris Gayle decided to hit on TV interviewer, Mel McLaughlin. Not one for
subtleties, Gayle got stuck right away: "I wanted to come and have an
interview with you as well. That's the reason why I'm here, just to see your eyes for the first time. It's nice so hopefully we can win this game and have a drink after. Don't blush, baby."
Right, so you get the drift. It takes some cheek after all that to name your daughter, Blush. Not if you're Chris Gayle. You are #WorldBoss So you tell yourself and so says all of us. Now what if Gayle has a son, what do you think he'll name him? What's on top of Chris Gayle's mind? In addition to Chris Gayle, here are some possibilities:
1. Mallya: The Gayle-Mallya relationship,
whatever it was, was oddly special. Mallya invested more of himself in Gayle
than he did in all his companies combined. And Gayle by the look of it, partied
way harder in the IPL with RCB than he did in the Caribbean. Not far flung then
that Gayle names his son Mallya, Vijay or even Dr for that matter. Don't put it
beyond Gayle to call him Dr Vijay Mallya or Dr Dolittle as a dig at Mallya.
By that same logic, he could also name
his son, Siddhrath Dolittle though unlikely. Of course all this sounds a little
tame. A more logical or in Gayle's case, illogical name could be...
2. Kingfisher: After Blush, I'm
beginning to get a sense of Gayle's outlandish naming trajectory. If he's
thinking cricket leagues and all like he was with Blush, then RCB's bound to be
up there, and I bet that Kingfisher jingle runs in his head all the time, don't
put it beyond him to call the boy, King Fisher. Going by that thinking or lack
of, RCB too is a possibility – Roy Chall Banga , yeah, he could stop at that to
give the name some reggae rhythms.
3. Champion: The World T20 was a big,
big deal for the West Indies as was DJ Bravo's “Champion” song. Highly possible
that when the baby boy comes along, he'll be young master Champion. Or the way
they were pronouncing it, could be the way he calls and spells it – Chaaamp-yun.
4. In batting order – sticking with the
World T20 triumph, Chris Gayle not one for half measures, could name the boy
after the whole team (in batting order, starting with Daddy Gayle) Chris
Johnson Marlon Lendl Dwayne Andre Darren Carlos Denesh Samuel Sulieman – of
course, the other ten players' names could be one helluva long middle name, so
Chris Jr's name could be – Chris JMLDADCDSS Gayle Jr. Guess Gayle Jr won't have
any dearth of God Fathers. Just by virtue of his long name, the boy could be
eligible for Sri Lankan cricket.
5. Kingston: Proud Jamaican that he is,
not beyond Gayle to name his boy either Kingston or Jamaica. Or even Port of
Spain where he made his Test debut. Also don’t rule out Gayle calling his son
Toronto (where he made his ODI debut) or Auckland (where he played his first
T20I).
6. T20: Chris Gayle is possibly the
ultimate T20 gun for hire. At last count, he had played for more T20 franchises
than there were. Some of the teams he’s played for: Barisal Burners,
Dhaka Gladiators, Jamaica Tallawahs, Kolkata Knight Riders, Lahore Qalandars,
Matabeleland Tuskers, Melbourne Renegades, Royal Challengers Bangalore,
Somerset, Stanford Superstars, Sydney Thunder, Western Australia,
Worcestershire. Depending on whimsy, the poor boy could be named anything from
Qalandar to Thunder.
7. Brag: Just as pink is for girls,
blue is for boys, so too “Blush” is for girl, “Brag” is for boy.
Keep-it-simple-stupid, this is Chris Gayle. Stereotype it. It’s kid-naming, not
rocket science. It seems highly possible, that when Blush’s little bro comes
along, he’ll be called Brag. Nothing will be cooler for #worldboss Chris Gayle,
and he does like a joke, no matter on whom or what. As for Gayle’s reaction,
it’ll be a succinct LOLZ.
RCB confident to win IPL without Mallya
It's always been a case of so close yet so far for the Royal Challengers Bangalore (RCB). Inspite of having some of the biggest names in their squad, they continue to underperform in the IPL. For years, both the trophy and the answers have eluded them.
Not anymore.
It now appears with RCB owner, Vijay Mallya fleeing the country, a weight has been lifted off the players. Mallya was a regular at most RCB matches, however, he did little to boost the players' confidence.
At best of times, he looked twitchy and unsure of his million dollar investments, in this case the players.
Even though Mallya's RCB boasted of Virat Kohli, Chris Gayle and AB de Villiers, it is now learnt that way too much time was spent mastering the annoying Kingfisher jingle.
Time that could have been spent productively in the nets or in the gym was wasted dancing to the "childish" jingle. While players from other teams also participated in these Kingfisher promotional films, it was the RCB players who had to be present at the drop of Mallya's white hat.
"He always wanted us dancing to that Oo La La La Le O jingle.. I F***KING hated it... it made me so f***king pissed I wanted to beat the s**t out of the DJ who kept playing it on Mallya's repeated requests," said a leading RCB player who did not wish to be named.
Another top overseas batsman was also quite annoyed with the jingle, "Man, no chill with this s**t hits the roof and puke all over the dance floor. Bro give me a break, old man. Bro, you dance. Let us play cricket... except after the match, lol."
It appears things had come to such a pass that players were planning a walkout from the team but because the notorious after-parties were still so inviting, no player had the heart or balls to leave.
"You party like that. Man you go straight to heaven... lol... and bang on to clouds with angels... sweet nothing chirp chirp birdies like that," said a batsman who has a penchant for "good times" and his bad boy image.
With so much dancing to the jingle and partying after that, even the fittest players were running on empty. There just wasn't enough time to recover, it was a wicked grind of jingle dance, party, play, and more jingle dance.
"He did strike me as a pervert, just sitting there sipping his gin and tonic leering at us through his shades, and always that Oo La La Le O," said another top foreign batsman.
Now it appears, with Mallya gone, the jingle rehearsals are down to a minimum. He still asks for the odd Skype session but they are far tougher to arrange.
The after-parties too have dried up, and most players are switching their phones off at night, dreading a Vijay Mallya-Lalit Modi call from one of their all-night raves in London.
With Mallya and his distractions out of the way, RCB appear a rejuvenated bunch. They have been further energised by their captain's brilliant run at the World T20.
Fresh from being awarded "Man of the Tournament", Virat Kohli is adamant to beat all teams with West Indies' batsmen in them - "especially Mumbai Indians that has Lendl Simmons who took the game away from us in the semis."
When reminded that Samuel Badree who also plays for RCB had a decisive role in the semis, he half-joked, "Maybe, that's why he is injured."
When asked if Vijay Mallya's absence will make any difference to the team, he joked again, "It might do some good for him, watching us play he would just go red in the face... so hopefully less tension for him."
Dr. Mallya’s Team Building Exercise – At the BRC Camp
At the hottest nightclub in town, Mallya addresses his boys, as his sycophants look on mesmerized. His son Sid Mallya and friend Deepika Padukone stand by him either side.
Mallya: Tonight’s game will not be played in the bedroom..(waits for laughter, the coterie obliges as they roll over with laughter) it will be played on a cricket field..let’s drink to that!
The coterie raises their glasses, drinks bottoms up. Kumble and Dravid raise their mugs (concealing the hot choco and sip determinedly)
Mallya (continuing): Tonight we play Guyana…and we’re gonna beat them…(applause) and to make sure we beat the pants off them…I wanna make sure you boys are inspired…yeah, Uthappa…you hear me dude?
Uthappa obliges with his customary bow
Mallya: So here’s the deal…the Man of the Match…and like hell he’s gonna be from The Bangalore Royal Challengers will have a dinner date with the lovely Miss Deepika Padukone
The coterie gasps…Kumble and Dravid smile at each other..Uthappa dabs himself with cologne..Taylor practices his cross batted heaves…and Kallis runs his hand through his non-existent hair
Sid Mallya (pleading): Daddy…
Mallya: Don’t Daddy me…
Sid Mallya: Make it a dinner with the lovely Deepika and Sid Malaya…
Mallya (ignoring his son): OK boys, in front of each of you there’s a bottle…and in it…there’s a message..haha that’s why it’s called…
Coterie (chorus): Message in a bottle
Mallya: Yah, that’s right…your roles have been clearly defined…but to get to the message..you gotta empty the contents first…
In front of each player is a miniature RC bottle, and each player takes a shot. In front of Dravid and Kumble however, there’s a miniature Kingfisher soda bottle. Everyone has a shot, and proceeds to read the message.
Mallya: OK, any questions…
Deepika: Do I do my item number now?
Mallya: Yeah, Sid you and Uthappa will join her…
Sid Mallya: Daddy…
Item number starts as Mallya sits on his throne like a B grade Bollywood villain sipping his whiskey, as his chelas swoon around him.
Kumble: Dr Mallya, excuse me, but Rahul and I need to turn in for the night..
Mallya: OK Anil, but I gotta tell you, this Rahul is a very bad influence on you…
The coterie goes nuts laughing, the two players exit. And Deepika dances a badminton dance, while Sid and Uthappa act like the shuttlecocks being hit around by her.
After Lalit Modi, what have the post match parties come to
It’s a massive dormitory, bunkers strewn all over the place. The players enter in single file, wearing team coloured pajamas, holding on to a pillow each.
There are also some Indian industrialists in their kurta pajamas, dressing gowns, boxers, looking on as they sip on their hot beverages.
An obscure nursery rhyme in Afrikaans starts to play as the players start to wrestle it out with their pillows.
MSD: This is clean fun!
As he says this, he gets whacked by Parthiv Patel
Parthiv: Better watch out, skipper
MSD: Oh, I was on my Aircel
Cut to Sachin making an appearance in his MI blue coloured PJs
Sachin: Parties like this even I can attend
Bhajji: Paaji, if you attend then it will be a great party
Rhodes: Great, we can all have a field day
Kumble walks in with Dravid, both are wearing RC PJs
Kumble: Very smooth, no hangover
Dravid: Yeah, I can easily have another one
Pandey: And age no bar, party bar bar
Mallaya rolls in on a barrel of beer, but promptly stops
Mallya: Oh sorry, wrong party – even I know when to stop without Modi's bad influence
Mallya Jr: Sports and partying go together, if it’s a clean party!
Padukone: You mean it’s safe for me to be here
Suddenly a motley crew of cricketers appear, singing in chorus
Chorus: It’s safe for you! It is!
Announcer (Bhogle): This After Match CLT Party was brought to you by Nescafe and Surf. Because the competition is clean....and it's hotting up.
Caption Time
Warning: Parental Guidance Necessary
Let's see you bored souls use your imagination, not that Dr. Mallya and Mr. Modi has left much scope for it.
Let's see you bored souls use your imagination, not that Dr. Mallya and Mr. Modi has left much scope for it.
Cricket connection to Indian triumph in F1 and Football
It's been a great week for Indian sport. First a second-place finish for Force India at the Belgian Grand Prix and then the win at the Nehru Cup football after a tense penalty shoot-out against Syria.
Interestingly, there is a cricket connection to both these triumphs. As far as Force India is concerned, it is owned by the same man (Vijay Mallya) who owns the Bangalore Royal Challengers IPL team. As for the Indian football team, the BCCI recently announced a grant for the All India Football Federation in pursuance of its latest policy to support other Indian sports.
However, no cricket connection to Sania and Somdev Devvarman's first round wins at the US Open.
Bharat ke taare bulandi par lag rahe hain... For all you know the Indian cricket team might also have a good start to the season as the stars seem to be favouring Indian sport at the moment.
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