No closure for India's openers.

I sat in a seat reserved for women/elderly/handicapped, prepared to vacate on a sighting. Next to me were four guys, with Sharad holding court. He was regaling his mates with tales of an empty room on the 7^th floor that had nothing but a TV and fridge in it. And then something about these crackpots who hurled the TV 7 floors down. 

There was also mention of this World Cup India won.

Guessing it wasn’t 1983, I butted in, “this was the 2011 World Cup?”

On 2^nd April, 2011, at GN Hostel, Greater Noida, so overcome with madness were the residents of the 7^th floor, they crashed the TV down. They tried with the fridge, but it was way too heavy. They also arranged Dhol wallahs. Around 2 am, the cops arrived. And then INA station where I had to get off.

Along with the crashed TV, Gautam Gambhir’s international career also started to gradually nosedive.

He scored his highest World Cup score that day, 97. But Dhoni was man of the match for his 91*.

Since then, from Oct 2011 – Jan 2013 in 33 innings, Gambhir made 2 100s, 9 50s (including 2 90s) ODI average 36.40 in this period (career avg. 39.68). His career strike rate 85.25. Away record: Average 41.55, strike rate 84.85

Gambhir made his ODI debut in 2003, and in close to 10 years he’s played just 147 one dayers. He’s made 11 100s, 34 50s.

(In 18 Tests after the 2011 World Cup, Gambhir averages 25.37 with 5 50s.)

To accommodate as and when SRT played the limited overs’ format, GG was often dropped, down the order or from the team. 

He was a more than able skipper, possibly the only realistic option to Dhoni. He led a dysfunctional franchise like KKR to two IPL trophies.

At his peak, he dared to question MS’ go slow approach in an ODI. All that’s part of joke lore now.

Had Gambhir not embarrassed himself in England, there still may have been an outside chance to make the Australia-bound squad. Should he have had more form-awareness and refused to tour England? Should Sehwag have done the same in 2011? Can players sight poor fitness and prep to duck tours?

Cut to Virender Sehwag, 251 ODIs in 14 years, average 35, strike rate 104.33, 15 100s, 38 50s. Away record: average 34.62, strike rate 103.27, 10 100s, 25 50s.

After the 2011 World Cup, Sehwag played 15 ODIs, averaged 34.2, striking at 108.45, 1 100, 1 50, In his last 12 innings, 219 onwards, he averages 38.91, SR 114.46.

(In 17 Tests since the World Cup, Sehwag averages 29.73, (career avg. 49.34) 1 100, 5 50s.) 

Gauti-Viru, when we was fab

They used to touch and run
Viru used to hum and run
Gauti used to not get run out

Cut to Rohit Sharma: 124 ODIs in 7 years, average 35.86, 4 100s and 23 50s. SR 78.25. Away record: average 29.98, SR 72.63. Rohit has opened in 39 innings, (36 since Jan 2013), averages 43.20, SR 77.80. Scored 141* and 209 opening. Rohit's average (209 onwards) in last 16 innings has been 42.6, SR 83.09.

After his first 2 centuries (in his first 2 Tests), Rohit averages 22.33 (career average 48.90) in the next 5 with 1 50.

In all three cases, Test form has hurt the players’ ODI selection; what, in Rohit’s case, he even injured himself. 

Cut to Shikhar Dhawan, who on his return to ODIs in little over a year (2013-14) has already played 40 matches, scored 5 100s, 8 50s, average 42.14, SR 88.56. Away record:  Average 40.53, SR 84.91, 3 100s. Has had Dhoni’s backing through a rough patch, will open in the World Cup unless he loses his moustache.

Cut to Ajinkya Rahane, who in 3 years (2011-2014) has played 36 ODIs, scored 1 100, 7 50s, average 27.27, SR 75.71. Away Record:  average 29.54, SR 78.60, 1 100. Since Rahane returned to open, in 10 innings he’s made 1 hundred, 3 50s and 2 40s – 8 of these innings have been overseas.

Rahane’s recent Test form in England and Rohit’s subsequent injury made the opening decision a no-brainer.

Cut to Robin Uthappa, 41 ODIs in 8 years, average 26.71, SR 91.34, 6 50s. Away record: average 21.78, SR 74.46, 3 50s. If Dhawan, Rahane and Rohit collectively mess up Down Under, who knows, then KKR could open for India in the World Cup. 

Excess baggage, how about cargo?

Just the other day, Gambhir turned 33, and Sehwag 36.

Uthappa and Dhawan are nearly 29, Rohit 27 and Rahane 26.

But even three years after the World Cup win, the opening puzzle is far from solved. Not such a big deal, as they were far from settled four years’ back.

From 24 Feb, 2010, (when SRT scored 200*) to 15 Jan 2011, He played  and opened thrice, Sehwag and Gambhir opened 19 and 9 times each, while Murali Vijay and Dinesh Karthik opened 11 and 12 times respectively.

Still three months to the first tri series match vs. Australia in Melbourne, four months to the first World Cup game against Pakistan in Adelaide.

And if either Murali Vijay or Che Pujara have an exceptional Test series in Australia, they could be pushed into the tri-series before the World Cup.

Stranger things have happened. Ask Rahul Dravid.

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KKR – #IPL7PervView

This team has more baggage than Louis Vuitton. Most of the Final  XI are no longer part of their national squad.

Skipper, Gambhir, has a team of amazing has-beens. The very reason for this team is the nostalgia they serve at the post match party.

The memory chest overruns with Gambhir and Kallis on top.  Manish Pandey was the first Indian to score an IPL 100. Uthappa hasn’t done much since he doffed his imaginary hat vs. Pakistan in 2007. Yusuf Pathan.  Where do you start with Yusuf? You could ask his dad? Or Irfan? Or speak to his chewing gum. They all will have a tale to tell.

“..and what a time it was, it was...”

And if this wasn’t enough, there’s the Blast-from-the- Piyush Chawla.

If only these guys could play in sepia.

But all play they will, for Gambhir has to prove them wrong. The Avengers come to mind. Only KKR does not have an A in it.

But there is thought to this team, and it challenges Gambhir, Yusuf, Uthappa, Chawla – to start thinking, from has-beens to wannabes to will-bees, to who knows, maybe even a Beatle. Chawla would be Ringo. Gambhir, Lennon. Uthappa, Paul. And Yusuf, George.

Vinay Kumar would be the 5^th Beatle.

But what will Umesh Yadav be? From being India’s go-to bowler, he’s either injured or benched, even Varun Aaron’s beamers play before him.  Yadav has played only 1 T20 international.  Ishant Sharma has played 14, going at 8.63 runs per over, 8 wickets, average 50. Their IPL numbers though are woefully similar. As are most Indian medium fast types.

Other firangs have their own baggage: Shakib, KKR barely play him, not foreign enough for them.  Should be their first overseas’ player.  Kallis started with Wasim Jaffer and Chanderpaul in RCB’s famous Test Playing IPL team. Since then, he’s retired from Test cricket. Kallis can bat, bowl and grow hair. But in spite of all his greatness, there’s way too much method in his batting to be your go-to-T20 batsman top of the order. Can’t you see that dot played straight to cover with that beautifully angled bat?

Andre Russell inhabited the DD bench more than Tiwary, India’s. And when Russell did play, he bowled that one over, that invariably was his last.  Morne Morkel was dropped by DD for a qualifier/semi-final/Eliminator ; yeah, one of those things, when he was their top bowler. And he’s seen some bad days in the IPL, bowls length, almost as readily as Ishant. Gets hammered, like Ishant. But can run through the batting, unlike Ishant. But if you watched him slide and sort-of-field, your heart with bleed for the turf and his limbs in equal measure.

And then there’s Sunil Narine, who doesn’t quite fit into this team but won them the tournament, outsourcing it’s called.

Likely Playing XI (batting order)

1 Gambhir

2 Kallis

3 Manish Pandey

4 Uthappa

5 Shakib

6 Yusuf Pathan

7 Ryan Ten Doeschate / Chris Lynn / Cummins / Morne Morkel

8 Piyush Chawla

9 Narine

10 Vinay Kumar

11 Umesh Yadav / Bisla

KKR could make the playoffs, either for the top four or the bottom two: depends how far can one man’s belief in his jaded army can take them?   

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Dr. Mallya’s Team Building Exercise – At the BRC Camp

At the hottest nightclub in town, Mallya addresses his boys, as his sycophants look on mesmerized. His son Sid Mallya and friend Deepika Padukone stand by him either side.

Mallya: Tonight’s game will not be played in the bedroom..(waits for laughter, the coterie obliges as they roll over with laughter) it will be played on a cricket field..let’s drink to that!

The coterie raises their glasses, drinks bottoms up. Kumble and Dravid raise their mugs (concealing the hot choco and sip determinedly)

Mallya (continuing): Tonight we play Guyana…and we’re gonna beat them…(applause) and to make sure we beat the pants off them…I wanna make sure you boys are inspired…yeah, Uthappa…you hear me dude?

Uthappa obliges with his customary bow

Mallya: So here’s the deal…the Man of the Match…and like hell he’s gonna be from The Bangalore Royal Challengers will have a dinner date with the lovely Miss Deepika Padukone

The coterie gasps…Kumble and Dravid smile at each other..Uthappa dabs himself with cologne..Taylor practices his cross batted heaves…and Kallis runs his hand through his non-existent hair

Sid Mallya (pleading): Daddy…

Mallya: Don’t Daddy me…

Sid Mallya: Make it a dinner with the lovely Deepika and Sid Malaya…

Mallya (ignoring his son): OK boys, in front of each of you there’s a bottle…and in it…there’s a message..haha that’s why it’s called…

Coterie (chorus): Message in a bottle

Mallya: Yah, that’s right…your roles have been clearly defined…but to get to the message..you gotta empty the contents first…

In front of each player is a miniature RC bottle, and each player takes a shot. In front of Dravid and Kumble however, there’s a miniature Kingfisher soda bottle. Everyone has a shot, and proceeds to read the message.

Mallya: OK, any questions…

Deepika: Do I do my item number now?

Mallya: Yeah, Sid you and Uthappa will join her…

Sid Mallya: Daddy…

Item number starts as Mallya sits on his throne like a B grade Bollywood villain sipping his whiskey, as his chelas swoon around him.

Kumble: Dr Mallya, excuse me, but Rahul and I need to turn in for the night..

Mallya: OK Anil, but I gotta tell you, this Rahul is a very bad influence on you…

The coterie goes nuts laughing, the two players exit. And Deepika dances a badminton dance, while Sid and Uthappa act like the shuttlecocks being hit around by her.

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The legend of Ultappha

Robin U was once lying in his hotel suite gazing at the pictures of the "king of good times" cavorting with swimsuited hotties (which had been compulsorily put on the walls with a penalty of $5000 for removal or defacement of the same). As he admired the ampleness of the king, he wondered, "what is my legacy da?"

He had achieved a lot in his life. He had won India matches with the power of the inside and outside edges of his bat. He had been in the squad which won the inaugural T20 World Cup, a feat so awesome that it led to the IPL itself. He had been accused of stuffing money in the locker room by no one else but a Pakistani (being accused of wrongdoing by a Pakistani nutcase ranks just below an ICC level infinity offense and above allegations of ball tampering in terms of "you have arrived, people are so jealous"ity). He was so awesome that he was left out of the 3rd edition of the T20 World Cup. Who wants to see a one sided affair. Also Utthappha in West Indies =  Acute beer shortage for others.

Anyways, the Robin without the Batman was thinking about how to become immortal. The man had been blitzing sixes yet was being sent after Dravid of all people. Dravid? Who wants to see the cultured batting of the Wall when there is the awesomeness of the "ugly hoick over the boundry in any direction except where intended"? He had to do something lest the people will forget about him.

Then it struck him. He had to play a shot. A shot so ridiculously useless and risky that no one else would play it. If no one else plays it, he will be the only one to play it. Genius!! What about playing a reverse pull off a wide down leg side (thereby losing the extra run) to third man (irrespective of whether a third man is there. It has to be risky and useless, remember). When he unfurls it, people will be shocked ("WTF was that?"), surprised ("he wasted a perfect wide"), confused ("all that effort to get out?") and angry ("this is pieterson. I have the copyright to that shot. My lawyer will be talking to you."). Yes, that will do it. That will imprint his name in the minds of the cricket crazy universe. Now he just had to name it. What name will perfectly symbolize his awesomeness and the reverse nature of this mindboggling shot?

Thus was the Ultappha born. May the legend live on forever.

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Kotla ka Ghotala and other IPL related things.

Watching the game between the KXIP and the Double Ds, one has to wonder why is the Kotla getting a game. The pitch is not even fit for gully cricket. The pitch at Gandhi Maidan in Chembur, Mumbai has more consistentcy than this one. If the game can be shiftd from grounds because of things like tiffs with the home associations, civil unrest, etc., it is high time it gets shifted for cricketing reasons!!

Talking of tiffs, has anyone been following the tweets of the greatest Modi of them all? He has been laying into the Rajasthan CA officials for percieved mistreatment of RR officials. It is to be noted that the Modi was once chief of RCA before being defeated in the elections. Soon after the defeat comes the news that RR matches are being shifted to Gujarat which has a friendlier CA. While the tiff is expected, what is not expected is the use of Twitter. Has Twitter become this influential?

Yesterday was the day when Rahul Dravid announced to the world that he has been picked in RCB for batting. Yesterday was also the day when Uttappha introduced to the world his version of the switch hit - the Ultappha.

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Cricket’s own 'squad player'.....

Now, 'squad player' is the sort of terminology expected in a sport like football which necessitates its presence. It’s a sport where injuries are more frequent due to the physical nature and also team selection and formation tends to be very flexible and depends on a lot of external factors like where the game is being played (home, away), quality of opposition, negation of certain threats etc. A squad player in football is usually a guy who is versatile enough to play in a lot of positions competently but unfortunately not good enough to hold down a first team place in any of them. Their job is to fill in when a player is injured or better still when any of two or three is. To those who follow the EPL, Eboue and Zhirkov easily come to mind.

But could it be possible that we have squad players in Cricket as well? After a lot of deliberation, one name comes to mind. Dinesh Karthik. He has played as opener, in the middle and the lower middle order of both the ODI and Test squads. And befitting his squad player status, he has been unable to hold onto any of the slots. It’s not for lack of talent or effort either. In any other Indian team he would have been a first choice keeper with his handy batting ability.

It’s just that he has for competition, none less than the greatest wicket keeping batsman in India’s history. Dhoni, only the second batsman in ODI history to hold onto an average of 50+ for more than 150 ODI’s is that sort of rare player who, if ahead of you makes you want to give up cricket altogether. Not that Karthik hasn’t tried his best. He’s also put in some exceptional performances with the high undoubtedly being that away series in England when he topped the batting charts as opener, a traditional Indian weakness away from home.

In some ways, he’s like a Macgill behind a Warne. He certainly has been shuffled more than any of Warne’s poker sets. The emergence of Uthappa as a wicket keeping option will probably eventually shunt him out of the ODI squad. With Murali Vijay being anointed as third opener in tests, the last possible slot has just removed the neon ‘Vacant’ sign as well. I personally believe he is as good as, if not better, a bat as Dhoni in tests. It doesn't matters in the least. You don’t drop the captain for a possibly slightly better squad player, silly!

I get an intense feeling of frustration and lost opportunity when someone jumps into the loo just in front of me on an airplane. Karthik probably has that feeling 24*7. Magnified a few hundred times, of course!

Few remember that he was on all three squads for the last test series in NZ. A squad player, through and through.

Actually if one goes for a direct analogy, would he be a Goalie in football? Maybe a Toldo or Cudicini behind the indomitable Buffon? Ah, whatever…….you get the point.

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Thrugh the Looking Glass

I am old. For perspective on my age, when I was in the flush of youth, the pager was the new status symbol. If you had it, you flaunted it. While the rest of us looked on in envy.

I am also an Engineer ( notice the capital E). A B.E (Comp Sci.) to be precise. Whose starting salary, fresh out of college, was Rs 7500 (gross). Both points are salient for the rest of the narrative.

When I first visited India after emigrating to the US, the words "BPO" and "outsourcing" were yet to be conceived.. Variants of outsourcing had been happening when I was a part of the Indian workforce, but had yet to capture the public imagination.


By the time of my third visit to India, BPO was the in thing.. Kids barely out of junior college, and some still in junior college, were working in call centers, handling back office operations for a lot of the biggest multi nationals around.

With starting salaries of Rs 10,000 or more.

Imagine that!

Kids who did not even have a college degree were making more money than I did AFTER I had gone through the rigors of Engineering and secured myself a job. And what did these 16-17 year olds know about fiscal responsibility anyways? It is mighty dangerous to give so much money to one so young, they do not know its value.. Its all easy come, easy go for them.

And dont you know, because of the easy money on offer, these kids will have no ambitions. Why would they want to become a Doctor or an Engineer when they can make so much money so easily? What will become of our future generations?

These were but a sample of the arguments I forwarded decrying the existence of the BPOs and the "easy money" kids were making.

And there was another. Look at these kids sitting in swanky offices ( in air conditioning).. At the same age, we would be lucky to even have a ceiling fan in the room...We are pampering this generation and making them soft!

Whish is not dis-similar to the arguments Karan Thapar, Anand Vasu and scores of others are making about the "youth brigade" and the IPL.

But there is a flip side to this.. Call center workers, despite their age and the monies they make, face stresses unheard of in my growing up years.. Sleep disorder, depression, heart problems and relationship issues are some of the documented ones.

Fact is, every generation pays a price for its success. There is no such thing as a free lunch.

Which is why, Manish Pandey who "now refers himself as a celebrity, boasts about his lifestyle", finds that more than the stray man and his dog are interested in his performance in the Ranji. At the age of 18!

Which is also why Ambati Rayadu (24) and Shikhar Dhawan (24), along with Mohammed Kaif (29) and Robin Uthappa (24) find themselves becoming the forgotten men of Indian cricket!

With the exception of Tendulkar, did any of the others from his generation come anywhere close to the stresses and pressures the "IPL" kids face?

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The ugliest shot.

Last man, Munaf Patel at the crease for ONGC. Mangella bowls a slower one, Munaf drags it past a diving Uthappa at mid on for four. It was one of those shots where you’d think he hit it twice. The ball had no shape, neither did the shot – Munaf looked on, with those black holes for eyes. It was an ugly cricket moment, yet it was fascinating. Next, off drives one for four. Siva mistook it for one of Ishant’s. Such is life.

Also consider Munaf’s shot selection: Leave stumps, get in line with ball and play beyond point to third man. Played this ball after ball unless he was driving for four. On one such shot he called for a quick single that went unanswered. His response: “Areh Yaar!” So much sorrow in that voice.

Unfortunately, Ishant mistimed one to Uthappa. Siva didn’t mistake him for Munaf. And so, an ugly innings was cut short in its prime.

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robin uthappa in the making...?

this was uthappa's hairdo... before he started bowing...

now...have a look at yuvraj's latest hairdo...

reckon another uthappa in the making...?

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B the moment of the match

Semifinal 2, Bangalore playing Chennai

I was watching the match at a pub owned by a Kannadiga, surrounded by redshirts who invariably see you as a Chennai supporter because you picked your phone and said "Seri naa appuram pesaren" (OK, I'll call you later, in Tamil).

If sitting at a venue where you were outnumbered 1 to 8 was worse, the abyss of the day came during over number 20 of Chennai.

Robin Uthappa finally catches one and overacts as usual, and you have a whole bunch of redshirts around you shouting "Go Robin Go".

Do they want him to go back to Coorg, leaving cricket alone ??, I wonder.

Save all these, B the moment of the match was reserved for the end of the match banter between the fans of both teams.

"What poetic justice !! Both the last placed teams of 2008 are in the finals of IPL 2, brilliant right ??"

It is not dude, please...

Don't even mention this statistics again.

I don't want a John Buchanan and Sharukh Khan to hear this and continue with their disastrous experiments.

Let Kolkata Knight Riders have a life at least the next year.

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Why Uthappa Caught Oram?

Because he came into the match after deciding that he will not salute or bow down after taking a a catch.

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Letter to a friend

To,
Droppin Uthappa,

Please find a place in the field where you won't drop sitters.

wasn't always the case with you. was it?
i still remember the old days when you had just come onto the scene.
you were supposed to be one of the stars of the future alongwith yuvi and kaif.
you might not have been as brilliant as them, but weren't a liability for sure.

i still remember the bows to all part of the ground after every catch or run out.
arrogant, it might have looked, at times.
but you were good enough, to back it with work on the field.

Not too long ago, was it?

rameez raja said on air today,

'was that dropped?oh it's uthappa there. it must have been a catch.'

not very pleasant, is it?

that is not the only issue my friend. your batting has become rather suicidal now.it always was....
but it's a bit too much these days. do you want to be india's answer to Ross Taylor? heck, even he's playing innings of substance now. Rohit was unheard of back then when you started. Raina wasn't belting everything over midwicket. you are not in a very comfortable position, are you now? even DK is sneaking up on his batting alone.

so my friend, time to get back to the nets and some school boy stuff...chuck it really high.... and watch it come back into your hands.

yours sincerely,
Prafs

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Why Uthappa Dropped Gibbs?

He was thinking whether to do the salute or the bow to the crowd after he caught it.

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B the moment of the match

Again from outside the match

This time from a Padma Shri filled secular news television channel's post IPL sports capsule with a baby faced former cricketer.

Cut to my television

Intro of the program, with visuals of the key moments (read fours, sixes and wickets) of the match and the announcer blazes away...

Visual: Robin Uthappa hitting Bravo out of the park

Announcer: Clearly the biggest six of IPL 2 and we hope the selectors are watching

I am sure the channel was sleeping while Robin was scratching around the crease all these days.

Insipid reporting, that is how I would describe them if I were to be really soft on them.

Long live news television in India...

PS: Well played Robin... Thank GOD pls, on your facebook page as usual

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Air Cricket

Robin Uthappa was born in a loft.

Not an over goes without him lofting the ball. He takes to it like a bird to air.

At times he strolls past many sets of stumps just to play his favourite in-the-air shots on the on-side. Is that the outside-in shot?

Guys like Uthappa aren’t taken seriously in Indian cricket. Even when they score big runs, win games, get haircuts.

It gets them the occasional ad break. But they are too cool for most type of cricket. Way cooler than Yuvraj Singh.

They take a bow, even before anyone can applaud. That’s how cool they are.

But that’s not all. Guys like Uthappa are basically opening batsmen.

Nowadays, after being a wicketkeeper, that’s the worst you can do in India.

But did you know, Uthappa was a wicketkeeper too. Touché!

See, there always is a reason for a man’s misfortune. Uthappa has excelled with two.

There was a time when his strike rate, scores, persona were way more compelling than Gautam Gambhir.

Yet Gambhir had been sidelined way too often before. He needed one more break.

Also, Gambhir has a far more amicable personality. He’s not like Kambli-the-second-coming.

He’s so soft spoken you almost reach out for a non-existent hearing aid.

Today, in a Challenger Trophy game, Uthappa played in the air again. R.P. Singh could’ve made it R.I.P. Robin, but he ran after the ball like retired dogs do in Jogger’s Park.

Uthappa went on to score some runs, as he did the other day.

Now, while he may not be your everyday likable kid, bad boys like him demand special attention.

Like a spaceship. So they can play where they love it most. In the air.

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